Breathing Wind

“I've been very present to the fact that there have been these huge, huge joys. But every time I meet a huge joy, it just drops me deeper into the grief, which is part of what I always say about grief.

The more you open yourself to the joy, the more you open yourself to the grief and vice versa. So that kind of feels like where my journey has been this summer.”

~ Naila Francis

In this episode, inspired by our conversation with grief activist, author and podcast host Lisa Keefauver, we reflect on where our journeys have taken us these last few months, including the grief we’re both living with. As we invite you into these personal experiences, we share the ways grief continues to surprise and teach us — and how challenging it can be to lean into those lessons that come ‘round again and again. Given all the wisdom Lisa shared with us from her new book, “Grief is A Sneaky Bitch” (also the title of her podcast) in the previous episode, we also explore some of the threads that most resonated with us, especially the value of seeking support, which can be tricky to do when you’re the one often giving it. We’re so grateful for Lisa’s work challenging conventional narratives around grief. And we invite you to consider the narratives you hold around loss, how they might be impacting you and how you care for yourself and others in times of grief. 

To find out more about this episode, listen to the episodes referenced, and subscribe to the newsletter, visit the show notes.

“So if our narrative understood that it's emotional and cognitive and physical and spiritual and relational, how might we attend to ourselves differently?  How might we attend to other people in our lives differently? How, if we believed it as a culture, would we institute policies and systems that attended to grief differently?”

- Lisa Keefauver

In this episode, we talk with Lisa Keefauver, grief activist, author and podcast host of “Grief is a Sneaky Bitch,” about grief as a multidimensional experience that encompasses more than death and more than our emotions. With compelling insight, compassionate warmth, the truth of her own lived experience and her background as a narrative therapist, Lisa shines a light on some of the stories, beliefs and habits that cause us more suffering as we grieve — while also offering tips and suggestions to help soften grief’s hard edges. She talks about the vulnerability and bravery of inviting in support and candidly shares her own struggles with receiving care. In fact, Lisa is nothing but candid throughout this entire episode, as she reflects on grieving and being grateful for her late husband Eric, her journey with breast cancer and what grief has taught her about living a fuller, richer life. You’ll probably want to listen with a journal or come back to this episode again, as, with fall right  around the corner, it feels like a timely roadmap to help us all navigate this human experience with more grace for ourselves. 

To find out more about this episode, listen to the episodes referenced, and subscribe to the newsletter, visit the show notes.

“As a death midwife, one of the things many of us do is work on legacy projects with people who are dying and their loved ones, and yet sometimes I think it's really not up to us to know what our legacy is. I can hope it will be this particular thing, but at the end of the day, the people we leave behind are the ones really making the meaning and interpreting our lives for us.”

~Naila Francis

Welcome to our celebratory 100th episode of the Breathing Wind Podcast, where we reflect on some of the recurring themes around grief that have shaped the podcast since it began. We revisit key moments in conversations with a handful of guests that touch on navigating life transitions with openness, the intersection of grief and joy and what it means to leave behind a legacy. As we share from our own grief journeys, we note how challenging it can be to embody emotional self-awareness, the surprising parts of ourselves that show up in the midst of profound change, and whether it’s truly possible to know the impact we leave behind. We do know, however, that this podcast has created a virtual community, and we remain grateful for you, listeners, as well as the growth we’ve experienced, and the future of our shared journey.

To find out more about this episode, listen to the episodes referenced, and subscribe to the newsletter, visit the show notes.

“I think some of the clearest decisions I've ever made have come in the aftermath of grief.” ~Naila Francis

In this episode, we look back on our enchanting and insightful conversation with Mara June, an educator, facilitator, community weaver, writer, caregiver, death doula and community herbalist. Reflecting on her deep belief in the creative energy inherent in grieving, we discuss grief’s transformative power in our lives and some of the ways we’ve been creatively called to change how we show up in the world. For Sarah, that included re-evaluating her career and the work she was doing, and for Naila, transformation came in waves affecting many areas of her life. As we’ve done across several episodes, we circle back to the presence of joy as part of grief and in particular how grief opens us up to feel more alive by giving us access to the full range of our emotions. We also acknowledge, with gratitude to Mara for naming this, numbness as part of grieving, and explore the idea of bringing tenderness and beauty to death, even in challenging circumstances, as Naila was able to do at her dad’s deathbed, and as Sarah has continued to do by nurturing a connection that was meaningful to her own father. We hope this conversation invites you to make a little more room for your grief and to be gentle with all the changes your journey may be calling you to. As always, we’d love to hear what moved or resonated with you, and we thank you for allowing us to be companions on your journey.

To find out more about this episode, listen to the episodes referenced, and subscribe to the newsletter, visit the show notes.

"In allowing ourselves to feel our grief, or to feel present with whatever is coming up for us — not excluding our joy —  that's actually helping us to feel more deeply in all of these areas in our life. And I think that is part of the enchantment piece for me...When we feel more deeply, then we can also feel enchantment and wonder and awe and all of these other things as well."

~ Mara June

In this episode, death doula, community herbalist, educator and writer Mara June invites us to consider the ways grief calls us to change who we are and how we move in the world. Framing this “undoing” as liberating, they share grief’s potential to make us magicians, opening us up to mystery and wonder and bringing us more alive. We also talk about their own journey with grief and loss, how they came to community death care, and how we can bring moments of beauty and tenderness to the end of life. Noting that we have never grieved alone, Mara speaks to the wise and nourishing role of plants in tending our grief, introducing us to some of their favorites. (Hint: if you’re not into chamomile, you will be after listening!). And of course, we couldn’t leave this conversation without talking about their spells and their deeply affirming memes and social media posts, which you’ll definitely want to check out for yourself. We learned so much in this conversation and also shared some sweet moments with Mara when they turned the mic on us. May it inspire you, too, on your shapeshifting journey through grief. 

To find out more about this episode, listen to the episodes referenced, and subscribe to the newsletter, visit the show notes.

In this episode, inspired by our powerful conversation with communal grief tender and song circle leader, Alexandra “Ahlay” Blakeley, we discuss our own experiences with song circles and how they impacted us — as well our thoughts on community grief spaces in general, and how grief support is so much broader than the stereotypical basement circle for story sharing that people are used to. We share our “safe” places to cry and reflect on the varied responses we receive to working in the grief space — Naila with her workshops and classes and Sarah when she tells people she co-hosts a podcast about grief. Our dads also make an appearance when we start talking about what our beloveds leave behind, and what we do with their “stuff.” And there’s that prophetic dream thread that we just couldn’t ignore after Ahlay shared two incredibly vivid dreams with us in our conversation with her. Have you ever had a dream that’s informed your path? We’d love to hear it or anything else that strikes a resonant note with you from our time together.

To find out more about this episode, listen to the episodes referenced, and subscribe to the newsletter, visit the show notes.

“I believe that community singing, which I define as, when a group of folks come together and they sing songs together that are easy enough lyrically and easy enough melodically to be taught in the moment. And then we sing these songs, which I personally call spells or prayers together that are amplified and help put us in some sort of altered state through the process of singing these songs, it's a technology for  belonging. It's a technology for metabolizing grief.”

~ Alexandra Blakely (AKA ahlay)

From the moment she dropped into our opening invitation to a deep breath, with an admitted mix of tension in her body and openness in her heart,  artist, singer-songwriter, communal grief tender and community organizer Alexandra "Ahlay" Blakely took us on an unforgettable journey. In this profound and inspiring conversation, we touch on the nuances and complexities of navigating this tumultuous time in the world and how songs can help us move our grief through our bodies in a way the mind can’t and doesn’t have to understand. In reframing communal singing as our inherent birthright, she speaks to the shame many of us have around our singing voices, shares the sense of belonging found in song circles and how songs can be spells casting an impact far beyond immediate time and place. In sharing her journey from backup pop singer to activist to ritual and community song circle facilitator, Ahlay proves a compelling storyteller — you won’t want to miss the dream she shares about whales, among so many other moments in this episode, including when she and Naila discover their profound affinity for whales has more in common than they could have imagined. 

To find out more about this episode, listen to the episodes referenced, and subscribe to the newsletter, visit the show notes.

“When I was on the Camino, there was this moment when I was spreading [my dad’s] ashes and just talking to him and I realized that was why I was there,  that he wanted me there. And I felt so connected to him, and at that time I remember thinking, ‘This is so simple. I can turn off everything and go out for a walk in the woods and be connected with my dad.’”

~ Sarah Davis

In this episode, recorded during the holiday season, we debrief our Christmases: how we spent them, how our grief showed up and how we coped, or didn’t. Reflecting on our conversation with author and plant ecologist Susan Tweit, who still finds so many beautiful ways to be with her late husband Richard, we recall instances of connection with our own dads — and in a very candid moment, reveal some of the moments along our fathers’ end-of-life journeys, exploring some of our regrets and our denial. Again drawing from Susan’s wisdom and devoted mindfulness practice, we also look at the role of love and compassion in our lives, and Sarah shares an especially helpful technique that helps her to meet her mom from that place when she gets overwhelmed or starts to feel intense emotion around her caregiving. Perhaps not surprising, there’s some meandering, as we also talk about aging, the healthcare system and our wishes for more collective and communal death care. But mostly there’s a lot of heart and tender honesty in this episode. We hope you’ll bring your heart to listening and invite you, as always, to share what resonated or what you’ll be carrying forward into your own grief journey. 

To find out more about this episode, listen to the episodes referenced, and subscribe to the newsletter, visit the show notes.

“If we have the intention to live with love and compassion, we can handle anything. We are amazing beings, we humans. We can also really screw up badly, but if we have the intention to live with love and compassion, it changes what we do and how we are.”

~ Susan J. Tweit

In her memoir, Bless the Birds: Living with Love in a Time of Dying, Susan J. Tweit, an award-winning writer and plant ecologist, recounts her journey accompanying her husband toward the end of his life, following a diagnosis with brain cancer. We explore what it was like for her to navigate those devastatingly bittersweet last two years of his life, which included a 4,000-mile honeymoon road trip they’d long put off and the death of Susan’s mom to Alzheimer’s. But as Susan shares her experiences of grief and death with us, what shines through is not so much the challenges and pain of her journey — though she is candid about both, especially having been a caregiver — but her insistence on fully living during those years. She and her husband Richard were committed to filling their days with love, compassion, beauty, wonder and gratitude for each other. As she speaks to life after Richard, Susan reflects on how she still carries him with her, what it’s been like to reclaim her independence and what we can all learn from facing death with less fear.

To find out more about this episode, listen to the episodes referenced, and subscribe to the newsletter, visit the show notes.

“Our Christmas lights now are all blue since Ron left. I want to honor the day and the spirit of it, but the bright, shining twinkle lights and jingle bells don't speak to my heart. When the blue lights are turned on, the room is bathed with a lovely blue, which creates exactly the right atmosphere to sink into the holy yet joyful season.”

~Marge Sexton

In this holiday compilation episode, we offer a glimpse of others’ experiences of the holidays after loss. Sarah shares her journey with grief during the holiday season, including embracing new traditions. Naila shares a poem she wrote about blue Christmas lights and the beauty of grief. Three listeners — Marge Sexton, Righteous Jolly, and Roseanne Corcoran — also share their unique experiences of processing grief over the holidays and their coping mechanisms, including celebrating the memory of loved ones, channeling emotions through art, and connecting with nature. Last, but not least, writer and plant biologist Susan Tweit shares a glimpse of how she processes her grief (and hint, it’s a preview of our upcoming episode :)). 

To find out more about this episode, listen to the episodes referenced, and subscribe to the newsletter, visit the show notes.

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