Braised Bits

00:00-2:55- The chefs jump into the quarantine kitchen with a cold open where Lance describes the cool Nike net t-shirt that he is wearing as well as an anecdote about Kenny Atkinsons’ basketball camp.

2:55-7:30- The chefs shout out a top braiserback birthday and go over some positive/negative feedback from the previous episode.

7:30-9:05- Lance reveals the Susan boil and burn method he’s been using to cooking sausages.

9:05-17:00- The chefs discuss their highlights from the past week which include Jesse watching the Oscar Meyer winning movie Parasite and Lance describing his experience with a bubba gump bubble in the ceiling of his bathroom.

17:00- 01:09:41 - The chefs “Joe list” their top nine things they miss about restaurants.

1:09:41- 1:10:30- Jesse reads a new carvel ice cream advertisement for the pod.

1:10:30- 1:11:52 -Lance reads an ad for a new masterclass where you can learn how to become a Braised Bits comedy chef.

1:11:52- 1:15:41 -The chefs go into their “Is that a Joke” segment with Jesse detailing a tense moment at his local corner store with a can mans’ weird corona comment. Lances “is that a joke” has to do with his instagram feed suggesting that he may be deeply unsatisfied.

1:15:41- 1:26:52- Lance kicks off the “questionable at best” segment with a story about a macha maniac lady at his local coffee spot. Jesse isn’t pleased with a zoom birthday party with too many people.

1:26:52- 1:29:50 - The chefs bring in the closer and plug what they have coming up.

Note: This was recorded during quarantine times, so the chefs are in the virtual kitchen.

00:00-13:25: The chefs chop up some Pesach bits as they reminisce over Rugrats Passover and talk virtual seders.

13:25-22:40: Highlights Magazine time. Jesse still has major beef brisket over not being invited to Lance's wedding, but takes solace in some gifted olive oil. Chef Lance talks about cooking outside of the podkitchen.

22:40-1:02:48: It's a sweet Top 9 as the chefs get salty over their top 9 desserts. Lance throws Jesse's apple pie right back in his face.

1:20:48-1:03:20: No sponsors this week because the economy ended because Coronavirus, although Lance inadvertently sponsors Annie's Mac and Cheese

1:03:20-1:08:35 It's a Whack Goldberg special at the end of the podcast iron skillet as Jesse goes double dipping on his was that a joke? and QAB. He shares his new identity as a little girl riding a bicycle, and chirps back at some aggressive birds.

1:08:35-1:16:30: Lance has a bonen farrow to pick with the size of tahini jars. He also shares his journey of obtaining his credit report.

1:16:30-Close: The chefs wash their hands as they exit the kitchen after another successful episode.

NOTE: This was recorded during the Coronavirus quarantine, so the chefs are cooking virtually.

00:00-8:05: The chefs sign into the virtual podkitchen and Jesse immediately starts throwing One Shot style grenades at Lance's photo editing skills and Eric Seidel's density. Seidel fires back.

8:05- 16:15: The chefs share their highlights during the previous quarantined week. Lance shares his life-changing experience of becoming an old italian man and doing his laundry by hand. Chef Jesse makes some tutto bene meatballs.

16:15-59:05 The chefs dive into the screening room as their share their favorite movies of all-time. This one is spicy!

59:05-1:00:30: The chefs share some causes to donate robinson to during the quarantine.

1:00:30-1:05:25: Lance shares a fascinating development with his neighbor, The Millionaire Next Door. Jesse shares a harrowing story about his toilet and sink stinking it up with some 2005-2006 Larry Brown water.

1:05:25-112:45: Jesse GOES IN on a twitter influencer who is upset about not being able to get a kenan and gel manicure. Lance observes some QAB behavior from some non quarantine observant New Yorkers.

112:45-Close: The chefs bring in the closer and announce a new segment.

The chefs Zoom into their virtual kitchen with the help of Clearcast.io, as they welcome Kate, Lance's wife for a special quarantined episode of the pod.

NOTE: It appears we cook too hot for internet, so we apologize for it being not of our usual quality.

00:00-10:45: The chefs connect via internet and adjust to their virtual kitchen. They welcome Kate, Lance's wife, to the pod, and Jesse learns that Kate is the true proprietor of the Podkitchen.

10:45-21:30: Highlights. Kate shares the major highlights of her adjusted schedule given the quarantimes, Lance signs the praises of coconut flour, and Jesse makes an omelette and doesn't mess it up. Huge wins all around.

21:30-32:50: Before the chefs dip into their top 9, Lance share's an episode-specific decree enacted by pod nemesis Eric Seidel

32:50-59:00: The chefs dip into their top 9 dips.

59:00-1:00:40: Jesse advertises content produced by comics. Lance shares a PSA for sweet potato fries.

1:00:40-1:15:45 Jesse is unsure if his cousin is joking when he wants to break social distancing protocols. Lance isn't sure if his fellow laundromat goer is joking with their hogging of space. Kate shares a QAB story of a saliva-happy runner along the East River

1:15:45-1:21:20 Jesse's virtual therapy session was not QAB, but thinks his instagram show One Shot might be QAB conceptually. Kate offers a suggestion and quashes his concerns. Kate thinks many people's tips of self-isolating are QAB because they live in Dr. Houses and not apartments. Lance thinks the whole east coast of the United States might be QAB.

1:21:20: The chefs bring in the closer and sign out of the virtual kitchen.

Chefs Jesse and Lance are keeping the podkitchen open for takeout and delivery during this tough time. Come get your bits!

00:00-14:20: The chefs discuss the atlanta brave new world under quarantine, and shout-out a number of independently run NYC restaurants that could use some help during this time.

14:20-23:20: Jesse baskin robbins' in joy at the fact that Tom Brady is leaving New England. Lance feels well-rested in the time of corona.

23:20-1:08:55 The chefs get out that sanitizer and dish out their top 9 household chores. Jesse has never heard of Marie luxury Kondo, and Lance shares the literary genius of the friend-zoned Frog and Toad.

1:08:55-1:12:55: For Was that a Joke?, Jesse shares a QAB encounter at QED. Lance is unsure if his dad is joking.

1:12:55-1:16:50 : Jesse thinks a skype therapy session could be QAB. Lance is concerned about Trump's face.

1:16:50-1:19:05: The chefs close out another great episode and implore you to like, subscribe, and share the pod!

The world may be stopping, but Lance and Jesse are BACK in the podcast iron skillet and cook up a saucy episode behind closed doors.

0:00-12:00: The chefs reopen the kitchen, and start cooking behind closed doors amid the societal-wide quentin quarantino. They discuss reuniting and the continued exploits of pod-nemesis Seidell.

12:00-24:30: Highlights. Jesse Berns up seaCaucus as he gets back into comedy. Lance eats a chicken cutlet sandwich. Lance gets a new barber (Jesse)

24:30-59:45: The chefs get saucy as they discuss their favorite sauces and sauce brands (of the 2010s). Sweet Baby Ray, this one gets mild!

59:45-1:02:15: Pat appreciation time. The chefs scrutinize Bassam's beef brisket with St. Pat. Shoutout to Pat.

1:02:15-1:10:20: Jesse's co-producer Eric forgot about comedy world news for this weeks was that a joke? Lance isn't sure if he should go ahead with his 30 min taping due to the doggedness of Coronan Farrow (he was correct).

1:10:20-1:12:30: Jesse finds pod nemesis Eric Seidell QAB (shocker). Lance hates spring Daylight Savings time.

1:12:14-Close: Bits, bits bits bits bits! The chefs bring in Mariano Rivera and close out another classic episode.

Pod nemesis and elusive gadfly Eric Seidel joins Lance in the podkitchen. Does he show his cards?? Listen to hear what the banker himself has to say about the Great Pod Reviews Contest, the level of cooking done by the comedy chefs, and how he Shoulders the responsibility of being the Pod nemesis.

Straight from the mouth of Ramsey Michel himself. A must listen for diehard braiserbacks!

Comedy Chef Bassam Shawl hoagies for Chef Jesse in this week's Braised Bits. He channels his inner Lance, which makes for a wild and crazy (kids) episode

00:00-7:45: The chefs cook up a unique flame. Bassam shares his love for Wegmans as he gets into the podcast iron skillet and Sabras the moment.

8:00-26:00: Lance and Bassam discuss the desperate energy of Valentine's day, which was quickly replaced by the positive and celebratory energy of a 3 day weekend. They are Kumon in hot here with talk about SATS, Zionism, and Zainy Brainy Sharif

26:00-53:00: The chefs share their top 9 cereals. Lance is convinced Bassam is making them up on the spot. He also doesn't know what Wheaties look like, and Lance takes Dolores Umbridge with that lack of knowledge.

53:00-54:00: Shout out to Pat. Come to Pat's Monday shift at the lantern.

54:00-1:03:20: For the was that a joke segment, Lance shares an instagram .tiff with a former guest host. Bassam shines the natural light on his former roommate's painting.

103:20-1:10:00: Lance drops a receipt and some hero goes out of his way to tell him. Bassam has his space compromised by some fool at yoga.

1:10:00-close: No sign stealing here as the chefs shut off the stove on another episode.

00:00-08:00: Chef Lance introduces guest host Chef Nick, who is filling in for Jesse for the week. Chef Nick, a loch fitness monster who rides the major vegan expressway, quickly gets into pod shape

8:00-26:40: Highlights. Lance talks about being a road cat, doing shows in Massachusetts with former Braised Bits guest Bret a Manger. Nick shares some STDetails that positively turned out negative for him.

26:40-56:00: Nick shares a word from our sponsor, Pat's Monday shift at the Lantern. Lance shares a word from our loyal sponsor chairspace.

57:40-1:03:40: For this week's Was that a Joke?, Nick shares a hairy encounter with his roommate. Lance wonders why the Super Bowl Halftime show was sponsored by The Masked Singer

1:03:40-1:10:30: Nick, who heroically decides to not go to the bathroom despite doing the pee pee dance, shares a QAB toenail clipping operation he has witnessed. Lance thinks the winter of 2020 is QAB.

1:10:30-Close: The chefs bring in the closer with Enter Bits.

Shows highlights:

00:00-8:30: Lance and Jesse introduce Lance and Jesse, and the smoke detector in the podkitchen starts blaring. It ceases to go off the entire episode

8:30-28:00 Highlights. With catlike reflexes, Jesse P shares a tale of visiting his folks back in California. Lance W. gets out of the city, does some shows in Yonkers, and gets everyone on the Pat Monahan Train.. Chef Jesse talks pretzel dogs in PA, and Chef Lance loves when tour-goers soak up knowledge in the pouring rain.

28:00-41:00: All four chefs start up a stir fry and try to determine what the best time of day is. Chef Jesse gets a bit militaristic about time.

41:00-44:20: The chefs share a word from our sponsors with a shoutout to Pat and a word from Liprecruiter.

44:30-51:25: For the Was That a Joke? segment, Chef Jesse doubles down, Jesse P gets scared by what he is not sure is a joke, and the Lance's decide to open up their own law firm.

51:25-1:09:15: The comedy cooks have a debate as to whether or not the internet is QAB.

1:09:15-Close: The Chefs bring in the closer and tip out the house