Breathing Wind

“I believe that community singing, which I define as, when a group of folks come together and they sing songs together that are easy enough lyrically and easy enough melodically to be taught in the moment. And then we sing these songs, which I personally call spells or prayers together that are amplified and help put us in some sort of altered state through the process of singing these songs, it's a technology for  belonging. It's a technology for metabolizing grief.”

~ Alexandra Blakely (AKA ahlay)

From the moment she dropped into our opening invitation to a deep breath, with an admitted mix of tension in her body and openness in her heart,  artist, singer-songwriter, communal grief tender and community organizer Alexandra "Ahlay" Blakely took us on an unforgettable journey. In this profound and inspiring conversation, we touch on the nuances and complexities of navigating this tumultuous time in the world and how songs can help us move our grief through our bodies in a way the mind can’t and doesn’t have to understand. In reframing communal singing as our inherent birthright, she speaks to the shame many of us have around our singing voices, shares the sense of belonging found in song circles and how songs can be spells casting an impact far beyond immediate time and place. In sharing her journey from backup pop singer to activist to ritual and community song circle facilitator, Ahlay proves a compelling storyteller — you won’t want to miss the dream she shares about whales, among so many other moments in this episode, including when she and Naila discover their profound affinity for whales has more in common than they could have imagined. 

To find out more about this episode, listen to the episodes referenced, and subscribe to the newsletter, visit the show notes.

“When I was on the Camino, there was this moment when I was spreading [my dad’s] ashes and just talking to him and I realized that was why I was there,  that he wanted me there. And I felt so connected to him, and at that time I remember thinking, ‘This is so simple. I can turn off everything and go out for a walk in the woods and be connected with my dad.’”

~ Sarah Davis

In this episode, recorded during the holiday season, we debrief our Christmases: how we spent them, how our grief showed up and how we coped, or didn’t. Reflecting on our conversation with author and plant ecologist Susan Tweit, who still finds so many beautiful ways to be with her late husband Richard, we recall instances of connection with our own dads — and in a very candid moment, reveal some of the moments along our fathers’ end-of-life journeys, exploring some of our regrets and our denial. Again drawing from Susan’s wisdom and devoted mindfulness practice, we also look at the role of love and compassion in our lives, and Sarah shares an especially helpful technique that helps her to meet her mom from that place when she gets overwhelmed or starts to feel intense emotion around her caregiving. Perhaps not surprising, there’s some meandering, as we also talk about aging, the healthcare system and our wishes for more collective and communal death care. But mostly there’s a lot of heart and tender honesty in this episode. We hope you’ll bring your heart to listening and invite you, as always, to share what resonated or what you’ll be carrying forward into your own grief journey. 

To find out more about this episode, listen to the episodes referenced, and subscribe to the newsletter, visit the show notes.

“If we have the intention to live with love and compassion, we can handle anything. We are amazing beings, we humans. We can also really screw up badly, but if we have the intention to live with love and compassion, it changes what we do and how we are.”

~ Susan J. Tweit

In her memoir, Bless the Birds: Living with Love in a Time of Dying, Susan J. Tweit, an award-winning writer and plant ecologist, recounts her journey accompanying her husband toward the end of his life, following a diagnosis with brain cancer. We explore what it was like for her to navigate those devastatingly bittersweet last two years of his life, which included a 4,000-mile honeymoon road trip they’d long put off and the death of Susan’s mom to Alzheimer’s. But as Susan shares her experiences of grief and death with us, what shines through is not so much the challenges and pain of her journey — though she is candid about both, especially having been a caregiver — but her insistence on fully living during those years. She and her husband Richard were committed to filling their days with love, compassion, beauty, wonder and gratitude for each other. As she speaks to life after Richard, Susan reflects on how she still carries him with her, what it’s been like to reclaim her independence and what we can all learn from facing death with less fear.

To find out more about this episode, listen to the episodes referenced, and subscribe to the newsletter, visit the show notes.

“Our Christmas lights now are all blue since Ron left. I want to honor the day and the spirit of it, but the bright, shining twinkle lights and jingle bells don't speak to my heart. When the blue lights are turned on, the room is bathed with a lovely blue, which creates exactly the right atmosphere to sink into the holy yet joyful season.”

~Marge Sexton

In this holiday compilation episode, we offer a glimpse of others’ experiences of the holidays after loss. Sarah shares her journey with grief during the holiday season, including embracing new traditions. Naila shares a poem she wrote about blue Christmas lights and the beauty of grief. Three listeners — Marge Sexton, Righteous Jolly, and Roseanne Corcoran — also share their unique experiences of processing grief over the holidays and their coping mechanisms, including celebrating the memory of loved ones, channeling emotions through art, and connecting with nature. Last, but not least, writer and plant biologist Susan Tweit shares a glimpse of how she processes her grief (and hint, it’s a preview of our upcoming episode :)). 

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"If you're willing to open to the journey and if you're willing to really allow yourself to feel your grief and have practices to engage it, it does shape-shift over time. It does become softer. It does become something that you can carry maybe with a little more...lightness and grace."

~Naila Francis

In this episode, we delve into varied facets of grief and loss, including the transformative potential that grief holds. Reflecting on our conversation with poet, dream yogi and grief guide, Ning Tendo, from the last episode, we explore our own relationship with dreams and dreaming and some of the images that have both troubled and soothed us in our grief. Given Ning’s intentionality caring for her broken heart after the death of her mom, we share the containers that have helped us make room for our grief, as well as the practices that deepen care and compassion for ourselves. (Jacuzzi time and flower arranging, anyone?) We also touch upon an often-avoided subject in grief — anger —  as we share our unique perceptions, challenges and strategies for navigating all that grief, an ever-unpredictable guest, invites. Sarah vulnerably shares what’s been shifting in her journey both as a caregiver to her mom and a grieving daughter while we both underline the importance of allowing ourselves to experience grief fully in order for healing and transformation to take place.

To find out more about this episode, listen to the episodes referenced, and subscribe to the newsletter, visit the show notes.

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“Just having that dream visit, even just one visit, can nourish somebody and really give them the courage to go into their grief because it's not enough to have those dreams. It doesn't negate the pain of their physical absence. You still need to do the hard work. You still need to go into your grief and really unwind all of those stories and all of the different things that are present, but being able to connect with them in that way nourishes you. You don't feel so hopeless anymore.” 

- Ning Tendo

In this week’s episode, we speak with guest Ning Tendo, a published poet, spiritual healer, dream yogi, and grief guide. Ning shares her profound insights into the transformative power of grief and how it can reveal unexplored aspects of ourselves. She discusses her unique approach to navigating grief through exploring dreams, offering practical advice on how to connect with the essence of lost loved ones. Ning also shares her rich cultural background and traditions around grief from Cameroon and contrasts them with her experiences in America. Overall, Ning provides a fresh perspective on embracing grief as a pathway to personal growth, self-awareness, and an expanded understanding of life relationships.

To find out more about this episode, listen to the episodes referenced, and subscribe to the newsletter, visit the show notes.

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“I think runners, by nature, have this environment of excitement and energy and support just built into a race. It doesn't matter how fast you're running. You're just all together and you're all part of this big happy bubble of energy. It's always a feeling of belonging.”

— Sarah Davis

In this week’s episode, we reflect on our conversation with hip-hop artist, educator, facilitator and activist Dwight Dunston. His faithfulness in honoring his grief moved us both, as well as his openness to feeling joy, gratitude and reverence for life alongside, and in the midst of, profound sorrow. We were especially inspired by his musings on the beauty of being witnessed in community, which prompted us to share the ways we had recently experienced such a gift in our own lives — Naila at a community grief ritual and Sarah while running a half-marathon. Dwight’s sharing about his dad modeling for him at a young age that it was OK to grieve invited us to consider our own models of grief, while his commitment to ritualizing his grief made us think of how we meet the death anniversaries of our dads — and whether it’s possible to reclaim those milestones in more meaningful ways. With the shift in seasons and the year end drawing close, we also pondered the changes we are being called to in our lives — a question we would love you to consider, as well. As always, we hope you find this conversation nourishing to your own journey and that it maybe helps you hold your grief with more compassion, tenderness and care, especially as we enter the holiday season. 

To find out more about this episode, listen to the episodes referenced, and subscribe to the newsletter, visit the show notes.

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“I have never been more practiced in honoring my grief, and I truly have never had more gratitude and joy and reverence for life…When you really feel into grief, my experience is you’re able to love and feel a part of the life force that moves through all living things.” 

~ Dwight Dunston

In our season 5 opener, artist, educator and activist Dwight Dunston reflects on his first big love and loss,  the death of his grandmother Mamie Donald, when he was 10. He shares how that grief continues to shape how he shows up in the world — striving always toward open-heartedness and care even as he acknowledges the more natural instinct to be guarded and self-protective. As he reflects on some of the ways he stays connected to his loved ones who have died, especially his dad, Dwight invites us to consider how we might deepen our relationships to those who’ve gone before us. And the tenderness he brings toward his grief, choosing to be soft and kind to himself in his hurt and wounded places, is a graceful reminder of how to make more space for our difficult emotions. Dwight brings a palpable reverence for being alive and the range of experiences and emotions that opens up for us to our conversation. As a multidimensional artist, he also talks about creativity as a path to honoring and telling his truth.

We’re so excited for you to dive into this conversation and hope it offers you moments of witnessing and perspective, which, as Dwight so beautifully shares, are among the gifts of grieving in community. 

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In this bonus episode, we reflect on our conversation with Dan Fischer of One Last Wave, an amazing project that invites grievers to memorialize their loved ones by having their names etched on a surfboard that Dan takes out to sea. This episode highlights the kind of exclusive content we share on Patreon.

It also covers so much ground, as we muse on the vulnerability of men in grief, how time in nature opens us to feel our grief and to more fully inhabit our wildness, and what grief has taught us about self-care. Of course, you also get a peek at the laughter and silliness we often share that don’t make it into our regular episodes. We hope you enjoy this extra dose of warmth, humor and wisdom as we gear up to bring you our new season soon.

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“Having an established creative practice helped me in ways I would have never known, and I think it’s the greatest gift my younger self gave me now.”

~ Rosemmery Wahtola Trommer

This month, we’re offering you a feed swap. This is the second episode we’re swapping. For the first episode in this swap, check out Episode Swap! Emerging Form Discusses Creativity in Times of Trauma.

Emerging Form, co-hosted by poet Rosemmery Wahtola Trommer and journalist Christie Aschwanden, is a podcast about creative process. These two friends cover everything from the business of creativity, to cultivating openness and pleasure, to meeting failure as part of the process. Whether they’re talking between themselves or inviting other creatives to share some of their journey,  their conversations are always encouraging and insightful.

This episode, Checking in One Year Later, was recorded one year after Rosemerry and Christie publicly shared their losses on the podcast for the first time. It was shortly after Rosemerry’s son died and after Christie’s father had suffered a stroke. In this episode, they cover the range of emotions one can feel in a tumultuous year– Christie speaks of uncertainty after her father had a stroke, and Rosemerry discusses how having an established writing practice helped her with her grief. 

To find out more about this episode, listen to the episodes referenced, and subscribe to the newsletter, visit the show notes.

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