Blended Family Breakthrough

It takes a lot of energy and effort to make a blended family work…

…and when we don't see the results we want, we can get stuck in discouragement.   

In this episode we'll be talking with our clients Jake and Whitney who have experienced their fair share of disappointment and discouragement. 

Jake and Whitney describe feeling "Hopeless, Defeated and Angry"…but they didn't allow themselves to get stuck there.  They've consistently devoted themselves to their development — both individually and as a couple.  Their hard work and intentional investment has made all the difference in their marriage and blended family! 

You'll laugh, you'll cry and you'll relate to Jake and Whitney's story of struggle.  Plus, you'll discover ways that you can thrive by following their examples!   

Not only will Jake and Whitney encourage you in this episode, but they also might be able to help you take a next step in life…you see, they are a life coaching team who will equip you to live steadfast, through freedom, so you can impact your world.  If that sounds good to you, then check out how you might partner with them at https://www.steadfastlifecoaching.com/

Alright…grab some headphones and listen in to discover powerful strategies for stepfamily success and how you can move beyond discouragement to experience big wins too. 

You'll Discover:

• One Couple's story - from feeling "Hopeless, Defeated and Angry" to experiencing big wins in their blended family 
• Why continuous development - both individually and as a couple - is critical to stepfamily success
• How to reach your family's 'Desired Destinations' 

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 51:  Overcoming Discouragement (Part 1)
• Want to connect with Jake & Whitney to see how they might help you achieve the healthy lifestyle goals you're looking for?  Just click this link:  Steadfast Life Coaching
• Get $100 off our communication coaching (Relate Strong), just use the coupon code EPISODE50 at check out when you click here to register — but don't wait, this offer expires on October 1st, 2020

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Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

It's common for blended family couples to get stuck in discouragement when they've experienced challenging setbacks and feel like they've failed over and over. 

We've been there and we'll share the most difficult season of our marriage — when we were both so discouraged that we almost called it quits!  Thankfully, we learned how to break free from discouragement — and you can too. 

Listen in to this first episode in a 3-part series and discover a simple, yet effective communication tool that'll help you learn from painful setbacks so that you can keep moving forward together… 

…and not get stuck in discouragement!

We want to encourage you and pass on what we've learned about moving beyond  discouragement and growing more connection as a couple.

You'll Discover:

• Our season of discouragement that almost ended our marriage
• How couples get stuck in cycles of discouragement
• A new mindset around setbacks and failure
• A practical communication tool for new insight and growth
• How to use setbacks as learning opportunities

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 21:  What is the Stranded Stranger & Trapped Teammate Experience?
• Episode 50:  How to Openly Communicate What you Really Want
• Get $100 off communication coaching, just use the coupon code EPISODE50 at check out when you click here to register — but don't wait, this offer expires on October 1st, 2020 

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

One of the biggest challenges we've faced as a couple has been learning how to openly communicate — especially when we don't agree.

Mike tends to raise his voice, criticize and make demands.  I tend to disconnect  and hold my tongue even when there's something I really should be communicating.   

We spent years stuck in painful cycles of conflict, misunderstanding and confusion.  Thankfully, healthy communication is a skill we have intentionally developed — and it's made a HUGE difference in our ability to resolve conflict and deeply connect.

In this week's episode we'll uncover the four common styles of communication and help you develop the skill of clear, honest and more assertive communication so you can speak your truth, truly be heard and connect more with your spouse. 

We also have a special gift for you that we'll share about in this — our 50th — episode!  Some couples will take the tips in this episode and make meaningful progress…but others might need some support in exactly how to break free from painful cycles of unresolved conflict and disconnection.  If that's you, we can help! 

You probably want to feel connected to your partner — even when there's conflict.  We can coach you how to develop effective communication -  and to celebrate our 50th episode, we're going to knock $100 off as a gift to you!   

All you need to do is use the coupon code EPISODE50 at checkout when you click this link to register.  But don't wait because this offer only lasts until October 1st, 2020. 

You'll Discover:

• The four primary styles of communication (we're always using at least one)
• The best way to honestly communicate and create more connection
• Common roadblocks to effective communication and practical ways to overcome them
• 10 tips to becoming more assertive, speak your truth and be heard

Resources from this Episode:

• Nick Wignall's Article:  Assertiveness:  A step by step guide to becoming more assertive
• BLOG:  How to Move Beyond Painful Guilt and Regret
• Episode 35:  Are You Controlling Conflict or is it Controlling You?
• Episode 27:  How to Set Clear Boundaries and Safeguard Relationships
• Get $100 off communication coaching - use the coupon code EPISODE50 at check out when you click here to register — offer expires on October 1st, 2020 

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

We would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too.  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

Consider joining our Patreon community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

The question we're often asked is this:  Should my highest priority be my marriage or my kids? 

If you're a bio-parent, you might be concerned about making sure that your kids are feeling secure and cared for — they've always been your priority and maybe you're wondering why that should change.

And if you're a step-parent, you probably entered into marriage thinking that you'd be at the top of your spouse's priority list and that you'd have a say in all the family's decisions.

This is exactly where we started out in our marriage and it didn't take long for both of us to experience frustration, confusion and even anger! 

Whenever I had to choose between what Mike wanted and what my daughter Annika wanted — it felt like I could never win.  Either Mike was going to feel like an outsider, or Annika was going to feel rejected.

But I discovered that choosing between them wasn't actually a choice I had to make…we found a different approach! 

This is a big topic that's always complicated and sometimes controversial.  In this episode we'll uncover the realities around why 'priority issues' are so tough for blended families.  

We'll also share how you can work as a united team to position your marriage as the foundation of your home while making sure the kids are getting everything they need to thrive.

You'll Discover:

• How 'Relational Imbalance' impacts blended family priorities
• Two opposite approaches to prioritizing that lead to disconnection and pain
• Two big realities that blended family couples need to be aware of
• How to work as a team to rebalance relationships, elevate your marriage and maintain stability for the kids

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 24 — What if You Could Relieve the Trapped Teammate Pressure?
• Blog Article:  How to Move Beyond Painful Guilt and Regret
• Blog Article:  Parent-Child Allegiances
• Want to check out Ron Deal's article?  Click here:  Placing Your Spouse in the Front Seat of Your Heart

Suggest a Topic or Ask a Question:

Would you like us to discuss something specific or answer your question on the podcast?  Let us know!

We've made it easy…just click here:  https://www.mikeandkimcoaching.com/share

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. 

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today&l

Do you ever wonder what it might be like for your kids — moving back and forth between two homes?

Whether your kids are moving between two allies or between two "countries at war", there's likely to be some tension.

Reducing that tension is really up to the adults…and that starts with you.

In this episode, we've got a very special guest who knows what it's like to move back and forth between mom and dad's house — because that was a big part of her story.

Now, she's drawing on that experience and understanding — combined with her professional training — to help others work through their own hurts and hang-ups.

You won't want to miss this episode with our friend, Liza Gold!

Liza Gold is a psychotherapist with a private practice in New York City. She earned her graduate degree from Columbia University. Over the past six years, Liza gained clinical experience and pursued rigorous post-graduate training in various clinical modalities including Psychodynamic, Cognitive-Behavioral, and Dialectical-Behavioral therapy.  Finally, Liza is in the process of writing a clinical textbook.

We'll chat with Liza a little about her early life experience and then we'll draw on her professional knowledge to help parents and step-parents consider some important questions that might lead to better cooperation across the households - and less stress for your kids.

We hope you enjoy this conversation with Liza!

You'll Discover:

• What it might be like for kids when there's tension between their two homes
• How kids feel when they're stuck in a Loyalty Bind
• Important questions that bio-parents can consider to help them create more cooperation with the other home
• Important questions for a step-parent to consider how they're supporting their step-kids 

Resources from this Episode:

• Want to connect with Liza? Click this link to find out how:  https://www.goldtherapynyc.com/
• Here are some related episodes: 
  • Episode 29:  What is a Loyalty Bind and What Can You Do About It? 
  • Episode 44:  Why Does My Husband's Ex Think I'm the Enemy? 
  • Episode 45:  How to Cooperate More with Your Spouse's Uncooperative Ex 

Suggest a Topic or Ask a Question:

Would you like us to discuss something specific or answer your question on the podcast?  Let us know!

We've made it easy…just click here:  https://www.mikeandkimcoaching.com/share

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast?  If not,   click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts so you don't miss anything...

…and if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

It's uncomfortable for any stepparent to admit they don't like their own step-child. But faking, avoiding or trying to grit your way through doesn't seem to help much.

Mike has fessed up over the years about the times he struggled to connect with my daughter Annika. Their personalities are very different and he didn't always agree with my approach to parenting — which really meant that he disliked her behavior.

That sometimes lead to frustration and irritation and he didn't really enjoy being around her that much.  When those moments hit, he just didn't like her!

There can be many reasons why a stepparent might feel frustrated with their step-child. Especially if that child is struggling themselves.  Kids can seem to be overly needy, manipulative or even destructive at times and that's tough for stepparents to handle.

And while this might seem like one more situation you don't have any control over as a stepparent — there are some positive and productive things you CAN do regardless of how your spouse and their children behave.

In this episode, discover how Mike adjusted his perspective and gained more empathy and understanding…and experience more fun with Annika. 

You'll Discover:

• Mike's personal struggle with negative thoughts and emotions around Annika (Kim's daughter)
• A new perspective about your stepchild's 'personhood' vs. their 'position'
• How to build more empathy for a stepchild that's negatively impacting your life and causing frustration
• 3 strategies that helped Mike to move beyond his dislike to create more connection with Annika

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 44 — Why Does My Husband's Ex Think I'm the Enemy?
• Episode 26 — Are You Stuck In A "Competition" With Your Step-Kids?
• Want to suggest a topic or ask a question that we can answer on the show?  Click this link to share with us:  https://www.mikeandkimcoaching.com/share

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Do you ever think back to when you and your spouse just started dating?  You know — when you felt really connected and things seemed so much easier.   

But now the reality of busy family life seems to interfere with your marriage, creating disconnection and maybe even conflict.   You're probably frustrated by all the relational challenges — especially around step-kids and parenting issues.

It's tough for any stepparent to admit it, but sometimes they really do feel like their step-kids are ruining their marriage.

We get it! 

Mike has experienced plenty of frustration and even anger because of the impact my daughter has had on our relationship over the years.

Sometimes it's easy to place blame and get stuck there.  But that usually leaves you feeling hopeless because it seems like your step-kids have all the power! 

In this episode, you'll discover some practical strategies to regain your power by moving forward with intention — and how to get your marriage back on track! 

You'll Discover:

• How to stop blaming and start building
• How to "Frame It" rather than "Fight It"
• Simple strategies to meet the needs of everyone in your blended family
• How to separate family 'business' and focus on building more romance
• Practical tips for connecting and safeguarding your marriage  

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

As a stepmom, you probably want to experience reasonable cooperation with your husband's Ex-wife.  You want to work as a team for the benefit of the kids.  And you might be feeling frustrated if this seems to be impossible — especially when she refuses to acknowledge you or freaks out about your involvement with the kids. 

You might feel like you're being unfairly judged.  Maybe you're even tempted to lash out.  But these emotionally charged dynamics are something to move through — not fight against. 

If you're ready to reduce some of that frustration and build healthier connection and cooperation with your husband's Ex — we've got some good news! 

In this episode, you'll discover how you can intentionally build more cooperation  between the two homes by improving your relationship with your step-kids' bio-mom…

Yes, it CAN be done!  

You'll Discover:

• How to show up well in emotionally charged situations
• Specific ways to connect with your spouse's Ex
• How to manage expectations and boundaries
• How to avoid pitfalls and maintain your unique role
• The 'Big Picture' mindset and how to take the high road
• How to remain secure and confident through the ups and downs 

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 44 — Why Does My Husband's Ex Think I'm the Enemy?
• Episode 8 — Toxic Exes & Defiant Kids - A Simple Strategy Against Lies and Slander
• Episode 17 — 6 Simple Steps that will Help You Respond to Disrespect 

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Stepparents — we're betting you came into your blended family with the BEST intentions.  You want to thoughtfully care for your step-kid(s) and bring value as you lovingly support then — and your spouse.  You really want to contribute good things to their lives!

But does it feel like all the good things you do seem to get overlooked by your spouse's Ex?  Are you often the target of harsh criticism?  

…or, have they even gone so far as to try and turn the kids against you? 

It's hurtful and confusing when a stepparent is unfairly scrutinized and deemed unacceptable by the Ex in the other home — especially when the Ex has remarried and supports the kids attachment to their new spouse (the other stepparent). 

In this episode we'll explore the possible reasons why your spouse's Ex thinks you're the enemy — even though they haven't given you a fair shake.   

Discerning what's under the surface in these complex dynamics will help you to move forward wisely with more confidence and compassion. 

You'll Discover:

• What causes a double-standard mentality between the Ex's
• How an Ex's emotions might create animosity toward the stepparent in the other home
• Why your spouse's Ex is threatened by your "position".
• How a curiosity mindset can help to ease tensions
• Understand the anxieties bio-mom might face that can trigger protective behaviors with the kids 

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 31 — 3 Unexpected Ways to Improve How You Cope With Your Ex
• Want to find out more about those "Milestone Mishaps"?  Click here to join our Patreon Community… 

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Wouldn't it be awesome for your kids to experience lots of consistency between their two homes? 

It can feel overwhelming (sometimes impossible) to try and make that happen when you're kids are moving back and forth.  Some co-parents are able to work together and establish matching ideals and expectations for the kids — but more often than not, this isn't the case. 

When there's different values and priorities, disagreement and conflict between you and your Ex can escalate.  That makes creating consistency really complicated.  Usually this situation builds more stress and less stability for the kids.  But it doesn't have to be this way. 

In this episode we'll explore how to maintain stability for your kids and work towards consistency between homes — even if you and your Ex aren't on the same page.   

And we mentioned in the episode that we would love to help you make this happen in your family.  To find out how, just click here to schedule a free coaching call with us.

You'll Discover:

• The #1 key to building consistency — even when there's disagreement between the homes
• The benefits of focusing on common ground
• The importance of setting the standard in your own home
• How to maintain realistic expectations of the other home

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 20 — 4 Big Myths About Parenting When An Ex Has Different Rules
• Episode 42 — Our Challenging Story of Parental Alienation — and 6 Tips for You
• Want to schedule your free coaching call?  Click Here

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today