Blended Family Breakthrough

This is the second half of our conversation from last week where we discussed the sensitive topic of kid's grieving when one of their parents is absent in their life. 

If you missed the last episode, you may want to go back and listen to Episode 81 first — then come back here to catch the second half of the conversation where we'll also explore how this dynamic might impact the blending process.  It can sometimes create unique barriers in a child's ability to accept a step-parent.

If you or someone you know is facing this reality in their blended family, please don't miss this episode.

You'll Discover:

• How kids experience different kinds of grief
• Why they can idealize their missing parent and how that impacts you
• Why it's important to create a 'safe space' for kids when they're struggling
• How to keep connecting to grieving kids and create security for all the relationships in the home
• How to navigate the fine line of speaking truth without dashing the kid's hopes and dreams of reconnecting with their disengaged parent 

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 8:  Toxic Exes and Hurting Kids - A Simple Strategy Against Lies and Slander  
• Book Recommendation:  Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by Dr. John Gottman
• Ron Deal's Podcast Episode:  When a Parent Goes M.I.A. with Andy and Heather Hetchler
• Article:  Where's Mom? The Disengaged Biological Parent by Ron Deal

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Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

The best scenario for kids is when they can have a healthy relationship with both of the parents they love.   

Sadly, many kids in blended families have a gaping hole in their life because one of their parents is absent.   Whether a parent's absence is due to abandonment, inconsistency, or death — the impact can be heartbreaking.

Missing a parent who is absent can be one of the hardest realities for kids to work through.  And it might be one of the most challenging struggles for that remaining parent to face.  Watching your kids grieve over that missing relationship they long for can leave you feeling helpless.

But if you're feeling like there's nothing you can do, we want to bring you some encouragement in this episode.

We're discussing this sensitive topic to understand how kid's grieve the loss of a parent — and how you can best respond when you're left to pick up the pieces.

We'll also explore how this dynamic might impact the blending process.  It can create sometimes create unique barriers in a child's ability to accept a step-parent.

If you or someone you know is facing this reality in their blended family, please don't miss this episode.

You'll Discover:

• How kids experience different kinds of grief
• Why they can idealize their missing parent and how that impacts you
• Why it's important to create a 'safe space' for kids when they're struggling
• How to keep connecting to grieving kids and create security for all the relationships in the home
• How to navigate the fine line of speaking truth without dashing the kid's hopes and dreams of reconnecting with their disengaged parent 

Resources from this Episode:

• Episode 8:  Toxic Exes and Hurting Kids - A Simple Strategy Against Lies and Slander  
• Book Recommendation:  Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by Dr. John Gottman
• Ron Deal's Podcast Episode:  When a Parent Goes M.I.A. with Andy and Heather Hetchler
• Article:  Where's Mom? The Disengaged Biological Parent by Ron Deal 

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

We want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

We would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast.    Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Blended family marriage is unique and it takes intentional effort to stay connected and communicate well.  That is especially true when the typical stressors, pressures and disagreements hit.

There seem to be these times along the way when we simply don't know how to handle the unique dynamics or manage conflict well.  And if we don't intentionally do something about it, it can be detrimental to our marriage — and our entire blended family.  

We know about these kinds of challenges first hand and so do our clients Wes and Jennie.  They've experienced more than their fair share of challenges in a relatively short amount of time.  With 10 kids between the two of them, the challenges of negotiating with Ex's and their differing communication-styles, you can imagine the pressure it all puts on their marriage.

We got to chat with Wes and Jennie in this episode where they describe feeling "discouraged, disconnected, confused and mostly miserable".  At one point, they were stuck in heated arguments and couldn't see eye to eye.  But they didn't allow themselves to stay stuck there…  

 …realizing they needed help working through their blended family issues, they reached out for support and got to work!  

Their hard work and intentional investment has led to a transformation in their marriage and that's making a huge difference for their blended family!

 You'll relate to their painful challenges — those common roadblocks that tend to keep blended family couples from fully connecting and enjoying their relationship. 

We hope our chat with Wes and Jennie reminds you that you're not alone.  

We hope it challenges you to do something new just like they did.  

And we hope it inspires you to invest in your marriage — even if you're feeling discouraged right now. 

 Resources from this Episode:

• Schedule your Free Coaching Call with Mike & Kim
• Episode 50 - How to Openly Communicate What You Really Want
• Episode 36 - How to Change Your "Stories" and Grow Connection
• Episode 65 - 6 Simple Steps for Inviting Your Spouse to Get Help With You

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Every couple has conflict.  

That's a simple reality we should all expect — especially for those of us who live each day in the challenges of blended family dynamics.

But one thing that's not so simple, is fully understanding the unhealthy ways most of us tend to react when conflict hits.  It's tough to identify exactly how to avoid those toxic reactions that many of us have.  And left unchecked, they can lead to damaging our relationship and long-term unresolved issues. 

In this episode, we'll uncover four communication patterns that often pop up for couples when conflict strikes. Research shows that these patterns are detrimental to your relationship — we’ll talk about why you've got to be aware of these patterns so that you can avoid them at all costs.

We'll also share four simple and practical ways to minimize those unhealthy communication patterns and replace them with positive approaches that'll help keep you connected. 

When inevitable conflict hits, you'll want to know how you can communicate in a way that helps you work together to resolve your blended family issues.

You'll Discover:

• The 4 communication patterns that ultimately damage relationships
• How these 4 patterns get in the way of resolving issues and end up creating disconnection in relationships 
• What the research reveals about how these 4 communication patterns negatively impact marriage 
• 4 simple antidotes that will help you to avoid toxic interactions and create healthier patterns of communication in your relationship

Resources from this Episode:

• iMOM Article:  Put the Spark Back in Your Marriage with a Spark Jar
• Schedule your Free Coaching Call with Mike & Kim
• Scott River Lodge Retreat:  https://www.scottriverlodge.com
• Check out this video from Scott River Lodge 

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Every relationship starts with attraction and some passion.   And true intimacy grows as we get to know and discover each other.  And then we make the decision to commit ourselves exclusively to each other through saying our "I do's".

But this is just the beginning of building a lifelong love.  

As time goes by challenges of blending set in, life gets busy and stressful.  It's common for passion, intimacy and commitment to slowly subside. 

And while it's unrealistic to expect that you'll maintain the same sizzling level of passion, or the deep connection of intimacy, or the strong resolve of commitment — that doesn't mean the flames of romance have to just burn out. 

In this episode, we'll share some practical ways that you can cultivate more passion, intimacy and commitment in your marriage.  

You'll Discover:

• 3 elements every marriage needs to be successful
• Simple ways to cultivate more passion, intimacy and commitment in your relationship
• Blended family challenges that can decrease passion, intimacy and commitment — and how to keep moving forward
• What happens when a marriage lacks passion, intimacy or commitment

Resources from this Episode:

• Scott River Lodge Retreat:  https://www.scottriverlodge.com
• Check out this video from Scott River Lodge
• Book Reference:  Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts by Les & Leslie Parrott
• iMOM Article:  Put the Spark Back in Your Marriage with a Spark Jar
• Book Recommendation:  His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr.
• Episode 51:  Overcoming Discouragement (Part 1)
• Schedule your Free Coaching Call with Mike & Kim

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

We  encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

We would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too.  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Maybe we all start out on a similar romantic path — we meet, connect at a deep level and then fall in love.

But when the dating stage gives way to everyone living under the same roof, blended family couples inevitably seem to be thrust toward a path of unforeseen challenges that rob them of that connection and excitement of falling in love.

Why is this?  Because a blended family marriage is simply different than a first family marriage.

You might believe that when it comes to marriage, there shouldn't be much difference between a blended family couple and first family couples — this seems quite reasonable.  

But the truth is, holding onto that belief for too long will typically lead to feeling trapped in disappointment, discouragement, and disconnection.  It's an unrealistic expectation to think that connection and romance in a blended family will look the same as a first family.

We fell into this trap too — and stayed stuck for several years.  Thankfully we learned how to get out of the trap of this false belief.  It started with a really simple step — naming and accepting the differences. 

In this episode, we'll uncover the 3 most challenging differences between a first family marriage and a blended family marriage — and why we're all prone to experiencing these.

You'll Discover:

• Why understanding the differences between a first family marriage and a blended family marriage is so important
• 3 major differences that impact almost every blended family couple
• How to prepare yourself for unexpected challenges in your relationship 

Resources from this Episode:

• Scott River Lodge Retreat:  https://www.scottriverlodge.com
• Gil & Brenda Stuart's Article:  Remarried Couples Can Be Astronomically Different…Here’s How
• Episode 5:  How to Get Over the Hurts and Triggers from Your Past
• Episode 21: What is the Stranded Stranger & Trapped Teammate Experience (Part 1)?
• Episode 59:  Why Are You Stuck in a Parent-Child Allegiance (Part 1)?
• iMOM Article:  Put the Spark Back in Your Marriage with a Spark Jar

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safeguarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

The truth is there are going to be times when we mess up.

We unintentionally lose control…we make mistakes…and the result is usually distance and tension in our most important relationships.

There is no such thing as a perfect parent — or a perfect step-parent.

And the good news is, when we say or do something that causes hurt feelings, we don't have to stay stuck in the disconnection and awkwardness it creates!

In this episode, we'll share some intentional steps you can take to make amends and experience a restored relationship with your child or step-child.

This is well worth the effort and will lead to positive interaction, forgiveness and set you both on a better path toward healing and reconnection!

You'll Discover:

• A simple process for recovering from parenting mistakes that create relational tension with your kids and step-kids
• Why apologizing to kids can be challenging — and what's at risk when you avoid it
• How to overcome common barriers and make positive progress to restore your relationship — even when things are awkward
• An "on-the-spot" strategy for damage control when you've said or done something hurtful

Resources from this Episode:

• Article from imom:  5 Ways to Fix Things After You Yell at Your Kids
• Episode 39:  How to Create Strong Bonds with Resistant Step-Kids
• Episode 37:  Why do Kids Struggle to Accept their Step-Parent?
• Episode 9:  A Surprisingly Simple Strategy for Bonding with Step-Kids
• Episode 64:  How to Set Yourself Free by Choosing to Forgive
• Episode 47:  How to Like your Step-Child…When You're Feeling Frustrated and Annoyed
• CLICK HERE to Schedule Your Free Coaching Call with Mike and Kim

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

I wanted to connect with my step-daughter, Annika from day 1.  But sometimes — if I was really honest, she drove me a bit nuts.

Her habits, choices and approach to life was waaayyy different than mine.  I spent a lot of energy trying to "correct" her, but usually I was left exhausted and it never seemed to make a difference.

I couldn't understand why she just didn't seem to get it — and that wedge of frustration created distance between us…

…exactly the opposite of the connection I was looking for.

Finally, I started learning about personality focused parenting.  I spent just a little time discovering Annika's personality-type - how she organized and viewed the world, made decisions and derived energy.  

I was amazed at how this small insight changed the way I connected with her.  And it didn't stop there! 

Listen in on this episode to hear about how discovering personality-types has impacted all the relationships in our family…

You'll Discover:

• Why it's important to recognize the uniqueness of each child in your home
• How parenting might impact kids' self-perceptions
• How personality focused parenting impacts teaching
• Why personality focused parenting is powerful for bonding with step-kids

Resources from this Episode:

• Book Suggestion:  Nurture by Nature by Paul Tieger & Barbara Barron-Tieger

 Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today

Ever wondered why your usual 'go-to' consequences for the kids seem to have lost their impact?  Or maybe you've been struggling to get on the same page as a couple to come up with consequences that you're able to follow through with?

We want our kids to learn self-control and take responsibility for their poor choices.  But it feels like we've run out of options to respond with consequences that actually help kids learn.

When Mike and I were stuck there, it took us a while to figure out the secret to discovering appropriate and effective consequences — ones that helped our kids easily connect to their poor behavior and pick up important life lessons.

In this episode, we'll share the 5-step process we've used for years to develop  appropriate consequences that are not only effective, but have also given us a solid plan we can stand behind as a parenting team!

You'll Discover:

• A 5-step process to developing appropriate and effective consequences
• Why the usual 'go-to' consequences lose their effectiveness
• The difference between punishments and consequences
• How creative consequences mirror real-life — which helps kids take responsibility for themselves and make better choices

Resources from this Episode:

• FREE DOWNLOAD:  5-Step Consequence Plan Worksheet
• Episode 71:  How to Help Kids Cope with Painful Holiday Disappointment
• Episode 19:  How to Help Step-Siblings to Get Along Better
• Episode 4:  Can You Overcome Your Parenting Style Differences?
• Episode 13:  How to Parent as a Team in Your Blended Family
• Episode 17:  6 Simple Steps that will Help You Respond to Disrespect
• Episode 59 & 60:  Why Are You Stuck in a Parent-Child Allegiance
• Episode 63:  5 Strategies to Help You Get United - Even When You Disagree
• Love & Logic Anticipatory Consequence Technique
• Create your family's "Code of Conduct" with our workshop:  Stepfamilies That Make It!

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

We would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast.  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month  — 

You might think that 'boundaries' are just about getting kids to comply and behave — but that really isn't the goal.  

Loving boundaries provide stability, motivation and training so that kids develop self-control, respect, and responsibility for life.

Most of us understand that boundaries are an important focus for every family — but in a blended family, things tend to feel overwhelming and complicated. 

In this episode, we'll share a simple 4-step process that'll help you work as a team to set and uphold healthy, appropriate boundaries.

Plus, you'll find out if you're making some of the most common 'missteps' when it comes to setting healthy parenting boundaries in a blended family.  And we'll share how you can communicate your expectations to the kids in a way that's both firm and loving. 

You'll Discover:

• Why healthy boundaries are necessary in raising responsible, respectful kids
• A specific 4-step process for setting and upholding appropriate boundaries
• How to implement boundaries using an authoritative parenting style that's both loving and firm
• Why appropriate boundaries convey love and care to kids
• 3 tips that'll motivate the kids to respect your home's boundaries

Resources from this Episode:

• Book:  Boundaries with Kids by Drs. Cloud and Townsend
• Book:  Boundaries with Teens by Dr. Cloud and Townsend
• Online Workshop:  Stepfamilies That Make It
• Episode 28:  What If What You Think Is Defiance Is Actually Something Else?
• Episode 4:  Can You Overcome Your Parenting Style Differences?
• Episode 25:  How To Survive Time Alone With Your Step-Kids

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, we want to encourage you to subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.  Click here to subscribe in Apple Podcasts

Now if you’re feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they’re fun for us read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Want to Support the Show?

You can join our mission of safe-guarding marriages and supporting step-couples by connecting with our Patreon community.  By everyone doing just a little, we can create big opportunities.

Consider joining our community for as little as $4 per month and as a "thank you" — you'll have even more access directly to us!  Click here to join our community today