Blended Family Breakthrough

You probably want your kids to feel secure, relax, and just be kids.

But when kids are caught in the middle of tension between you and your former spouse, all that stress steals away their security and their peace.

We know how hard it is to work with an Ex that doesn't seem to want to co-parent well — even for the sake of the kids.  It can be maddening!

One thing that helps is to recognize and name the dynamic that's happening between you and your former spouse.  That's what this episode is all about.

We're sharing the 3 most common dynamics that tend to spiral co-parents into anger with each other and ignite that unwanted tension and stress.

Once you name it…you can do something about it.

You'll Discover:

• How to identify the "temperature" of your co-parenting partnership
• 3 common emotionally-charged situations that result in dysfunctional co-parenting — and end up hurting the kids
• The dangerous impacts of reacting negatively to a former spouse  

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 6:  Are Your Kids Stuck in a 'Parental Allegiance' and What Can You Do About It?
• Episode 41:  Are You Unintentionally Putting Your Kids in the Middle? 
• Book:  The Good Divorce by Dr. Constance Ahrons

Ready for some extra support?

We all need some extra support along the blending journey — we're here to help.  You can connect with us for a free coaching call to see how we might help you experience more clarity, confidence and connection in your home.  Schedule your free call here:  https://calendly.com/mikeandkimcoaching/freesession

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We all want to find those times to recharge and replenish.  Sometimes it seems like those moments will never come.

The truth is, those opportunities to pause don't usually just drop in our lap.  Most of the time we need to be strategic about pausing and creating healthy margin in our lives.

We've got some thoughts to share about that as well as an important announcement in this episode.

Our message is short, but relevant to everyone.  You might need to think about what a "strategic pause" looks like in different areas of your life too!

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 29:  What is a Loyalty Bind and What Can You Do About It?
• Episode 8:  Toxic Ex's and Defiant Kids — A Simple Strategy Against Lies and Slander
• Episode 86:  2 Effective Strategies to Strengthen Family Bonds and Reduce Painful Tension
• Episode 4:  Can you overcome your parenting style differences?
• Episode 21:  What is the Stranded Stranger & Trapped Teammate Experience? 

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

We all want to love our kids well.  We want to be a safe place for them to process.  We want them to be open and authentic with us.

The problem is, their losses and emotions can be hard for us to understand.  Sometimes we do our best to help them move through those old hurts and hang-ups without realizing our efforts are keeping them stuck.

That was something I (Mike) experienced growing up.  My dad and step-mom simply wanted to move forward, but some of their choices kept us kids stuck.  I'm sharing more about that in this episode.

I grew up in challenging blended family dynamics — and I'm hoping my story will give you valuable insight into some practical ways you can love your kids well, even when it feels painful or awkward.

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 108 :  3 Unity Breakers that are Detrimental to Your Connections and How You Can Avoid Them
• Episode 72:  The Best Way to Create Healthy, Bonded Relationships
• We mentioned the skill of Emotion Coaching.  To learn more check out the Book:  Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by Dr. John Gottman
• Episode 71:  How to Help Kids Cope with Painful Disappointment
• We mentioned The Smart Family Resources by Ron Deal

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Whether you're considering marriage or you've been "blending" for a few years, this episode is for you!

Ron Deal is adding a new book to the Smart Stepfamily library called "Preparing to Blend:  The Couples Guide to Becoming a Smart Stepfamily".

The book releases on the same day we're dropping this episode and we're so excited for you to hear directly from Ron all about it!

This fun discussion with Ron will bring insight for you regardless of where you are on the blending journey.  And you might discover ways you can encourage and support other couples you know — your friends, co-workers, or family — who are also experiencing stepfamily life.

So, hop in and find out what next steps you might want to take in your "blending" journey.

You'll Discover:

• Why it's so important to prepare for "blending"
• 2 expectations about blending that can get you off track
• What you might do to prepare for your wedding
• 2 crucial action items that Ron advises every couple to do

Resources from this Episode:

• Here's a link to Ron's Book:  Preparing to Blend
• Ron mentioned his book:  Dating and the Single Parent
• Ron mentioned some extra resources that you can find here:  FamilyLife.com

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

If you're anything like us, you probably want to experience unity and intimacy in your marriage — and in your family.

The funny thing is, you probably felt united early on.  But somewhere along the way maybe that feeling of unity seemed to break down.  

Maybe you were working hard to get on the same page.  You've tried to keep the peace in your home.  You’ve even encouraged everyone in your blended family to just love each other.

We've put a ton of energy and time into those things too, but often felt duped in the end.  It sometimes felt like nothing we tried was working.

We've been shocked along our 20+ year journey to discover just how tricky some of the dynamics in blended family life can be.  There are so many things that we thought were right one day, but later realized that some of our hard work was actually creating distance — not unity.

In this episode, we're uncovering 3 surprising and unexpected unity breakers.  They are tricky because on the surface, they seem like they should be unity builders — but they miss the mark!

You'll Discover:

• How sameness does not equal unity
• Why a focus on peace-keeping actually breaks your unity
• The difference between 'side-stepping' and embracing the STEP in stepfamily

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 107:  3 Disheartening Realities That No Couple Wants to Go Through - But We All Have To
• Episode 75:  How to Use Personality Insights to Improve Your Approach to Parenting
• We mentioned the 'Stranded Stranger' - to learn more check out episode 21:  What is the Stranded Stranger &Trapped Teammate Experience? 
• Episode 50 - How to Openly Communicate What You Really Want
• Episode 105 - What Powerful Traits Do You Need to Successfully Blend and Stay United?
• Episode 72:  The Best Way to Create Healthy, Bonded Relationships
• Click here to schedule a Free Coaching Call

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Wouldn’t it be awesome if everything just "clicked" once you moved everyone under the same roof?

Imagine waking up every morning to smiles, hugs and kind words being generously shared among everyone in the family.  That's a reality we'd love to live in.

But if you're anything like us, that's probably not the reality you've experienced.

Our reality has included some really disheartening moments.  We've had seasons that were painful and uncertain.  And in the midst of what felt like chaos we simply had to endure.

Here's the thing though…as we've learned to endure, we've realized that navigating the tough stuff in blended family life isn't just about surviving.  The more we've moved through together, we've found ourselves thriving.

In this episode, we want to share 3 disheartening realities that every step-couple must deal with in their blending journey — and some ways to thrive in spite of them.

You'll Discover:

• How the pain of 'merging' can keep couples stuck in avoidance, conflict and indecision - and what you can do to get unstuck  
• Practical ways to embrace the discomfort of uncertainty - even if you're a "fixer"
• Why chaos is inevitable - and how to endure through it while creating a growth-minded family culture
•  How to move from controlling others to empowering others in your family 

Resources from this Episode:

• Our Online Course:  Stepfamilies That Make It!
• To learn more about RelateStrong, Click here to Schedule a FREE Coaching call

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Every step-couple wants to experience healthy communication.  They want to love each other with their words.  But for most of us, when the tension hits and our words matter most — we seem to do our worst.

For years, we struggled to communicate when difficult issues popped up.  Even the little irritations and disappointments seemed to derail our communication.

We frequently found ourselves stuck in painful cycles of conflict — unable to stay connected and effectively work through our issues.

Finally, we discovered something called "Outlaw Words".

These are key words that can quickly lead to conflict and disconnection — and our most critical conversations we're riddled with them.  In fact, simply eliminating a few of these "Outlaw Words" from our vocabulary transformed the way we worked through our disagreements.  

This simple change helped us end the recurring cycles of conflict and pain that we couldn't seem to get beyond.  We're confident that this can be true for you too!

In this episode, we welcome back communication expert, Mark Warren, to uncover the most damaging words many of us tend to use.  Mark offers alternative words, practical scripts and next steps to improve how we communicate in all our relationships.

 Good communication is a skill everyone can learn — that means this episode is for you! 

You'll Discover:

• Why "Outlaw Word" awareness is so important
• How certain words can trigger difficult emotions and send the wrong message
• Practical steps and scripts that will help you stay connected — even when your upset, disappointed, or in disagreement
• How learning to avoid "Outlaw Words" will improve your approach to parenting and grow genuine understanding

Resources from this Episode:

• Want to contact Mark Warren?  Find him here:  https://markwarrenassociates.com/  
• FREE Cheat Sheet:  How to Avoid Outlaw Words (from Mark Warren)
• Episode 36:  How to Change Your "Stories" and Grow Connection (previous episode with Mark Warren)
• We mentioned the video:  It's Not About the Nail
• We mentioned the video: Brene Brown on Empathy vs Sympathy 

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Love is all you need — right?

It might feel that way in the beginning.  You're excited to start "blending" and you're confident you'll figure it out as you go along.

But when the unknown and unexpected dynamics of stepfamily life hit, you probably experience more chaos and conflict than you expected.  That's when doubt can set in.

I (Mike) remember running into a season of doubt.  My doubt wasn't only about whether we could make it work — I doubted myself.

I wasn't sure I had what it would take to experience the blended family I really wanted. 

Eventually, I figured out that my real problem was I didn't even know what it would take to make it work.  Sure, I had a few ideas, and on the outside I appeared to be confident in myself. 

But inside, I was unsure about what I needed to be centered on in order to lead and love my family well.

Over the years, Kim and I both began discovering some of the essential traits we needed to keep forging ahead.

In this episode, we're sharing the 6 essential — and powerful — traits we discovered that kept us moving forward even when we disagreed. 

Developing these 6 traits will help you too.  They're essential to working through challenges around family bonding, parenting, and your marriage.  

Every couple can experience unity and lead their family with confidence when they intentionally develop these powerful, personal traits!

You'll Discover:

• The 6 powerful traits every blended  family couple needs to experience unity and successfully lead their family
• The truth around what makes these personal traits so powerful in reducing conflict and avoiding 'easy wrong turns' 
• Mike & Kim's personal struggles around developing these traits — and the transformation we've experienced as a result of our intentional focus

Resources from this Episode:

• Episodes 103 & 104:  4 Revealing Myths About 1 on 1 Time Between Parents and Their Bio-Kids
• Episodes 101 & 102:  Are You Overwhelmed Because Your Marriage Feels Like Too Much Work? 

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Did you catch the first two Myths about 1 on 1 time in Episode 103?

If not, you might want to go back and check that out.

In this episode, we're revealing two more myths and replacing them with the counteractive truths that will help you move forward with clarity and confidence.

Many parents and stepparents buy into these myths about this 1 on 1 strategy and that robs them of the truth that genuine bonds in their blended family starts with a sense of security in the bio-relationships.

The 1 on 1 strategy is the first step in paving the way to what you really want — and providing the kids with what they really need.

So, let's hop into this episode to discover two more myths…

You'll Discover:

• How biological 1 on 1 connections pave the way for families to blend
• 4 myths that often keep couples stuck in conflict, disconnection and pain
• 4 counter active truths to focus on as you work toward your family's long-term bonding goals 
• Practical tips for the bio and step parent
• Why it's so important to handle this issue with care and intentionality as a couple

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 3:  How to Juggle Personal, Couple and Family Time
• Episode 39:  How to Create Strong Bonds with Resistant Step-Kids
• Episode 72:  The Best Way to Create Healthy, Bonded Relationships
• Episode 21:  What is the Stranded Stranger & Trapped Teammate Experience?
• Episode 93:  How to Overcome Power Struggles When Kids Oppose Your Decision to Remarry
• Episode 59:  Why Are You Stuck in a Parent-Child Allegiance
• Episode 50 about Assertive Communication:  How to Openly Communicate What You Really Want 
• Episode 98:  Is Fear of Being Vulnerable Keeping You From Loving Your Spouse Whole Heartedly?
• Episode 26:  Are You Stuck in a "Competition" with Your Step-Kids?
• Episode 49:  Should Your Highest Priority be Your Marriage…or Your Kids?
• CLICK HERE to schedule a free coaching call with Mike & Kim

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

We want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

We would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too.  Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Everyone hopes to experience connection and fun times together as they begin "blending" families…

…but when family time is stressful, their high hopes get snatched away, and instead that time becomes a painful reminder that blending isn't as easy as they thought it might be.

We remember those moments when our hopes for a bonded family were dashed.  And then we started learning about the value of the 1 on 1 strategy for bio relationships.

This strategy is the first step in paving the way to what you really want — and providing the kids with what they really need.

And for many couples, it can be hard to follow through with.  It feels counterproductive and can trigger painful emotions and assumptions.

Many parents and stepparents start to believe some Myths about this 1 on 1 strategy and that robs them of the truth that genuine bonds in their blended family starts with a sense of security in the bio-relationships.

In this episode, we'll reveal the most common myths around this essential strategy and replace them with the counteractive truths so that you can start using this strategy with clarity and confidence!

You'll Discover:

• How biological 1 on 1 connections pave the way for families to blend
• 4 myths that often keep couples stuck in conflict, disconnection, and pain
• 4 counter active truths to focus on as you work toward your family's long-term bonding goals 
• Practical tips for the bio and step-parent
• Why it's so important to handle this issue with care and intentionality as a couple

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 3:  How to Juggle Personal, Couple and Family Time
• Episode 39:  How to Create Strong Bonds with Resistant Step-Kids
• Episode 72:  The Best Way to Create Healthy, Bonded Relationships
• Episode 21:  What is the Stranded Stranger & Trapped Teammate Experience?
• Episode 93:  How to Overcome Power Struggles When Kids Oppose Your Decision to Remarry
• Episode 59:  Why Are You Stuck in a Parent-Child Allegiance
• Episode 50 about Assertive Communication:  How to Openly Communicate What You Really Want 
• Episode 98:  Is Fear of Being Vulnerable Keeping You From Loving Your Spouse Whole Heartedly?
• Episode 26:  Are You Stuck in a "Competition" with Your Step-Kids?
• Episode 49:  Should Your Highest Priority be Your Marriage…or Your Kids?
• CLICK HERE to schedule a free coaching call with Mike & Kim

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

We want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

We would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too.  Thank you!