March 28, 2023

BW 027: Grief and the New Normal: Living with "and" not "or"

36 minutes

Today’s episode covers why grief and the new normal is so tough. We know it’s hard, living this new life without our person, but we don’t always think about all the little things that feed into that.

Grief is about embracing the concept of AND not OR.

You now live a life with an evident and strange duality…

The past two weeks have been incredibly challenging for me. I’ve experienced some real highs and lows, which painfully remind me how much grief changes every little thing about our lives.

As we experience grief, we no longer are naive to the fragility of life. That everything can be snatched away from us and changed in an instant. Our hopes, our dreams, our plans… all gone.

We value the little things more, may be less easily offended or annoyed, and focus on the bigger picture of things.

Challenges with grief and the new normal examples:

Secondary grief

Another death of a loved one/significant loss

Happy and sad

Happy during positive events and milestone moments while sad

Kids band concert on Tuesday

Accomplished a major life goal - obituary for mom

Weekend Dallas trip

Be strong and minimize expectations

Trip to the Emergency Department

Spring break reschedules

Losing water/flooded in- asking to use someone’s shower

Driving back from Dallas and car overheats

Loving one person and being able to love someone else

People think you’ve forgotten that person

Think you can’t love both

Monday, 3/13:

Feeling ill most of the day

Learned my mother had died unexpectedly

Her death was similar to Nathan's, bringing up a lot of mixed emotions

Tuesday:

Felt better physically, just out of it

A busy day with errands

Band concert performed by the kids at school (yay)

Sad Nathan wasn't there

The loss of my mom was in the back of my mind

Wednesday:

Accomplished a major life goal

Sad Nathan wasn't there - it felt strange

Wrote the obituary for my mom

Took the kids on a road trip to watch Hamilton (cried)

Got home at 1 am and was exhausted

Thursday:

Downtime (finally)

Rested most of the day

Picked up groceries and made dinner

Friday:

Helped my son pick up some furniture and set it up

Packed for a weekend trip (already planned)

Drove 5 hours with my daughter to Dallas

Had the best dream/conversation I've had with Nathan to date

Saturday/Sunday:

Activities with my daughter

Monday (3/20):

Stopped by a few stores in Dallas

Drove 4 hours home

Car engine overheated and had to leave it at a repair shop an hour away

Son picked us up and brought us home

Wednesday:

Trip to the Emergency Department

Had to reschedule kids’ activities for Thursday/Friday

Thursday:

Gentle, fun day with the kids

Friday:

Thunderstorms and torrential rain all day

Flooded in

Lost running water after 5 pm

Without water for 3 days

...more

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By Emily Tanner

1212 ratings

March 28, 2023

BW 027: Grief and the New Normal: Living with "and" not "or"

36 minutes

Grief is about embracing the concept of AND not OR.

You now live a life with an evident and strange duality…

The past two weeks have been incredibly challenging for me. I’ve experienced some real highs and lows, which painfully remind me how much grief changes every little thing about our lives.

As we experience grief, we no longer are naive to the fragility of life. That everything can be snatched away from us and changed in an instant. Our hopes, our dreams, our plans… all gone.

We value the little things more, may be less easily offended or annoyed, and focus on the bigger picture of things.

Challenges with grief and the new normal examples:

Secondary grief

Another death of a loved one/significant loss

Happy and sad

Happy during positive events and milestone moments while sad

Kids band concert on Tuesday

Accomplished a major life goal - obituary for mom

Weekend Dallas trip

Be strong and minimize expectations

Trip to the Emergency Department

Spring break reschedules

Losing water/flooded in- asking to use someone’s shower

Driving back from Dallas and car overheats

Loving one person and being able to love someone else

People think you’ve forgotten that person

Think you can’t love both

Monday, 3/13:

Feeling ill most of the day

Learned my mother had died unexpectedly

Her death was similar to Nathan's, bringing up a lot of mixed emotions

Tuesday:

Felt better physically, just out of it

A busy day with errands

Band concert performed by the kids at school (yay)

Sad Nathan wasn't there

The loss of my mom was in the back of my mind

Wednesday:

Accomplished a major life goal

Sad Nathan wasn't there - it felt strange

Wrote the obituary for my mom

Took the kids on a road trip to watch Hamilton (cried)

Got home at 1 am and was exhausted

Thursday:

Downtime (finally)

Rested most of the day

Picked up groceries and made dinner

Friday:

Helped my son pick up some furniture and set it up

Packed for a weekend trip (already planned)

Drove 5 hours with my daughter to Dallas

Had the best dream/conversation I've had with Nathan to date

Saturday/Sunday:

Activities with my daughter

Monday (3/20):

Stopped by a few stores in Dallas

Drove 4 hours home

Car engine overheated and had to leave it at a repair shop an hour away

Son picked us up and brought us home

Wednesday:

Trip to the Emergency Department

Had to reschedule kids’ activities for Thursday/Friday

Thursday:

Gentle, fun day with the kids

Friday:

Thunderstorms and torrential rain all day

Flooded in

Lost running water after 5 pm

Without water for 3 days

...more

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BW 027: Grief and the New Normal: Living with "and" not "or"

BW 027: Grief and the New Normal: Living with "and" not "or"

More shows like Brave Widow Show

Joyce Meyer Enjoying Everyday Life® TV Podcast

Thanks For Asking

The Daily

The Charlie Kirk Show

The Widowed Mom Podcast

Widow 180 The Podcast with Jen Zwinck

Widowed 2 Soon; Advice on Faith, Mental Health, and Dating Again

The Widow Podcast

It’s OK That You’re Not OK with Megan Devine

The Mel Robbins Podcast

Every Widow Thing

Dare to Lead with Brené Brown

Widowed AF: Real stories of love, grief and beyond - With Rosie Moss