Blended - Navigating The Blended Family Experience

Talk about learning on the job! As stepparents we don't have all of the answers. In fact, there are times when it feels as if we have none. This comes with the territory. Five things that I wish I had known: 

1. Not all grown people are adults
2. Heartbreak will become normal
3. I am not defined by the failures or successes of my stepchild
4. Teenagers kinda suck
5. I can discern, but I cannot condemn

We learn as we go, but it doesn't hurt to learn from the going of others! 

I took the time to answer some blended family questions that I'm sure each of us can relate to! 

Every blended family is a comeback story! Marquette Walker is an excellent illustration of this. Marquette relates to the samaritan woman at the well mentioned in the book of John. That woman was known to have 5 husbands, and Marquette can say the same. The woman at the well was also known to have a life changing encounter with Jesus. This is also Marquettes story! Marquette’s mental, emotional, and spiritual restoration has changed her life and she has become a source of hope and change for others. Whether you are in the middle of a comeback, or if you’re in need of some restoration, this episode is for you! 

Resources for Marquette: 

Website: marquettelwalkerministries.com

Email: [email protected]

Follow: YouTube | Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn

Pick up her book on Amazon:

Divorced But Not Defeated: Woman You Will Win After This: Walker, Marquette L.: 9798989280636: Amazon.com: Books

There's no shame in being overwhelmed by all the things that come with being a Stepparent. Personally, I took it all on and tried to keep it together, until I couldn't. Immense stress, worry and frustration was my reward for carrying all the weight that came with navigating this process. However, I've learned that empathy, holding tight to what's most important for the kids, and surrenduring it all to the One who cares the most, changes everything. Freedom from this cycle of anxiousness is possible! 

Excessive levels of worry and stress have become the norm for countless stepparents. Simply dealing with the struggles that have produced some level of anxiousness is not working. In fact, it's causing lasting issues personally and within our relationships. As stepparents, we need to figure out what we're dealing with before we can find the right solutions! 

Ownership of our role as a stepparent, and closeness to our stepkid(s). These things may sound simple, but they can come with much challenge and confusion before things make sense. Do I have the right to refer to him/her as my child? What are the best moves to make in the face of resistance? How do I avoid causing offense or overstepping while also being everything that my stepchild deserves? If you've asked yourself questions like these, you're far from alone! Listen in as my wife and I discuss this very sensitive topic and how maintaining our convictions has led us to achieve both closeness and ownership. 

Who doesn't want to be considered a good parent? We do our best, hope for the best, but what we get back isn't always the best. Sometimes it feels like our kid(s) have concluded that good parents make for better punching bags. If you can relate, your frustration is reasonable! However, we can't be so quick to judge our kids and sum up their behaviors as some form of disrespect or rejection of our efforts. Parenting is a race of endurance, and the good ones are willing to do the work to run well! 

The odds are against us.. Statistics suggest that a significant portion of marriages that include a child from a previous relationship end in divorce/separation. So how do we beat the odds?! After 10 years of blending our family, we can see clearly what has sustained us through even the most difficult moments. We've beat the odds, and we believe that you can too! 

Parents have an incredible amount of power! We get to lead and shape the lives of the the next generation. No pressure! Unfortunately, we don't always do this perfectly. In fact, many mistakes are made along the way. One of the consequences of our misteps is discouragement. This experience exists well beyond the moment that the seed of discouragement is sown, and the effects can be severe. As parents we have to commit to learning from our mistakes and using our authority to encourage and build up our children. Their time under our care is limited!