But Make It Hallmark

Chinggay and Patty kick off Year 3 of Hallmark movie reviews with Lacey Chabert, Autumn Reeser, and Allison Sweeney—three best friends who find an antique wedding veil said to bring true love to whoever owns it. Expect violent rants from Chinggay, 3/3 leading man raves from Patty, and a sudden craving for all things Italian (wink, wink).

The Wedding Veil (Lacey Chabert, Kevin McGarry, Autumn Reeser, Alison Sweeney)

The Wedding Veil Unveiled (Autumn Reeser, Paolo Bernardini, Lacey Chabert and Alison Sweeney)

The Wedding Veil Legacy (Alison Sweeney, Victor Webster, Lacey Chabert and Autumn Reesera0

Thanks to Pietro Lazatin for our music and Paola Lazatin for our cover art

Follow us on Twitter: @makeithallmark and on Instagram: @butmakeithallmark

Chinggay and Patty look back on all 40 movies they’ve watched since October and rank the worst, the almost but not quites, and of course, the year’s Top 12. Also included: this year’s secondary characters who need to score major roles, our dream collabs among the stars of the HCU, our (loving) co-opting of Hanukkah traditions, who our Hallmark Santa is, and the one star who deserves so much credit, we mention him in all our Christmas episodes. Stand by for F*ck, Marry, Kill: Holiday Edition.

The Christmas House 2: Deck Those Halls - Ana Ayora, Sharon Lawrence, Robert Buckley, Jonathan Bennett, Treat Williams, Brad Harder

'Tis the Season to Be Merry - Rachael Leigh Cook, Travis Van Winkle

The Eight Gifts of Hannukkah - Inbar Levi, Jake Epstein

An Unexpected Christmas - Bethany Joy Lenz, Tyler Hynes

My Family Christmas Tree - Aimee Teegarden, Andrew Walker

One December Night - Peter Gallagher, Bruce Campbell, Eloise Mumford, Brett Dalton

Debbie McComber’s Mrs. Miracle Christmas - Caroline Rhea, Katilin Doubleday, Steve Lund

A Christmas Together With You - Laura Vandervoort, Niall Matter, Harry Lennix

The Nine Kittens of Christmas - Kimberly Sustad, Brandon Routh

A Very Merry Bridesmaid - Emily Osment, Casey Diedrick

Nantucket Noel - Sarah Power, Travis Donovan

Time for Them to Come Home This Christmas - Jessie Schram, Brendan Penny

Thanks to Pietro Lazatin for our music and Paola Lazatin for our cover art

Follow us on Twitter: @makeithallmark and on Instagram: @butmakeithallmark

Chinggay and Patty are sad to see the Miracles of Christmas bangers come to a resounding crash with this week’s tragic movies. But are revived and revved up with two of the year’s best movies yet: a reprise from the beloved Christmas House cast and the best triple-name pairing we’ve seen yet: Rachael Leigh Cook and Travis Van Winkle. Raise your hot cocoa glasses—we made it to the end of 2021!

A Godwink Christmas: Miracle of Love (Katherine Barrell, Alberto Frezza)

Christmas for Keeps (Christa B. Allen, Ashley Newbrough, Marielle Scott, Ryan Rottman, Cardi Wong)

Sister Swap: Christmas in the City (Ashley Williams, Kimberly Williams-Paisley, Keith Robinson)

A Royal Queens Christmas (Megan Park, Julian Morris)

‘Tis the Season to Be Merry (Rachael Leigh Cook, Travis Van Winkle)

The Christmas House 2: Deck Those Halls (Ana Ayora, Sharon Lawrence, Robert Buckley, Jonathan Bennett, Treat Williams, Brad Harder)

Thanks to Pietro Lazatin for our music and Paola Lazatin for our cover art

Follow us on Twitter: @makeithallmark and on Instagram: @butmakeithallmark

Chinggay and Patty have waited years for Kristoffer Polaha to make his Hallmark holiday comeback—they finally get their wish this week with an amazing meta/parody performance. Plus, newcomers to the HCU take their breath away and the Williams ladies deliver a Sister Swap slam dunk.

Sugar Plum Twist (Jamie Gray Hyder, Laura Rosguer, Ektor Rivera)

Our Christmas Journey (Holly Robinson-Peete, Lyriq Bent, Nik Sanchez, Aloma Wright)

A Dickens of a Holiday! (Brooke D’Orsay, Kristoffer Polaha)

Sister Swap: A Hometown Holiday (Ashley Williams, Kimberly Williams-Paisley, Mark Deklin, Keith Robinson)

A Very Merry Bridesmaid (Emily Osment, Casey Deidrick)

Thanks to Pietro Lazatin for our music and Paola Lazatin for our cover art

Follow us on Twitter: @makeithallmark and on Instagram: @butmakeithallmark

Chinggay and Patty recast the week’s many mistletoe misses by summoning the long-missed big guns: Kris Polaha, Autumn Reeser, and JerJor to come save Christmas. In a surprising turn of events, they cement their love for holiday heroine Lacey Chabert, crown Brendan Penny as king of Hallmark’s service and care professions, and freak out over the 3/3 Hanukkah hit, “Eight Gifts of Christmas.” Stand by for F*ck, Marry, Kill for another double wedding.

The Christmas Contest (Candace Cameron Bure, John Brotherton)

Making Spirits Bright (Taylor Cole, Carlo Marks)

Christmas in Tahoe (Laura Osnes, Pat Monahan, Kyle Selig)

Christmas at Castle Hart (Lacey Chabert, Stuart Townsend)

Time for Them to Come Home This Christmas (Jessy Schram, Brendan Penny)

Eight Gifts of Christmas (Inbar Levi, Jake Epstein)

Thanks to Pietro Lazatin for our music and Paola Lazatin for our cover art

Follow us on Twitter: @makeithallmark and on Instagram: @butmakeithallmark

Chinggay and Patty cringe through a few misses and revel at the massive number of hits that Hallmark’s Merry Thanksgiving streak had to offer. It was like the veritable HCU Avengers came to town, with Niall Matter (worming his way into our panties again), Tyler Hynes (who we have F’d and M’d one too many times), unexpected cameos from actors who’ve stolen our hearts, unexpected bad guy from the big city Trevor Donovan, actual DC superhero fireman Brandon Routh, and Hallmark comedy queens Kimberly Sustad and Bethany Joy Lenz. We lose our sh*t in this episode, and if you watch our recommendations, you’ll know exactly why.

Christmas CEO (Marisol Nichols, Paul Greene)

Five More Minutes (Nikki DeLoach, David Haydn-Jones)

A Kiss Before Christmas (Teri Hatcher, James Denton)

A Christmas Together WIth You (Laura Vandervoort, Niall Matter, Harry Lennix)

The Nine Kittens of Christmas (Kimberly Sustad, Brandon Routh, Gregory Harrison)

Nantucket Noel (Sarah Power, Trevor Donovan)

An Unexpected Christmas (Bethany Joy Lenz, Tyler Hynes)

Thanks to Pietro Lazatin for our music and Paola Lazatin for our cover art

Follow us on Twitter: @makeithallmark and on Instagram: @butmakeithallmark

Chinggay and Patty can’t believe the network finally gave Andrew Walker an electrifyingly awesome holiday movie. And if that wasn’t enough excitement for one week, Peter Gallagher has entered the HCU, proving that he is the real Hallmark Zaddy. Plus, Patty divulges our secret grudge against one unnamed leading man.

A Holiday in Harlem (Olivia Washington, Will Adams, Tina Lifford)

Open By Christmas (Alison Sweeney, Brennan Elliot, Erica Durance, Michael Karl Richards)

My Christmas Family Tree (Aimee Teagarden, Andrew Walker, James Tupper)

One December Night (Peter Gallagher, Bruce Campbell, Eloise Mumford, Brett Dalton)

Thanks to Pietro Lazatin for our music and Paola Lazatin for our cover art

Follow us on Twitter: @makeithallmark and on Instagram: @butmakeithallmark

Chinggay and Patty barely made it through this week, remembering only the bare minimum from Countdown to Christmas’ three MIstletoe Misses. The bright spot this week comes from Hallmark Movies and Mysteries’ Miracles of Christmas again. Who knew we’d choose a wholesome, family drama over all the would-be romcoms this year? Stay tuned for the mass homicide happening this episode at F*ck, Marry, and Kill.

A Christmas Treasure (Jordin Sparks, Michael Xavier)

Gingerbread Miracle (Merritt Patterson, Jon Ecker)

Next Stop, Christmas (Lyndsy Fonseca, Chandler Massey, Lea Thomspon, Christopher Lloyd)

Debbie Macomber’s A Mrs. Miracle Christmas (Caroline Rhea, Katilin Doubleday, Steve Lund)

Thanks to Pietro Lazatin for our music and Paola Lazatin for our cover art

Follow us on Twitter: @makeithallmark and on Instagram: @butmakeithallmark

Chinggay and Patty were at a loss this week—how could Ryan Paevey and Janel Parrish come up with a dud? Why do hardcore Christmas musicals even exist? Who green lighted these movies? Thankfully, yet another “You’ve Got Mail” remake comes to the rescue and gives us something worth watching. Plus, favorite actors make a fantastic comeback.

Christmas Sail (Katee Sackhoff, Patrick Sabongui)

Christmas in Harmony (Ashleigh Murray, Loretta Devine, Michelle Williams, Luke James)

Coyote Creek Christmas (Janel Parrish, Ryan Paevey)

The Christmas Promise (Torrey DeVitto, Dylan Bruce)

Thanks to Pietro Lazatin for our music and Paola Lazatin for our cover art

Follow us on Twitter: @makeithallmark and on Instagram: @butmakeithallmark

Ho ho ho! Chinggay and Patty start Season 2 of BMIH’s holiday festivities with many mistletoe misses and one movie that actually sleighed. For interracial freshness, an investigation into “where haven’t we seen Luke Macfarlane,” plus waxing poetic on Paul Campbell’s snazzy new swagger, give our BMIH Christmas launch a listen.

You, Me & the Christmas Trees (Danica McKellar, Benjamin Ayres)

The Santa StakeouT (Tamera Mowry-Housley, Paul Campbell)

Christmas in My Heart (Heather Hemmens, Luke Macfarlane)

Boyfriends of Christmas Past (Catherine Haena Kim, Raymond Ablack)

Thanks to Pietro Lazatin for our music and Paola Lazatin for our cover art

Follow us on Twitter: @makeithallmark and on Instagram: @butmakeithallmark