Blended Family Breakthrough

Most step-couples start out trying to simply use common sense around how to "blend" their family and create bonded relationships.

But it seems like we quickly discover that our common sense around bonding doesn't work very well and we're not getting where we really want to be.  

Unfortunately, our initial ideas around how to bond in a blended family actually might create unhealthy barriers.  Many couples unintentionally build pressure and unrealistic expectations for themselves and everyone in the family. 

In this episode you'll discover the BEST way to "cook" a blended family and how to avoid the most common missteps when it comes to bonding and "blending".

You'll Discover:

• The BEST way to "Cook" your stepfamily
• 3 'common sense' assumptions that create barriers to bonding
• How to reduce the pressure for everyone in your blended family
• Why the "Instant Family" approach doesn't work
• The secret to "blending" while honoring each unique family member
• How you can gain healthy, realistic expectations and timeframes

Resources from this Episode:

• Book Suggestion:  The Smart Stepfamily by Ron Deal
• Our discussion with Ron on the FamilyLife Blended podcast:  A Battle for your Child and a Fight for your Marriage
• Episode 15:  7 Unexpected Realities that Can Leave You Feeling Blindsided
• Episode 14:  3 Helpful Steps to Overcome Your "Perfectionist" Ideals and Disappointment

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The holidays are a time for laughter, joy, connection and peace.  But for blended families, all of that can be hijacked by our kids' difficult emotions and disappointment.  And for most of us it's hard to know how to respond.

Kim's daughter, Annika struggled with difficult emotions moving between two homes — and her disappointment seemed especially sensitive around the holidays.

Her sullen behavior was hard for us to understand and we didn't always know how to help her work through her emotions in a healthy way.  

In this episode, we'll share some of what we've learned about showing up well for your kids when they're stressed or expressing disappointment this week as you head into the holidays.  (oh, and by the way what we'll share will be helpful beyond the holiday season as well!)

You'll Discover:

• A practical 5-step process to emotionally support your kids that will help them cope with difficult emotions and lead to more self-control 
• How loyalty and loss impacts kids — especially around the holidays
• The best way to approach your child when they're feeling disappointment and build a stronger connection with them  
• What to do when you're feeling uneasy, inadequate or emotional yourself
• Why avoiding your kid's emotional struggles can actually increase their pain

Resources from this Episode:

• Blog Article:  How to Move Beyond Painful Guilt and Regret
• Blog Article:  Empathy or Avoidance…Which Do You Choose?
• Nick Wignall's Article:  How to Raise Emotionally Resilient Kids
• Blog Article:  Help Your Kids and Step-Kids When Emotions Are High
• Episode 29:  What is a Loyalty Bind and What Can You Do About It?
• John Gottman's Book:  Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
• Jody Bergsma's "Sometimes I Feel" Poster:  Garden of Children
• Sabrina McDonald's Article:  A Time to Grieve During Stepfamily Holidays 
• Blog Article: Blended Family Holiday Blues:  3 Tips For When You're Missing Your Kids 

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We all want our kids to be healthy and safe.  We spend lots of time and energy teaching them, encouraging them, and protecting them from the dangers of life.

But when it comes to our kids and technology, many of us feel like it's nearly impossible to keep up with the threats our kids are exposed to.

Research shows that technology is the number one reason parents believe raising their children today is more complicated than in the past — and for those of us in blended families, it's even more complex!

As this week's podcast episode releases, we're coming up on the Christmas holiday and we're betting more than one tree has a piece of technology under it — all wrapped up with a beautiful bow.

You're excited for your child or step-child to open it, but maybe you have a sense of dread lingering inside when you really think about it.

You're not alone…

…that's why we've invited a special guest to help us all discover some practical ways to create healthy habits and protect our kids in this area — without becoming tech wizards!

Rob Hayes-St.Clair is the Director of Generosity for JH Everlasting Adventures and every year speaks to young adult and adult audiences on the topics of life purpose, relationships, and leadership. A former real-estate developer, he now invests his time in building young leaders and healthy families through JH Ranch in the US, New Zealand, and Australia. Rob lives in San Diego with his wife of 15 years, Edith, and their three children, Charlie, Izzy, and Pierce.

In his work with families over the years, Rob has identified "5 Key Ingredients" to help us navigate the challenging waters of the tech world.  This is going to be a great episode for every family — blended or not!

You'll Discover:

• The major difference between you and your kids when it comes to  technology
• Why tech can be so addicting — for kids and adults!
• How to create some simple new tech habits in your home
• The mindset you need to remember if your kid's tech was purchased by an Ex
• The truth about how your training and encouragement impacts your kids

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 20:  4 Big Myths About Parenting When an Ex has Different Rules
• Connect with Rob at:  JH Ranch | Everlasting Adventure
• Book Suggestion:  The Tech-Wise Family by Andy Crouch 

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

We all want to enjoy the holiday season with our family — without experiencing tension, disappointment or conflict.

Managing all the complexities of blended families can be overwhelming around the holidays.  You're merging two family cultures with different ideas about how the holiday season should look…

…kids might be looking forward to experiencing past family traditions that are still meaningful to them.  On the other hand, adults are focused on creating a whole new experience around holiday festivities.

This can lead to unmet expectations, hurt feelings and disconnection — which is  the opposite of what you really want FOR your family.

In this episode, you'll discover how to honor the history of your kids, while creating new traditions and a shared history that's practical and meaningful to everyone — without getting overwhelmed!

You'll Discover:

• A healthy mindset to reduce anxiety and pressure
• A practical framework to use while making decisions around holiday traditions and activities
• Why it's important to honor the history and preferences of each family member
• How to let go of unrealistic expectations
• Creative ways to start some meaningful, new family traditions

Resources from this Episode:

• For Fun, Festive Activities, Ideas and Traditions:  imom website
• Episode 10:  8 Practical Tips for a Successful Holiday Season
• Blog Article:  Are you Already Dreading Holiday Scheduling with your Ex?
• Blog Article:  Blended Family Holiday Blues:  3 Tips for When You're Missing Your Kids
• Blog Article:  How to Protect Your Stepfamily from Favoritism
• Episode 12:  4 Meaningful Mindsets for Budgeting Your Happy Holiday
• Nick Wignall's Article:  5 Mental Habits Sabotaging Your Happiness

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

For most blended families, tensions are highest when everyone is together.

Why is that important to know right now?

Because so many are currently working from home, our kids are schooling from home due to the COVID-19 pandemic — and everyone is together almost all of the time!

Our normal activities and routines have been disrupted and we're spending more time all together than ever before…

…which most often creates higher levels of tension and increased conflict for those of us living in blended families.

One of our listeners recently reached out and said, "Please talk about navigating the impact of COVID-19 on the show…"  She was looking for sound advice on how to cope with all the blended family challenges during this difficult season. 

So, we're diving into it in this episode!  We've put together a practical framework with tips and strategies that every blended family can use to THRIVE as they face the realities of COVID-19!

Plus, over on the website, we've curated a virtual library of resources to help you take some next steps in the area your family might be personally struggling with most right now...

Just click this link to head over and check it out:  https://support.mikeandkimcoaching.com/podcast/068

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Every parent wants to create a heathy environment for their kids as they move between homes, but conflict between parents does just the opposite — and the results can be detrimental.

Even if your Ex treats you with contempt and seems to oppose everything you say or do…

…you don't have to lose hope or give up on trying to improve co-parenting interactions. 

In this episode we'll share a simple strategy and practical tools to help you show up in a way that can make a real difference in your co-parenting relationship.  

You can experience better communication and even more peace — even if your Ex doesn't change a thing.  And you already know that ultimately it's your kids who will benefit most!

You'll Discover:

• Why cooperative co-parenting is important for your kids well-being
• How you can promote effective communication and break unproductive cycles in your co-parenting relationships
• How to refrain from retaliation by using the 3 C's
• A simple tool to remove the barriers of poor communication, misunderstandings and misguided assumptions
• How to opt out of opposition and positively influence every co-parenting interaction
• A practical strategy that will lead to more peace — for you and your kids

Resources from this Episode:

• Schedule a FREE Coaching Call with Mike and Kim
• Episode 20 - 4 Big Myths About Parenting When an Ex has Different Rules
• Episode 27  - How to Set Clear Boundaries and Safeguard Relationships
• Episode 31 - 3 Unexpected Ways to Improve How You Cope with Your Ex
• Episode 32 - How to Safeguard Your Kids from Negative Influences
• Episode 33 - How to Cope with a Difficult Ex and Protect your Kids
• Episode 48 - Introspective Questions that Help You Put Your Kids First - with special guest:  Liza Gold
• Episode 64 - How to Set Yourself Free by Choosing to Forgive

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Are you frustrated with your spouse's lack of motivation to get help with you?

You might be surprised to learn that motivation is not a character trait, it's really a state of mind.

And here's the good news — by understanding what actually motivates your spouse, you can discover the best way to approach them and positively encourage forward movement. 

In this episode we're interviewing motivation experts, Matt and Maria Granados.  Matt and Maria began their journey of helping others build an intentional life during their own dating adventures together — and now six years later, their organization, Life Pulse Inc. has grown to help thousands of individuals and dozens of organizations strategize their daily path to fulfillment.

This dynamic couple shares valuable insights around what they call "The 4 Motivation Catalysts".  These catalysts are powerful and can be utilized to empower your spouse (and your kids as well).  

Listen in on this fascinating conversation about what works (and what doesn't) when it comes to motivating others toward change.   And learn how you can apply Motivation Catalysts as you support your partner in doing something new — without manipulating or nagging.    

You'll Discover:

• 4 Catalysts that spark motivation 
• A powerful tool to make getting help worth your partner's time, even if they've been resistant 
• How to connect with your partner's personal values - to give them purpose in moving toward your mutual goals
• How to drive your spouse toward positive change, without manipulating
• The Do's and Don'ts of using motivation catalysts in your relationship
• The difference between 'Being' and 'Telling' — and why it's so important
• How to empower your partner (and your kids) by understanding their motivation catalysts

Resources from this Episode:

• Matt Granados's book:  Motivate the Unmotivated - A Proven System for Sustainable Motivation
• Want to connect with Matt & Maria:  Life Pulse Inc.
• Check out Matt & Mari's podcast:  The REALationship Podcast
• Take the Motivation Catalyst Assessment

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

We would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.   Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month 

If you're ready to get some help navigating blended family life and explore  new ways to improve things in your relationship — but your partner isn't interested…

…this episode is for YOU! 

10 years into our marriage, we were not on the same page about getting help.  We were facing an unknown future and Mike wanted us to get professional help — but I (Kim) wasn't willing to do anything new.  

This was an extremely difficult season for us and we almost didn't make it to the other side.

 In this episode, we'll share our story and encourage you to hold onto hope!  

We've got 6 practical steps to help you open up communication, create more connection and invite your spouse into a conversation about how you might move forward — TOGETHER! 

We'll help you to building a bridge of common goals with your spouse and share what worked for us — and what didn't work! 

If you're feeling hopeless about how to approach your spouse about getting practical support — join us to discover how you can move forward! 

You'll Discover:

• How to initiate a conversation with your spouse that'll help them open up and identify what they really want for your relationship and family
• Ways to focus on common ground and goals to begin the process of working together in reaching your goals
• How to ask good questions while building a bridge toward those things you both want more of in your relationship (and less of)
• How to invite your spouse to explore possibilities for growth - together 

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Blended family dynamics will inevitably create a mine-field of challenging situations and if there's one thing you can expect, it's this…

…you're going to get your feelings hurt and sustain some emotional wounds!  

That's why it's so important to understand the art and science of forgiveness.  

Whether it's a rude step-child or a toxic Ex — or even your current spouse, choosing to forgive someone doesn't mean you're just letting the other person off the hook.  

Forgiveness is about releasing yourself from pain — and not allowing anger and resentment to remain rooted in that relationship.

However, the process of forgiveness isn't easy.  It takes intentional effort to move beyond anger, manage your memories and get to a realistic place of acceptance.  

We know just how challenging this process can be, because we've had to work through it ourselves. 

We eventually discovered healthy ways to let go of old (and newer) grudges so they didn't negatively impact how we showed up for our family.

Listen in on this episode to hear our real-life examples and why forgiveness is absolutely crucial if you want to move forward and truly thrive in your blended family.

You'll Discover:

• How to free yourself from the heavy burden of a grudge — and experience more peace
• Practical and healthy ways to handle anger and painful memories
• The surprising truth about acceptance
• What forgiveness is…and what it isn't
• How to hold others accountable for wrongdoing and set healthy boundaries

Resources from this Episode:

• Nick Wignall's Article:  The Psychology of Forgiveness:  7 Lessons on How to Finally Let Go and Forgive Someone
• Episode 27:  How to Set Clear Boundaries and Safeguard Relationships
• Laura Petherbridge's Article:  Forgiveness  What it is…What it isn't
• Episode 40:  Uncover the unspoken feeling of kids in blended families
• Episode 45:  How to Cooperate More with Your Spouse's Uncooperative Ex
• Episode 44:  Why does my Husband's Ex Think I'm the Enemy?

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

We would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community - for as little as $4 per month.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

What's the key to overcoming parent-child allegiances? 

In a word — it's UNITY! 

Over the previous several episodes we've talked about some of the emotional barriers that bio-parents often experience.  We also covered those "easy wrong turns" that stepparents tend to make while navigating a parent-child allegiance.

As you're working through your own emotions and mindsets, you'll also need to intentionally build unity so that you can become effective parenting partners and work as a team.

In this episode, we share five powerful strategies that will help you to get on the same page as you lead your family forward — together!  These strategies will reduce parent-child allegiances and keep the two of you connected, even when you don't agree. 

You'll Discover:

• 5 Effective Strategies to become more united as a couple and reduce parent-child allegiances
• Why a long list of "House Rules" often leads to disagreement and disconnection
• How to prioritize what's most important and lead your family in the right direction — together
• Why "connecting in conflict" is so important and how to do that well
• Discover a significant first step toward providing a foundation of growth in your home — including how you manage parenting

Resources from this Episode:

• Blog:  How to Start Transforming Your Blended Family's Future (Part 1)
• Blog:  How to Implement a Simple 'Code of Conduct in Your Home (Part 2)
• Online Workshop:  Stepfamilies that Make It!
• Episode 9:  A Surprisingly Simple Strategy for Bonding with Step-Kids
• Episode 50:   How to Openly Communicate What You Really Want
• Learn more about our Relate Strong Coaching Program by scheduling a FREE consultation with us
• Episode 51:  Overcoming Discouragement (Part 1)
• Book:  The Smart Stepfamily Marriage
• Want to check out Ron Deal's article?  Click here:  Placing Your Spouse in the Front Seat of Your Heart

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!