Blended Family Breakthrough

You might have imagined that "blending" would be relatively smooth and easy.

But reality hit when your child refused to engage - no matter what you say or do they resist moving forward, and even  reject that new person in your life.

The tension and conflict leaves you bewildered and it robs you of the happiness you want to experience. 

One of our listeners understands this all too well — her family is struggling and she asked us to help.  Her teenage daughters have refused to accept her decision to remarry and will not "get on board" with blending. 

There are no easy fixes when kids choose to dig in their heels and defiantly object to your relationship.  They may be struggling with fear, loss, insecurity or troubling emotions that keep them stuck in resistance.

But don't lose hope, because there are practical steps you can take to help the kids process and gradually let go of their negative beliefs around blending.

In this episode, we'll share some insights and effective strategies to ease the tension and help your family move forward. 

You'll Discover:

• Powerful messages your kids and step-kids need to receive from you — especially when they're refusing to blend
• Effective ways to help kids move through their difficult emotions
• Encouragement and hope for your family's journey

Resources from this Episode:

• Book Recommendation:  Building Love Together In Blended Families by Ron Deal & Gary Chapman
• Episode:  85 - How to Uniquely Build More Love and Connection in Your Blended Family with special guest Ron Deal
• Book Recommendation:  Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman
• Episode 71:  How to Help Kids Cope with Painful Disappointment
• Episode 40:  Uncover the Unspoken Feelings of Kids in Blended Families
• Episode 9:  A Surprisingly Simple Strategy for Bonding with Step-Kids
• Episode 37:  Why do Kids Struggle to Accept the Stepparent? 

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Most of us want to get along well with the Ex, but unfortunately the story we hear more about is that difficult Ex.

You know — that high conflict Ex that leaves you emotionally exhausted.  It might feel like your spouse's Ex has way too much power over your home and your life!  

And when your husband's Ex-Wife (or maybe it's your wife's Ex-husband) is invading your home — you might be tempted to fight back…

…but there's a better way to respond to a hostile Ex.

In this episode you'll discover practical steps for maintaining healthy boundaries, boosting your own self-confidence and creating more connection in your home.

You can regain your joy  even when that Ex doesn’t change a thing!

You'll Discover:

• How to set practical boundaries and reduce the impact of a hostile Ex
• Tips to maintaining your confidence — even when you're under attack
• How to minimize the tension created by the Ex and increase connection with your spouse

Resources from this Episode:

• Schedule a Free Coaching Session with Mike & Kim
• Co-Parenting Communication Platform: Our Family Wizard
• Book Recommendation:  The Smart Stepmom by Ron Deal & Laura Petherbridge
• Episode 44:  Why Does my Husband's Ex Think I'm the Enemy?
• Episode 32:  How to Safeguard Your Kids from Negative Influences
• Episode 33:  How to Cope with a Difficult Ex and Protect Your Kids
• Episode 29:  What is a Loyalty Bind and What Can You Do About It?
• Episode 08:  Toxic Exes and Defiant Kids - A Simple Strategy Against Lies and Slander
• Episode 20:  4 Big Myths About Parenting When the Ex has Different Rule
• Episode 64:  How to Set Yourself Free by Choosing to Forgive
• Episode 45:  How to Cooperate More with your Spouse's Uncooperative Ex
• Episode 48:  Introspective Questions that Help You Put Your Kids First
• Episode 21:  What is the Stranded Stranger & Trapped Teammate Experience?
• Episode 78:  Cultivating More Passion, Intimacy and Commitment in Your Marriage

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

We want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts.  We would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too.  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”.   Thank you!

There's no way to soften the blow when Mother's Day expectations are crushed.  We all want to experience a relaxed, fun-filled day and we all deserve to be honored as moms and stepmoms.  But in the context of a blended family, it isn't so simple. 

Over the years, we've heard heartbreaking stories of disappointment from stepmoms who've experienced rejection and exclusion on Mother's Day — and they're left to wonder why?

As a bio-mom in a blended family, I've experienced disappointment, frustration and resentment as my daughter's attention was divided on Mother's Day.  I wanted it to be all about me, but the other home had their own expectations too.

And what about husbands?   They're stuck in the middle and unsure how to respond to their hurting wife, without pressuring the kids. 

Mother's Day in a blended family can be uncomfortable and stressful for everyone!   What should be a special day of celebrating the women who devote themselves to raising children, often turns into something very different and disappointing. 

If you're a stepmom, bio-mom or a husband and you're ready to ditch the disappointment and experience something new, this episode is for you!    

Don't miss this chance to prepare yourself (and the entire family) for a better Mother's Day experience…even if you can't change anything about your circumstances!  

You'll Discover:

• How to let go of unrealistic expectations by redirecting your focus
• How empathy and grace can help to relieve tensions
• Practical tips for husbands  
• Communication strategies
• How to relieve pressure and help kids honor both step & bio mom 

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 29:  What is a Loyalty Bind and what can you do about it?
• Episode 9:  A Surprisingly Simple Strategy for Bonding with Step-Kids

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Most of us start our blended family journey with high expectations and excitement about our family's future. 

We might know that many things are going to have to change — and change is hard, right? 

Surprisingly, no.  Change isn't hard… 

…it's the process of transition where most of us get stuck.  Somewhere along the way, most of us are left wondering why it's so difficult to reach the new reality we really want — a reality we're sure will be good for everyone once we get there.  

The truth is, it's normal for adults and kids to experience pain and frustration as they release "the old way" of life and adjust to their new blended family reality. 

That's transition. 

The good news is that nobody has to stay stuck in the confusing haze of transition.  You can intentionally take steps to ease the tension and help everyone embrace your new beginning — even if you've been blending for years! 

In this episode, we'll show you how.

You'll Discover:

• Why new beginnings seem to trigger loss in a blended family
• What is the "neutral zone" and how do you get through it
• How to help everyone move toward the positive aspects of change, while navigating through the pain of transition

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Most of us want to make things easy and fun for our kids. Especially when they've already been through so much in the past.

Now you've fallen in love and are getting ready to blend your family, but you know it might not be as "easy and fun" as you'd like it to be.  You want to help them experience a smooth transition, but you just don't know how.

And that sense of being unsure might be robbing you of the ability to be intentional and proactive in the "blending" process. 

For blended families, a proactive approach helps prepare all the kids to merge households — and create a better outcome for step-child / step-parent relationships.

In this episode, we've got a practical strategy that will make a HUGE difference in blending and bonding.  Plus, we'll share a few tips that will help your family avoid some common mistakes. 

And if you've already been blending for a while but it's not going quite as smoothly as you'd like — it's not too late!  This strategy can help get you back on track.

You'll Discover:

• How to prepare your kids for the blending process while protecting step-relationships
• A practical strategy to clearly identify potential challenges and take action now
• Why it's so important to get on the same page around your parenting goals
• How to stay connected as a couple in parenting decisions

Resources from this Episode:

• Online Workshop:  Stepfamilies That Make It!
• Episode 50:  How to Openly Communicate What You Really Want
• Episode 63:  5 Strategies to Help You Get United — Even When You Disagree
• Episode 18:  How to Help Kids Navigate Transition and Change
• Episode 72:  The Best Way to Create Healthy, Bonded Relationships
• Episode 77:  3 Unique Differences that make a Blended Family Marriage Challenging
• Episode 21:  What is the Stranded Stranger, Trapped Teammate Experience (part 1 of 3)
• CLICK HERE to Schedule Your Free Coaching Call 

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

We would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

In this unique episode you'll get to listen in on a candid conversation between me (Mike) and my step-daughter, Annika.

We wanted to understand more about what it was like for Annika growing up in our blended family — so, I asked her to simply be open and honest as she answered some tough and insightful questions.

Simple questions like:

• As a step-parent, what do you think I did well?
• What do you wish I would've done differently? 

The answers she gave kind of surprised me and they might surprise you too.

Annika expressed some of her feelings around the hardest things about life in our blended family and the struggles we faced over the past 20 years.

She openly shares about her experience with our 'tough love' boundaries, her challenges around accepting authority from me, what makes her feel loved and a few of her favorite memories.

We hope you're encouraged by this sincere conversation between Mike & Annika. 

Resources from this Episode:

• Click Here to schedule a Free Coaching Session with Mike & Kim
• Episode 52:  Overcoming Discouragement (with Jake & Whitney)
• Episode 85:  How to Uniquely Build More Love and Connection in Your Blended Family with Special Guest Ron Deal
• Book Recommendation:  Building Love Together in Blended Families by Gary Chapman and Ron Deal
• Want to learn more about JR Ranch?  Click Here
• Episode 42:  Our Challenging Story of Parental Alienation - and 6 Tips for You

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

We want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

We'd be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Surly you love your kids and step-kids.

You probably have a desire to build strong bonds with them, but somehow that might be proving more difficult than you first imagined.

It's common for the relational complexities of a blended family to work against you when it comes to your kids actually feeling love and connection.  

And it's not just the kids —  you might struggle to feel loved in your couple-relationship when both of your "love needs" aren't being met…

…this can magnify tension in your home and leave you feeling disconnected.

We have personally felt the loneliness that all of this creates.  Feeling lonely in a house full of people can be gut wrenching.

But, we didn't give up!  Instead, we learned how to reduce our pain, disconnection, and conflict and help everyone in the home feel loved and bonded.

We discovered a secret strategy that over time, helped everyone in our home to experience genuine love, security and connection.

In this episode, you'll hear about some of our real-life challenges as we learned how to blend well and love well over the past 20 years!   

You'll Discover:

• Unique ways to express love and create meaningful connection in your blended family 
• How to simplify parenting and practically meet all the kid's emotional love needs — without getting overwhelmed
• A powerful strategy to help ease painful dynamics  in your marriage 
• How to avoid the mistake of unintentionally magnifying marital tensions and creating love competition in your blended family

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 85:  How to Uniquely Build More Love and Connection in Your Blended Family with Special Guest:  Ron Deal
• Book:  Building Love Together in Blended Families by Gary Chapman & Ron Deal
• Our online workshop:  Stepfamilies that Work!
• Episode 21:  What is the Stranded Stranger & Trapped Teammate Experience? (Part 1 of 3)

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Everyone wants a "good blend"…

…the closeness, happiness, trust, and emotional safety that helps us experience love in our blended family.

But, many of us quickly find that love is complicated in blended family life. Unmet expectations, confusion and hurt feelings seem to invade our home and it's hard to know how to make sense of it all.

We've felt those and many more disappointments over the years, but thankfully there was more to the story — and we weren't alone in our journey.

We found some guidance and resources early on from a leading expert in blended family life — Ron Deal.

Recently, we had a chance to talk with Ron about the recent book that he co-authored with Gary Chapman called Building Love Together in Blended Families. In it, he and Gary unpack some of the unique ways that blended families can use Gary's concept of the 5 Love Languages.

In this episode, you'll get to listen in on our discussion and gain some valuable insight directly from Ron.  You certainly don't want to miss this episode!

You'll Discover:

• Why love is so complicated in a blended family
• What Love Language "Dialects" are and how you can use them
• How to avoid unintentionally "stepping on" the Love Language of others
• Why lowering expectations and letting go can help build love in your blended family 

Resources from this Episode:

• Building Love Together in Blended Families by Gary Chapman & Ron L. Deal
• To check out additional books, go here:  Ron Deal
• https://smartstepfamilies.com/
• https://www.familylife.com/familylifeblended/blended-families/
• Preparing to Blend:  The Couple's Guide to Becoming a Smart Stepfamily by Ron L. Deal (Releasing in September 2021 and available for pre-order)
• Episode 72:  The Best Way to Create Healthy, Bonded Relationships
• Episode 76:  How to Restore Your Relationship with a Child After You've Messed Up

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

We would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too.   Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”  - Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month. 

One of the most painful realities of my divorce was facing the fact that my daughter would be splitting her time between two homes.

Every time Annika left for her dad's house, I would feel empty, disconnected and even numb.

After I remarried, I wanted to engage in normal life with Mike and our mutual kids while Annika was at her dad's — but for me, things just weren't normal and I didn't feel "okay".

I was constantly thinking of Annika. I was missing her and worrying about her.  And I didn't want our family to engage in anything fun or memorable until she returned.  I kind of wanted to "press pause" on life every other week.

Needless to say, this dynamic created emotional tensions.  Not just for me, but for the rest of my family as well.

In this episode, we'll share how we gradually learned to respond to my ongoing grief and Mike's feelings of abandonment and frustration which sometimes still creeps into our family — even 20 years later!

Listen in to find out how you can manage emotional tensions and show up well for each other (and the rest of your family) while struggling through this common dynamic. 

You'll Discover:

• The real-life struggles we faced when Kim was missing her daughter and dealing with ongoing grief
• How a parent's ongoing grief can impact everyone in the blended family
• Healthy ways to manage anxiety, sadness and emotional tension when you're missing your bio-kids
• Tips on how you can show up well when your spouse is struggling and seems to be disconnecting from you in their ongoing grief 

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 71:  How to Help Kids Cope with Painful Disappointment
• Nick Wignall Article:  Scheduled Sadness:  Why You Should Make Time to Be Sad on Purpose
• Nick Wignall's Article:  Self-Care:  What It Really Is and How to Do It Well

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Favoritism is kind of a "yucky" word in families — but the truth is favoritism can pop up in some unexpected ways in just about any family.  And blending families can be particularly susceptible. 

When unintended favoritism creeps in, it can wreak havoc and do long-term damage to relationships.

The first step to protecting your blended family from this kind of enemy is to understand all the ways that subtle favoritism can sneak into your unique situation.

In this episode you'll discover four specific, everyday areas where many couples tend to have blind spots around the messages they might be sending to their kids.

The first step to battling blind spots is awareness.  Understanding what they are and how they might be unintentionally setting your family up to experience favoritism is critical.

We'll help you uncover those blind spots and then work together to safeguard against favoritism - and avoid disheartening pain, resentment and disconnection in your blended family.

You'll Discover:

• Two unexpected favoritism 'danger zones' that can unintentionally create favoritism in your blended family
• Four common blind spots that every step couple needs to be aware of
• How favoritism impacts the kids and leads to conflict and disconnection

Resources from this Episode:

• Ron Deal's Article:  Playing Favorites Can Wreak Havoc in a Blended Family
• Episode 13:  How to Parent As A Team in Your Blended Family
• Blog Article:  Two Simple Steps to Move Past Paralyzed Parenting
• Schedule your Free Coaching Call with Mike & Kim 

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today