BLUE MUMDAYS

By Vikki StephensonHealth & Fitness Mental Health Parenting Kids & Family

BLUE MUMDAYS episodes

March 21, 2023World Down Syndrome Day Special: JANNAH AND MUSA'S STORY
For this Blue MumDays special celebrating Down Syndrome Awareness Day, I'm joined by the beautiful Jannah Hayah. Jannah talks to me about life with her gorgeous son Musa, who is 5. Musa has Down Syndrome, hearing loss and is fed via a feeding tube. Jannah is passionate about wanting the world to know that while a life living with disability can have its challenges, the struggle comes with incredible rewards. It's a wonderfully life-affirming conversation.
*TRIGGER WARNING: *Birth trauma and a very brief mention of feelings of suicide*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[02:25] Introduction to Jannah and Musa.
[04:43] Judgement on Jannah looking well presented - double standard for women.
[11:08] Life before Musa. Transitioning into a mum with her older children.
[12:59] Musa's traumatic birth. Receiving the diagnosis of Down Syndrome.
[19:47] The damage of the words that were used.
[23:18] The need to take your time to accept and find peace with the diagnosis.
[26:01] How Musa has shaped Jannah into the woman she is today.
[27:36] The hugely positive affect Musa has had on his older siblings.
[31:54] The social model of disability - the need for society to be more accessible and inclusive for all.
[36:50] How people 'give up' making an effort as soon as they hear Musa is disabled.
[38:25] How Musa is determined and finds his own way in the world.
[41:19] Lack of support and information for Jannah at the time of the birth.
[43:54] Musa's difficulties feeding, due to low muscle tone.
[47:32] Being dismissed and ignored when asking for help.
[49:23] Hitting rock bottom. Discovering local group Jolly Josh - an absolute lifeline.
[53:37] Meeting the dietician - having the feeding tube properly explained to her.
[55:56] How Jannah's culture and religion perceives people with impairments and conditions.
[57:43] Musa's legacy - educating the world on inclusion.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Follow Jannah and Musa's Instagram or Twitter Feed for endless positivity and inspiration and to learn more about Musa’s journey.
Jannah is an Ambassador for Making Chromosomes Count, a challenging, thought-provoking and inclusive non-profit magazine exploring the fascinating kaleidoscope that is Down Syndrome.
The Down's Syndrome Association is a national organisation, committed to improving the quality of life of people who have Down’s Syndrome, promoting their right to be included on a full and equal basis with others.
NHS information on Down's Syndrome – click on this link for more information about the condition, where people are born with an extra chromosome.
Cristina at DiffAbility Charity is the amazing mum who delivers free ‘Welcome to the World’ packs to new parents in hospitals, welcoming and offering support to babies with Down Syndrome. Diff-Ability is a charity creating to create events and opportunities for people with disabilities, learning disabilities, Autism and neurodiverity to engage in with their families and friends.
Shani Dhanda is one of the UK’s highest profile and most influential disability activists. She is an entrepreneur, a broadcaster and multi-award winning inclusion specialist.
Scope charity campaigns for equality for disabled people. With 1 in 5 people living with impairments or conditions, disabled people are NOT a minority.
Follow this link to learn more about the Jolly Josh Charity, the local group in Rochdale which provided a lifeline for Jannah. Jolly Josh provides dedicated peer support and safe spaces for children and young adults, families, and carers of children with profound multiple learning disabilities, complex, and special needs.
Find out more about 'Positive About Down Syndrome' here – a fantastic resource of support and reassuring and inspiring stories showing the reality of life with Down Syndrome.
Click here for information on Contact, who support families with children affected by impairments and conditions. They also influence policy and campaign to tackle the inequalities they face.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:
Instagram / Twitter / Join our Facebook Group / Email: [email protected]

NEXT EPISODE:
Next time I chat to Nick Raeburn, aka 'That Social Nerd'. Nick came to my attention in a very brave and raw post he posted on LinkedIn where he talked about the huge flood of emotion he experienced in becoming a dad. Prior to having children, Nick had never cried - a result of the abuse he suffered as a child. This is a very emotional and deeply profound conversation.

SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
*** For support specific to this episode, see Key Takeaways ***
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: [email protected] / Tel: 020 3322 9900

The ADHD Foundation - the neurodiversity charity
Call us - 0151 541 9020 / Email - [email protected]

AIMS for better birthing.
Email: [email protected]
This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible. / Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663 (leave message)

Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/ [email protected]

Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868 / Email: [email protected] (Live chat online facility)

Beat Eating Disorders,
The UK's eating disorder charity.
0808 801 0677 / Email: [email protected]

Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering 24/7 App support for new parents

Bi-Polar UK
email: [email protected]

Birth Trauma Association
Email: [email protected]

CALM
Contact CALM on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

Cedar House Support Group
Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise) / Mobile: 07773 283556

Contact: for families with disabled children
Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.
helpline: 0808 808 3555
website: https://contact.org.uk/

Contact a Family
www.cafamily.org.uk
Contact a Family offer support for all childhood conditions, are also able to put families in touch. Featuring a directory of conditions and rare disorders online.
Helpline: 0808 808 3555 (lines open Monday – Friday 9.30am – 5pm)

CLAPA – Cleft Lip and Palate Association
www.clapa.com - Information and support on cleft lip and palate treatment.

Dad Matters
Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting.
[email protected]
0161 344 0669

DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

Dope Black Dads
A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world. [email protected]

Family Lives
An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Helpline: 0808 800 2222 / www.familylives.org.uk

Family Rights Group
Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services. Helpline: 0808 801 0366 / www.frg.org.uk

Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/ run by Mark Williams, offering support to dads.

FiveXMore
A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK. Email: [email protected]

Gingerbread
Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents. Helpline 0808 802 0925 / www.gingerbread.org.uk

The Hub of Hope - A directory of mental health support around the UK.

LGBT Mummies
Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.
Email: [email protected]

Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: [email protected]

Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email [email protected] to arrange

Mayah's Legacy
Supporting and empowering anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves. Email: [email protected] / 0300 102 1596

The Motherhood Group
Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy. [email protected]

Motivational Mums Club
Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother. [email protected]

Music Football Fatherhood - [email protected]
Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.

Muslim Women’s Network
Helpline: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am–4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko and Bengali. Email: [email protected]
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk / Text: 07415 206 936

National Autistic Society www.autism.org.uk
Support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.

Netmums
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-InClinic.

NHS
Contact your local GP surgery. Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.

PANDAS
Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support available – [email protected]

Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario
PRENATAL, PREGNANCY AND POSTPARTUM SUPPORT & CONNECTION in Canada
[email protected]

Petals
Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy or baby loss. Tel: 0300 688 0068
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: [email protected]

PMH Support
Scott Mair is a consultant in paternal mental health and parent education, Peer support trainer. Dad, Husband, Army veteran.

Samaritans
Tel: 116 123 (this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)
Web: www.samaritans.org
Email: [email protected]

Sands Charity
Emotional and practical support for anyone affected by the death of a baby.
0808 164 3332 /Email: [email protected]
1 hr
March 16, 2023The One About Hormones - POI, PMDD, Endometoriosis + PME: Dr HANNAH SHORT
My guest this week is Dr Hannah Short, a GP Specialist in Menopause, P.O.I. (Premature Ovarian Insufficiency) and Premenstrual Disorders. In this fascinating episode, Hannah educates me on P.O.I., P.M.D.D. (Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder), Endometriosis and P.M.E. (Premenstrual Exacerbation). She also talks about her own experience of premature surgical menopause at the age of 35.
*TRIGGER WARNING: *Very brief mention of some women feeling suicidal feelings*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[02:15 ] Introduction to Dr Hannah Short.
[03:23] Premature Ovarian Insufficiency (P.O.I.) - early menopause below the age of 40.
[06:52] Treatments available for P.O.I.
[07:56] H.R.T. or Hormone Replacement Therapy.
[11:17] Hannah's interest in this area - personal experience of premature surgical menopause.
[16:11] The impact of not having children - the way society treats women without children.
[20:25] The symptoms of premature surgical menopause.
[22:41] Feeling a sense of loss at missing out on her youth due to illness.
[26:23] The power of podcasts and talking openly, especially as a G.P. (General Practitioner)
[27:37] Pre-menstrual disorders - P.M.D.D. (Pre-menstrual Dysphoric Disorder).
[38:48] Endometriosis - what it is and what help is available.
[43:22] Feelings of rage.
[46:33] The effects of calming the autonomic nervous system - exercise, anti-inflammatory diets and meditation.
[51:05] The lack of recognition for these issues - stigma and taboo.
[54:05] Advice for women badly affected by hormones - tracking your symptoms.
[56:01] Pre-Menstrual Exacerbation (P.M.E.)
[57:33] The importance of psychological support.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Follow this link to access Dr Hannah Short's website – Hannah is a G.P. specialist in Menopause, P.O.I. and Premenstrual Disorders.
You can order Hannah’s book The Complete Guide to P.O.I. and Early Menopause via this link.
Click this link for NHS information on Early Menopause and P.O.I. (Primary Ovarian Insufficiency). POI is classed as menopause before the age of 40. Latest statistics suggest 3-4% of women across the globe or affected.
You can read NHS information on HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) here.
Click here to read a patient leaflet on Pre-Menstrual Syndrome (P.M.S.) from the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists.
P.M.D.D. or Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder is a hormone insensitivity affects around 5-8% of women as well as trans men, anyone who was born with ovaries. You can access Mind information on PMDD by clicking on this link.
International Association for Premenstrual Disorders (IAPMD) follow this link for a lifeline of support, information and resources for women and AFAB individuals with P.M.D.D. and Pre-Menstrual Exacerbation (P.M.E.).
Endometriosis is a condition where cells similar to the lining of the womb are found outside the womb or uterus. It's a condition that affects 1.5 million women in the UK. Support can be found here at Endemetriosis UK.
Meditation has been found to be very effective in calming the autonomic nervous system. You can access a 15 minute 'Loving Kindness Meditation' from Season 1 of Blue MumDays on the link here, which has been created specially for us by Poonam Dhuffer of YSM8.
You can access the Primary Care Women's Health Forum on this link.
PME (Pre Menstrual Exacerbation) occurs when hormone changes during menstruation worsen the experience of a pre-existing disorder – like depressive disorder or generalised anxiety disorder. Click on the link to read a Women's Health article on the subject.
Click this link to read more about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (C.B.T.)
NAPS Guidelines on P.M.S. from the National Association for Pre-Menstrual Syndrome.
NICE guidelines for P.M.S.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:
Instagram
Twitter
Join our Facebook Group
Email: [email protected]

NEXT EPISODE:
For a Blue MumDays special celebrating Down Syndrome Awareness Day, I'm joined by the beautiful Jannah Hayah. Jannah talks to me about life with her gorgeous son Musa, who is 5. Musa has Down Syndrome, hearing loss and is fed via a feeding tube. Jannah is passionate about wanting the world to know that while a life living with disability can have its challenges, the struggle comes with incredible rewards. It's a wonderfully life-affirming conversation.

SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
*** For support specific to this episode, see Key Takeaways ***
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 020 3322 9900

The ADHD Foundation - the neurodiversity charity
Call us - 0151 541 9020
Email - [email protected]

AIMS for better birthing.
Email: [email protected]
This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible.
Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663
You will be able to leave a voicemail message which will be sent to all our Helpline Volunteers. Please include your name, phone number and brief details of your enquiry. A Volunteer will try to call you back as soon as possible.

Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: [email protected]

Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: [email protected]
Live chat online facility

Beat Eating Disorders,
The UK's eating disorder charity.
Help for England
Helpline: 0808 801 0677
Email: [email protected]
Help for Scotland
Helpline: 0808 801 0432
Email: [email protected]
Help for Wales
Helpline: 0808 801 0433
Email: [email protected]
Help for Northern Ireland
Helpline: 0808 801 0434
Email: [email protected]

Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.

Bi-Polar UK
email: [email protected]

Birth Trauma Association
Email: [email protected]

CALM
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

Cedar House Support Group
Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556

Contact: for families with disabled children
Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.
helpline: 0808 808 3555
website: https://contact.org.uk/

Contact a Family
www.cafamily.org.uk
Contact a Family offer support for all childhood conditions, are also able to put families in touch. Featuring a directory of conditions and rare disorders online.
Helpline: 0808 808 3555 (lines open Monday – Friday 9.30am – 5pm)

CLAPA – Cleft Lip and Palate Association
www.clapa.com
Information and support on cleft lip and palate treatment.

Dad Matters
Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting.
[email protected]
0161 344 0669

DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

Dope Black Dads
A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world.
[email protected]

Family Lives
An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
helpline: 0808 800 2222
website: www.familylives.org.uk

Family Rights Group
Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services.
helpline: 0808 801 0366
website: www.frg.org.uk

Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.

FiveXMore
A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK.
Email: [email protected]

Gingerbread
Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents.
helpline: 0808 802 0925
website: www.gingerbread.org.uk

The Hub of Hope
A directory of mental health support around the UK.

LGBT Mummies
Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.
Email: [email protected]

Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: [email protected]

Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email [email protected] to arrange

Mayah's Legacy
Supporting and empowering anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves.
Email: [email protected]
0300 102 1596

The Motherhood Group
Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy.
[email protected]

Motivational Mums Club
Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother.
[email protected]

Music Football Fatherhood
Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.
[email protected]

Muslim Women’s Network
Helpline: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: [email protected]
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936

National Autistic Society
www.autism.org.uk
Support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.

Netmums
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
Clinic.

NHS
Contact your local GP surgery.
Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health...
1 hr 2 min
February 26, 2023Navigating Pregnancy With An Eating Disorder: HOPE VIRGO
To mark 'Eating Disorder Awareness Week', I'm joined by Hope Virgo, who chats to me about navigating pregnancy with an eating disorder. Hope is an author and multi award winning campaigner. In 2018, Hope launched the #DumpTheScales campaign, which put eating disorders on the Government's agenda. Since then it has gone from strength to strength making change happen on a national scale, including a national march taking place in London on 22nd April 2023.
This episode was recorded last spring - since then, I'm happy to report that Hope had a beautiful healthy baby boy, who has been accompanying her on much of her campaigning work. Both he and Hope are doing well.
*TRIGGER WARNING: *Disordered Eating and very brief mention of Sexual Abuse*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[02:35 ] Introduction to Hope Virgo.
[04:58] Hope's eating disorder - a coping mechanism for childhood trauma.
[06:44] The pressure put on women when they are pregnant.
[08:51] What prompted Hope's eating disorder.
[12:11] What support might be available for Hope after having her baby.
[13:01] Breastfeeding pressure.
[17:30] The need to be your own advocate.
[19:06] Eating disorders affect more people than you think, many of whom suffer in silence.
[20:38] Mixed support - the need for education.
[21:56] Navigating eating when you're pregnant.
[25:00] Societal pressure - the size of your bump, the pressure to 'snap back' after birth, how much and what you are eating.
[31:51] The potential affect of eating disorders on fertility - loss of periods.
[33:12] Using exercise to numb emotions.
[36:32] Hope's campaigning work.
[41:23] Advice for anyone affected by disordered eating or exercise addiction.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Follow and support Hope's campaigning via her Instagram and Twitter feeds. You can also get in touch with her via LinkedIn.
It's a myth that eating disorders are about vanity - they are much more complex than that.
16% of pregnant women have experienced an eating disorder. 50% of them will relapse within a year of delivery.
Eating disorders claim more lives than any other mental illness.
Eating disorders can affect anybody and everybody - you don't have to look like you have an eating disorder to be suffering from one. They don't only affect thin people or white teenage girls.
You can access support and information through Beat Eating Disorders, the UK's Eating Disorder charity.
Find out about the Bristol Eating Disorders Health Integration Team here. Click this link to read and download their Eating Disorders Support Resources Guide.
Click this link to read Abigail Reynolds' guest blog for the Maternal Mental Health Alliance, Eating Disorders and the perinatal period.
Support and sign Hope's Dump The Scales Campaign via this link.
Read more here about Hope's latest Change The Story Campaign.
You can Buy Hope's Books including ‘Stand Tall Little Girl: Facing Up To Anorexia’ here.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:
Instagram
Twitter
Join our Facebook Group
Email: [email protected]

NEXT EPISODE:
The One About Hormones - my next guest is Dr Hannah Short, a GP Specialist in Menopause, P.O.I. (Premature Ovarian Insufficiency) and Premenstrual Disorders. In this fascinating episode, Hannah educates me on P.M.D.D. (Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder) and P.M.E. (Premenstrual Exacerbation). She also talks about her own experience of premature surgical menopause at the age of 35.

SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
*** For support specific to this episode, see Key Takeaways ***
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 020 3322 9900

The ADHD Foundation - the neurodiversity charity
Call us - 0151 541 9020
Email - [email protected]

AIMS for better birthing.
Email: [email protected]
This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible.
Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663
You will be able to leave a voicemail message which will be sent to all our Helpline Volunteers. Please include your name, phone number and brief details of your enquiry. A Volunteer will try to call you back as soon as possible.

Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: [email protected]

Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: [email protected]
Live chat online facility

Beat Eating Disorders,
The UK's eating disorder charity.
Help for England
Helpline: 0808 801 0677
Email: [email protected]
Help for Scotland
Helpline: 0808 801 0432
Email: [email protected]
Help for Wales
Helpline: 0808 801 0433
Email: [email protected]
Help for Northern Ireland
Helpline: 0808 801 0434
Email: [email protected]

Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.

Bi-Polar UK
email: [email protected]

Birth Trauma Association
Email: [email protected]

CALM
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

Cedar House Support Group
Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556

Contact: for families with disabled children
Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.
helpline: 0808 808 3555
website: https://contact.org.uk/

Contact a Family
www.cafamily.org.uk
Contact a Family offer support for all childhood conditions, are also able to put families in touch. Featuring a directory of conditions and rare disorders online.
Helpline: 0808 808 3555 (lines open Monday – Friday 9.30am – 5pm)

CLAPA – Cleft Lip and Palate Association
www.clapa.com
Information and support on cleft lip and palate treatment.

Dad Matters
Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting.
[email protected]
0161 344 0669

DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

Dope Black Dads
A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world.
[email protected]

Family Lives
An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
helpline: 0808 800 2222
website: www.familylives.org.uk

Family Rights Group
Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services.
helpline: 0808 801 0366
website: www.frg.org.uk

Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.

FiveXMore
A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK.
Email: [email protected]

Gingerbread
Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents.
helpline: 0808 802 0925
website: www.gingerbread.org.uk

The Hub of Hope
A directory of mental health support around the UK.

LGBT Mummies
Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.
Email: [email protected]

Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: [email protected]

Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email [email protected] to arrange

Mayah's Legacy
Supporting and empowering anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves.
Email: [email protected]
0300 102 1596

The Motherhood Group
Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy.
[email protected]

Motivational Mums Club
Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother.
[email protected]

Music Football Fatherhood
Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.
[email protected]

Muslim Women’s Network
Helpline: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: [email protected]
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936

National Autistic Society
www.autism.org.uk
Support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.

Netmums
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
Clinic.

NHS
Contact your local GP surgery.
Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.

PANDAS
Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support available – [email protected]

Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario
PRENATAL, PREGNANCY AND POSTPARTUM SUPPORT & CONNECTION in Canada
[email protected]

Petals
Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy
or baby loss.
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 0300 688 0068

PMH Support
Scott Mair is a consultant in paternal mental health and parent education, Peer support trainer. Dad,...
44 min
February 13, 2023"It's Not The End". Recovery after the Devastation of Stillbirth: KEJI MOSES of MAYAH'S LEGACY
In a very moving yet inspirational episode, I speak to author, podcaster and professional grief counsellor Keji Moses. Keji talks about her early loss through miscarriage and the devastation of losing her baby girl Mayah, who was stillborn at 35 weeks. She has since made it her mission to shed light on the mental health impacts of pregnancy loss. Through her charity Mayah's Legacy, Keji supports families affected by this very personal tragedy and helps them to advocate for the care they need.
*TRIGGER WARNING: *Miscarriage and Baby Loss*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[02:16 ] Introduction to Keji Moses.
[04:35] Having her son, following an earlier miscarriage.
[09:12] The impact and loss of her first miscarriage. Lack of support.
[14:25] Keji's husband's reaction to the loss.
[16:52] Her pregnancy with Mayah - a diagnosis of Edwards' Syndrome.
[22:07] Knowing something was wrong. Being told there was no heartbeat.
[25:11] Saying goodbye.
[29:03] Starting her charity, 'Mayah's Legacy'.
[30:25] Equipping families for self advocacy.
[32:11] Channelling her pain into her creative offering.
[32:58] "It's not the end."
[34:13] A lack of support after Mayah's stillbirth.
[36:53] The need to put mothers experiencing baby loss on a different ward.
[39:20] Cultural attitudes to baby loss and mental health.
[42:30] How Keji's children dealt with the loss of Mayah.
[44:56] Advice for those who want to help a loved one affected by baby loss.
[49:13] The need for advocacy.
[54:06] Negative racial stereotyping within the maternal health system.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Click this link to find out more about Keji's charity, Mayah's Legacy
For Keji's empowerment tools for women on their healing journey, click this link to go to the Goddess Hub website.
Follow this link for NHS on Miscarriage information.
N.C.T. '8 Things That Can Help After Miscarriage'
This link takes you to the Blue MumDays episode with my lovely mum, Nina Spilsted - PND in the '70s: My Mum's Story
Tommys is the largest charity in the UK carrying out research into the causes of miscarriage, stillbirth and premature birth.
Sands Baby Loss Charity is a UK charity providing information and support for those who've experienced pregnancy loss.
The Miscarriage Association is a UK charity providing further support for those experiencing baby loss.
Child Bereavement UK supports families and educates professionals when a child dies or when a child is bereaved.
This link will take you to information on Mayah's condition, Edwards' Syndrome (Trisomy 18)
The Ockenden Report in 2022 found "repeated errors in care" which led to injury to either mothers or their babies at Shrewsbury and Telford Hospital NHS Trust.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:
Instagram
Twitter
Join our Facebook Group
Email: [email protected]

NEXT EPISODE:
To mark Eating Disorder Awareness Week, my next guest is the awesome Hope Virgo, who chats to me about navigating pregnancy with an eating disorder. Hope is an author and multi award winning campaigner. Through her talks, Hope helps young people and employers deal with the rising tide of mental health issues. In 2018, Hope launched the #DumpTheScales campaign, which put eating disorders on the Government's agenda. Since then it has gone from strength to strength making change happen on a national scale, including a national march taking place in London on 22nd April 2023.

SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
*** For support specific to this episode, see Key Takeaways ***
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 020 3322 9900

ADDA - the Attention Deficit Disorder Association
National Resource Center (NRC)/ADHD Helpline Health Information Specialists
866-200-8098, Monday-Friday, 1 p.m. — 5 p.m. ET

ADHD UK - peer support, created by people with ADHD for those with ADHD

The ADHD Foundation - the neurodiversity charity
Call us - 0151 541 9020
Email - [email protected]

AIMS for better birthing.
Email: [email protected]
This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible.
Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663
You will be able to leave a voicemail message which will be sent to all our Helpline Volunteers. Please include your name, phone number and brief details of your enquiry. A Volunteer will try to call you back as soon as possible.

Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: [email protected]

Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: [email protected]
Live chat online facility

Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.

Bi-Polar UK
email: [email protected]

Birth Trauma Association
Email: [email protected]

CALM
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

Cedar House Support Group
Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556

Contact: for families with disabled children
Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.
helpline: 0808 808 3555
website: https://contact.org.uk/

Contact a Family
www.cafamily.org.uk
Contact a Family offer support for all childhood conditions, are also able to put families in touch. Featuring a directory of conditions and rare disorders online.
Helpline: 0808 808 3555 (lines open Monday – Friday 9.30am – 5pm)

CLAPA – Cleft Lip and Palate Association
www.clapa.com
Information and support on cleft lip and palate treatment.

Dad Matters
Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting.
[email protected]
0161 344 0669

DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

Dope Black Dads
A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world.
[email protected]

Family Lives
An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
helpline: 0808 800 2222
website: www.familylives.org.uk

Family Rights Group
Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services.
helpline: 0808 801 0366
website: www.frg.org.uk

Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.

FiveXMore
A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK.
Email: [email protected]

Gingerbread
Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents.
helpline: 0808 802 0925
website: www.gingerbread.org.uk

The Hub of Hope
A directory of mental health support around the UK.

LGBT Mummies
Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.
Email: [email protected]

Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: [email protected]

Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email [email protected] to arrange

Mayah's Legacy
Supporting and empowering anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves.
Email: [email protected]
0300 102 1596

The Motherhood Group
Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy.
[email protected]

Motivational Mums Club
Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother.
[email protected]

Music Football Fatherhood
Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.
[email protected]

Muslim Women’s Network
Helpline: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: [email protected]
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936

National Autistic Society
www.autism.org.uk
Support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.

Netmums
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
Clinic.

NHS
Contact your local GP surgery.
Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.

PANDAS
Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support available – [email protected]

Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario
PRENATAL, PREGNANCY AND POSTPARTUM SUPPORT & CONNECTION in Canada
[email protected]

Petals
Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy
or baby loss.
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 0300 688 0068

PMH Support
Scott Mair is a consultant in paternal mental health and parent education, Peer support trainer. Dad, Husband, Army veteran.
1 hr 2 min
January 29, 2023"No, I Am Not Fine!" P.T.S.D. and Birth Trauma: AMY LEIGH LOOPER
This week's guest is Amy Leigh Looper, a maternal leadership coach based in the United States. After a hugely successful career in enterprise software sales, Amy suffered postpartum depression with both of her children. We discuss the impact this had on her life and how she has turned her drive and knowledge to coaching mums on her maternal leadership program, which reduces fear and anxiety and encourages connection, confidence and growth.
This episode was recorded over Zoom from America, so apologies for the fluctuating sound quality. And for Brandy the Siamese cat's cameo at the beginning!
*TRIGGER WARNING: *Birth Trauma, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, brief mention of Suicide*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:53] Introduction to Amy.
[03:41] Life before having her daughters.
[04:47] The first pregnancy - placenta praevia and bed rest.
[07:27] The mental load of tongue tie issues and sleep deprivation.
[10:04] Aiva's birth - C-section.
[10:58] *Trigger warning: brief mention of suicide of close family member*
[12:17] Lack of emotional support from her husband due to grief.
[15:05] Emberly's birth - V.B.A.C. and forceps.
[16:42] Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and E.M.D.R. Therapy.
[20:15] A forced smile 'get this baby off of me'.
[21:30] The impact of medical students watching the birth.
[25:10] P.T.S.D. and heightened anxiety. Leaving her high-flying career.
[30:14] How you fundamentally change when you become a mother.
[37:22] Finding her calling.
[39:14] How employers need to better support working mothers.
[40:26] Amy's work supporting other mums.
[43:48] Attitudes and support for postpartum depression in America.
[52:47] How to improve the system - better education, including employers.
[54:48] The impact of short maternity leave in America.
[56:41] Personal growth.
[58:21] Amy's message to her younger self and for others out there suffering.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Click here for Amy's website for more information on her maternal leadership coaching and courses, including overcoming Working Mother Burnout.
Information on Placenta Praevia
Find out more about Tongue Tie
Click for information on V.B.A.C. – Vaginal Birth After Caesarean.
Link to information on P.T.S.D. – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Find out more about E.M.D.R. Therapy here – Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing.
Listen to Christina Brown's episode of Blue MumDays
Medicaid support for postpartum parents in America
According to Amy, 75% of women suffering from postpartum depression and anxiety in America don’t seek support.
Listen to the Blue MumDays episode on Birth Trauma here – with Dr Rebecca Moore of ‘Make Birth Better’.
Find out more about Amy's book 'Leading Motherhood' through this link. It launches on 16th February 2023.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:
Instagram
Twitter
Join our Facebook Group
Email: [email protected]

NEXT EPISODE:
Next time I speak to author, podcaster and professional grief counsellor Keji Moses. Keji talks movingly about the devastation of losing her baby girl Mayah, who was stillborn at 35 weeks. She has since made it her mission to shed light on the mental health impacts of pregnancy loss. Through her charity Mayah's Legacy, Keji supports families affected by this very personal tragedy and helps them to advocate for the care they need.

SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 020 3322 9900

ADDA - the Attention Deficit Disorder Association
National Resource Center (NRC)/ADHD Helpline Health Information Specialists
866-200-8098, Monday-Friday, 1 p.m. — 5 p.m. ET

ADHD UK - peer support, created by people with ADHD for those with ADHD

The ADHD Foundation - the neurodiversity charity
Call us - 0151 541 9020
Email - [email protected]

AIMS for better birthing.
Email: [email protected]
This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible.
Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663
You will be able to leave a voicemail message which will be sent to all our Helpline Volunteers. Please include your name, phone number and brief details of your enquiry. A Volunteer will try to call you back as soon as possible.

Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: [email protected]

Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: [email protected]
Live chat online facility

Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.

Bi-Polar UK
email: [email protected]

Birth Trauma Association
Email: [email protected]

CALM
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

Cedar House Support Group
Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556

Contact: for families with disabled children
Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.
helpline: 0808 808 3555
website: https://contact.org.uk/

Contact a Family
www.cafamily.org.uk
Contact a Family offer support for all childhood conditions, are also able to put families in touch. Featuring a directory of conditions and rare disorders online.
Helpline: 0808 808 3555 (lines open Monday – Friday 9.30am – 5pm)

CLAPA – Cleft Lip and Palate Association
www.clapa.com
Information and support on cleft lip and palate treatment.

Dad Matters
Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting.
[email protected]
0161 344 0669

DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

Dope Black Dads
A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world.
[email protected]

Family Lives
An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
helpline: 0808 800 2222
website: www.familylives.org.uk

Family Rights Group
Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services.
helpline: 0808 801 0366
website: www.frg.org.uk

Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.

FiveXMore
A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK.
Email: [email protected]

Gingerbread
Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents.
helpline: 0808 802 0925
website: www.gingerbread.org.uk

The Hub of Hope
A directory of mental health support around the UK.

LGBT Mummies
Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.
Email: [email protected]

Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: [email protected]

Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email [email protected] to arrange

Mayah's Legacy
Supporting and empowering anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves.
Email: [email protected]
0300 102 1596

The Motherhood Group
Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy.
[email protected]

Motivational Mums Club
Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother.
[email protected]

Music Football Fatherhood
Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.
[email protected]

Muslim Women’s Network
Helpline: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: [email protected]
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936

National Autistic Society
www.autism.org.uk
Support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.

Netmums
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
Clinic.

NHS
Contact your local GP surgery.
Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.

PANDAS
Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support available – [email protected]

Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario
PRENATAL, PREGNANCY AND POSTPARTUM SUPPORT & CONNECTION in Canada
[email protected]

Petals
Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy
or baby loss.
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 0300 688 0068

PMH Support
Scott Mair is a consultant in paternal mental health and parent education, Peer support trainer. Dad, Husband, Army veteran.

Samaritans
Tel: 116 123
(this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)
Web: www.samaritans.org
Email: [email protected]
1 hr 1 min
January 15, 2023BLUE MONDAY BONUS: It's Good To Walk: JUSTIN EADE, WELLBEING SPECIALIST
As a special bonus for 'Blue Monday', wellbeing specialist Justin Eade of Glimpse ~ Moving Well shares 3 quick tips for making the most of a walk. He explains why time outside is so beneficial to us - no matter how short - and how a gym ball can help soothe a crying baby!
Bringing together more than 25 years of experience with mind-body practices and holistic health research, Justin is also a nebosh accredited occupational health and safety specialist.
He offers tailored and accessible workshops on topics like better sleep and rest, stress and anxiety, digestion, energy levels, joy and relaxation. These can be bespoke to your personal needs and interests and delivered on a 1-2-1 or group basis, either in person or online.

Simple embodied practice & ideas to help people achieve a good work (and family) life balance.

LEARN MORE:
You can learn more about Justin and his work here: Glimpse Moving Well
Twitter @glimpsei / Facebook / Pinterest.
Get in touch: [email protected] / +44(0)7946519835

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:
Instagram
Twitter
Join our Facebook Group
Email: [email protected]

MUSIC by Joseph McDade
8 min
January 15, 2023Our Altered Life - Parenting A Child With Disabilities: CHARLIE BESWICK
This week's episode is a wonderful lesson in triumphing over adversity - a brave, beautiful and inspiring conversation for 'Blue Monday'. My guest is the incredible Charlie Beswick of facial disfigurement and visible difference charity 'More Than A Face'. Charlie is mum to twins Oliver and Harry - Harry was born with a rare craniofacial condition and is also autistic. Her experience led to her writing her best-selling book 'Our Altered Life', a brutally honest account of how she came to terms with a life she never expected and often resented.
UPDATE: This conversation was recorded in Spring 2022 - Charlie's beautiful wedding did go ahead on 24th April, with Harry playing 'You Are My Sunshine' on piano as she walked down the aisle.
*TRIGGER WARNING: *Birth Trauma, Feelings of Suicide, Negative Reactions to Disability*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:47] Introduction to Charlie.
[03:20] Life before motherhood.
[04:43] Finding out she was having twins.
[08:12] The pregnancy - feeling good, followed by bed rest.
[09:52] The birth - waters breaking at 32 weeks.
[12:49] Meeting the boys.
[15:03] The shock of hearing Harry's diagnosis.
[19:16] Lack of support.
[20:48] Hiding behind a smile.
[23:40] The impact on her partner and her relationship.
[25:25] Coming out of hospital.
[26:50] Getting used to the ICU, feeling like a visitor rather than a mother.
[29:12] Bringing the boys home.
[32:32] Becoming aware that she needed help. Muscle memory of the shock.
[36:05] The relationship with Oli.
[39:05] The power of validation.
[39:41] Finally breaking down in front of her mum.
[41:07] Receiving Harry's diagnosis of Autism.
[45:40] Reaching rock bottom - planning to take her life. *TRIGGER WARNING*
[46:43] Recovery - medication and counselling.
[48:20] The need for self compassion.
[50:30] Charlie's work - charity 'More Than A Face' and helping mums accept their 'grief'.
[54:27] The affect on Oli of having a sibling with additional needs.
[58:07] The boys now, as teenagers.
[1:00:15] The happy ending.
[1:01:58] Charlie's book, charting her motherhood journey, 'Our Altered Life'.
[1:03:03] How to get hold of Charlie.
[1:03:33] Advice for when meeting a parent of a child with additional needs.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Support for parents of multiples via the Twins Trust (formerly TAMBA)
For more information about Harry's condition, Goldenhar syndrome, please click this link.
For parents of children with Autism, charity 'Ambitious About Autism' have a Parent Toolkit which may be helpful to you.
Listen to our special episodes on Self Compassion Part 1 and Self Compassion Part 2 with Poonam Dhuffer of YSM8.
The 15 minute Loving Kindness Meditation will help you relax, reset and recharge any time you need it. You don't need to meditate - just close your eyes and listen to Poonam's words.
Charlie's work supporting other mums via her website Our Altered Life.
Charlie's charity More Than A Face was set up to raise awareness of facial disfigurement and promote understanding, acceptance and inclusion.
You can order Charlie's book 'Our Altered Life: A Mother's Heartbreak and the Boys Who Saved Her' on this link (published under Charlene Beswick).
You can read and download Chapter One for free here.

Early intervention is hugely important in terms of getting help. The earlier you seek support, the better in terms of your recovery.If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:
Instagram
Twitter
Join our Facebook Group
Email: [email protected]

NEXT EPISODE:
Next week I speak to Amy Leigh Looper, a maternal leadership coach based in the United States. After a hugely successful career in enterprise software sales, Amy suffered postpartum depression with both her children. We discuss the impact this had on her life and how she has turned her drive and knowledge to coaching mums on her maternal leadership program, which reduces fear and anxiety and encourages connection, confidence and growth.

SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

*SPECIFIC TO THIS EPISODE:

The Katie Piper Foundation
www.katiepiperfoundation.org.uk
The Katie Piper Foundation helps individuals with burns and scars.

Changing Faces
www.changingfaces.org.uk
Changing Faces support anyone with disfigurements of the face, hands and body.
Helpline: 0300 0120 275 (lines open Monday – Friday 10am – 4pm)
Skin Camouflage: 0300 0120 276 (line open Monday – Friday 10am – 4pm)

Let’s Face It
www.lets-face-it.org.uk
Let’s Face It are a support network for anyone with facial disfigurement, as well as their families.

Saving Faces
www.savingfaces.co.uk
Support for anyone undergoing the treatment of Orofacial Cancers, trauma as well as other facial disfigurements, plus support for their families.

Contact a Family
www.cafamily.org.uk
Contact a Family offer support for all childhood conditions, are also able to put families in touch. Featuring a directory of conditions and rare disorders online.
Helpline: 0808 808 3555 (lines open Monday – Friday 9.30am – 5pm)

CLAPA – Cleft Lip and Palate Association
www.clapa.com
Information and support on cleft lip and palate treatment.

British Association of Skin Camouflage
www.skin-camouflage.net
Helping patients to increase confidence by the skilful application of skin camouflage.

Headlines
www.headlines.org.uk
Support to those affected by Craniosynostosis and associated conditions. Providing factual information and links to appropriate medical establishments experienced in treating these conditions. We also provide a friendly and confidential telephone helpline to all those affected.

About Face
www.omfsaboutface.co.uk
ABOUTFACE is a Patients’ and Carers’ support group. It has merged with a National Charity called Facial Surgery Research Foundation. It aims at helping present and future patients and carers to live through a difficult part of their lives as they are coping with the treatment of Orofacial Cancers, Trauma and other facial disfigurements.

The Healing Foundation
www.thehealingfoundation.org.uk
The Healing Foundation is a national fundraising charity championing the cause of people living with disfigurement and visible loss of function, by funding research into pioneering surgical and psychological healing techniques.

Facing the World
www.facingtheworld.net
Facing the World is a unique UK charity that exists to provide life-changing craniofacial surgery to some of the world’s most disadvantaged and vulnerable children from developing countries affected by severe facial disfigurements.

National Autistic Society
www.autism.org.uk
Support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.

*GENERAL SUPPORT:

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 020 3322 9900

ADDA - the Attention Deficit Disorder Association
National Resource Center (NRC)/ADHD Helpline Health Information Specialists
866-200-8098, Monday-Friday, 1 p.m. — 5 p.m. ET

ADHD UK - peer support, created by people with ADHD for those with ADHD

The ADHD Foundation - the neurodiversity charity
Call us - 0151 541 9020
Email - [email protected]

AIMS for better birthing.
Email: [email protected]
This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible.
Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663
You will be able to leave a voicemail message which will be sent to all our Helpline Volunteers. Please include your name, phone number and brief details of your enquiry. A Volunteer will try to call you back as soon as possible.

Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: [email protected]

Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: [email protected]
Live chat online facility

Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.

Bi-Polar UK
email: [email protected]

Birth Trauma Association
Email: [email protected]

CALM
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

Cedar House Support Group
Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556

Contact: for families with disabled children
Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.
helpline: 0808 808 3555
website: https://contact.org.uk/

Dad Matters
Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting.
[email protected]
0161 344 0669

DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

Dope Black Dads
A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world.
[email protected]

Family Lives
An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
helpline: 0808 800 2222
website: www.familylives.org.uk

Family Rights Group
Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services.
helpline: 0808 801 0366
website: www.frg.org.uk

Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.

FiveXMore
A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK.
Email: [email protected]

Gingerbread
Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents.
helpline: 0808 802 0925
website: www.gingerbread.org.uk

The Hub of Hope
A directory of mental health support around the UK.

LGBT Mummies
Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.
Email: [email protected]

Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: [email protected]

Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email [email protected] to
arrange

Mayah's Legacy
Supporting and empowering anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves.
Email: [email protected]
0300 102 1596

The Motherhood Group
Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy.
[email protected]

Motivational Mums Club
Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother.
[email protected]

Music Football Fatherhood
Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.
1 hr 7 min
January 01, 2023I Was Called 'Aggressive' During My Labour: SANDRA IGWE of The Motherhood Group
Our Christmas/New Year episode is with the hugely inspiring Sandra Igwe - maternal health advocate, TEDx speaker and founder of The Motherhood Group. Sandra talked to me in Spring 2022 about her work raising awareness of the disparities of black women's maternal mental health outcomes and issues. She also bravely shares her own personal experience of birth trauma and racism and the profound affect this has had on navigating motherhood.
Despite the heavy subject matter, I found this a joyous conversation and once again - like so many of my guests - Sandra has turned a hugely traumatic experience into something so positive, helping educate health professionals and offering support to other mums.
*TRIGGER WARNING: *Birth Trauma and Racial Discrimination*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:52] Introduction to Sandra.
[03:26] Writing her latest book based on her experience, 'My Black Motherhood'.
[05:37] Life before becoming a mum and the transition into motherhood.
[09:52] Sandra's first pregnancy - a beautiful surprise!
[13:49] Worries about not being a 'good' mum during pregnancy.
[16:04] Zoe's birth - dismissive, racist treatment and lack of adequate care/choice.
[21:15] Similar situation with her second daughter's birth - more trauma.
[25:05] Aftercare - or lack of it! The need for healthcare professionals to be better trained, especially on cultural competence.
[30:12] How this birth trauma impacted on Sandra's mental health.
[33:30] Cultural stigma and shame regarding perinatal mental health.
[35:17] Finding her tribe and finding her voice - starting The Motherhood Group.
[44:53] Recovery, including support from her partner.
[50:30] Finding your groove.
[52:24] Sandra's faith.
[54:48] Advice for people currently struggling.
[58:53] Free support available via The Motherhood Group.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Sandra's organisation The Motherhood Group raises awareness of black maternal health issues and offers peer-to-peer support, free doula support and free counselling for issues like anxiety, PND and stress.
Black Maternal Health Week highlights the disparity of black mums' maternal mental health outcomes and issues. It occurs 11-17 April and this year's theme is: "Our Bodies Belong to Us: Restoring Black Autonomy and Joy!' (#BMHW23).
Sandra's latest book 'My Black Motherhood: Mental Health, Stigma, Racism & The System' is available in all good book stores. You can purchase it here.
Feeling emotionally invalidated during your labour is highly traumatising.
If you can, have someone at your birth who can advocate for you while you are in a vulnerable position.
The MBBRACE-UK Report 2020 into maternal deaths showed that black mums in the UK have 4x the risk of dying in pregnancy in comparison to a white woman.
Black and minority mums are more like to have or develop mental health problems during the perinatal period and are less likely to get help.
Black Mamas Matter Alliance
Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
You can listen to our special episode on Birth Trauma with Dr Becca Moore of Make Birth Better here.
Talking therapy is so important - finding and opening up with other women and parents who are going through similar experiences to you.
Sandra Igwe's website for more on Sandra and her work.
Listen to our special episodes on Self Compassion Part 1 and Self Compassion Part 2 with Poonam Dhuffer of YSM8.
The 15 minute Loving Kindness Meditation will help you relax, reset and recharge any time you need it. You don't need to meditate - just close your eyes and listen to Poonam's words.
Don't compare yourself to people's social media feeds - it's not a true reflection of what's really going on for them.

Early intervention is hugely important in terms of getting help. The earlier you seek support, the better in terms of your recovery.If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:
Instagram
Twitter
Join our Facebook Group
Email: [email protected]

NEXT EPISODE:
Next time I speak to another incredible lady, Charlie Beswick of facial disfigurement and visible difference charity 'More Than A Face'. Charlie is mum to twins Oliver and Harry - Harry was born with a rare craniofacial condition and is also autistic. Her experience led to her writing her best-selling book 'Our Altered Life', a brutally honest account of how she came to terms with a life she never expected and often resented. It is a brave and beautiful conversation.

SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 020 3322 9900

ADDA - the Attention Deficit Disorder Association
National Resource Center (NRC)/ADHD Helpline Health Information Specialists
866-200-8098, Monday-Friday, 1 p.m. — 5 p.m. ET

ADHD UK - peer support, created by people with ADHD for those with ADHD

The ADHD Foundation - the neurodiversity charity
Call us - 0151 541 9020
Email - [email protected]

AIMS for better birthing.
Email: [email protected]
This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible.
Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663
You will be able to leave a voicemail message which will be sent to all our Helpline Volunteers. Please include your name, phone number and brief details of your enquiry. A Volunteer will try to call you back as soon as possible.

Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: [email protected]

Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: [email protected]
Live chat online facility

Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.

Bi-Polar UK
email: [email protected]

Birth Trauma Association
Email: [email protected]

CALM
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

Cedar House Support Group
Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556

Contact: for families with disabled children
Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.
helpline: 0808 808 3555
website: https://contact.org.uk/

Dad Matters
Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting.
[email protected]
0161 344 0669

DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

Dope Black Dads
A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world.
[email protected]

Family Lives
An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
helpline: 0808 800 2222
website: www.familylives.org.uk

Family Rights Group
Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services.
helpline: 0808 801 0366
website: www.frg.org.uk

Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.

FiveXMore
A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK.
Email: [email protected]

Gingerbread
Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents.
helpline: 0808 802 0925
website: www.gingerbread.org.uk

The Hub of Hope
A directory of mental health support around the UK.

LGBT Mummies
Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.
Email: [email protected]

Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: [email protected]

Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email [email protected] to
arrange

Mayah's Legacy
Supporting and empowering anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves.
Email: [email protected]
0300 102 1596

The Motherhood Group
Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy.
[email protected]

Motivational Mums Club
Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother.
[email protected]

Music Football Fatherhood
Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.
[email protected]

Muslim Women’s Network
Helpine: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: [email protected]
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936

Netmums
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
Clinic.

NHS
Contact your local GP surgery.
Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.

PANDAS
Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support available – [email protected]

Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario
PRENATAL, PREGNANCY AND POSTPARTUM SUPPORT & CONNECTION in Canada
[email protected]

Petals
Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy
or baby loss.
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 0300 688 0068

PMH Support
Scott Mair is a consultant in paternal mental health and parent education, Peer support trainer. Dad, Husband, Army veteran.
1 hr 3 min
December 11, 2022Mum Guilt, Trauma and Systemic Inequality: DR ORINAYO ONABANJO
This week my guest is Dr Orinayo Onabanjo, a chartered counselling psychologist with a passion for perinatal mental health. Orin's skills include helping mums cultivate stronger attachments with their babies and addressing the impact unresolved childhood trauma can have on the journey of motherhood. We chat everything from mum guilt to the racist inequalities faced by black and brown parents in the UK maternity system.
*TRIGGER WARNING: Birth Trauma and PTSD*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:46] Introducing Orin.
[04:12] How Orin helps new parents.
[04:45] The identity change and adjustment that occurs when you become a parent.
[13:03] The relationship of unresolved childhood trauma and becoming a parent.
[15:23] High expectations and the pressure to be 'super mum' or 'super dad'. The need to be more self compassionate.
[16:51] Reflecting on perfectionism and the drive to be the 'perfect' parent. The importance of self compassionate action.
[19:49] 'Good enough' parenting and mum guilt.
[23:17] Black and minority mums are 4x more likely to die in childbirth. The urgent need to look into this and better understand the black experience.
[28:05] Orin's work with healthcare providers, increasing their understanding of perinatal mental health.
[34:26] Early intervention is key.
[36:30] If you feel trauma from your birth, you have birth trauma. You don't need a formal diagnosis of it.
[37:01] The impact of being emotionally invalidated during your labour.
[39:30] How to get in touch with Orin.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:
The phrase 'perinatal' refers to the period before and after having your baby.
It can be difficult to adjust to your new identity, and it's okay for you to 'grieve' for the person you were before. It's a huge transition - allow yourself to time to adjust.
Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
You can listen to our special episode on Birth Trauma with Dr Becca Moore of Make Birth Better here.
Unresolved emotional wounds from childhood trauma can reappear when you become a parent.
Self care and self compassion is really important when you become a parent - it's not selfish and it helps the entire family.
Listen to our special episodes on Self Compassion Part 1 and Self Compassion Part 2 with Poonam Dhuffer of YSM8.
The 15 minute Loving Kindness Meditation will help you relax, reset and recharge any time you need it. You don't need to meditate - just close your eyes and listen to Poonam's words.
It's not realistic to be 'perfect' - there is no such thing!
Don't compare yourself to people's social media feeds - it's not a true reflection of what's really going on for them.
The MBBRACE-UK Report 2020 into maternal deaths showed that black mums in the UK have 4x the risk of dying in pregnancy in comparison to a white woman.
Black and minority mums are more like to have or develop mental health problems during the perinatal period and are less likely to get help.
FiveXMore is dedicated to supporting mothers with its campaigning work and recommendations. It focuses on empowering Black women to make informed choices and advocate for themselves throughout their pregnancies and after childbirth.
Tokophobia is the extreme fear of giving birth.
Early intervention is hugely important in terms of getting help.
Feeling emotionally invalidated during your labour is highly traumatising.
Get in touch with Orin here

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:
Instagram
Twitter
Join our Facebook Group
Email: [email protected]

NEXT EPISODE:
Our special Christmas episode is with Sandra Igwe, maternal health advocate, TEDx speaker and founder of the Motherhood Group. Sandra talks to me about her work raising awareness of the disparities of black women's maternal mental health outcomes and issues. She also bravely shares her own personal experience of birth trauma and motherhood.

SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 020 3322 9900

ADDA - the Attention Deficit Disorder Association
National Resource Center (NRC)/ADHD Helpline Health Information Specialists
866-200-8098, Monday-Friday, 1 p.m. — 5 p.m. ET

ADHD UK - peer support, created by people with ADHD for those with ADHD

The ADHD Foundation - the neurodiversity charity
Call us - 0151 541 9020
Email - [email protected]

AIMS for better birthing.
Email: [email protected]
This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible.
Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663
You will be able to leave a voicemail message which will be sent to all our Helpline Volunteers. Please include your name, phone number and brief details of your enquiry. A Volunteer will try to call you back as soon as possible.

Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: [email protected]

Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: [email protected]
Live chat online facility

Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.

Bi-Polar UK
email: [email protected]

Birth Trauma Association
Email: [email protected]

CALM
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

Cedar House Support Group
Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556

Contact: for families with disabled children
Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.
helpline: 0808 808 3555
website: https://contact.org.uk/

Dad Matters
Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting.
[email protected]
0161 344 0669

DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

Dope Black Dads
A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world.
[email protected]

Family Lives
An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
helpline: 0808 800 2222
website: www.familylives.org.uk

Family Rights Group
Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services.
helpline: 0808 801 0366
website: www.frg.org.uk

Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.

FiveXMore
A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK.
Email: [email protected]

Gingerbread
Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents.
helpline: 0808 802 0925
website: www.gingerbread.org.uk

The Hub of Hope
A directory of mental health support around the UK.

LGBT Mummies
Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.
Email: [email protected]

Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: [email protected]

Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email [email protected] to
arrange

Mayah's Legacy
Supporting and empowering anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves.
Email: [email protected]
0300 102 1596

The Motherhood Group
Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy.
[email protected]

Motivational Mums Club
Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother.
[email protected]

Music Football Fatherhood
Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.
[email protected]

Muslim Women’s Network
Helpine: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: [email protected]
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936

Netmums
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
Clinic.

NHS
Contact your local GP surgery.
Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.

PANDAS
Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support available – [email protected]

Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario
PRENATAL, PREGNANCY AND POSTPARTUM SUPPORT & CONNECTION in Canada
[email protected]

Petals
Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy
or baby loss.
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 0300 688 0068

PMH Support
Scott Mair is a consultant in paternal mental health and parent education, Peer support trainer. Dad, Husband, Army veteran.

Samaritans
Tel: 116 123
(this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)
Web: www.samaritans.org
Email: [email protected]

Sands Charity
Emotional and practical support for anyone affected by the death of a baby.
0808 164 3332
Email: [email protected]

Shout
Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential...
41 min
November 28, 2022I Felt Like A Bystander: PROFESSOR VIREN SWAMI
In a Movember male-mental-health special, this week I chat to Professor Viren Swami. Viren is Professor of Social Psychology at Anglia Ruskin University and is ranked in the top 2% of 'most-cited scientists' in the world. Viren's research is focused on the promotion of positive body image in diverse cultural groups, as well as mental health literacy and understandings of mental ill-health.
His work has moved on to include paternal postnatal depression following Viren's own struggles with fatherhood. He talks to me very candidly and movingly about the effects of suffering from PND after the birth of his son. Not to be missed.
*TRIGGER WARNING: Postnatal Depression, Birth Trauma and feelings of Suicide*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:59] Introducing Viren.
[02:54] Viren before his son came along.
[03:27] The abstract concept of 'having a baby'.
[04:44] Viren's work in mental health literacy.
[06:02] How men often put off seeking help.
[07:04] Highlight to other relevant episodes from S1 - Mark Williams, Elliott Rae and Dr Andy Mayers.
[07:27] It's a myth that men don't suffer from postnatal depression - 8-12% of first-time fathers do.
[08:13] Applying the term 'postnatal depression' to men can often make people less understanding, due to the misconception they are taking emphasis away from women.
[09:42] During the pregnancy, Viren felt estranged and 'not part of the process'.
[10:26] The birth itself - an unexpected and traumatic birth at home.
[12:20] Holding his son for the first time - feelings of numbness and not wanting to be there.
[15:09] The overwhelming responsibility of having a tiny human being and not knowing what to do.
[15:50] Problems with sleep.
[19:30] Viren's wife's experience - worrying about Viren on top of being a new mum.
[20:48] Issues with Jesse not feeding. Feelings of helplessness and not being able to 'fix' things.
[23:16] Struggling to function normally. Feelings of shame.
[24:21] Research study demonstrated the difference in how people perceived PND in mums and fathers.
[25:23] Keeping his feelings hidden.
[27:44] The devastating consequences of men suffering from postnatal depression.
[29:18] Depression doesn't get better on its own - the importance of talking.
[30:15] Internalising the depression, "there's nothing wrong with me!"
[31:04] Once opening up to a health visitor and being shut down.
[33:42] Plans for screening fathers - the need for everyone to be screened.
[35:33] Fears around being 'mentally ill' or having his son taken away.
[36:34] Feelings of anger at everything.
[37:08] "Why'd you hate me?" Irrational thoughts that Viren wasn't needed by his family. Feelings of suicide and battling himself.
[39:22] Feelings of love for Jesse didn't come till much later.
[41:17] The turning point - a letter from his wife and a visit to his GP.
[43:55] Advice for dads going through it right now. The affect of non-help-seeking on your family.
[46:33] Getting better isn't a linear process - there will be many ups and downs along the way.
[48:39] Realising that 'it's not your fault'.
[50:10] Playing with Jesse in front of his psychotherapist and being told that he was a good parent.
[52:00] Falling in love with his son and learning how to 'parent'.
[53:14] Breaking the fear of taking his son out on his own.
[55:06] The brilliance of baby cinema, like the Picturehouse's 'Big Scream'.
[56:03] The difficulty 'rationalising' those intrusive thoughts.
[56:28] The potential to be depressed after the birth of a child exists in everyone.
[57:29] So many people go through this experience - it is not shameful.
[58:18] We need to look at helping the family unit as a whole, whatever your family looks like.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
For many dads, the idea of 'having a baby' is an abstract concept.
Mental health literacy is the idea of how non-scientists understand what mental health is, how they think illnesses like depression happen.
Men often put off seeking help as it doesn't fit their conception of what 'being masculine' means. They can also lack the vocabulary to explain how they are feeling.
8-12% of first time fathers will experience debilitating depression, anxiety or extreme stress.
Difficulty with feeding can be one of the biggest contributors to psychological distress in new mums.
A research study proved that people use the term 'postnatal depression' for symptoms in mums but 'exhaustion' or 'tiredness' for the same symptoms in dads.
Tragically 1 in 10 men who experience depression will take their own lives.
PND in men can have a devastating affect on the whole family - it can create feelings of rage and anger, can trigger PND in the mum and can affect the cognitive and linguistic development of the baby.
Depression doesn't get better on its own - seeking support is crucial. There are loads of links in the show notes but your GP should always be your first port of call. Please talk.
Health visitors need better training to understand cues for depression in dads.
For many dads, they don't truly begin to bond with their child until they are older and interacting more.
There are many pathways into care - from simply opening up to a friend or your family, to speaking to your GP or a psychotherapist.
Non-help-seeking behaviour impacts on the whole family - the sooner you seek help, the better it is for them.
Recovery isn't linear. There will be lots of ups and downs along the way and that is normal. But the good days will outweigh the bad with time.
It is important to remember that depression is not your fault, it is a mental illness.
Viren's research has proven that the potential to be depressed after the birth of your baby exists in everyone - no-one is immune.
Asking for help is not shameful - it's the most powerful thing you want to do.
Often men find once they are given a safe space to talk, they want to keep talking, they want to open up.
Routine screening for all parents-to-be and parenting classes could make such a difference to the mental health of families.
Picturehouse 'Big Scream' baby cinema.
Movember is the leading charity changing the face of men's health. You can Donate to Movember here.
Support for fathers can be found here: Fathers Reaching Out, Music Football Fatherhood, PMH Support, Dope Black Dads and Dad Matters.
LISTEN: Blue MumDays S1 Ep 3 Elliott Rae on PTSD in Fathers.
LISTEN: Blue MumDays S1 Ep 8 The Daddy Blues with Mark Williams and S1 Ep 9 Mark Williams part 2 on PND in Fathers.
LISTEN: Blue MumDays S1 Ep 18 Dr Andrew Mayers which discusses PND in dads.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.
Follow us:
Instagram
Twitter
Join our Facebook Group
Email: [email protected]

NEXT EPISODE:
Next time I chat to Dr Orinayo Onabanjo, a chartered counselling psychologist with a passion for perinatal mental health. Orin's skills include helping mums cultivate stronger attachments with their babies and addressing the impact unresolved childhood trauma can have on the journey of motherhood. We chat everything from mum guilt to the racist inequalities faced by black and brown parents in the UK maternity system.

SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 020 3322 9900

ADDA - the Attention Deficit Disorder Association
National Resource Center (NRC)/ADHD Helpline Health Information Specialists
866-200-8098, Monday-Friday, 1 p.m. — 5 p.m. ET

ADHD UK - peer support, created by people with ADHD for those with ADHD

The ADHD Foundation - the neurodiversity charity
Call us - 0151 541 9020
Email - [email protected]

AIMS for better birthing.
Email: [email protected]
This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible.
Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663
You will be able to leave a voicemail message which will be sent to all our Helpline Volunteers. Please include your name, phone number and brief details of your enquiry. A Volunteer will try to call you back as soon as possible.

Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: [email protected]

Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: [email protected]
Live chat online facility

Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.

Bi-Polar UK
email: [email protected]

Birth Trauma Association
Email: [email protected]

CALM
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

Cedar House Support Group
Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556

Contact: for families with disabled children
Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.
helpline: 0808 808 3555
website: https://contact.org.uk/

Dad Matters
Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting.
[email protected]
0161 344 0669

DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

Dope Black Dads
A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world.
[email protected]

Family Lives
An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
helpline: 0808 800 2222
website: www.familylives.org.uk

Family Rights Group
Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services.
helpline: 0808 801 0366
website: www.frg.org.uk

Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.

FiveXMore
A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK.
Email: [email protected]

Gingerbread
Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents.
helpline: 0808 802 0925
website: www.gingerbread.org.uk

The Hub of Hope
A directory of mental health support around the UK.

LGBT Mummies
Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.
Email: [email protected]

Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: [email protected]

Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email [email protected] to
arrange

Mayah's Legacy
Supporting and empowering anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves.
Email: [email protected]
0300 102 1596

The Motherhood Group
Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy.
[email protected]

Motivational Mums Club
Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother.
[email protected]

Music Football Fatherhood
Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.
[email protected]
1 hr 4 min

About BLUE MUMDAYS

From the publisher's feed

Blue MumDays is a podcast about perinatal illness, parenting and being kind to yourself. Up to 1 in 5 mums and 1 in 10 dads will suffer with their mental health after the birth of their baby. Having…

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