Blended Family Breakthrough

Every couple wants to experience connection, peace, and success as they navigate through the ups and downs of blended family life.

Most of us know it takes work to have a healthy, thriving marriage — but when the work feels impossible, it's easy to get stuck in painful cycles of unresolved issues and ongoing conflict.

In episode 101, we shared 4 "back-breakers" that make the work we needed to do harder than it needs to be.  When we're facing these obstacles, things feel impossible and many couples are ready to throw in the towel.

We experienced that kind of hopelessness first hand in our journey…

…thankfully, we discovered 4 "load-lifters" that helped us get out from under the "back-breakers" and move toward resolution, healing and change!

In this episode, we'll share these 4 "load-lifters" and the practical steps you can take to put them into action.  When you do, you'll be more equipped to move forward and engage in the work that needs to be done — without getting overwhelmed and stuck.

You'll Discover:

• 4 practical "load-lifters" to help you get out from under the "back-breakers" that keep you stuck and overwhelmed
• Sensible steps to move toward resolution, healing and change
• Encouragement (which we all need!) for your blended family journey 

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 101:  Are You Overwhelmed Because Your Marriage Feels Like Too Much Work? (Part 1)
• Check out our Online Workshop:  Stepfamilies That Make It!
• CLICK HERE to schedule your free coaching call and discover how we might support you through our Coaching Program and Relate Strong 

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Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

We all enjoy marriage so much more when things are going smoothly and we're working as a united team.   But it's common for blended family couples to feel disconnected and overwhelmed by the problems and pain they experience regularly…

...and it can be easy to start believing it's impossible to move forward. 

We struggled for years.  We were stuck in painful cycles and unresolved issues that almost ended our marriage.   

Eventually, we discovered 4 obstacles that were making the work we needed to do harder than it needed to be.  We were breaking our backs on these obstacles and they were keeping us from resolving our issues.

In this episode, we're starting part 1 of a conversation where we'll share 4 "back-breakers" that kept us stuck far too long — and they might be keeping you stuck too!

Don't stay trapped in that place where the work you need to do as a couple is overwhelming, discouraging, and back-breaking.

Instead, let us help you get out from under the "back-breakers" by discovering how they're keeping you from experiencing what you really want!

You'll Discover:

• Why blended family couples often feel overwhelmed and stuck by painful issues in their relationship
• 4 specific obstacles that can make things harder — and leave couples feeling that it's impossible to solve their problems
• How these obstacles might be "breaking your backs" and keeping you from making real progress toward resolution, healing and change.

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 21:  What is the Stranded Stranger & Trapped Teammate Experience 
• Episode 51:  Overcoming Discouragement
• Book Recommendation:  Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away by Gary Chapman

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

To celebrate our 100th episode, we thought it might be fun for us to share from the heart about the last 20 years of our marriage — but we wanted to do that with a bit of a "twist".

We hope you enjoy listening in on this unrehearsed conversation where we'll ask each other questions about the past 20 years of our stepfamily journey, our marriage, and the future we each envision.

We don't hold back in our candid answers, which you might be surprised by — we were!

Maybe you'll gain a new vision for your relationship as you ponder your own questions (and answers) to the heart-felt topics we're chatting about in this conversation!

Resources from this Episode:

• CLICK HERE to Schedule your FREE Coaching Call

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Feelings of guilt and regret can really drag you down…

…and all too often in blended family life, guilt and regret are easily triggered.  They sometimes keep you stuck — unable to break free from a heavy emotional burden.

Kim knows first-hand what it's like to be trapped in that place.  She's also discovered that she didn't have to allow painful guilt and regret to dictate her decisions or negatively impact her life.

In this hope-filled episode Kim shares her personal struggles with debilitating guilt and regret — and ways she faced those difficult emotions in order to move beyond them.

Listen in to discover a new mindset, practical tips and fresh encouragement to help you break free from the burden of guilt and regret.

You'll Discover:

• The difference between guilt and regret
• The truth about 'false guilt' and why it's irrational, destructive and futile
• How unhealthy guilt can negatively impact your parenting, marriage and overall wellbeing
• Why people living in stepfamily dynamics are especially prone to experiencing painful emotions connected to guilt and regret
•  3 practical and healthy ways to overcome the burden of guilt and regret

 Resources from this Episode:

• Article by Paul Coughlin:  Origins of False Guilt 
• Episode 91:  Is Your Husband's Hostile Ex-Wife Invading Your life, Stealing Your Joy and Confidence? (Tips apply to all co-parenting relationships)
• Episode 53: Overcoming Discouragement 
• Episode 71:  How to Help Kids Cope with Painful Disappointment

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

We all want to be known.  

We want to feel understood, connected, and unconditionally loved by our spouses.  But most blended family couples tend to run into some painful barriers that lead to guardedness, insecurity, and fear within their marriage. 

We've struggled with those barriers in our own marriage and they sabotaged us from getting what we really wanted.  Over time, we discovered that there was a way around the barriers.

What was it?  

Vulnerability.

It might sound simple, but the truth is, vulnerability involves real challenges and risks — it takes courage.  

It's worth the risk though because learning to connect through vulnerability can ultimately lead you to love wholeheartedly and be truly known in your marriage.

In this episode, we'll share our personal challenges with vulnerability, as well as some insights and discoveries from several experts around why vulnerability can be so difficult — and how you can move beyond the barriers to experience real connection and deeper intimacy in your relationship. 

You'll Discover:

• The importance of loving whole-heartedly — even when it feels risky
• How your past experiences can trigger pain and impact your current relationship
• Why vulnerability is vital if you want to be fully known and experience true intimacy and connection
• How fear, shame, insecurity and mistrust can keep you stuck and unable to show up authentically in your relationship

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 5:  How to Get Over the Hurts and Triggers from Your Past 
• Nick Wignall's Article:  Emotional Vulnerability:  What It Is and Why It Matters
• Episode 50:  How to Openly Communicate What You Really Want
• Brene Brown's Ted Talk:  The Power of Vulnerability
• Article by Kara McDuffee:  A Vulnerability Hangover and 6 Steps to Overcome It 
• CLICK HERE to schedule a free coaching call with us

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

We want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

We would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast.  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

We all want to keep our kids safe.  We want to protect them from the dangers of our world.

But the reality is that every child from every background and in every community is at risk of experimenting with drugs and alcohol and even developing an addiction…

…and the warning signs of addictive behavior can sometimes be hard to spot.

We personally know the shock, disappointment, anger and heartbreak that comes when a child turns to drugs and alcohol.  Our daughter experienced an extended season of using.  She was simply trying to fit in with her peers, but at a deeper level she was attempting to cope with painful emotions that she was struggling with.   Her self-destructive behaviors lead to turmoil in our home — and conflict in our marriage.

In this episode, we welcome Richard Capriola.  He's an expert and educator who's passionate about helping parents build awareness and spot the early warning signs of substance abuse. 

Richard has published a book that offers practical guidance and hope for parents.  He has had a long career as an addictions counselor, supporting children and their parents through each stage of addiction and recovery.

Don't be fooled into thinking your kids are free from the pressure and lure of experimenting with drugs or alcohol.  You can discover how to keep watch for the early warning signs.

This interview with Richard is for every parent, step-parent, or co-parent who wants to build awareness or who needs help with a child who is currently struggling.

You'll Discover:

• Why every parent needs to be equipped with awareness and information around adolescent addiction
• How to spot the warning signs and consider the difference between normal adolescent/teen behavior and underlying issues of substance use 
• Effective and loving ways to engage in conversation with your child around your concerns
• How to get an accurate assessment of your child's specific behaviors 
• Hope, encouragement, guidance and confidence for parents, step-parents and co-parents navigating through a child's addiction
• Why marijuana use for adolescents is not a wise option for treating anxiety  

Resources from this Episode:

• Richard's Book:  The Addicted Child:  A Parent's Guide to Adolescent Substance Abuse
• Companion Workbook:  The Addicted Child: Workbook
• To contact Richard directly:  www.helptheaddictedchild.com
• Episode 87:  Mike and Annika Chat About Her Experience Growing Up in Our Home
• CLICK HERE to schedule a free coaching call with Mike & Kim

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We encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

We would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too.   Thank you!

Husbands in stepfamilies have some challenging responsibilities.

As Dad or Stepdad (or both!), they tend to carry a lot on their shoulders.

They might not always say it — but most men need to feel appreciated and affirmed for all they do.

Father's Day is a perfect opportunity to honor the man in your home simply by saying a few words to him — the ones he really needs to hear!

In this episode, Mike shares the 3 most meaningful messages he's received from Kim over the years and how these affirmations impact him.

By the way, this episode is for you hubbys to check out too.  Your wife isn't a mind reader and you'll want to help her understand what resonates most with you.  All you'll need to do is simply communicate that so she'll know exactly how to love you better — this Father's Day and beyond!

You might want to listen together as a couple or listen independently and then talk about it later.

Either way, don't miss this unique and fun episode!

You'll Discover:

• 3 powerful messages every husband needs to hear
• Creative ways you can affirm and encourage your man on Father's Day (and beyond)
• Encouragement for husbands to communicate what they really need 

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

You want to experience fun summer activities and events as a family, but you may need to readjust your visitation schedule so that you can include everyone…

…and that means negotiating changes with your Ex — which might trigger disagreement, conflict or disappointment.

If you're dreading that conversation because things haven't gone well in the past or there's been tension between homes, you're not alone!  We've been there more times that we can count.

In this episode, we'll share 5 practical tips that'll prepare you to approach negotiating with an Ex from a healthy perspective — and help you work through your frustrations and disappointments.

You'll also discover some ways to help your kids process their disappointment if you just can't work that negotiation out and they end up missing something fun.

You'll Discover:

• 5 practical tips around negotiating schedule changes with an Ex
• How to stay focused on what's most important — the kids
• Strategies to build your co-parenting relationship and avoid conflict
• How to handle disappointment when things don't go your way (or the kid's way)

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 94:  70 Summer Activities to Create Family Time and Encourage Bonding
• Episode 67:  The Best Co-Parenting Strategy That  You Already Know 
• Episode 71:  How to Help Kids Cope with Painful Disappointment
• Book Recommendation:  Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

We all tend to head into stepfamily life hoping that close bonds will develop and everyone will enjoy spending time together.  But this doesn't usually happen as easily or as quickly as we'd like.

Instead, most of us are blindsided by the amount of chaos, tension and resistance that pops up around every corner.  It can leave us frustrated, confused or even hopeless.

If you relate to that at all, you might be at a loss about how to approach bonding when relational tension is high and the kids are either acting out, or shutting down.

Here's the good news — you're normal!  Most blended families face these challenges — and the really good news is that with the right mindset and strategy you can encourage and enjoy family time, while patiently waiting for bonds to grow.

In this fun episode, we'll share some of our favorite family time ideas — and how you can build a bonding strategy that'll set your family up to experience  fun-filled adventures and memorable moments together this summer!

And to help you out, we've created a cheat sheet for you to download that's free!  You'll discover 70 bonding ideas that are organized based on where your family is right now in the bonding process.

CLICK HERE to grab your free copy.

You'll Discover:

• The best approach to bonding and building family connections
• How a strategic approach to bonding can lead to positive experiences and family time success — especially when tensions are high
• 70 ideas to help you try out new opportunities for family time, as well as one-on-one time this summer — including our family's favorites
• Your free cheat sheet to strategically plan your family's summertime activities

Resources from this Episode:

• CLICK HERE to grab your FREE copy of the cheat sheet for this episode
• Episode 72:  The Best Way to Create Healthy, Bonded Relationships
• Episode 71:  How to Help Kids Cope with Painful Disappointment
• Episode 47:  How to Like Your Step-Child…When You're Feeling Frustrated and Annoyed
• Episode 39:  How to Create Strong Bonds with Resistant Step-Kids
• Episode 23:  How to Move From Feeling Stranded to Being Connected
• Episode 25:  How to Survive Time Along with Your Step-Kids
• CLICK HERE to send us your family's WINS throughout the summer

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

We encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

We would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too.  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Most of us want to have a healthy sense of parental authority with our kids.  We want to lead our home with purpose and make quality decisions that are best for the kids' future — and for ours. 

But often in the complexities of divorce, loss and single-parenting, the "balance of power" can unintentionally shift toward the kids.  When that happens, they gain more and more control over the daily decisions of the household.  It usually seems innocent enough at the time…

…but when this happens it can rob you of your parenting confidence and hijack the decisions you know are best.  And ultimately, this dynamic can set the stage for resistance when you make a decision that your kids don't agree with — such as wanting to remarry and blend families.

Power struggles with kids create BIG challenges.  We know this from our own personal experience.  When it happens, you're left feeling powerless, frustrated and defeated as you try to convince the kids to get on board, but it's just met with conflict and resistance — and you remain stuck in a power struggle.

In this episode, we'll explore how power struggles develop and what you can do  to shift the power in your home while still supporting your kids.  All without losing your sanity!

You'll Discover:

• How power-shifts can naturally occur during the single-parent years
• Why it's important to regain parental authority as you "blend" 
• Critical DO's and DON'T's that will help you to effectively shift the power in your home 
• Why shifting the power will help you avoid the pitfall of a Parent-Child Allegiance 

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 92:  At a Loss and Feel Defeated Because the Kids Stubbornly Refuse to Blend?
• Book Series:  Boundaries by Drs Henry Cloud and John Townsend
• Episode 73:  4 Simple Principles for Setting Healthy Boundaries with Kids
• Blog:  Two Simple Steps to Move Past Paralyzed Parenting
• Episode 59:  Why are you stuck in a parent-child allegiance
• Parenting Resource:  Love and Logic Parenting Method
• Episode 61:  How to Partner well as a stepparent - even if you feel stuck on the outside
• Episode 17: 6 Simple Steps that will Help You Respond to Disrespect
• Episode 28: What If What You Think Is Defiance, Is Actually Something Else?
• Episode  27:  How to Set Clear Boundaries and Safeguard Relationships
• Episode 85:  How to Uniquely Build More Love and Connection in Your Blended Family with Special Guest Ron Deal