Building Success Habits

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. - Lewis B. Smedes. In E35 we learned three rules to prevent future emotional scars. But what about past emotional scars? Let’s explore how to remove old hurts, grudges, grievances and resentments. The results will be new life and new vitality and a new found peace of mind and happiness. Old emotional scars can’t be doctored or medicated. They have to be cut out and completely eradicated. Forgiveness is the way to do this. Therapeutic forgiveness is like surgery. It cuts out, eradicates, cancels and makes the wrong as if it never happened. Anyone can forgive if they are willing. We find it difficult to forgive only because we like our sense of condemnation. We get a perverse and morbid enjoyment out of nursing our wounds. It’s important to forgive yourself as well as others. Remorse and regret are attempts to emotionally live in the past Emotions are used correctly and appropriately when they help us respond or react appropriately to some reality in our present environment. You make mistakes. Mistakes don’t make YOU.

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“Someone asked me,“who hurt you”? I replied,“my own expectations.” - Anonymous Be too big to feel threatened. Healthy self images do not bruise easily. A person with adequate self esteem heals faster with no lingering wounds to poison life and spoil happiness. A self reliant, responsible attitude makes us less vulnerable. Develop a more self reliant attitude and assume responsibility for your own life and emotional needs. Try giving affection, love, approval, acceptance, and understanding and you will find more of these coming back to you. Relax away emotional hurts. We are injured and hurt emotionally not by other people or what they say or don’t say. We are hurt by our own attitude and our own response. Science shows we can’t feel fear, anger, anxiety or negative emotions when we are relaxed. You alone are responsible for your responses and reactions. Really, you don’t have to respond at all. You can remain relaxed and free from hurt.

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“I have wandered all my life, and I have also traveled; the difference between the two being this, that we wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment”. Hilaire Belloc Emotional scars to our ego lead to the development of a scarred, marred self image and prevent us from self fulfillment. The truth is, every human being has the potential and should strive to become a self fulfilled person. A self fulfilled person has the following characteristics: They see themselves as liked, wanted, acceptable and able individuals They have a high degree of acceptance of themselves as they are They have a feeling of oneness with others They have a rich store of information and knowledge Self fulfillment is not something we are born with. It is something we must achieve.

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E33 Scars Are Helpful Until They Aren’t |IBGR | Donna Kunde & Londina Cruz “No matter how long it takes to heal ... we share the same scars ... - Author: Daniel Yanez Scars are intended to be helpful. Sometimes scars can be disfiguring though. It is easy to see how a facial scar can alter a person’s looks. What we don’t see are emotional scars left when we receive emotional injuries. We form these emotional scars for self protection. But they can also harden our hearts causing us to become callous to the world and withdraw into a protective shell. This protective shell not only protects us from the initial hurt, it also protects us from all other human beings by creating a wall that no one can pass through. This emotional wall also cuts us off from our real selves and lowers our self esteem. The person who feels lonely or out of touch with other human beings also feels out of touch with their real self and with life.

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"We continue to shape our personality all our life." - Albert Camus. Success and failure can be diagnosed by looking at the seeds of a person’s personality and character. Success (and failure) is an internal diagnosis and is not dependent on outside situations or circumstances. The good news is that anyone can achieve a successful personality when they know what to focus on. Knowing what to look for activates the creative guidance mechanism within us and it turns into a goal striving mechanism. The first step is to have a clear cut goal to shoot for. A success-type personality is one that will enable you to deal effectively and appropriately with your environment and reality while gaining satisfaction from reaching goals that are important to you.

“A strong, positive self-image is the best possible preparation for success.”- Joyce Brothers Who do you need to become? With every new level of success comes a need to grow our self image as well. If we see success in our business but our self image hasn’t grown we will self sabotage our business to keep our results in line with our self image. When we find ourselves in a new role and we are not sure what kind of person we should be in order to live up to that role we open ourselves up to anxiety and shake our self confidence. If we don’t grow our self image as we grow our business, imposter syndrome sets in and we spend hours wrestling with ourselves instead of doing our work.

"Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts." — Anonymous The picture of a successful personality is found in the acronym SUCCESS and includes: Sense of direction - Get yourself a Goal worth working for Understanding - Separate Facts from Opinions Courage - Be willing to make a few mistakes Compassion - Develop a genuine appreciation for people Esteem - Stop carrying a mental image of yourself as a defeated or worthless person Self-Confidence - Use errors and mistakes as a way of learning … then put them out of your mind Self- Acceptance - No real success or genuine happiness is possible until a person gains some degree of acceptance

“Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow.” - Mary Tyler Moore. Self-Acceptance means accepting and coming to terms with ourselves now, just as we are, with all of our faults, weaknesses, shortcomings, errors, as well as our assets and strengths. Self-Acceptance is easier when we realize that all of those negatives belong to us … but they are NOT us. Many people keep themselves from a healthy self-acceptance because they insist on identifying themselves with their mistakes. You may have made a mistake, but that does not mean you are a mistake. Learn to emotionally tolerante your imperfections. We are all perfectly imperfect!

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E30 Be Aware of Negatives - But Don’t Focus On Them |IBGR | Donna Kunde & Londina Cruz “Focus on the positives, and soon the negatives will disappear”. - Anonymous We would be lying if we said that following the Success Habits we share will remove all negativity from our lives and from our results. The truth is, we will all continue to experience the negatives. The difference is, failure-type personalities focus mostly on the negatives. What we focus on we get. The more we focus on what we don’t want, the more it shows up. We need to be aware of negatives but not focus on them. Set every goal in the positive. Take every temporary failure, look for the lesson and move forward.

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& Londina Cruz “I walk into every situation expecting the best” - Anonymous Negative thinking, when used correctly can help us steer clear of negatives that show up in our lives. We want to glance at the negatives but focus on the positive. Used correctly this type of “negative thinking” can work for us to lead us to success if: We are sensitive to the negative to the extent that it can alert us to danger We recognize the negative for what it is - something undesirable, something we don’t want, something that does not bring us genuine happiness We take immediate corrective action and substitute an opposite positive factore from the Success Mechanism. This will create a sort of automatic reflex that becomes part of our inner guidance system. Negative feedback will act as a sort of automatic control to help us “steer clear” of failure and guide us to success.

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