Blended Family Breakthrough

This episode is the second half of our conversation focused on the "easy wrong turns" many stepparents make when they're frustrated with feeling stuck on the outside of a parent-child allegiance (between their spouse and his or her kids).

If you missed the last episode, you may want to go back and listen to Episode 61 first — then come back here to catch the second half of the conversation where we'll dive into a few more of the "easy wrong turns" and why they won't help you build the unity you're looking for.

Then, next week, we'll be wrapping up this series with some practical tips that can help both of you work together and overcome a parent-child allegiance and experience more unity and teamwork as a couple.

You'll Discover:

• How empathy and understanding can go a long way when your partner is feeling stuck between "choosing" you or "choosing" their kids
• Why a butter dish caused Mike to get so angry
• How acknowledging the little wins along the way can make a big difference for everyone 

Resources from this Episode:

• Episodes 61
• Episode 14:  3 Helpful Steps to Overcome Your "Perfectionistic" Ideals and Disappointments
• Episode 46:  How to Focus When Your Step-Kids Are Ruining Your Marriage
• Episode 47:  How to Like Your Step-Child…When You're Feeling Frustrated and Annoyed

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Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Stepparents, you want to be a part of the team — in your marriage and in your family.

But it can often feel like you're stuck on the outside of the "allegiance" that's formed between your spouse and his or her kids.

That's when the frustration, hurt or anger sets in and you end up in the danger zone of allowing "easy wrong turns" to dictate your attitude.  It's these easy wrong turns that actually rob you of the teamwork and unity you're actually looking for.

And there are some simple things you can do to positively influence that parent-child allegiance happening between your spouse and their kids.  And each one starts with making sure your mindset is in the right place.

I (Mike) know how hard this can be, and over time, I discovered that my mindset and attitude was keeping me stuck.  And when I tweaked my perspectives just a little bit, I started showing up better and Kim actually started to respond to me differently.

If you can relate to any of this, I can't wait for you to join us for the next couple of episodes!  Why?  Because we're going to share the most critical shifts I had to make in my mindset over the years — and we've seen these same mindset shifts help the stepparents we've coached to experience the teamwork they've been looking for all along.

Don't wait — let's dive into the episode…

You'll Discover:

• How unrealistic expectations can force your partner into feeling like they have to choose between you and their kids
• The difference between labeling behavior and labeling character — and why getting it wrong leaves you feeling hopeless
• How easy it is for stepparents to jump into an authoritarian parenting-style and why it doesn’t work

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 26:  Are You Stuck in a "Competition" with Your Step Kids?
• Episode 21:  What is the Stranded Stranger & Trapped Teammate Experience?
• Blog:  What's the Best Way to Blend and Build Family Bonds
• Episode 40:  Uncover the Unspoken Feelings of Kids in Blended Families
• Episode 37:  Why do Kids Struggle to Accept their Stepparent?
• Episode 4:  Can You Overcome Your Parenting Style Differences?
• Blog:  How to Parent as a Team and Steer Clear of Power Struggles

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

This episode is the second half of our conversation focused on the challenging emotional barriers many bio-parents face in blended families.  Often these barriers lead to a dynamic called a parent-child allegiance.

If you missed the last episode, you may want to go back and listen to Episode 59 first — then come back here to catch the second half of the conversation where we'll talk about moving beyond those barriers and breaking free of parent-child allegiances.

And in the coming weeks, keep an eye out for our upcoming discussion around the 'easy wrong turns' that step-parents can make in this challenging dynamic  — plus some practical steps that can help both of you work together and overcome a parent-child allegiance.

In This Episode You'll Discover:

• Two motivating factors that helped Kim move beyond guilt and fear
• How authoritative skill building can boost confidence to help overcome parental insecurities — and reclaim parental authority
• The importance of courageously taking short-term risks that'll result in long-term benefits 
• The problem with comparing and ranking "Love" - and how to handle it well
• Practical steps to identify and capture emotional barriers and move forward   

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 49:  Should Your Highest Priority be Your Marriage…or Your Kids?
• Episode 21:  What is the Stranded Stranger & Trapped Teammate Experience?
• BOOK:  The Smart Stepfamily by Ron Deal
• Blog: How to Move Beyond Painful Guilt and Regret
• Blog: Two Simple Steps to Move Past Paralyzed Parenting
• BOOK:  Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline & Jim Fay
• Online Resources, Classes & Webinars:  Parenting with Love & Logic 
• Episode 4:  Can you overcome your parenting-style differences? 
• Blog:  How to Parent as a Team and Steer Clear of Power Struggles 

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)

"Things are so great between us…until the kids are around!  Then there's just a ton of tension and we end up arguing about everything!"

We've heard this from countless step couples over the years.  It isn't surprising because stepfamily structure puts couples on opposite ends of an experiential divide — leaving us feeling frustrated and maybe even hopeless.

But here's what we've discovered…

…at the root of stepfamily structure are relationships that have been reordered.  This leads to a dynamic called a parent-child allegiance — which puts the marital relationship on the "back burner" and robs us of the unity we really want.  

Sometimes it can feel like the kids have all the power and control.  The bio-parent feels stuck between their spouse and their kids — trying to maintain parental authority, but feeling like they can't please anyone.  Step-parents inevitably feel excluded, unheard and devalued — stuck on the outside.

A parent-child allegiance will eventually drive a wedge of confusion, resentment, anger and disconnection between spouses.  If it continues, the marriage will never be elevated and recognized as the relational foundation of the home (where it really needs to be for the family to thrive).

But, what if you could move beyond long-standing parent-child allegiances and get united as a team around parenting?  What if you could maintain stability for the kids AND elevate the status of your marriage at the same time?

The truth is, YOU CAN!  

And the first step is to understand and overcome the emotional barriers that stand in the way.  These barriers are most likely keeping you stuck in unhealthy parenting patterns that typically lead to marital conflict 

This is a BIG topic…so big that we'll be taking a deep dive over the next several episodes to help you identify the barriers that might be holding you back and offer practical support for both bio and step parents!

 In this episode, you'll hear the first half of our conversation about the challenges bio-parents often face when they're stuck in a parent-child allegiance.  We'll share the rest of the conversation in the next episode.  

After that, keep an eye out for our discussion around the step-parent's barriers — plus some practical steps that can help you both overcome all these challenges.

You'll Discover in Part 1:

• Common parenting patterns that create a parent-child allegiance
• How to begin reversing parent-child allegiances by understanding the emotional barriers of the bio-parent
• Kim's struggle with the barriers of guilt and fear — which dictated parenting decisions and weakened her parental authority

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 49:  Should Your Highest Priority be Your Marriage…or Your Kids?
• Episode 21:  What is the Stranded Stranger & Trapped Teammate Experience?
• BOOK:  The Smart Stepfamily by Ron Deal
• Blog: Two Simple Steps to Move Past Paralyzed Parenting

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Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

It's the final day of Your Next Step Challenge

It's time to get started and take action toward reaching the hopes and dreams you have for you blended family!

All the steps you've taken so far are about to pay off as you begin to work your plan and make real progress…

…and we're here to offer our support!  We've got new insights to share and a few reminders that will help you to launch your plan, stay consistent and complete the challenge!

You'll Discover:

• The right focus and mindset that'll lead to new growth and positive change 
• Helpful insights to keep you moving forward
• Strategies that'll set you and your blended family up for success

Resources from this Episode:

• Get $100 off communication coaching, just use the coupon code EPISODE50 at check out when you click here to register — but don't wait, this offer expires on October 1st, 2020
• Want to schedule a Free Blended Family Coaching session?  CLICK HERE

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

It's Day 4 of Your Next Steps Challenge…

Today is all about anticipating the obstacles that could keep you from living out your good intentions for your blended family.

We'll uncover the most common roadblocks to growth — and help you proactively prepare and respond so that you don't lose motivation or get stuck.

So grab a note card and get ready to overcome your biggest obstacle by capturing specific strategies that'll keep you moving forward to reach your goals!

You'll Discover:

• 5 of the most common obstacles to reaching your goals
• Tips and mindset shifts to help you overcome your obstacles and encourage you to keep moving forward
• Mike and Kim's big obstacles and how they plan to overcome them 

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 50:  How to Openly Communicate What You Really Want
• Episode 35:  Are you controlling conflict or is it controlling you?
• Book Recommendation:  Atomic Habits by James Clear
• Episode 51:  Overcoming Discouragement (Part 1)

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

It's day 3 of Your Next Step Challenge…

…and it's all about putting a tangible plan together!

Today you'll be considering 4 specific steps to take that will help you take action with confidence and clarity.  When you take the time to do these 4 things, you'll set yourself up for success!

So, grab something to take notes with and let's find out how you can Chart Your Course forward!

You'll Discover:

• The dangers of a "winging it" mentality
• The 4 Steps that will help you chart an actionable course forward
• How to set a specific and attainable goal for yourself

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

It's day 2 of Your Next Step Challenge!  

Yesterday we kicked off the challenge with step 1 — 'Find Your Focus'.   Now that you've taken that step to select one area of blended family life that you'd like to focus on…that area where you most need to grow and development — it's time to take the next step!

Today's challenge is to 'Choose Your Path'!  You'll identify your most effective learning style and then consider how you can make this season of development a priority.

We know how crazy busy family life can be.  It can feel overwhelming — and that's why we're making it simple for you to begin a new process of development and growth.

So, to keep you moving forward, today's step well help you choose the best path — one that's realistic, inspiring and leads to something new in your blended family!

Plus, we've got a free downloadable cheat sheet to help you take this step.  Just CLICK HERE to get your copy.

You'll Discover:

• Identifying your most effective learning style
• The importance of making space for what matters most 
• Day 2 Challenge:  Choose Your Path
• Helpful resources that offer valuable information, tips and guidance

Resources from this Episode:

• Download your copy of the Choose Your Path cheat sheet
• Episode 52:  Overcoming Discouragement (Part 2)
• Want to schedule a Free Blended Family Coaching session?  CLICK HERE

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

You've probably got great intentions for your blended family.  You want to gain understanding and discover new skills that will help you "do things right" 

But chances are, when you realize how much there is to learn you might get overwhelmed — especially when you hit those inevitable bumps in the road that create setbacks and leave you feeling disappointed and discouraged.

And all that overwhelm, disappointment and discouragement robs you of something… 

…it robs you of your hope.

 We know what it's like to feel hopeless in our marriage and family life.  We also know what it takes to gain our hope back — it's all about taking one little intentional step at a time.  

That's what the next several days here on the podcast are going to be about — reclaiming your hope!

So, in this episode we're kicking off your NEXT STEPS CHALLENGE! 

We're going to help you overcome discouragement, take real action and move your family forward!

Whether you've been struggling for a while or even if things are going relatively well (but you want to step it up a bit) — this challenge is for you! 

In this challenge, we'll be walking alongside you with simple and doable steps.  These steps will help get you started so that you can move beyond your current challenge — and we'll even be taking the challenge along with you! 

To get started, listen in and discover the first step of the challenge (it's super simple).  Then, stay tuned over the next several days if you've got the courage to meet the challenge and do something new in your blended family… 

…we know you do and we're excited to join you!

You'll Discover:

• How to turn insight into action so that you can experience real change in your blended family
• Specific attitudes that'll help you make progress and reach your goals
• How to 'Find Your Focus' using our 5 Focus Framework:  
  1. Bonding
  2. Understanding Kid's Perspectives
  3. Marriage / Partnership
  4. Parenting and Discipline
  5. Co-Parenting with an Ex

Resources from this Episode:

• Episodes 51:  Overcoming Discouragement (Part 1)
• Episode 2:  The 5-Focus Framework that Simplifies Blended Family Life 

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

We all start out with high hopes, big dreams and some expectations about what our blended family life will be like — and they seem very reasonable….

…until everyone's living under the same roof!

Once our families merge, we begin to realize just how difficult (and different) things are.  That's when disappointment sets in leaving us vulnerable to getting stuck in discouragement.

In this episode, we'll explore some unhealthy ways most of us tend to cope with disappointment.  Then we'll share a simple skill to help you steer clear from the trap of discouragement. 

You'll love hearing from our clients Dan & Renee who started out with awesome expectations that seemed reasonable — but as they experienced just the opposite of what they'd hoped for, they became discouraged.

But Dan & Renee didn't stay stuck!  They were able to replace their unrealistic narratives and limiting beliefs with more realistic expectations by managing their mindsets.  

As a result,  they've experienced more clarity, confidence and connection — and more peace in their home too. 

We're certain you'll connect with their story and discover some positive, new approaches to overcoming those times when you're feeling stuck in discouragement too.

On a different note…do you know someone who's discouraged in their dating life? Then you'll have an extra bonus when you discover that Renee can help them out…

Renee Suzanne is a coach who helps women find true love by teaching them to date effectively.  She's been featured in The Huffington Post, Glamour, and Tiny Buddha.  Her  books, Beloved — How to go from Relationship Challenged to Relationship Ready and Ten Things You Can do to Upgrade Your Love Life are available on Amazon.  She also has over 200 inspiring videos on her YouTube channel.  If you have a friend that could use Renee's help, check out: http://www.reneesuzannecoaching.com/

Okay…you don't want to miss this episode where you'll discover: 

• How Dan & Renee learned to readjust their expectations and develop healthy mindsets
• The unhealthy and unproductive ways we tend to cope with disappointment
• Tips for managing your mindset and releasing unrealistic expectations
• How you can join us in Your Next Step CHALLENGE

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 50:  How to Openly Communicate What You Really Want
• Episode 14:  3 Helpful Steps to Overcome Your "Perfectionistic" Ideals and Disappointments
• Get $100 off coaching, just use the coupon code EPISODE50 at check out when you click here to register — this offer expires on October 1st, 2020 

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet? Subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

We would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too.  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” - Thank you!