Caleb Can't Read

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Well we typed in "worst author" and this guy unsurprisingly topped every list right ahead of Glenn Beck.  Come join us as we make fun of a Nazi who tried his hand at a literature and gloriously failed, the author behind terrorist propaganda book "The Turner Diaries", William Pierce III!

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COME FROM THE LAND OF THE ICE AND SNOW FROM THE MIDNIGHT SUN WHERE THE HOT SPRINGS BLOW we're doing "Beowulf" today.  Come join us on the journey through ransacked England, a house fire, and the melding of reality and fiction which brings us one of the oldest Viking tales we know!

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We've got emotional issues and we're having a hard time dealing with them, it's Johann David Wyss & Co., the authors of "The Swiss Family Robinson"!

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Do you love spies?  Pirates?  Gilligan's Island?  Then this episode is for you!  Come listen to the tale of Daniel Defoe, the man who wanted nothing more than to be accepted by literally anybody.  And he also wrote "Robinson Crusoe" if you're into that kind of thing.

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Well what can I say?  While this shit has always been around, it feels as though it's having a dramatic spike in America recently.  Come listen to some of history's most infamous instances of one of the world's most pointless acts!

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Welcome to the tale of "Don Quixote"!  If you wanted a tale of drama, love, and intrigue, see our episode on Mary Wollstonecraft.  But if you want the story of two men who vomit on each other, this is the book for you.  Follow us through the last years of the man who popularized satire, Miguel de Cervantes!

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We've got everything with this one.  We've got knights.  We've got pirates.  We've got slavery.  It's a very problematic time period as I'm sure you're well aware of by now.  Come listen to the tale of a man who was a victim/perpetrator of it all, the son of a lowly barber-surgeon... Miguel de Cervantes!

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I know you've probably been thinking, "Hey, I've got good excuses not to do that thing I've always wanted to do.  Like burning down a cop station, or writing a book."  Well we're here to tell you that your excuses are bullshit!  Here is the story of Jean-Dominique Bauby, the author of "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly", who wrote the ENTIRE novel with the use of one eyelid due to his very rare locked-in syndrome.  If he can do it, so can you!

Now go out there and give your father a reason to talk about you at work again.

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TW: Dead Kids, Incest;

God these kids are the fucking worst.  Are we ready to talk about their worst attributes and best personalities?  Alright then, let's go over the rest of Mary Shelley's accomplished (and sometime infamous) works.  Namely, "Frankenstein", "Mathilda", and "The Last Man".  Here we fuckin' gooooo....

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TW: Suicide;

Do me a favor: think about how refined and elegant you'd expect an accomplished author (such as Mary Shelley) and a world-renowned poet (such as Percy Shelley) would be.

Good.

Now set those expectations WAAAAAY fucking lower.  These kids are some of the most annoying we've covered, and by God are they proud of that fact.  I will say it's impressive how no matter what technology we've invented, what accomplishments we've conquered as a species, there will always be those people you know who get offended when you ask them to pay you back what they owe.  Anyway, it's Mary Shelley!