BLUE MUMDAYS

Hypnotherapist Sophie Burch opens up about the intense struggles she faced after the births of her first two sons. These included a traumatic delivery with shoulder dystocia, and the challenges of colic and silent reflux. With little support, she reached a breaking point where she nearly harmed her baby in a moment of despair. Her deeply personal and courageous story highlights the urgent need for emotional support and better preparation for new mothers. Sophie found healing through helping others, and has dedicated her life to supporting maternal mental health with tools like the Beyond Birth Guide.

* Trigger Warning: Birth Trauma, Resuscitation and Neonatal Intensive Care (N I C U)*

In This Episode We Discuss:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[01:36] Introduction to Nurture You's Sophie Burch.

[03:28] A difficult pregnancy - antenatal depression and work stress. Polycistic ovarian syndrome (P C O S).

[07:01] A traumatic shoulder dystocia delivery and resuscitation of her baby. No follow-ups or support.

[10:10] Full throes of postnatal depression. Terrified her son would be taken away from her if she admitted how she was feeling.

[14:38] Healing through helping others. C B T (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). Support from her husband and friends.

[19:01] Sophie's second pregnancy - hypnobirthing and a healing home birth.

[21:30] Driven to the edge through her baby's silent reflux - a call for help in a moment of desperation.

[25:35] Healing through talking, journalling, breathwork and nurturing yourself as well as your baby. Developing her 'Beyond Birth' guide.

Key Takeaways:

1.   Shoulder dystocia is a childbirth emergency that happens when a baby's shoulders get stuck behind the mother's pelvic bones, after the head has been delivered. It can make delivery difficult and dangerous for both the baby and the mother. R C O G information on Shoulder Dystocia.

2.    Blue MumDays S1 Ep17: When Birth Leads to Trauma – listen to my conversation with Make Birth Better’s Dr. Rebecca Moore to learn more about birth trauma.

3.   Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) is a common hormonal disorder affecting people with ovaries, often during their reproductive years. It can cause a range of symptoms and impact fertility. N H S information on P C O S.

4.   Colic is frequent, prolonged and intense crying or fussiness in a healthy infant, specifically if they cry more than 3 hours a day, 3 days a week for at least 1 week. Colic can be particularly frustrating for parents because the baby's distress occurs for no apparent reason and no amount of consoling seems to bring any relief. N H S advice on colic.

5.   Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors are a common class of antidepressants used for treating depression, anxiety disorders and other mental health conditions. Specifically they increase the levels of serotonin, a ‘feel good’ neurotransmitter in the brain. N H S overview of S S R I anti-depressants.

6.   Hypnobirthing is a childbirth method using relaxation, breathing techniques, visualisation and self-hypnosis to help women feel calm, confident and in control during labour and birth. Tommys guide on hypnobirthing.

7.   Silent reflux (also called laryngopharyngeal reflux, or L P R) occurs when stomach acid or digestive juices flow back up into the throat and voice box without causing the usual symptoms of heartburn or indigestion. NHS advice on reflux and silent reflux.

8.   Blue MumDays Episode 27 - Justin Eade: It's Good To Walk.

9.   Find out more about Sophie Burch’s coaching and hypnotherapy work through her 'Nurture You' website. The ‘Beyond Birth Guide’ is Sophie’s supportive and practical guide for parents and parents to be. It shows you how to reconnect and rediscover yourself, deepen your awareness, feel calm and confident in managing all the tasks and feelings that parenting brings. 

10. Suzy Reading's instagram page. Suzy is a chartered psychologist offering tips on wellbeing and mindfulness.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:

Instagram / Twitter / Facebook Group / [email protected]

Taking A Pause:

Due to some sad family news, Blue MumDays is going on hiatus, so thank you for your patience while I take some time out. In the meantime, please feel free to listen to the many fantastic conversations I've had in the archive.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

You are not alone and will not feel this way forever.

Links to Support: (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

1.    Acacia Family Support Pre and postnatal depression support for Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic mums and dads.  0121 301 5990, [email protected]. 

2.    Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP) Moderated Forum, click here to find out more. Email: [email protected] / Tel: 020 3322 9900

3.    AIMS for better birthing. [email protected]. This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible. / Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663 (leave message)

4.    Andys Man Club A non-judgmental talking group for men. [email protected]

5.    Association of Postnatal Illness Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868 / Email: [email protected] (Live chat online facility)

6.    Best Beginnings. Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering 24/7 App support for new parents

7.    Birth Trauma Association Email: [email protected]

8.    CALM. National helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

9.    Cedar House Support Group for mums with postnatal depression. Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise) / Mobile: 07773 283556.

10. Contact - for families with disabled children. Helpline: 0808 808 3555.

11. Dad Matters. Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting. [email protected] / 0161 344 0669

12. DadsNet offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

13. Dope Black Dads - A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world. [email protected]

14. Family Lives provides immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Helpline: 0808 800 2222.

15. Family Rights Group. Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services. Helpline: 0808 801 0366.

16. Fathers Mental Health UK is a UK-based community interest company dedicated to enhancing the mental health of fathers and their families, especially during the perinatal period. Run by paternal mental health pioneer Mark Williams, offering support to dads.

17. Fatherhood Solutions. Scott Mair is a consultant in paternal mental health and parent education, Peer support trainer. Dad, Husband, Army veteran. 

18. FiveXMore. A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK. Email: [email protected]

19. Gingerbread offer help and advice on the issues that matter to single parents. Helpline 0808 802 0925.

20. The Hub of Hope - A directory of mental health support around the UK.

21. Lactation Consultants of Great Britain – for support with breastfeeding.

22. LGBT Mummies support LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood. Email: [email protected]

23. Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support) Email: [email protected]

24. The Maternal Mental Health Alliance is a UK charity and network of 130 organisations, dedicated to ensuring women and families affected by perinatal mental health problems have access to high-quality, compassionate care.

25. Maternal OCD Peer support available, email [email protected] to arrange.

26. Mayah's Legacy support and empower anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves. Email: [email protected] / 0300 102 1596.

27. The Motherhood Group are dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy. [email protected]

28. Motivational Mums Club offer trauma, mindfulness and meditation sessions for mothers and mums-to-be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a mother. [email protected]

29. Music Football Fatherhood offer open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts. [email protected]

30. Muslim Women’s Network Helpline: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am–4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko and Bengali. Email: [email protected] Text: 07415 206 936.

31. National Autistic Society for support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.

32. Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-InClinic.

33. NHS Services for Mental Health Issues Contact your local GP surgery. Call the NHS on 111 and press 2 for Mental Health Team or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helplineIf you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.

34. PANDAS Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401 [email protected]

35. Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario offer pre-natal, pregnancy and postpartum support and connection in Canada. [email protected]

36. Petals Baby Loss Charity offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy or baby loss. Tel: 0300 688 0068 [email protected]

37. The Samaritans Tel: 116 123 (this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill) Email: [email protected]

38. Sands Charity offer emotional and practical support for anyone affected by the death of a baby. 0808 164 3332 /Email: [email protected]

39. SHOUT text support service for anyone struggling to cope. Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential conversation with a trained volunteer.

40. Twins Trust. Twinline is a listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more. 0800 138 0509 / email [email protected].

41. Tommy’s has a team of in-house midwives who offer free support and information for women and their families at any stage of pregnancy and after the birth....

In this special episode for Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week, host Vikki chats with lactation consultant Sally Rickard about the ups and downs of breastfeeding and early motherhood. Sally shares her personal and professional insights on common challenges like tongue-tie, milk supply issues, mastitis and the emotional strain these can bring. With kindness and clarity, Sally offers practical advice on latch, positioning, and mixed feeding, while reassuring parents that it’s okay to ask for help. This episode is a comforting reminder that you're not alone—and that support is always available.

In this Episode:

[00:00] Teaser Quote

[02:04] Meet Sally Rickard, lactation consultant

[03:02] Personal breastfeeding challenges

[04:15] The reality of motherhood expectations

[06:46] Navigating conflicting advice

[07:50] The complexity of breastfeeding

[09:32] Sally's own breastfeeding issues and birth experience

[18:30] Sally’s journey to becoming a lactation consultant

[25:55] Tongue-tie

[30:22] Common issues with latch

[33:24] Supply issues and solutions

[38:19] Mixed feeding: a balanced approach

[43:30] How to tell if you're baby is feeding well

[45:11] Mastitis and blocked ducts

[50:11] Soothing cracked and sore nipples

[52:47] Final thoughts and resources

Key Takeaways:

1. Find out more about Sally Rickard and her breastfeeding expertise and support in South London through her website, Baby-thrive.com.  
2. I B C L C stands for International Board Certified Lactation Consultant. It's a globally recognised certification for professionals with specialist knowledge and skills in breastfeeding and lactation management. 
3. The N C T is the National Childbirth Trust, who offer antenatal classes where you can meet fellow parents in your area and learn more about looking after a baby.
4. The Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (E P D S) is a widely used screening tool to identify women who may be at risk of postpartum depression. It's a 10-item questionnaire that assesses symptoms like guilt, sleep disturbance, and low energy. 
5. Listen to 'Double Cancer Didn't Cause Depression, Giving Birth Did' (Blue MumDays S1 Ep1 with postnatal depression counsellor Liz Wise), to learn how a problem bonding with her daughter didn’t cause issues later in life. Liz’s daughter Emma talks beautifully about the close bond she has with her mum and how Liz’s experience of PND actually made her a better mum.
6. The Lactation Consultants of Great Britain is a registered charity working to improve the health and wellbeing of families through advocacy and expert IBCLC breastfeeding care. A lactation consultant can help you with breastfeeding issues and advice.  
7. NHS guidance on tongue-tie, a condition where the skin under a baby’s tongue is shorter or tighter than normal, restricting movement.  This can cause feeding difficulties like poor latch, frequent feeding, and slow weight gain, and may lead to nipple pain for breastfeeding parents.  It can usually be treated with a simple procedure.
8. Colostrum is the first breast milk your body makes. It contains antibodies which protect your baby from infection and helps their immune system to develop. NHS advice on colostrum harvesting here.
9. Global Health Media’s video Is Your Baby Getting Enough Milk? shows signs to tell when your baby is feeding well. The section on sucking and swallowing is about 2 minutes from the beginning.
10. Mastitis is a common condition that can affect breastfeeding individuals, causing breast inflammation and flu-like symptoms. It usually occurs on one breast, where a swollen area may feel hot and painful to touch. The area may become red but this can be harder to see if you have black or brown skin. This is often caused by problems with positioning and attachment.
11. NHS advice on breastfeeding positioning and attachment
12. Mother & Baby Magazine review of silver nipple cups. They can soothe and heal sore, cracked nipples caused by breastfeeding issues. Their natural antibacterial properties promote healing, reduce inflammation and protect against infection. The cups help maintain moisture and provide a gentle shield, allowing the skin to recover while still enabling breastfeeding.
13. La Leche League offers friendly breastfeeding support from pregnancy onwards. 
14. Listen to my episode with Sarah Edge on 'Breastfeeding Trauma and Grief' (S3 Ep35 Blue MumDays) if you are struggling with breastfeeding. Know that you aren’t alone.
15. The National Breastfeeding Helpline offers friendly, non-judgemental, independent breastfeeding support 24/7 within the UK. Call 0300 100 0212. Support is also available in Welsh, Polish, Bengali & Sylheti and for people who have hearing or speech impairments.
16. Further independent advice and tips on breastfeeding can be found with the Breastfeeding Network.
17. The Association of Breastfeeding Mothers is a group of trained volunteers dedicated to supporting breastfeeding mums and their families.

Follow us:

Instagram / Twitter / Facebook Group / [email protected]

Taking A Pause:

Due to some sad family news, Blue MumDays is going on hiatus, so thank you for your patience while I take some time out. In the meantime, please feel free to listen to the many fantastic conversations I've had in the archive.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

You are not alone and will not feel this way forever.

Links to Support: (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

1.    Acacia Family Support Pre and postnatal depression support for Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic mums and dads.  0121 301 5990, [email protected]. 

2.    Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP) Moderated Forum, click here to find out more. Email: [email protected] / Tel: 020 3322 9900

3.    AIMS for better birthing. [email protected]. This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible. / Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663 (leave message)

4.    Andys Man Club A non-judgmental talking group for men. [email protected]

5.    Association of Postnatal Illness Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868 / Email: [email protected] (Live chat online facility)

6.    Best Beginnings. Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering 24/7 App support for new parents

7.    Birth Trauma Association Email: [email protected]

8.    CALM. National helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

9.    Cedar House Support Group for mums with postnatal depression. Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise) / Mobile: 07773 283556.

10. Contact - for families with disabled children. Helpline: 0808 808 3555.

11. Dad Matters. Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting. [email protected] / 0161 344 0669

12. DadsNet offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

13. Dope Black Dads - A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world. [email protected]

14. Family Lives provides immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Helpline: 0808 800 2222.

15. Family Rights Group. Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services. Helpline: 0808 801 0366.

16. Fathers Mental Health UK is a UK-based community interest company dedicated to enhancing the mental health of fathers and their families, especially during the perinatal period. Run by paternal mental health pioneer Mark Williams, offering support to dads.

17. Fatherhood Solutions. Scott Mair is a consultant in paternal mental health and parent education, Peer support trainer. Dad, Husband, Army veteran. 

18. FiveXMore. A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK. Email: [email protected]

19. Gingerbread offer help and advice on the issues that matter to single parents. Helpline 0808 802 0925.

20. The Hub of Hope - A directory of mental health support around the UK.

21. Lactation Consultants of Great Britain – for support with breastfeeding.

22. LGBT Mummies support LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood. Email: [email protected]

23. Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support) Email: [email protected]

24. The Maternal Mental Health Alliance is a UK charity and network of 130 organisations, dedicated to ensuring women and families affected by perinatal mental health problems have access to high-quality, compassionate care.

25. Maternal OCD Peer support available, email [email protected] to arrange.

26. Mayah's Legacy support and empower anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves. Email: [email protected] / 0300 102 1596.

27. The Motherhood Group are dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy. [email protected]

28. Motivational Mums Club offer trauma, mindfulness and meditation sessions for mothers and mums-to-be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a mother. [email protected]

29. Music Football Fatherhood offer open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts. [email protected]

30. Muslim Women’s Network Helpline: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am–4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko and Bengali. Email: [email protected] Text: 07415 206 936.

31. National Autistic Society for support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.

32. Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-InClinic.

33. NHS Services for Mental Health Issues Contact your local GP surgery. Call the NHS on 111 and press 2 for Mental Health Team or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helplineIf you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.

34. PANDAS Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401 [email protected]

35. Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario offer pre-natal, pregnancy and postpartum support and connection in Canada. [email protected]

36. Petals Baby Loss Charity offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy or baby loss. Tel: 0300 688 0068 [email protected]

37. The Samaritans Tel: 116 123 (this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill) Email: [email protected]

38. Sands...

In this second part of Frontline Midwife Anna Kent's story, Anna talks movingly about her own experience of motherhood, from an early miscarriage to the tragic loss of her baby daughter Fatima at only 6 months gestation, due to a rare brain condition. Anna discusses the impact this had on her mental health and grief, as well as the transformative experience of having her second daughter, Aisha. Anna emphasises the importance of creating safe spaces to discuss and honour baby loss. The episode also highlights Anna's memoir, 'Frontline Midwife,' and the legacy of her late midwife friend, Helen Loewenstein.

*Trigger Warning* Miscarriage, baby loss, very brief mention of suicide.

In This Episode:

[00:00] Teaser quote

[01:47] Introducing Anna Kent

[03:25] Anna's personal journey with motherhood

[04:11] Unexpected pregnancy, distressing miscarriage

[09:21] Challenges and decisions during Anna's second pregnancy

[14:03] The birth and devastating loss of Fatima

[21:38] Coping with grief and moving forward

[23:37] Pregnant again, with Aisha

[24:59] The need for empathy and compassion in midwifery

[26:18] Concentrating on positive birth experiences

[29:16] Aisha's birth story

[31:15] Balancing grief and love, honouring Fatima's memory

[33:42] How to help a grieving parent

[40:14] The impact of writing the 'Frontline Midwife'

[45:19] Current life and reflections

Key Takeaways:

1. Anna Kent's Instagram page to find out more about Anna and her work.
2. Medecins Sans Frontieres (MSF) provide vital medical care and humanitarian assistance to victims of conflict, natural disasters, epidemics or healthcare exclusion in more than 70 countries.
3. A cerebral teratoma is a rare, malignant, and fast-growing tumour that originates in the brain and is made up of multiple tissues.
4. Zephyrs Charity in Nottingham supports families following pregnancy loss or the death of a baby or child.  They run a number of therapeutic support sessions for bereaved parents in the Nottingham area.
5. The Helen Loewenstein Memorial Trust was set up to honour Anna’s midwife friend Helen.   We make grants to cover course-fees and essential study expenses for student midwives in Liberia who would not otherwise have sufficient funds to become qualified midwives.
6. Listen to “It’s Not The End: Recovery After Baby Loss’ with the wonderful Keji Moses of Mayah’s Legacy.
7. Click this link to find out more about Keji's charity, Mayah's Legacy
8. NHS on Miscarriage information.
9. The Miscarriage Association is a UK charity providing further support for those experiencing baby loss.
10. Tommys is the largest charity in the UK carrying out research into the causes of miscarriage, stillbirth and premature birth. 
11. Sands Baby Loss Charity is a UK charity providing information and support for those who've experienced pregnancy loss. 
12. Petals Charity provide a free counselling service to support women, men and couples through the devastation of baby loss.
13. The Lullaby Trust offer confidential bereavement support to anyone affected by the sudden and unexpected death of a baby or young child.
14. Bliss Charity page on bereavement support with links.
15. Child Bereavement UK supports families and educates professionals when a child dies or when a child is bereaved.
16. Anna's book, 'Frontline Midwife: Finding Hope in Love, Death and Birth' is available from Bloomsbury and other good bookshops. It has just been released in paperback.

Follow us:

Instagram / Twitter / Facebook Group / [email protected]

Taking A Pause:

Due to some sad family news, Blue MumDays is going on hiatus, so thank you for your patience while I take some time out. In the meantime, please feel free to listen to the many fantastic conversations I've had in the archive.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

You are not alone and will not feel this way forever.

Links to Support: (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

1.    Acacia Family Support Pre and postnatal depression support for Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic mums and dads.  0121 301 5990, [email protected]. 

2.    Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP) Moderated Forum, click here to find out more. Email: [email protected] / Tel: 020 3322 9900

3.    AIMS for better birthing. [email protected]. This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible. / Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663 (leave message)

4.    Andys Man Club A non-judgmental talking group for men. [email protected]

5.    Association of Postnatal Illness Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868 / Email: [email protected] (Live chat online facility)

6.    Best Beginnings. Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering 24/7 App support for new parents

7.    Birth Trauma Association Email: [email protected]

8.    CALM. National helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

9.    Cedar House Support Group for mums with postnatal depression. Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise) / Mobile: 07773 283556.

10. Contact - for families with disabled children. Helpline: 0808 808 3555.

11. Dad Matters. Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting. [email protected] / 0161 344 0669

12. DadsNet offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

13. Dope Black Dads - A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world. [email protected]

14. Family Lives provides immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Helpline: 0808 800 2222.

15. Family Rights Group. Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services. Helpline: 0808 801 0366.

16. Fathers Mental Health UK is a UK-based community interest company dedicated to enhancing the mental health of fathers and their families, especially during the perinatal period. Run by paternal mental health pioneer Mark Williams, offering support to dads.

17. Fatherhood Solutions. Scott Mair is a consultant in paternal mental health and parent education, Peer support trainer. Dad, Husband, Army veteran. 

18. FiveXMore. A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK. Email: [email protected]

19. Gingerbread offer help and advice on the issues that matter to single parents. Helpline 0808 802 0925.

20. The Hub of Hope - A directory of mental health support around the UK.

21. Lactation Consultants of Great Britain – for support with breastfeeding.

22. LGBT Mummies support LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood. Email: [email protected]

23. Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support) Email: [email protected]

24. The Maternal Mental Health Alliance is a UK charity and network of 130 organisations, dedicated to ensuring women and families affected by perinatal mental health problems have access to high-quality, compassionate care.

25. Maternal OCD Peer support available, email [email protected] to arrange.

26. Mayah's Legacy support and empower anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves. Email: [email protected] / 0300 102 1596.

27. The Motherhood Group are dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy. [email protected]

28. Motivational Mums Club offer trauma, mindfulness and meditation sessions for mothers and mums-to-be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a mother. [email protected]

29. Music Football Fatherhood offer open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts. [email protected]

30. Muslim Women’s Network Helpline: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am–4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko and Bengali. Email: [email protected] Text: 07415 206 936.

31. National Autistic Society for support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.

32. Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-InClinic.

33. NHS Services for Mental Health Issues Contact your local GP surgery. Call the NHS on 111 and press 2 for Mental Health Team or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helplineIf you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.

34. PANDAS Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401 [email protected]

35. Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario offer pre-natal, pregnancy and postpartum support and connection in Canada. [email protected]

36. Petals Baby Loss Charity offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy or baby loss. Tel: 0300 688 0068 [email protected]

37. The Samaritans Tel: 116 123 (this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill) Email: [email protected]

38. Sands Charity offer emotional and practical support for anyone affected by the death of a baby. 0808 164 3332 /Email: [email protected]

39. SHOUT text support service for anyone struggling to cope. Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential conversation with a trained volunteer.

40. Twins Trust. Twinline is a listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more. 0800 138 0509 / email [email protected].

41. Tommy’s has a team of in-house midwives who offer free support and information for women and their families at any stage of pregnancy and after the birth. [email protected].

42. The Unlikely Mummy offers community support for mums and families, including local walking groups, counselling, lactation support and a forest school. Email [email protected]. 

Blue MumDays Theme Music by

In this powerful Christmas episode, Anna Kent - a humanitarian aid worker, NHS nurse and midwife - reflects on her experiences working in some of the world's most challenging environments, including South Sudan, Haiti and Bangladesh. She offers an intimate look at the difficulties of providing maternity care in conflict zones and refugee camps, shedding light on the trauma faced by women in these regions.

Anna speaks candidly about her personal journey, the emotional toll of working in these high-stress situations and her mission to ensure all women have access to gold-standard maternity care. She opens up about her struggles with PTSD and the challenges of reintegrating into normal life after such intense work.

This episode is a moving testament to Anna's resilience, compassion and dedication to advocating for women's health rights in the direst circumstances. An inspiring and sobering reminder of the ongoing fight for equitable maternity care worldwide.

*Trigger Warning* Birthing in extreme situations, birth trauma, maternal loss, baby loss and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

In This Episode:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[02:20] Introducing Anna Kent, the 'Frontline Midwife'.

[04:46] Anna's journey to humanitarian work.

[08:35] Her first mission - the challenges and realities of working in South Sudan.

[11:11] Honouring the Lady on the Plane. The importance of telling women's stories.

[17:12] James: Anna's larger-than-life colleague.

[20:10] Life and work in Tam, South Sudan.

[25:54] Everyone deserves gold access to maternity care.

[30:33] Encounter with a black mamba!

[31:26] Life in a tent: a different perspective.

[32:53] The struggle of returning home.

[33:13] The harsh realities of humanitarian work - trauma and being scared to share.

[34:44] Hitting rock bottom.

[36:55] Missions to Haiti and Bangladesh - responsible for 30,000 Rohingya refugees.

[38:51] Feelings of powerlessness.

[39:44] The impact of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Flashbacks.

[42:43] Seeking help - finding solace in Buddhism and therapy.

[48:51] The pressure to save every life. Moral injury.

[54:42] Parenting and self-awareness.

1. Key Takeaways:
2. Anna Kent's Instagram page to find out more about Anna and her work.
3. Medecins Sans Frontieres (MSF) provide vital medical care and humanitarian assistance to victims of conflict, natural disasters, epidemics or healthcare exclusion in more than 70 countries.
4. What To Expect article on Cephalopelvic Disproportion (C.P.D.), a condition where the baby's head or body is too large to fit through the mother's pelvis.
5. Blue MumDays Episode 17 'When Birth Leads to Trauma', with Dr. Rebecca Moore of Make Birth Better.
6. MIND Charity information on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (P.T.S.D.), a mental health problem you may develop after experiencing traumatic events.
7. Anna's book, 'Frontline Midwife: Finding Hope in Love, Death and Birth' is available from Bloomsbury and other good bookshops. It has just been released in paperback.
8. National Centre of PTSD definition of Moral Injury, a psychological harm that occurs when someone's values or beliefs are violated or betrayed, or when they witness or fail to prevent such an act.

Follow us:

Instagram / Twitter / Facebook Group / [email protected]

Next Episode:

I continue my conversation with the incredible 'Frontline Midwife' Anna Kent. Having left humanitarian work, Anna talks movingly about her own experience of motherhood, including the heartbreaking loss of her first baby Fatima and the birth of her second daughter Aisha.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

You are not alone and will not feel this way forever.

Links to Support: (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

1.    Acacia Family Support Pre and postnatal depression support for Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic mums and dads.  0121 301 5990, [email protected]. 

2.    Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP) Moderated Forum, click here to find out more. Email: [email protected] / Tel: 020 3322 9900

3.    AIMS for better birthing. [email protected]. This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible. / Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663 (leave message)

4.    Andys Man Club A non-judgmental talking group for men. [email protected]

5.    Association of Postnatal Illness Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868 / Email: [email protected] (Live chat online facility)

6.    Best Beginnings. Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering 24/7 App support for new parents

7.    Birth Trauma Association Email: [email protected]

8.    CALM. National helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

9.    Cedar House Support Group for mums with postnatal depression. Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise) / Mobile: 07773 283556.

10. Contact - for families with disabled children. Helpline: 0808 808 3555.

11. Dad Matters. Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting. [email protected] / 0161 344 0669

12. DadsNet offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

13. Dope Black Dads - A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world. [email protected]

14. Family Lives provides immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Helpline: 0808 800 2222.

15. Family Rights Group. Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services. Helpline: 0808 801 0366.

16. Fathers Mental Health UK is a UK-based community interest company dedicated to enhancing the mental health of fathers and their families, especially during the perinatal period. Run by paternal mental health pioneer Mark Williams, offering support to dads.

17. Fatherhood Solutions. Scott Mair is a consultant in paternal mental health and parent education, Peer support trainer. Dad, Husband, Army veteran. 

18. FiveXMore. A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK. Email: [email protected]

19. Gingerbread offer help and advice on the issues that matter to single parents. Helpline 0808 802 0925.

20. The Hub of Hope - A directory of mental health support around the UK.

21. Lactation Consultants of Great Britain – for support with breastfeeding.

22. LGBT Mummies support LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood. Email: [email protected]

23. Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support) Email: [email protected]

24. The Maternal Mental Health Alliance is a UK charity and network of 130 organisations, dedicated to ensuring women and families affected by perinatal mental health problems have access to high-quality, compassionate care.

25. Maternal OCD Peer support available, email [email protected] to arrange.

26. Mayah's Legacy support and empower anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves. Email: [email protected] / 0300 102 1596.

27. The Motherhood Group are dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy. [email protected]

28. Motivational Mums Club offer trauma, mindfulness and meditation sessions for mothers and mums-to-be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a mother. [email protected]

29. Music Football Fatherhood offer open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts. [email protected]

30. Muslim Women’s Network Helpline: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am–4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko and Bengali. Email: [email protected] Text: 07415 206 936.

31. National Autistic Society for support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.

32. Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-InClinic.

33. NHS Services for Mental Health Issues Contact your local GP surgery. Call the NHS on 111 and press 2 for Mental Health Team or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helplineIf you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.

34. PANDAS Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401 [email protected]

35. Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario offer pre-natal, pregnancy and postpartum support and connection in Canada. [email protected]

36. Petals Baby Loss Charity offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy or baby loss. Tel: 0300 688 0068 [email protected]

37. The Samaritans Tel: 116 123 (this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill) Email: [email protected]

38. Sands Charity offer emotional and practical support for anyone affected by the death of a baby. 0808 164 3332 /Email: [email protected]

39. SHOUT text support service for anyone struggling to cope. Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential conversation with a trained volunteer.

40. Twins Trust. Twinline is a listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more. 0800 138 0509 / email [email protected].

41. Tommy’s has a team of in-house midwives who offer free support and information for women and their families at any stage of pregnancy and after the birth. [email protected].

42. The Unlikely Mummy offers community support for mums and families, including local walking groups, counselling, lactation support and a forest school. Email [email protected]. 

Blue MumDays Theme Music by Joseph McDade.

Kavita Trevena, founder of The Unlikely Mummy, shares her profoundly personal motherhood journey, including gestational diabetes, postnatal depression and being diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder after two stressful births. Kavita also talks about a lack of openness around mental health issues in her culture, and a general lack of support for South Asian mums within maternal care services.

Kavita discusses her community-driven initiatives such as The Unlikely Mummy blog, counselling services, exercise therapies, and wellness activities designed to support mothers.

Far from being a heavy listen, Kavita was a joy to speak to and our positive conversation underlines a message of hope, resilience, and the importance of creating supportive networks for mothers.

*Trigger Warning* Postnatal Depression, Birth Trauma and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

In This Episode:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[02:01] Introducing Kavita Trevena: founder of 'The Unlikely Mummy'.

[04:30] From being told she couldn't have children to a honeymoon baby - Kavita's journey through pregnancy.

[06:34] Discovery and challenges of Gestational Diabetes.

[13:16] The birth experience - an emergency caesarean.

[20:44] Postpartum struggles and support.

[23:16] Creating 'The Unlikely Mummy' community.

[28:34] Being diagnosed with PND (Postnatal Depression).

[31:04] The need for more support for mums. Growing the Unlikely Mummy to provide community support and specialist services.

[34:22] Running for the cause: The Big Half Marathon, raising funds for a Forest School, counselling and lactation consultant sessions.

[36:37] Starting a walking club for mums.

[40:14] Kavita's second pregnancy: psoriasis and setting up support in advance.

[43:10] Diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) for her first birth.

[47:19] Cultural barriers and lack of support for South Asian mums.

[55:23] The Unlikely Mummy: future plans and support.

[01:01:45] Final thoughts and encouragement.

Key Takeaways:

1. The Unlikely Mummy's Insta page. 
2. Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a hormonal condition that affects women of reproductive age and is a leading cause of infertility. NHS information on Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. It’s believed 1 in 10 women may suffer from PCOS.
3. UK Government information on Gestational Diabetes, a type of diabetes that occurs only during pregnancy. Gestational diabetes can cause health problems in both mother and baby. Support is available from Gestational Diabetes UK.
4. Dr. Hannah Short is a doctor who specialises in menopause and premenstrual disorders. Dr. Hannah Short's website. Listen to Hannah's episode:  Blue MumDays S2 Ep31: 'The one About Hormones: POI, PMDD, Endometriosis + PME.
5. Postnatal depression is depression that happens after you've had a baby. It can range from mild to severe and is more common than you think. Up to 1 in 7 mums are affected and up to 1 in 10 dads. NHS information on Postnatal Depression. More information can be found here, Royal College of Psychiatrists page on PND.
6. CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) is the name for the NHS services that assess and treat young people with emotional, behavioural or mental health difficulties. Find CAMHS support near you (UK only).
7. Find out more about the Big Half Marathon, a 13.1 mile course weaves through London from Tower Bridge to the iconic Cutty Sark in Greenwich.  Donate to Kavita's Go Fund Me here.
8. NHS information on psoriasis, an immune-mediated inflammatory skin condition that can be both physically and psychologically distressing. Support and information from the Psoriasis Association, a UK charity.
9. Mind's guide on postnatal PTSD. Blue MumDays S1 Ep17: When Birth Leads to Trauma – listen to my conversation with Make Birth Better’s Dr. Rebecca Moore to learn more about birth trauma.
10. In the UK, postnatal depression is more common in British South Asian women than white women. Cultural stigma can also contribute to Asian mums not seeking help. The ROSHNI-2 Study is evaluating the clinical and cost-effectiveness of a CBT(Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) based positive health programme group intervention in British South Asian women with postnatal depression.
11. Mindfulness is a technique that involves being fully aware of the present moment without judgment. Kavita's Mindfulness session for Maternal Mental Health Week.
12. Eve Canavan BEM is an award-winning lived experience survivor of postpartum psychosis. She works tirelessly to support mums and families and is the co-founder and National Co-Ordinator of Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week.  Blue MumDays S1 Ep 19: 'Frightened of My Baby' - Eve Canavan.
13. For donating to The Unlikely Mummy: Account name: THE UNLIKELY MUMMY C / Sort Code: 51-70-14 / Account Number: 78918855.

Follow us:

Instagram / Twitter / Facebook Group / [email protected]

Next Episode:

Next time I talk to the incredible 'Frontline Midwife' Anna Kent. Anna has delivered babies in war zones, caring for the most vulnerable women in the most vulnerable places in the world, including responsibility for the female health of 30,000 Rohingya refugees in Bangladesh. Anna talks movingly about her own experience of motherhood, including the loss of her first baby Fatima. One of my very favourite conversations, I can't wait for you to hear it!

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

You are not alone and will not feel this way forever.

Links to Support: (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

1.    Acacia Family Support Pre and postnatal depression support for Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic mums and dads.  0121 301 5990, [email protected]. 

2.    Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP) Moderated Forum, click here to find out more. Email: [email protected] / Tel: 020 3322 9900

3.    AIMS for better birthing. [email protected]. This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible. / Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663 (leave message)

4.    Andys Man Club A non-judgmental talking group for men. [email protected]

5.    Association of Postnatal Illness Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868 / Email: [email protected] (Live chat online facility)

6.    Best Beginnings. Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering 24/7 App support for new parents

7.    Birth Trauma Association Email: [email protected]

8.    CALM. National helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

9.    Cedar House Support Group for mums with postnatal depression. Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise) / Mobile: 07773 283556.

10. Contact - for families with disabled children. Helpline: 0808 808 3555.

11. Dad Matters. Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting. [email protected] / 0161 344 0669

12. DadsNet offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

13. Dope Black Dads - A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world. [email protected]

14. Family Lives provides immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Helpline: 0808 800 2222.

15. Family Rights Group. Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services. Helpline: 0808 801 0366.

16. Fathers Mental Health UK is a UK-based community interest company dedicated to enhancing the mental health of fathers and their families, especially during the perinatal period. Run by paternal mental health pioneer Mark Williams, offering support to dads.

17. Fatherhood Solutions. Scott Mair is a consultant in paternal mental health and parent education, Peer support trainer. Dad, Husband, Army veteran. 

18. FiveXMore. A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK. Email: [email protected]

19. Gingerbread offer help and advice on the issues that matter to single parents. Helpline 0808 802 0925.

20. The Hub of Hope - A directory of mental health support around the UK.

21. Lactation Consultants of Great Britain – for support with breastfeeding.

22. LGBT Mummies support LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood. Email: [email protected]

23. Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support) Email: [email protected]

24. The Maternal Mental Health Alliance is a UK charity and network of 130 organisations, dedicated to ensuring women and families affected by perinatal mental health problems have access to high-quality, compassionate care.

25. Maternal OCD Peer support available, email [email protected] to arrange.

26. Mayah's Legacy support and empower anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves. Email: [email protected] / 0300 102 1596.

27. The Motherhood Group are dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy. [email protected]

28. Motivational Mums Club offer trauma, mindfulness and meditation sessions for mothers and mums-to-be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a mother. [email protected]

29. Music Football Fatherhood offer open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts. [email protected]

30. Muslim Women’s Network Helpline: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am–4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko and Bengali. Email: [email protected] Text: 07415 206 936.

31. National Autistic Society for support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.

32. Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-InClinic.

33. NHS Services for Mental Health Issues Contact your local GP surgery. Call the NHS on 111 and press 2 for Mental Health Team or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helplineIf you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.

34. PANDAS Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401 [email protected]

35. Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario offer pre-natal, pregnancy and postpartum support and connection in Canada. [email protected]

36. Petals Baby Loss Charity offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy or baby loss. Tel: 0300 688 0068 [email protected]

37. 

In the follow-up to Episode 35 (Part 1), perinatal psychotherapist Sarah Edge shares her contrasting experience with her second pregnancy. Her debilitating experience with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG or extreme sickness) took a significant toll on Sarah’s mental health. Sarah developed postnatal depression and terrible anxiety after the birth, leading to intrusive thoughts and hallucinations. The experience was terrifying. Now recovered, Sarah talks about how she has used it to inform her own therapeutic practice.     She provides practical advice for others suffering from similar conditions and highlights the importance of seeking help early.

*Trigger Warning* Extreme vomiting, feelings of suicide.

In This Episode We Discuss:

[00:00] Teaser quote

[01:53]  Introduction to Sarah

[03:49]  Understanding Hyperemesis Gravidarum (H.G.)

[06:25]  How H.G. contributed to Sarah’s difficulty bonding with her daughter

[08:09]  Getting support and medication – the importance of being taken seriously

[12:46]  Advice for mums experiencing sickness in pregnancy. How Pregnancy Sickness Support helped Sarah

[16:00]  Much needed support from Sarah’s husband and her work

[19:58] Her second birth – no immediate ‘rush of love’

[22:39] Feeling ‘high’ then a crushing low – severe anxiety, intrusive thoughts and hallucinations

[29:30] A desperate visit to Accident and Emergency (A+E)

[35:47]  Starting medication

[38:13] Building a bond with her daughter

[42:52] Turning personal struggles into a professional passion – the importance of shared experiences

[50:10] Matrescence

Key Takeaways:

1.    Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) is a severe form of pregnancy sickness, affecting around 1-3% of pregnancies and causing incredibly debilitating symptoms.

2.    A 2020 study by Imperial College, London found that “women with HG are around 8 times more likely to suffer antenatal depression and 4 times more likely to have postnatal depression”.

3. For help with HG, go to Pregnancy Sickness Support. They are a charity dedicated to alleviating the suffering of all those affected by pregnancy sickness. They offer peer support and a helpline, 0800 055 4361.

4.    The HER Foundation is another great organisation, dedicated to helping those suffering hyperemesis and those who have survived it. Providing education, research, support and advocacy globally, to improve the management of HG.

5.    Listen to Episode 18 with Dr. Andy Mayers ‘Bonding, Guilt and Pyschosis: An Expert View’, to learn more about mother and baby units.

6.    You can learn more about Sarah’s therapeutic process through her Instagram page, MaternalMentalHealthWellbeing.

7.    Sarah has a Maternal Mental Health Journal, which can be purchased through Amazon.co.uk. It’s a guide designed to support mental health during pregnancy and in the postnatal period.

8.    Matrescence is “the process of becoming a mother. Those physical, psychological and emotional changes you go through after the birth of your child.” (Cambridge Dictionary)

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:

Instagram

Twitter

Join our Facebook Group

Email: [email protected]

Next Episode:

Next time I speak to Kavita Trevena, founder of ‘The Unlikely Mummy’, a non-profit organisation and community supporting parents and families. Kavita talks movingly about her own experience of postnatal depression and post-traumatic stress disorder following the births of her two children, and how she has used this experience to help others.

You are not alone and will not feel this way forever.

We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)

Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.

Email: [email protected] / Tel: 020 3322 9900

AIMS for better birthing.

Email: [email protected]

This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible. / Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663 (leave message)

Andy's Man Club

A non-judgemental talking group for men

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/ [email protected]

Association of Postnatal Illness

Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868 / Email: [email protected] (Live chat online facility)

Best Beginnings

Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering 24/7 App support for new parents

Birth Trauma Association

Email: [email protected]

CALM

Contact CALM on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

Cedar House Support Group

Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise) / Mobile: 07773 283556

Contact: for families with disabled children

Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.

• helpline: 0808 808 3555
• website: https://contact.org.uk/

Contact a Family

www.cafamily.org.uk

Contact a Family offer support for all childhood conditions, are also able to put families in touch. Featuring a directory of conditions and rare disorders online.

Helpline: 0808 808 3555 (lines open Monday – Friday 9.30am – 5pm)

Dad Matters

Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting.

[email protected]

0161 344 0669

DadsNet 

Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

Dope Black Dads

A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world. [email protected]

Family Lives

An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Helpline: 0808 800 2222 / www.familylives.org.uk

Family Rights Group

Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services. Helpline: 0808 801 0366 / www.frg.org.uk

Link for information on Fathers Reaching Out

Run by paternal mental health pioneer Mark Williams, offering support to dads.

Link to Fatherhood Solutions

Scott Mair is a consultant in paternal mental health and parent education, Peer support trainer. Dad, Husband, Army veteran. 

FiveXMore

A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK. Email: [email protected]

Gingerbread

Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents. Helpline 0808 802 0925 / www.gingerbread.org.uk

The Hub of Hope - A directory of mental health support around the UK.

Link for the Lactation Consultants of Great Britain – for support with breastfeeding.

LGBT Mummies

Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.

Email: [email protected]

Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)

Email: [email protected]

Maternal OCD

Peer support available, email [email protected] to arrange

Mayah's Legacy

Supporting and empowering anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves. Email: [email protected] / 0300 102 1596

The Motherhood Group

Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy. [email protected]

Motivational Mums Club

Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother. [email protected]

Music Football Fatherhood - [email protected]

Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.

Muslim Women’s Network

Helpline: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am–4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko and Bengali. Email: [email protected]

Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk / Text: 07415 206 936

National Autistic Society www.autism.org.uk

Support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.

Netmums

Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-InClinic.

NHS Services for Mental Health Issues

Contact your local GP surgery. Call the NHS on 111 and press 2 for Mental Health Team

or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline

If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.

PANDAS

Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401

Email support available – [email protected]

Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario

PRENATAL, PREGNANCY AND POSTPARTUM SUPPORT & CONNECTION in Canada

[email protected]

Petals Baby Loss Charity - click for information

Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy or baby loss. Tel: 0300 688 0068

Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/ Email: [email protected]

Click for information on The Samaritans

Tel: 116 123 (this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)

Web: www.samaritans.org / Email: [email protected]

Sands Charity information link

Emotional and practical support for anyone affected by the death of a baby.

0808 164 3332 /Email: [email protected]

Shout

Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential conversation with a trained Shout volunteer.

Twins Trust

Twinline is Twins Trust’s listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more. All

0800 138 0509 / email [email protected].

Web: twinstrust.org/let-us-help/support/twinline.html

Tommy’s

Tommy’s has a team of in-house midwives who offer free support and information for women and their families at any stage of pregnancy and after the birth.

Web: www.tommys.org

Email: [email protected]

MUSIC by Joseph McDade

To launch Blue MumDays Season 3, host Vikki welcomes Sarah Edge, a perinatal specialist psychotherapist. In the first part of their discussion, Sarah shares her deeply personal and emotional journey through pregnancy, childbirth, and the complex challenges of infant feeding. She discusses her experiences with breastfeeding trauma and grief and the stark contrast between her expectations and the reality of motherhood. Sarah offers heartfelt advice to parents struggling with similar issues, emphasising the importance of compassion and seeking support. The episode also explores societal pressures and the impact of invalidation on mental health.

*Trigger Warning: *birth trauma, neonatal intensive care, breastfeeding trauma, feelings of suicide and baby loss.

In This Episode We Discuss:

[00:00] Teaser quote

[04:40] Not enjoying the pregnancy/not being what she’d expected or planned/sickness.

[08:27] Sensitivity and being self-conscious during pregnancy about how she looked

[08:04] Pregnancy isn’t an illness but it can be a hard slog on the body and mind. Expectations vs. reality.

[15:24] The birth – labour at 36 weeks. Family history of this. Primal urge to birth on her own.

[23:33] The ‘rush of love’ – actually quite rare.

[24:30] The birth took a turn – vomiting and post-partum haemorrhage.

[25:57] First attempts at breastfeeding, when things got really difficult.

[30:41] Feeling nervous about being sent home from hospital and the fear of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome)

[32:43] Severe jaundice - A+E and panic attack. The ramping up of anxiety. Jack in an incubator.

[37:05] Turning a corner, starting formula feeding.

[39:15] The toll of triple feeding and sleep deprivation on Sarah’s mental health. Start of suicidal thoughts. Rock bottom.

[43:17] Understanding breast feeding trauma.

[48:56] Finding out what works best for you and your family.

[49:50] Writing about her experience – the importance of sharing our struggles.

[52:09] Invalidation and trauma.

[56:37] Breastfeeding grief and how you won’t lose that precious bond.

[01:01:49] Sarah’s experience second time around, with her daughter.

[01:05:32] Compassion is the antidote to trauma.

Key Takeaways:

1.   Click this link for more information on Sarah Edge and her Maternal Mental Health services

2.   Information here on The Fed is Best Foundation, which supports all families to safely feed their babies whether they feed with breast, bottle, or both (combination feeding).

3.   Read Sarah’s article on Infant Feeding Trauma here on the Fed is Best website.

4.   Adjustment disorder is a mental health condition that occurs when someone has an unhealthy or excessive reaction to a stressful event or life change. Symptoms can include stress, sadness or hopelessness, negative thoughts and changes in behaviour.

5.   For information and support on hyperemesis gravidarum (HG is extreme sickness during pregnancy), click this link for Pregnancy Sickness Support. They are the only UK registered charity dedicated to offering support and evidence-based information to those affected by pregnancy sickness. They helped Sarah during her experience of HG.

6.   NICU means a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, which is a hospital unit providing specialised care for newborn babies who are sick or premature. 

7.   Phototherapy is a special light treatment sometimes used to treat newborn jaundice. It aims to expose the baby’s skin to as much light as possible, making it easier for the baby’s liver to break down and remove bilirubin from their blood.

8.   Triple feeding is a short-term breastfeeding method involving breastfeeding, pumping and bottle-feeding. The aim is to increase natural milk production whilst ensuring the baby is getting enough to eat.

9.   SIDS stands for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Read NHS information on SIDS here.

10. Listen to 'When Birth Leads to Trauma' with Dr. Becca Moore of Make Birth Better here

11. Listen now to Dr Orinayo Onabanjo's episode on 'Mum Guilt, Trauma and Systemic Inequality'

12. Self compassion is so important when recovering from trauma. Listen to 'Self Compassion with Poonam Dhuffer' via this link

13. For anyone seeking support on baby loss, we hope the following links are helpful: Click this link for the Sands Charity, information on Petals, the baby loss counselling charity and click for information on Mayah's Legacy, the charity to support those who have lost a baby.

14. This link leads you to the Lactation Consultants of Great Britain website. A lactation consultant can help you with breastfeeding issues and advice. Sally Rickard of Baby Thrive will be featured in an upcoming episode to discuss breastfeeding.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review, share it and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:

Instagram

Twitter

Join our Facebook Group

Email: [email protected]

Next Episode:

In the second part of this interview, Sarah Edge talks to host Vikki about her struggle with hyperemesis gravidarum (HG, or extreme sickness during pregnancy) and her battle with postnatal depression, following the birth of her daughter. (Released Monday 7th October 2024).

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER. 

We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)

Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.

Email: [email protected] / Tel: 020 3322 9900

AIMS for better birthing.

Email: [email protected]

This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible. / Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663 (leave message)

Andy's Man Club

A non-judgemental talking group for men

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/ [email protected]

Association of Postnatal Illness

Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868 / Email: [email protected] (Live chat online facility)

Best Beginnings

Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering 24/7 App support for new parents

Birth Trauma Association

Email: [email protected]

CALM

Contact CALM on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

Cedar House Support Group

Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise) / Mobile: 07773 283556

Contact: for families with disabled children

Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.

• helpline: 0808 808 3555
• website: https://contact.org.uk/

Contact a Family

www.cafamily.org.uk

Contact a Family offer support for all childhood conditions, are also able to put families in touch. Featuring a directory of conditions and rare disorders online.

Helpline: 0808 808 3555 (lines open Monday – Friday 9.30am – 5pm)

Dad Matters

Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting.

[email protected]

0161 344 0669

DadsNet 

Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

Dope Black Dads

A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world. [email protected]

Family Lives

An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Helpline: 0808 800 2222 / www.familylives.org.uk

Family Rights Group

Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services. Helpline: 0808 801 0366 / www.frg.org.uk

Link for information on Fathers Reaching Out

Run by paternal mental health pioneer Mark Williams, offering support to dads.

Link to Fatherhood Solutions

Scott Mair is a consultant in paternal mental health and parent education, Peer support trainer. Dad, Husband, Army veteran. 

FiveXMore

A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK. Email: [email protected]

Gingerbread

Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents. Helpline 0808 802 0925 / www.gingerbread.org.uk

The Hub of Hope - A directory of mental health support around the UK.

Link for the Lactation Consultants of Great Britain – for support with breastfeeding.

LGBT Mummies

Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.

Email: [email protected]

Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)

Email: [email protected]

Maternal OCD

Peer support available, email [email protected] to arrange

Mayah's Legacy

Supporting and empowering anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves. Email: [email protected] / 0300 102 1596

The Motherhood Group

Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy. [email protected]

Motivational Mums Club

Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother. [email protected]

Music Football Fatherhood - [email protected]

Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.

Muslim Women’s Network

Helpline: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am–4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko and Bengali. Email: [email protected]

Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk / Text: 07415 206 936

National Autistic Society www.autism.org.uk

Support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.

Netmums

Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-InClinic.

NHS Services for Mental Health Issues

Contact your local GP surgery. Call the NHS on 111 and press 2 for Mental Health Team

or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline

If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.

PANDAS

Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401

Email support available – [email protected]

Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario

PRENATAL, PREGNANCY AND POSTPARTUM SUPPORT & CONNECTION in Canada

[email protected]

Petals Baby Loss Charity - click for information

Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy or baby loss. Tel: 0300 688 0068

Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/ Email: [email protected]

Click for information on The Samaritans

Tel: 116 123 (this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)

Web: www.samaritans.org / Email: [email protected]

Season 3 of Blue MumDays is here, the parental mental health podcast smashing stigma and normalising the conversation on perinatal illness. Upcoming episodes include discussion on infant feeding trauma, breastfeeding advice, pre-eclampsia, baby loss, birthing during Covid, neonatal intensive care, coping with multiple miscarriage, postnatal depression in fathers and midwifery in a war zone. New episodes are released the first Monday of each month.

*TRIGGER WARNING: *Discussion of baby loss and trauma*

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review, share and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:

Instagram

Twitter

Join our Facebook Group

Email: [email protected]

In this 'Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week' special, I speak to Laura Bisbey, who was diagnosed with perinatal distress and anxiety during her pregnancy. This sadly continued following the birth of her daughter. Laura tells me about her feelings of rage during the pregnancy, and - once her daughter had been born - her struggles with bonding and the onset of O.C.D. (obsessive compulsive disorder). It's a tremendously brave conversation and I am so grateful to Laura for sharing her story with us.

*TRIGGER WARNING: *Brief mention of feelings of suicide*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[02:28] Introduction to Laura.

[02:53] Increased anxiety and guilt about not enjoying pregnancy.

[07:15] Perinatal rage - completely out of character for Laura.

[10:02] How breaking her arm exacerbated negative feelings during pregnancy.

[12:05] Enforced rest = over-thinking. Feeling she wasn't needed at work. Letting the mask slip.

[14:06] Laura's husband couldn't relate, but was very supportive.

[15:37] Advice for people listening - "explain how you are feeling".

[16:51] The importance of Laura's work and how hard the abrupt ending was for her.

[19:11] Unrealistic expectations of how easy motherhood would be. Trying to be 'perfect'.

[23:34] Charlotte's birth - a quick labour but no 'rush of love'. Bonding took a year.

[28:37] C.B.T. (Cognitive Behavioural Therapist) and O.C.D. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Trying to stay 'in control'.

[31:24] *Waves of sadness and not wanting to be here anymore*.

[33:44] Starting to build a relationship with Charlotte through play.

[36:30] How Laura's O.C.D. manifested - fears around contamination, choking and vomit.

[43:28] How this O.C.D. tested Laura's relationship.

[44:45] Trying to cope when Charlotte was sick.

[47:33] Getting help with the O.C.D. and keeping 'checking' under control.

[49:26] How C.B.T. offered Laura solutions and strategies.

[51:14] Recovery isn't linear.

[52:02] How returning to work was integral to Laura's recovery.

[53:37] Finally being hit by that much longed for 'rush of love'.

[56:54] Telling people at work.

[01:03:09] Advice for people currently struggling.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Follow this link for N.H.S. information about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (C.B.T.)
2. You can find more information about postnatal rage here – from the Centre of Perinatal Excellence (Australia).
3. Perinatal O.C.D. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) is one of the most misunderstood perinatal mental health problems. Click here for advice and support from the Maternal O.C.D. charity, set up by 2 mums with lived experience and O.C.D. Action, the UK's largest O.C.D. charity.
4. Difficulty with baby bonding affects a third of UK mums. Read more about it here in this N.C.T. (National Childbirth Trust) article.
5. Find out more about the 'Circle of Security' model of attachment here
6. Click to hear Liz Wise's journey with PND in Series 1 Episode 1 – Liz’s first daughter Emma comes on at the end to tell us how close their relationship is now, despite Liz struggling to bond with her at first.
7. This 'Loving Kindness Meditation' will help you relax, reset and recharge. It’s only 15 minutes long and you don’t have to meditate - just close your eyes and listen. There’s no pressure to do anything, but it might just help you to relax and still any anxious over-thinking for a while. (Thank you to Poonam Dhuffer of YSM8 for creating this specially for Blue MumDays.)

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:

Instagram / Twitter / Join our Facebook Group / Email: [email protected]

NEXT EPISODE:

Next time I speak to Sarah Edge, who is a perinatal specialist psychotherapist working in South Manchester, with a special interest in supporting women with infant feeding guilt and trauma. Sarah is also the author of the Maternal Mental Health Manual. We discuss her own battles with anxiety, breastfeeding, hyperemisis gravidum and postnatal depression, following the birth of her two children.

SUPPORT:

*FOR SUPPORT SPECIFIC TO THIS EPISODE, PLEASE SEE THE KEY TAKEAWAYS*

If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help. 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER. 

We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)

Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.

Email: [email protected] / Tel: 020 3322 9900

The ADHD Foundation - the neurodiversity charity

Call us - 0151 541 9020 / Email - [email protected]

AIMS for better birthing.

Email: [email protected]

This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible. / Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663 (leave message)

Andy's Man Club

A non-judgemental talking group for men

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/ [email protected]

Association of Postnatal Illness

Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868 / Email: [email protected] (Live chat online facility)

Best Beginnings

Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering 24/7 App support for new parents

Birth Trauma Association

Email: [email protected]

CALM

Contact CALM on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

Cedar House Support Group

Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise) / Mobile: 07773 283556

Contact: for families with disabled children

Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.

• helpline: 0808 808 3555
• website: https://contact.org.uk/

Contact a Family

www.cafamily.org.uk

Contact a Family offer support for all childhood conditions, are also able to put families in touch. Featuring a directory of conditions and rare disorders online.

Helpline: 0808 808 3555 (lines open Monday – Friday 9.30am – 5pm)

CLAPA – Cleft Lip and Palate Association

www.clapa.com - Information and support on cleft lip and palate treatment.

Dad Matters

Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting.

[email protected]

0161 344 0669

DadsNet 

Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

Dope Black Dads

A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world. [email protected]

Family Lives

An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Helpline: 0808 800 2222 / www.familylives.org.uk

Family Rights Group

Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services. Helpline: 0808 801 0366 /  www.frg.org.uk

Fathers Reaching Out

https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/ run by Mark Williams, offering support to dads.

FiveXMore

A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK. Email: [email protected]

Gingerbread

Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents. Helpline 0808 802 0925 /  www.gingerbread.org.uk

The Hub of Hope - A directory of mental health support around the UK.

LGBT Mummies

Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.

Email: [email protected]

Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)

Email: [email protected]

Maternal OCD

Peer support available, email [email protected] to arrange

Mayah's Legacy

Supporting and empowering anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves.  Email: [email protected] / 0300 102 1596

The Motherhood Group

Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy. [email protected]

Motivational Mums Club

Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother. [email protected]

Music Football Fatherhood - [email protected]

Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.

Muslim Women’s Network

Helpline: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am–4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko and Bengali. Email: [email protected]

Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk / Text: 07415 206 936

National Autistic Society www.autism.org.uk

Support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.

Netmums

Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-InClinic.

NHS Services for Mental Health Issues

Contact your local GP surgery. Call the NHS on 111 and press 2 for Mental Health Team

or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline

If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.

PANDAS

Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401

Email support available – [email protected]

Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario

PRENATAL, PREGNANCY AND POSTPARTUM SUPPORT & CONNECTION in Canada

[email protected]

Petals

Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy or baby loss. Tel: 0300 688 0068

Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/

Email: [email protected]

PMH Support

Scott Mair is a consultant in paternal mental health and parent education, Peer support trainer. Dad, Husband, Army veteran. 

Samaritans

Tel: 116 123 (this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)

Web: www.samaritans.org

Email: [email protected]

Sands Charity

Emotional and practical support for anyone affected by the death of a baby.

0808 164 3332 /Email: [email protected]

Shout

Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential conversation with a trained Shout volunteer.

Twins Trust

Twinline is Twins Trust’s listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more. All

0800 138 0509 / email [email protected].

Web: twinstrust.org/let-us-help/support/twinline.html

I chat to Nick Raeburn, aka 'That Social Nerd'. Nick came to my attention in a very brave and raw LinkedIn post, where he talked about the huge flood of emotion he experienced in becoming a dad. Prior to having children, Nick had never cried - a result of the awful abuse he suffered as a child. This is a very emotional and deeply profound conversation; I don't think I've cried as much - or laughed as much - during an interview!

*TRIGGER WARNING: *Brief (but not graphic) early mention of Child Abuse, discussion of Trauma*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[02:46] Introduction to Nick.

[03:42] How the birth of his daughter was the catalyst to unlocking his emotions.

[04:41] How Nick was helped through therapy and E.M.D.R. (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing).

[05:28] Lack of support during his childhood. Catharsis from expressing how he feels on social media.

[07:02] How the pandemic has affected attitudes to life and mental health.

[08:12] How Nick had buried the painful experiences of his childhood.

[09:28] Approaching fatherhood. The differences in the birth of his first and second child.

[12:46] Meeting his daughter for the first time. The importance of emotional intelligence.

[16:06] The unrelenting horror of sleep deprivation!

[21:54] The early days of having his newborn daughter at home.

[23:29] Feelings of anger, resulting from Nick's adverse childhood experiences.

[27:50] Owning his story and reclaiming his power.

[29:20] Fatherhood and masculinity. Discovering 'A Band of Brothers'. Mentorship.

[35:27] Recovery, including the E.M.D.R. therapy and mentoring other young men.

[43:00] How Nick has changed from the man his wife originally married.

[45:21] The importance of fathers engaging with their children - the 'First 1001 Days'.

[48:10] Nick's hopes for his son, going forward.

[50:06] Advice for those who have experienced abuse, but have never talked about it.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Click here for more information on E.M.D.R., known as Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing.
2. Link to Rosey's website, 'PND and Me', founder of the #PND hour on Twitter.
3. Listen to the Blue MumDays episode 'When Birth Leads to Trauma' with Dr Rebecca Moore. Find out more about charity 'Make Birth Better' here, Rebecca’s organisation for supporting parents and healthcare professionals suffering from birth trauma or vicarious trauma.
4. Read more on the book 'The Body Keeps The Score' by Bessel Van Der Kolk, “mind, brain and body in the transformation of trauma”.
5. This 'Loving Kindness Meditation' will help you relax, reset and recharge. It’s only 15 minutes long and you don’t have to meditate - just close your eyes and listen. There’s no pressure to do anything, but it might just help you to relax. (Thank you to Poonam Dhuffer of YSM8 for creating this specially for Blue MumDays.)
6. Learn more about award-winning charity 'A Band of Brothers' by clicking on the link. They helped Nick enormously and now he mentors others through it. Its aim is to help young men grow and develop, improving their lives and that of the communities they live in.
7. Further support for fathers can be found here: Fathers Reaching Out, Music Football Fatherhood, PMH Support, Dope Black Dads and Dad Matters.
8. LISTEN: Blue MumDays S1 Ep 3 Elliott Rae on PTSD in Fathers.
9. LISTEN: Blue MumDays S1 Ep 8 The Daddy Blues with Mark Williams and S1 Ep 9 Mark Williams part 2 on PND in Fathers.
10. LISTEN: Blue MumDays S1 Ep 18 Dr Andrew Mayers discusses PND in dads.
11. Learn more about the 'First 1001 Days' campaign by clicking this link. The Parent Infant Foundation state that “the first 1001 days include pregnancy and the first two years of a child’s life. There is clear, compelling evidence that this is a significant and influential phase in development.”
12. Click here for NHS guidance on P.T.S.D. (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). There are some good support networks listed there too.
13. PTSD UK are a UK charity dedicated to raising awareness of post-traumatic stress disorder, no matter the trauma that caused it.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:

Instagram / Twitter / Join our Facebook Group / Email: [email protected]

NEXT EPISODE:

Next time I speak to Laura Bisbey, who was diagnosed with perinatal distress and anxiety during her pregnancy. This sadly continued following the birth of her daughter. Laura tells me about her feelings of rage during the pregnancy, and - once her daughter had been born - her struggles with bonding and the onset of O.C.D. (obsessive compulsive disorder). It's a tremendously brave conversation and I am so grateful to Laura for sharing her story with us.

SUPPORT:

*FOR SUPPORT SPECIFIC TO THIS EPISODE, PLEASE SEE THE KEY TAKEAWAYS*

If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help. 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER. 

We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)

Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.

Email: [email protected] / Tel: 020 3322 9900

The ADHD Foundation - the neurodiversity charity

Call us - 0151 541 9020 / Email - [email protected]

AIMS for better birthing.

Email: [email protected]

This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible. / Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663 (leave message)

Andy's Man Club

A non-judgemental talking group for men

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/ [email protected]

Association of Postnatal Illness

Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868 / Email: [email protected] (Live chat online facility)

Beat Eating Disorders,

The UK's eating disorder charity.

0808 801 0677 / Email: [email protected]

Best Beginnings

Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering 24/7 App support for new parents

Bi-Polar UK

email: [email protected]

Birth Trauma Association

Email: [email protected]

CALM

Contact CALM on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

Cedar House Support Group

Email: [email protected] (Liz Wise) / Mobile: 07773 283556

Contact: for families with disabled children

Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.

• helpline: 0808 808 3555
• website: https://contact.org.uk/

Contact a Family

www.cafamily.org.uk

Contact a Family offer support for all childhood conditions, are also able to put families in touch. Featuring a directory of conditions and rare disorders online.

Helpline: 0808 808 3555 (lines open Monday – Friday 9.30am – 5pm)

CLAPA – Cleft Lip and Palate Association

www.clapa.com - Information and support on cleft lip and palate treatment.

Dad Matters

Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting.

[email protected]

0161 344 0669

DadsNet 

Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

Dope Black Dads

A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world. [email protected]

Family Lives

An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Helpline: 0808 800 2222 / www.familylives.org.uk

Family Rights Group

Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services. Helpline: 0808 801 0366 /  www.frg.org.uk

Fathers Reaching Out

https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/ run by Mark Williams, offering support to dads.

FiveXMore

A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK. Email: [email protected]

Gingerbread

Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents. Helpline 0808 802 0925 /  www.gingerbread.org.uk

The Hub of Hope - A directory of mental health support around the UK.

LGBT Mummies

Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.

Email: [email protected]

Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)

Email: [email protected]

Maternal OCD

Peer support available, email [email protected] to arrange

Mayah's Legacy

Supporting and empowering anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves.  Email: [email protected] / 0300 102 1596

The Motherhood Group

Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy. [email protected]

Motivational Mums Club

Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother. [email protected]

Music Football Fatherhood - [email protected]

Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.

Muslim Women’s Network

Helpline: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am–4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko and Bengali. Email: [email protected]

Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk / Text: 07415 206 936

National Autistic Society www.autism.org.uk

Support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.

Netmums

Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-InClinic.

NHS

Contact your local GP surgery. Call the NHS on 111

or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline

If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.

PANDAS

Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401

Email support available – [email protected]

Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario

PRENATAL, PREGNANCY AND POSTPARTUM SUPPORT & CONNECTION in Canada

[email protected]

Petals

Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy or baby loss. Tel: 0300 688 0068

Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/

Email: [email protected]