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BLUE MUMDAYS
BLUE MUMDAYS episodes
- Having a baby made me manic: HANNAH HARDY-JONES (Part 1)
Hannah Hardy-Jones, mental health advocate and CEO of the Kite Program, speaks bravely and honestly about how the traumatic birth of her daughter triggered bi-polar disorder. Instead of falling into depression, Hannah experienced intense highs within the first few days of giving birth on barely any sleep. And then came the devastating low.
*TRIGGER WARNING: BIRTH TRAUMA, BI-POLAR DISORDER*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote
[00:46] Introduction to Hannah Hardy-Jones (Part 1)
[02:26] Before pregnancy - career focus and vision boards!
[03:55] The pregnancy itself - trying to make everything perfect
[06:31] Lack of information about the emotional strains of parenting - women aren't prepared
[07:58] Bad morning sickness
[09:07] The birth - being induced and an epidural that only worked on one side
[12:15] Baby in distress - intervention
[16:48] Body shock
[18:12] Not getting that skin-to-skin contact
[18:51] The affect on Hannah's husband Nick
[20:26] After the birth - staying at a birthing unit
[22:58] Starting to feel 'high' - reduced pain, not sleeping
[26:16] Suspicions and secrets
[28:00] Getting assessed - 10 signposts for having a manic episode
[31:22] Visitors made things worse
[32:10] The adult psych team called in - feeling a bit scared and out of control
[34:05] 6 weeks to get a formal diagnosis
[34:56] What goes up must come down -the crushing depression
[37:40] Terrible anxiety and support from carers
[39:35] Cyclical depression caused by reaction to the medication
[40:23] Looking after Alice - a fear of passing on the distress
[41:44] Turning a corner, a fresh start
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- Whilst there are plenty of courses offering practical information during pregnancy, there should be more to prepare mums for the emotional strains of motherhood.
- Partners can be affected by birth trauma too and may need support themselves.
- NHS info on Bi-Polar Disorder
- A manic episode can reduce perceived pain intensity or the perceived need for sleep.
- Bi-Polar UK email: [email protected]
- The Kite Program app
If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.
Follow us:
Instagram
Twitter
Join our Facebook Group
Email: [email protected]
NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:
In Episode 13 we continue our chat with Hannah Hardy-Jones. Hannah talks about adjusting to living with bipolar, having her second child and creating The Kite Program - a personal development app for mothers touted as a world-first.
SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).
Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 020 3322 9900
Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: [email protected]
Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: [email protected]
Live chat online facility
Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.
Bi-Polar UK
email: [email protected]
Birth Trauma Association
Email: [email protected]
CALM
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)
Cedar House Support Group
Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556
DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.
Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.
The Hub of Hope
A directory of mental health support around the UK.
Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: [email protected]
Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email [email protected] to
arrange
Muslim Women’s Network
Helpine: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: [email protected]
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936
Netmums
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
Clinic.
NHS
Contact your local GP surgery.
Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.
PANDAS
Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support available – [email protected]
Petals
Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy
or baby loss.
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 0300 688 0068
Samaritans
Tel: 116 123
(this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)
Web: www.samaritans.org
Email: [email protected]
Shout
Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential conversation with a trained Shout volunteer.
Twins Trust
Twinline is Twins Trust’s listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more. All
the calls are answered by volunteers who have multiples themselves.
Twinline is open Monday to Friday 10am to 1pm and from 7pm to 10pm. 0800 138 0509,
alternatively email [email protected].
Web: twinstrust.org/let-us-help/support/twinline.html
Tommy’s
Tommy’s has a team of in-house midwives who offer free support and information for women and their families at any stage of pregnancy and after the birth.
Web: www.tommys.org
Helpline: Tommy’s
helpline has been closed temporarily but their midwives are answering questions
via email, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
Email: [email protected]
MUSIC by Joseph McDade
44 min - If you can survive PND, you can survive anything: LIZ WISE (Part 2)
I catch up again with Liz Wise, specialist PND Counsellor. In Episode 1 she talked to me about her lived experience of PND. This time she talks about her work with her charity Cedar House Support Group and how out of the thousands of women she has helped over 30 years, every one has made a full recovery from this horrible illness.
*TRIGGER WARNING: CANCER, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote
[00:58] Introduction to Liz Wise (Part 2)
[02:26] Helping other mums after recovery - training in counselling and setting up Cedar House
[08:30] The privilege of helping women go from rock bottom to full recovery
[09:00] Things that may predispose parents to getting PND
[11:40] How Liz's experience of cancer and losing her father contributed to her own PND
[12:54] Risk factors in parents
[15:02] The role of anti-depressants
[17:46] My own positive experience of taking anti-depressants
[20:30] The lack of understanding with some GPs and health visitors
[21:31] How the pandemic has enabled Cedar House to support to women online
[22:03] How to get in touch with Liz for support (see link in 'Key Takeaways')
[22:59] The reassurance of talking to other women going through PND
[24:50] How you will get better, even if you can't see that right now
[25:54] How Liz thought she had a personality change and withdrew when she had PND
[26:39] How medication can get you back to your old self
[27:23] How PND 'hooks' anxieties - Liz's trouble bonding with Emma and health anxiety
[30:27] The 'hook' of breastfeeding anxiety and its relation to PND
[38:48] Advice for partners, friends and family who want to help
[45:38] How much courage it takes to open up about how you're feeling
[47:57] Jake Mills and the Hub of Hope: It's not mental illness, it's mental health
[48:39] How early intervention is so important
[49:40] Helpful messages for mums going through this - there is no 'perfect' parent
[52:50] You are not weak for having PND.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- Cedar House Support Group - how to get in touch with Liz
- The majority of women Liz has seen have suffered from a hormonal or chemical imbalance.
- 70-80% of women Liz sees have some issue from the past that is unresolved.
- Risk factors can include women who have had depression in the past, have had multiple births, suffered from abuse, been through fertility treatment/IVF or are in unsupported relationships.
- High expectations of how wonderful it's going to be vs. the reality can also be a risk factor.
- Anti-depressants are made to combat depression, just like antibiotics are made to combat infection. They re-address the imbalance of serotonin in the brain. They don't give you a personality change, they get you back to who you were before.
- Don't feel despondent if the first medication you try doesn't work, there are lots of different types available and there will be a good fit for you. It's just a question of finding it.
- The majority of women who go on anti-depressants do come off them.
- PND can 'hook' onto anxieties - from bonding to health anxiety to breastfeeding issues or even bizarre things. These obsessive, irrational thoughts can be very frightening.
- For some women there is a connection between difficulties breastfeeding and PND.
- Postnatal depression is a recognised and totally treatable condition that you will recover from.
- HOW YOU CAN HELP: Encourage the mum to see her GP. Advise her it won't last forever. Actively listen to her. Try not to pass on your own judgement or opinion. Be kind and patient. - there isn't a quick fix for PND.
- It's important to remember you don't bring this illness on yourself. You can't just 'snap out of it'.
- The Hub of Hope - a directory of mental health support around the UK.
- There is no such thing as a 'perfect' parent. Feeding, changing your baby's nappy and keeping them safe is enough in the early days. You are doing a GREAT job.
- Don't compare yourself to other mothers. Don't get obsessed by social media - that is someone's highlights reel, you don't see the chaos behind-the-scenes.
- Don't feel guilty if you aren't enjoying it - raising a baby can be one of the hardest and most demanding things in the world, and can be boring at times!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.
Follow us:
Instagram
Twitter
Join our Facebook Group
Email: [email protected]
NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:
In Episode 12 I talk to Hannah Hardy-Jones, founder of the Kite Program mental health app, whose bi-polar disorder was triggered by giving birth.
SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).
Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 020 3322 9900
Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: [email protected]
Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: [email protected]
Live chat online facility
Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.
Birth Trauma Association
Email: [email protected]
CALM
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)
Cedar House Support Group
Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556
DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.
Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.
The Hub of Hope
A directory of mental health support around the UK.
Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: [email protected]
Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email [email protected] to
arrange
Muslim Women’s Network
Helpine: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: [email protected]
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936
Netmums
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
Clinic.
NHS
Contact your local GP surgery.
Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.
PANDAS
Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support available – [email protected]
Petals
Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy
or baby loss.
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 0300 688 0068
Samaritans
Tel: 116 123
(this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)
Web: www.samaritans.org
Email: [email protected]
Shout
Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential conversation with a trained Shout volunteer.
Twins Trust
Twinline is Twins Trust’s listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more. All
the calls are answered by volunteers who have multiples themselves.
Twinline is open Monday to Friday 10am to 1pm and from 7pm to 10pm. 0800 138 0509,
alternatively email [email protected].
Web: twinstrust.org/let-us-help/support/twinline.html
Tommy’s
Tommy’s has a team of in-house midwives who offer free support and information for women and their families at any stage of pregnancy and after the birth.
Web: www.tommys.org
Helpline: Tommy’s
helpline has been closed temporarily but their midwives are answering questions
via email, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
Email: [email protected]
MUSIC by Joseph McDade
55 min - Twins, Me and PND: LEONIE HUIE
A really entertaining and moving chat with the amazing Leonie Huie BEM, author of 'The First Year is Survival'. Leonie found out she was pregnant unexpectedly - with twins! She talks about her early struggles as a new mum of multiples and the trauma of having to perform CPR on one of her daughters when she stopped breathing. When they subsequently ended up in hospital, Leonie was finally recognised as having postnatal depression - a lifechanging diagnosis for her.
*TRIGGER WARNING: PERFORMING CPR ON HER BABY*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote
[00:56] Introduction to Leonie
[01:41] Life before pregnancy
[02:45] Finding out she was unexpectedly pregnant - with twins!
[10:11] Experiencing bad anxiety during the pregnancy
[16:20] The birth - a c-section and hiphop
[21:59] Skin-to-skin - no feeling of connection
[22:48] Difficulties breastfeeding
[30:24] Nobody diagnosed PND
[31:38] Having to perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on her baby daughter
[34:23] Finding out she had postnatal depression
[42:30] How her family and friends responded to the diagnosis
[43:18] Advice for people going through it now
[48:23] Life as a mum of multiples
[55:55] Getting better
[56:59] Writing her book, 'The First Year Is Survival' / coaching mums
[59:56] Support resources on Leonie's website and a final message
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- The motherhood journey for us all is special - trust your instincts.
- Don't be afraid to ask for help - you are not a burden.
- Twins Trust (formerly TAMBA)
- Leonie Huie's website
- The First Year Is Survival
If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.
Follow us:
Instagram
Twitter
Join our Facebook Group
Email: [email protected]
NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:
In Episode 11 I follow up with Liz Wise (my first ever guest), this time to talk about her role as specialist postnatal depression counsellor with The Cedar House support group and charity.
SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).
Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 020 3322 9900
Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: [email protected]
Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: [email protected]
Live chat online facility
Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.
Birth Trauma Association
Email: [email protected]
CALM
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)
Cedar House Support Group
Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556
DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.
Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.
Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: [email protected]
Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email [email protected] to
arrange
Muslim Women’s Network
Helpine: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: [email protected]
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936
Netmums
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
Clinic.
NHS
Contact your local GP surgery.
Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.
PANDAS
Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support available – [email protected]
Petals
Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy
or baby loss.
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 0300 688 0068
Samaritans
Tel: 116 123
(this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)
Web: www.samaritans.org
Email: [email protected]
Shout
Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential conversation with a trained Shout volunteer.
Twins Trust
Twinline is Twins Trust’s listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more. All
the calls are answered by volunteers who have multiples themselves.
Twinline is open Monday to Friday 10am to 1pm and from 7pm to 10pm. 0800 138 0509,
alternatively email [email protected].
Web: twinstrust.org/let-us-help/support/twinline.html
Tommy’s
Tommy’s has a team of in-house midwives who offer free support and information for women and their families at any stage of pregnancy and after the birth.
Web: www.tommys.org
Helpline: Tommy’s
helpline has been closed temporarily but their midwives are answering questions
via email, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
Email: [email protected]
MUSIC by Joseph McDade
1 hr 2 min - The Daddy Blues: MARK WILLIAMS (Part 2)
The second part of my conversation with pioneering mental health campaigner Mark Williams, who has highlighted the need to include fathers in perinatal services.
*TRIGGER WARNING: THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote for this episode
[00:32] Introduction to Mark Williams (part 2)
[02:09] 1001 Days - significant phase for children and why it's important to included dad
[04:21] Mark's guilt at not providing for his family, while caring for his wife and son
[05:51] The progress made in including fathers
[06:09] The importance of lived experience for men opening up - intrusive thoughts
[07:31] The family events which triggered Mark's battle with mental health - impact on physical health
[09:13] Coming clean and getting help
[10:35] Setting up 'Fathers Reaching Out' support group
[13:39] Early abuse and stigma in working in this field
[15:07] Mark's relationship with son Ethan
[16:30] No such thing as a perfect parent
[19:35] Looking back - losing his mother-in-law
[20:12] The support of Mark's wife, Michelle
[21:04] "Post traumatic growth"
[21:17] Mark's work with Dr Jane Hanley
[22:30] Mark's writing including his book on father's postnatal depression
[24:00] Anyone can contribute to helping parents - everybody's voice matters
[26:30] Meeting someone special!
[27:16] The positives of having been through this experience
[30:06] Advice for dad's in need
[32:52] Bonding - don't feel guilty if you don't have this in the early days, it will come
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- The first 1001 Days (from pregnancy to the first 2 years of a child's life) have been proven as a significant and influential phase in their development. What happens during this time lays the foundation for their future wellbeing.
- It's a myth that men don't open up.
- Men can act out their distress in harmful ways - drinking heavily, aggression.
- Dr Jane Hanley
- Mark's 'Daddy Blues' book
- Baby Buddy App
- The Hub of Hope - database of local support resources
- Communicate with each other - be honest with your partner about how you are feeling.
- Mark's TED talk on the importance of father’s mental health.
- You can contact Mark here: Mark's website
- Fathers Reaching Out
If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.
Follow us:
Instagram
Twitter
Join our Facebook Group
Email: [email protected]
NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:
In Episode 10 Leonie Huie BEM opens up about navigating postnatal depression whilst mothering twin girls.
SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).
Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 020 3322 9900
Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: [email protected]
Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: [email protected]
Live chat online facility
Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.
Birth Trauma Association
Email: [email protected]
CALM
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)
Cedar House Support Group
Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556
DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.
Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.
Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: [email protected]
Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email [email protected] to
arrange
Muslim Women’s Network
Helpine: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: [email protected]
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936
Netmums
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
Clinic.
NHS
Contact your local GP surgery.
Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.
PANDAS
Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support available – [email protected]
Petals
Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy
or baby loss.
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 0300 688 0068
Samaritans
Tel: 116 123
(this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)
Web: www.samaritans.org
Email: [email protected]
Shout
Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential conversation with a trained Shout volunteer.
Twins Trust
Twinline is Twins Trust’s listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more. All
the calls are answered by volunteers who have multiples themselves.
Twinline is open Monday to Friday 10am to 1pm and from 7pm to 10pm. 0800 138 0509,
alternatively email [email protected].
Web: twinstrust.org/let-us-help/support/twinline.html
Tommy’s
Tommy’s has a team of in-house midwives who offer free support and information for women and their families at any stage of pregnancy and after the birth.
Web: www.tommys.org
Helpline: Tommy’s
helpline has been closed temporarily but their midwives are answering questions
via email, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
Email: [email protected]
MUSIC by Joseph McDade
35 min - The Daddy Blues: MARK WILLIAMS (Part 1)
I chat to pioneering parental mental health campaigner and author Mark Williams. In this first part, Mark talks about the traumatic birth of his son which triggered postnatal depression in both his wife and himself. We discuss the added stigma of fathers struggling and the pressure put on men to “man up”.
*TRIGGER WARNING: BIRTH TRAUMA/THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE/ALCOHOL ABUSE*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Introduction to Mark Williams (part 1)
[01:36] Ethan’s birth – from positive beginnings to emergency C-Section
[02:43] Mark's first panic attack, in the labour word
[04:38] Where was the ‘rush of love’?
[06:11] Getting home – masking emotions
[07:11] Lack of support and education for new dads.
[07:38] The pressure of being brought up to be tough and "man up"
[09:50] Michelle diagnosed with PND *TRIGGER WARNING*
[12:12] Giving up work to look after his family
[13:38] The impact on Mark's mental health
[16:11] Changes to Mark's personality - suicidal thoughts *TRIGGER WARNING*
[18:01] Alcohol abuse and anger - ways of trying to 'cope'
[19:41] The barriers stopping Mark getting help - the affect on his job, social services
[20:47] Support available from employers - greater awareness
[22:14] Mark's research into the importance of fathers’ mental health and the need for early intervention
[23:29] Suicide risks in men *TRIGGER WARNING*
[24:02] Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - requires different treatment
[24:45] Postnatal Depression in men - including hormonal changes
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- 1 in 10 dads suffer with their mental health after their child is born. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
- The quicker you get help, the quicker your recovery. Reach out, help is available.
- Early intervention is crucial - for the whole family.
- Men can experience hormonal changes during the perinatal period.
- Mark's TED talk on the importance of father’s mental health.
- Mark's work with Dr Andrew Mayers
- Contact Mark here: Mark's website
- Fathers Reaching Out - support for dads
If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.
Follow us:
Instagram
Twitter
Join our Facebook Group
Email: [email protected]
NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:
In Episode 9, pioneering paternal mental health champion Mark Williams tells me more about his life's work campaigning for and supporting fathers during the perinatal period.
SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).
Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 020 3322 9900
Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: [email protected]
Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: [email protected]
Live chat online facility
Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.
Birth Trauma Association
Email: [email protected]
CALM
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)
Cedar House Support Group
Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556
DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.
Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.
Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: [email protected]
Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email [email protected] to
arrange
Muslim Women’s Network
Helpine: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: [email protected]
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936
Netmums
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
Clinic.
NHS
Contact your local GP surgery.
Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.
PANDAS
Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support available – [email protected]
Petals
Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy
or baby loss.
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 0300 688 0068
Samaritans
Tel: 116 123
(this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)
Web: www.samaritans.org
Email: [email protected]
Shout
Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential conversation with a trained Shout volunteer.
Twins Trust
Twinline is Twins Trust’s listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more. All
the calls are answered by volunteers who have multiples themselves.
Twinline is open Monday to Friday 10am to 1pm and from 7pm to 10pm. 0800 138 0509,
alternatively email [email protected].
Web: twinstrust.org/let-us-help/support/twinline.html
Tommy’s
Tommy’s has a team of in-house midwives who offer free support and information for women and their families at any stage of pregnancy and after the birth.
Web: www.tommys.org
Helpline: Tommy’s
helpline has been closed temporarily but their midwives are answering questions
via email, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
Email: [email protected]
MUSIC by Joseph McDade
32 min - Helping Mums Help Themselves: NAOMI BUFFERY (Part 2)
I continue my chat with inspiring maternal mental health specialist Naomi Buffery. In this part we discuss her mission to empower other mums to beat anxiety and depression, following her own experience of PND.
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote
[00:51] Introduction to Naomi Buffery (part 2)
[01:21] Naomi's mission: the need for honest conversations around motherhood
[05:30] Standing in the shower, thinking of running away
[06:44] Meeting an anxiety coach - "it changed my life"
[08:59] CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy)
[09:53] Mums need mentors
[13:25] Where to find Naomi
[14:19] Looking back - the positives of living through PND
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- Most mums have some difficulty adjusting to motherhood - not just those with PND.
- The instinct to 'run away' is a very common experience and a reaction to overwhelm.
- Mums need to be emotionally prepared for motherhood during pregnancy.
- Naomi's TED talk - on the need for women to be empowered during childbirth.
- https://naomibuffery.com/ - where you can get in touch with Naomi.
If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.
Follow us:
Instagram
Twitter
Email: [email protected]
NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:
In Episode 8 I talk paternal mental health with writer, speaker and campaigner Mark Williams, whose battle with postnatal depression left him feeling suicidal.
SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).
Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 020 3322 9900
Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: [email protected]
Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: [email protected]
Live chat online facility
Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.
Birth Trauma Association
Email: [email protected]
CALM
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)
Cedar House Support Group
Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556
DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.
Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.
Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: [email protected]Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email [email protected] to
arrange
Muslim Women’s Network
Helpine: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: [email protected]
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936
Netmums
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
Clinic.
NHS
Contact your local GP surgery.
Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.
PANDAS
Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support available – [email protected]
Petals
Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy
or baby loss.
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 0300 688 0068
Samaritans
Tel: 116 123
(this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)
Web: www.samaritans.org
Email: [email protected]
Shout
Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential conversation with a trained Shout volunteer.
Twins Trust
Twinline is Twins Trust’s listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more. All
the calls are answered by volunteers who have multiples themselves.
Twinline is open Monday to Friday 10am to 1pm and from 7pm to 10pm. 0800 138 0509,
alternatively email [email protected].
Web: twinstrust.org/let-us-help/support/twinline.html
Tommy’s
Tommy’s has a team of in-house midwives who offer free support and information for women and their families at any stage of pregnancy and after the birth.
Web: www.tommys.org
Helpline: Tommy’s
helpline has been closed temporarily but their midwives are answering questions
via email, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
Email: [email protected]
MUSIC by Joseph McDade
19 min - The Self-Compassion Episode: POONAM DHUFFER (Part 2)
Wellbeing Practitioner Poonam Dhuffer of YSM8 talks self-compassion and being kind to yourself, in the second part of this 'Blue Monday' special.
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote
[00:55] Introduction to Poonam Dhuffer (Part 2)
[01:15] The loop of negative thought and worry - let it go
[04:00] Understanding triggers and not being afraid to ask for support
[05:13] Naming the feeling and not repressing it
[06:45] The importance of moving our bodies - finding a rhythm that works for you
[10:27] Why it's good to talk to your baby - for you and for them
[11:22] The benefits of a power song - get your little one involved!
[13:07] Give yourself permission to do something just for you
[13:42] Have some non-judgemental people available as a support system, who you can call on
[15:13] Take 10 minutes to yourself to unwind or recharge
[16:12] Keep track of self-critical talk
[17:44] The power of breathing - visualising an equal square
[19:44] Reframing the words you use - "I'm learning, I'm growing"
[21:17] Poonam's background of social anxiety and panic attacks
[22:16] The Loving Kindness Meditation (see bonus episode)
[30:55] How to get in touch with Poonam
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- We're human, we're going to worry - but try to rein it in so it doesn't consume you.
- Ask for support if you need it - it can make all the difference.
- Naming how you are feeling can be helpful. If we repress it, it will seep out eventually.
- Going for a mindful walk or dancing to your favourite song can really help balance your nervous system and take you away from your worry.
- Engage in a quick, energising dance if you're feeling low or sluggish. Have a kitchen disco with your little one!
- Who can you call on as a support network? Who will listen without judgement?
- Take 10 minutes for yourself at the end of each day.
- Keep track of self critical talk - what can you rephrase or reframe?
- When worrying, return to the breath - 5 inhales in, 5 exhales out.
- Positive affirmations can be surprisingly powerful. Try to say the words with sincerity.
- Dr. Kristin Neff - https://self-compassion.org/ / TED talk - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4
- Get in touch with Poonam Dhuffer here - https://www.ysm8.co.uk/
If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.
Follow us:
Instagram
Twitter
Email: [email protected]
NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:
In Episode 7 I continue my chat with inspiring maternal mental health specialist Naomi Buffery, on her own experience of PND and her mission to empower other mums to beat anxiety and depression.
SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).
Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 020 3322 9900
Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: [email protected]
Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: [email protected]
Live chat online facility
Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.
Birth Trauma Association
Email: [email protected]
CALM
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)
Cedar House Support Group
Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556
DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.
Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.
Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: [email protected]Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email [email protected] to
arrange
Muslim Women’s Network
Helpine: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: [email protected]
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936
Netmums
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
Clinic.
NHS
Contact your local GP surgery.
Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.
PANDAS
Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support available – [email protected]
Petals
Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy
or baby loss.
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 0300 688 0068
Samaritans
Tel: 116 123
(this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)
Web: www.samaritans.org
Email: [email protected]
Shout
Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential conversation with a trained Shout volunteer.
Twins Trust
Twinline is Twins Trust’s listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more. All
the calls are answered by volunteers who have multiples themselves.
Twinline is open Monday to Friday 10am to 1pm and from 7pm to 10pm. 0800 138 0509,
alternatively email [email protected].
Web: twinstrust.org/let-us-help/support/twinline.html
Tommy’s
Tommy’s has a team of in-house midwives who offer free support and information for women and their families at any stage of pregnancy and after the birth.
Web: www.tommys.org
Helpline: Tommy’s
helpline has been closed temporarily but their midwives are answering questions
via email, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
Email: [email protected]
MUSIC by Joseph McDade
33 min - Loving Kindness Meditation
A soothing, restorative 15 minute Loving Kindness Meditation, to help you relax and reset.
Created especially for us by Poonam Dhuffer of YSM8, this practice has self-compassion at its heart.
As a new mum I suffered terribly from self-criticism, anxiety, negative thoughts and insomnia - this is what I wished I'd had back then.
You can listen any time, as many times as you need - whenever you want to take 15 minutes out, just for yourself. To soothe and calm, or even help you to unwind and sleep.
For those times at 3am when you feel like you're the only one awake. Or those times when baby is asleep but you are too wired or fretful to sleep yourself.
There is no right or wrong way to do this meditation. It doesn't matter if you fall asleep - in fact, great! - and it doesn't matter if thoughts start flooding into your mind. This is normal - just let them come and go, passing like clouds.
YOU DESERVE THIS.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH.
YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
SOUNDSCAPE by Matthew Stephenson, https://www.mattjstep.com/
If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.
Follow us:
Instagram
Twitter
Email: [email protected]
NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:
In Episode 6 we chat further with Poonam on practical tips for developing self-compassion.
SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).
Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 020 3322 9900
Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: [email protected]
Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: [email protected]
Live chat online facility
Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.
Birth Trauma Association
Email: [email protected]
CALM
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)
Cedar House Support Group
Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556
DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.
Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.
Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: [email protected]Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email [email protected] to
arrange
Muslim Women’s Network
Helpine: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: [email protected]
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936
Netmums
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
Clinic.
NHS
Contact your local GP surgery.
Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.
PANDAS
Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support available – [email protected]
Petals
Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy
or baby loss.
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 0300 688 0068
Samaritans
Tel: 116 123
(this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)
Web: www.samaritans.org
Email: [email protected]
Shout
Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential conversation with a trained Shout volunteer.
Twins Trust
Twinline is Twins Trust’s listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more. All
the calls are answered by volunteers who have multiples themselves.
Twinline is open Monday to Friday 10am to 1pm and from 7pm to 10pm. 0800 138 0509,
alternatively email [email protected].
Web: twinstrust.org/let-us-help/support/twinline.html
Tommy’s
Tommy’s has a team of in-house midwives who offer free support and information for women and their families at any stage of pregnancy and after the birth.
Web: www.tommys.org
Helpline: Tommy’s
helpline has been closed temporarily but their midwives are answering questions
via email, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
Email: [email protected]
16 min - The Self-Compassion Episode: POONAM DHUFFER (Part 1)
Wellbeing Practitioner Poonam Dhuffer of YSM8 talks self-compassion and being kind to yourself, in the first part of this 'Blue Monday' special.
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:17] Introduction to Poonam Dhuffer
[01:20] What actually is self-compassion?
[05:05] The research behind the theory
[06:10] The danger of negative self-talk - the 'Hag'!
[07:40] Poonam's own experience - anxiety and panic attacks
[09:50] Words have power and energy
[11:37] Comparison culture - competitive parenting / striving for perfection
[13:21] We're not taught about emotional regulation
[16:44] Reframing - opportunities for growth and learning
[19:31] It's an ongoing process, let the feelings flow
[21:00] The 3 core components of self-compassion (Dr Kristin Neff)
[23:44] Cultivating Mindfulness
[25:13] The affect on our body
[30:52] How 'being in the now' helps anxiety
[32:48] Control
[34:20] Focus on the good stuff
[36:07] Being true to what's right for you
[40:18] YOU ARE ENOUGH
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- Looking after yourself is not an act of selfishness or weakness.
- If we can't take care of ourselves, how can we take care of others?
- Dr. Kristin Neff - https://self-compassion.org/ / TED talk - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4
- The 3 core components of self-compassion: Self Kindness over Self Judgement, Common Humanity vs. Isolation and Mindfulness over Identification.
- Thoughts are like passing clouds, we are not defined by them or our emotions.
- Words are powerful - they can have a profound affect on your body. Make sure yours are positive and kind.
- The more you practice self-compassion, the more habitual it becomes.
- Get in touch with Poonam Dhuffer here - https://www.ysm8.co.uk/
If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.
Follow us:
Instagram
Twitter
Email: [email protected]
NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:
In Episode 6 we chat further with Poonam on practical tips for developing self-compassion.
SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).
Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 020 3322 9900
Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: [email protected]
Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: [email protected]
Live chat online facility
Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.
Birth Trauma Association
Email: [email protected]
CALM
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)
Cedar House Support Group
Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556
DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.
Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.
Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: [email protected]Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email [email protected] to
arrange
Muslim Women’s Network
Helpine: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: [email protected]
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936
Netmums
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
Clinic.
NHS
Contact your local GP surgery.
Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.
PANDAS
Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support available – [email protected]
Petals
Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy
or baby loss.
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 0300 688 0068
Samaritans
Tel: 116 123
(this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)
Web: www.samaritans.org
Email: [email protected]
Shout
Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential conversation with a trained Shout volunteer.
Twins Trust
Twinline is Twins Trust’s listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more. All
the calls are answered by volunteers who have multiples themselves.
Twinline is open Monday to Friday 10am to 1pm and from 7pm to 10pm. 0800 138 0509,
alternatively email [email protected].
Web: twinstrust.org/let-us-help/support/twinline.html
Tommy’s
Tommy’s has a team of in-house midwives who offer free support and information for women and their families at any stage of pregnancy and after the birth.
Web: www.tommys.org
Helpline: Tommy’s
helpline has been closed temporarily but their midwives are answering questions
via email, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
Email: [email protected]
MUSIC by Joseph McDade
43 min - I had to be the best, or else I was a failure: NAOMI BUFFERY (Part 1)
I talk to inspiring maternal mental health specialist Naomi Buffery, on her own experience of PND. In Part 2 we'll discuss how she's on a mission to empower other mums to beat anxiety and depression. But in this episode we learn how hard it was for Naomi navigating early motherhood, following a traumatic birth.
*TRIGGER WARNING: BIRTH TRAUMA*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:17] Introduction to Naomi Buffery.
[00:48] Naomi before pregnancy - generalised anxiety.
[03:56] Finding out she was pregnant - "I'm going to fix myself with him".
[05:14] The 'perfect' mum - putting pressure on ourselves.
[07:25] When expectations don't match reality - comparing ourselves to unrealistic ideals.
[09:22] Today's mums - lack of family support/societal pressure/the danger of Google.
[12:52] Concerns about developing PND - Naomi's previous breakdown, losing her mum early.
[15:46] The birth - being induced. Feelings of trauma. Knocked out on drugs.
[18:56] Not being listened to during the birth.
[20:40] Grieving for the birth you never had. Feeling numb.
[22:15] How this impacted on her decision not to have another child.
[26:45] The need for mums to put themselves first.
[27:21] After the birth - mood swings. Feeling alone.
[30:18] Coming home - overwhelm. Breastfeeding difficulties.
[36:50] Feeling like a failure for giving up breastfeeding.
[37:51] Going to baby groups when you don't want to leave the house.
[40:51] Feelings of being judged.
[42:54] Bonding issues - how Naomi worked hard to build that bond, without the 'rush of love'.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- We mums put ourselves under tremendous pressure to be perfect, yet parenting is chaotic - besides, you can't be perfect at something you've never done before!
- Trust your own instincts - avoid obsessive Google-ing (it can make you feel anxious) and believe in your own decisions. You will get to know your baby better than anyone.
- Anxiety releases adrenalin which can inhibit oxytocin, which can in turn affect your milk supply - so if you've had a traumatic or stressful birth, don't beat yourself up if you struggle with breastfeeding. If you are finding it hard, please don't be afraid to ask for help.
- If you want or need to stop breastfeeding, do not feel guilty. Do what's right for you.
- If you didn't bond with your baby in the beginning, it doesn't mean it will adversely affect your relationship going forward. Society tells us to expect a rush of love, but for many parents, it's a gradual build up.
- Pram Chorus - friendly daytime choir for parents/carers with young children.
- Naomi's TED talk - on the need for women to be empowered during childbirth.
- https://naomibuffery.com/ - where you can get in touch with Naomi.
If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.
Follow us:
Instagram
Twitter
Email: [email protected]
NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:
In Episode 5 we continue our chat with Naomi, who has used her experience to empower, mentor and emotionally prepare mums for motherhood through her work as a maternal mental health coach.
SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).
Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 020 3322 9900
Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: [email protected]
Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: [email protected]
Live chat online facility
Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.
Birth Trauma Association
Email: [email protected]
CALM
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)
Cedar House Support Group
Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556
DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.
Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.
Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: [email protected]Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email [email protected] to
arrange
Muslim Women’s Network
Helpine: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: [email protected]
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936
Netmums
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
Clinic.
NHS
Contact your local GP surgery.
Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.
PANDAS
Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support available – [email protected]
Petals
Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy
or baby loss.
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 0300 688 0068
Samaritans
Tel: 116 123
(this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)
Web: www.samaritans.org
Email: [email protected]
Shout
Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential conversation with a trained Shout volunteer.
Twins Trust
Twinline is Twins Trust’s listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more. All
the calls are answered by volunteers who have multiples themselves.
Twinline is open Monday to Friday 10am to 1pm and from 7pm to 10pm. 0800 138 0509,
alternatively email [email protected].
Web: twinstrust.org/let-us-help/support/twinline.html
Tommy’s
Tommy’s has a team of in-house midwives who offer free support and information for women and their families at any stage of pregnancy and after the birth.
Web: www.tommys.org
Helpline: Tommy’s
helpline has been closed temporarily but their midwives are answering questions
via email, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
Email: [email protected]
MUSIC by Joseph McDade
49 min
About BLUE MUMDAYS
From the publisher's feed
Blue MumDays is a podcast about perinatal illness, parenting and being kind to yourself. Up to 1 in 5 mums and 1 in 10 dads will suffer with their mental health after the birth of their baby. Having…
once interviewed the likes of Sir David Attenborough and Hans Zimmer during my BBC career, I’m now speaking to mums, dads and mental health experts each episode, in an effort to understand my own experience of postnatal depression and birth trauma. Dispelling myths, smashing stigma & bringing hope to parents having a hard time, this is the warm hug in the dark for anyone struggling, and will show you that you can - and will - recover.