The co-parenting relationship can be challening to navigate in even the most civil scenarios. Which is why many of us are quick to throw out labels such as 'toxic'. Viewing the ex as the enemy makes sense though. It makes detachment easier and the opportunity to focus our frustrations in a particular direction can feel pretty good for a while. However, even if the label is justified, does it serve us to consider the other parent toxic? Does this perspective compromise our ability to hold up our end of the deal in the co-parenting relationship? Let's talk about it!

(Spoiler alert!!) The answer is yes and no... We as step-parents get better, and we get better at navigating family. As we accept the dynamics of our family that we can't change and deal with our insecurities, we become more confident and resilient. As we learn to prioritize what is most important and fight to get on the same page as our spouse, the uncharterd waters that used to overthrow you will become your stomping ground! So yes, it can get better ~ and so can you!

Moving forward requires dropping some weight! Close to one hundred percent of the time, in order for things to move in a direction of health and functionality, there are things in our lives that simply have to die (I'm not talking about harming anyone else, so please calm down). We have to stop breathing life into certain mindsets, relational dynamics, habits and tendency to be passive in situations that require our best. It can be a rough process, but what's the alternative??

What do we do when our backs are against the wall?! I've learned that we've all probably experienced this moment, we're going through it currently, or it's on it's way! The way that we respond in these moments tend to determine what's ahead for us and our families for the near, and potentially even distant future. There is always a way through, and you can expect to be better on the other side of even the most intense challenge!

If someone were to look at your efforts, what would that tell them about where you've placed your faith? We can say that we're believing for breakthrough in relationships or specific outcomes for our family, but our actions can express something entirely different. We need to move from a subconscious belief system to one that is intentional and stretigic about how we'll see our hopes come to pass. Alignment between our expectations and our actions is the key!

The best outcomes for our families requires us to be present and invested! However, if we're faking 'nice' or pretending to be interested because it's simply what we're supposed to be doing, then we'll miss the mark over and over again. Surviving the difficulties until we arrive at the promised land is an enticing option as we navigate family, but this posture is much more likely to produce the harms that we're trying to avoid. Faith, however, gives us both a confidence and an assurance of the things we long to see within ourselves and our family. Blended families must shift from surviving storms to locating the center of the chaos and taking hold of the peace that allows us to endure!

Realizing that you're a people pleaser is a tough revelation! What may have started as a healthy desire to provide support and satisfaction for others, can become an inability to hold back our precious time, attention and resources. When the gift of kindness has become corrupt, we can become the type of people that consider ourselves valuable based on what someone else has to say. Freedom is on the other side of those that break the cycle of pleasing others to our detriment and that of our families.

The connection with your spouse is what keeps the relationship alive and fruitful! Our ability to endure the give and take that comes with family also depends on our efforts to remain on the same page. During this episode Margo and I discuss how we practice the life saving tool of checking in with one another. We also got to do some celebrating because what comes natural now, seemed impossible not too long ago! If you want to hear how an imperfect couple has stumbled through this process of maintaining the right kind of intimacy, then you'll want to take a listen!

It has probably never been so difficult for two people to get on the same page! The confusion around relationships and how they should be done seems to be growing by the day. This is no way to build a foundation for the future. In order to avoid the moment where we're trying to define our relationship, we have to put forth a counter-cultural effort of intention and living with clear direction.

A whole and healthy family absent of resistance is a dream we often aspire toward. Reality may consist of coming to a point of asking ourselves whether we made the right decision to pursue this relationship. It's okay. Most people come to this crossroad! You can be dilegent in your efforts to answer that question and arrive at the best outcome for yourself, and everyone else involved.