Caliber 9 From Outer Space

And the final Chuck Norris Fact is: Death has now been sentenced to life with Chuck Norris.

In this bonus episode, Rob and Joe pay tribute to one of action hero cinema’s true icons, Carlos Ray “Chuck” Norris. Along with a brief discussion of his life and career, they also dive deep into one of his less celebrated films (even by Chuck Norris fans), the late-cycle Cannon Group production, The Hitman (1991), directed by Chuck’s brother, Aaron Norris.

There’s no Spoiler Territory for this one. Why? Because it’s a Chuck Norris film. Deal with it, or he's gonna hit you with so many rights, you're gonna beg for a left.

RIP Chuck.

Want to get in touch? You can reach us on [email protected]

Theme music: "The Cold Light of Day" by HKM. Check out HKM on #SoundCloud or Bandcamp

"Tomorrow Wendy" by Andy Prieboy

Have ya paid your dues, Jack? Yessir, the check is in the mail. It must be Conflict-in-Asian-Enclave Week this week, as Andy joins us in checking out a couple of well paired and much loved cult classics: Big Trouble in Little China (1986), directed by the great John Carpenter, and Showdown in Little Tokyo (1991), directed by Mark L. Lester. More bromance than romance but more than enough ass-kicking to satisfy anyone. Get ready to rumble!

Fair warning: we go into the plots of both films in some detail, including the endings, but we feel like these movies are somewhat unspoilable, so we won't be announcing a Spoiler Territory section for either of them.

Want to get in touch? You can reach us on [email protected]

Theme music: "The Cold Light of Day" by HKM. Check out HKM on #SoundCloud or Bandcamp

"China Girl" by Iggy Pop

Swords. Magic. Monsters. Muscles. Boobs. Prepare to go full nerd this week (if you haven't already) as we dive headlong into a couple of sword-and-sandal epics - or is that club-and-ugg-boot? Ted Bennett drops in to check out 80's cable TV mainstay, The Beastmaster (1982), directed by Don Coscarelli. Following that, the pecs get even bigger in Ironmaster (1983), directed by Umberto Lenzi.

We really don't think these films can be spoiled, so we won't be announcing a Spoiler Territory section for either of them, even though we go into detail on the plots of both. If you can call them plots.

Want to get in touch? You can reach us on [email protected]

Theme music: "The Cold Light of Day" by HKM. Check out HKM on #SoundCloud or Bandcamp

"It's A Mystery" by Toyah

Another bumper episode, another double feature of lesser-loved James Bond movies. This week we check out a Connery and a Brosnan: Diamonds Are Forever (1971), directed by Guy Hamilton, and The World is Not Enough (1999), directed by Michael Apted. Sean Connery was getting a little tired of Bond at this point (to say the least), and Pierce Brosnan's Bond films seemed tired almost before they got started... but are these films as bad as their reputations suggest?

Stick around for our Bond Tropewatch segment, where we rate each of these films against the checklist of standard Bond tropes to see which fares best!

Fair warning: we go into the plots of both films in some detail, including the endings, but we feel like James Bond is somewhat unspoilable in general, so we won't be announcing a Spoiler Territory section for either of these films.

Want to get in touch? You can reach us on [email protected]

Theme music: "The Cold Light of Day" by HKM. Check out HKM on #SoundCloud or Bandcamp

"The World is Not Enough" by Straw

We love original horror poster art here at Caliber 9 From Outer Space, and this week we are honoured to host one of the true great artists of that idiom. Graham Humphreys is our guest this week, and we delve into a couple of 1960's horror gems. First up, under-seen Hammer horror-adventure-fantasy The Lost Continent (1968), directed by Michael Carreras and then we go full Lovecraft with Die, Monster, Die! (1965), directed by Daniel Haller.

We really don't think these films can be spoiled, so we won't be announcing a Spoiler Territory section for either of them, even though we go into detail on the plots of both.

Want to get in touch? You can reach us on [email protected]

Theme music: "The Cold Light of Day" by HKM. Check out HKM on #SoundCloud or Bandcamp

"Lost Coastlines" by Okkervil River

Forgive us for posting a slightly ramshackle bonus episode, but we thought some of you might like to hear how this year's Joefest was going!

Joefest is a private film festival we run every year in the depths of the British wintertime, when there's nothing better to do than sit inside and watch weird movies from the wilder side of cinema. In this episode, Al and Ali join us to quickly run over the films we've watched and what we thought of them.

Want to get in touch? You can reach us on [email protected]

Here's the full list of this year's feature films:

Twisted Pair (2018), dir. Neil Breen

The Outwaters (2022), dir. Robbie Banfitch

Alucarda (1977), dir. Juan Lopez Moctezuma

Champagne and Bullets (1993), dir. John De Hart

Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983), dir. John Landis, Steven Spielberg, Joe Dante, George Miller

The Cassandra Crossing (1976), dir. George P. Cosmatos

Flesh Feast (1970), dir. Brad F. Grinter

Tomorrow I'll Wake Up and Scald Myself With Tea (1977), dir. Jindrich Polak

Death Run (1987), dir. Michael J. Murphy

Junk Head (2017) dir. Takahide Hori

The Kindred (1987), dir. Stephen Carpenter & Jeffrey Obrow

Angel Dust (1994), dir. Gakuryu Ishii

Night of Death (1980), dir. Raphael Delpard

Night Angel (1990), dir. Dominique Othenin-Girard

Angel in the Night (1988), dir. Hernando Name

Take a Hard Ride (1975). dir. Antonio Margheriti

The Hourglass Sanatorium (1973), dir. Wojcech Has

The Demon's Baby (1998), dir. Kant Leung

Theme music: "The Cold Light of Day" by HKM. Check out HKM on #SoundCloud or Bandcamp

"Nightcall" by Kavinsky

As we bemoan the state of the world today and endure the anxiety of this cryptofascist, post-truth reality, we risk losing sight of the real danger to us all: savage fish men! Today we go right back where it all started, Universal's seminal entry in this monster subgenre, Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954), directed by Jack Arnold. We then skip lightly over its first sequel and focus on its under-rated third entry, The Creature Walks Among Us (1956).

Fair warning: we go into the plots of both films in some detail, including the endings, but these films are over 70 years old and the storylines don't have much in the way of twists in any case, so we won't be announcing a Spoiler Territory section for either of them.

Want to get in touch? You can reach us on [email protected]

Theme music: "The Cold Light of Day" by HKM. Check out HKM on #SoundCloud or Bandcamp

"Walk Into The Sea" by Johnny Marr

In the future... it pays to be more than human. And it also pays quite well to be more than machine. What can I tell you, the future is highly discriminatory. In this bonus episode, Ted joins Rob and Joe to make a bit of a mess of explaining the plot of Nemesis (1992), directed by Albert Pyun. Cyborgs, bullets, bottoms, and dusters with shades - it's the quintessence of dystopian trashy sci-fi action.

Given how challenged we were by the impenetrable plot, which is of secondary importance at best, anyway, we simply don't bother with Spoiler Territory this week. Meaning, we do talk about the whole plot, but honestly it doesn't really matter.

Want to get in touch? You can reach us on [email protected]

Theme music: "The Cold Light of Day" by HKM. Check out HKM on #SoundCloud or Bandcamp

"Killer" by CHVRCHES

We're going back to the 1960's, this time to Swinging London and the Carnaby Street scene. It's not so much groovy, man, as smashing, luv! Justin Kerswell joins us to discuss a couple of near forgotten emanations of this peculiarly British reaction to the spirit of the age. We start off with Smashing Time (1967), directed by Desmond Davis and follow that up with Haunted House of Horror (1969), directed by Michael Armstrong.

We don't think you can really spoil Smashing Time, whose plot is somewhat surplus to requirements, but we will call out Spoiler Territory for Haunted House of Horror. If you want to skip ahead from that point, you can rejoin the conversation at the 2:17:53 mark to avoid spoilers.

Want to get in touch? You can reach us on [email protected]

Theme music: "The Cold Light of Day" by HKM. Check out HKM on #SoundCloud or Bandcamp

"Smash It Up" by The Damned

We're chock full of punk energy this week! RP Fox joins us as we check out Hard Core Logo (1996) directed by Bruce McDonald, and Rock 'n' Roll High School (1979) directed by Allan Arkush. A tragicomic road trip across western Canada with thrashing guitars, personal demons, toxic masculinity and lots of gobbing, followed by an absurdist slice of Greaseploitation from the house of Corman, but with added Ramones - which doesn't make much sense but is of course a wonderful thing regardless.

It's not really possible to spoil Rock 'n' Roll High School, but we will call out Spoiler Territory for Hard Core Logo. If you want to skip ahead from that point, you can rejoin the conversation at the 1:34:07 mark to avoid spoilers.

Want to get in touch? You can reach us on [email protected]

Theme music: "The Cold Light of Day" by HKM. Check out HKM on #SoundCloud or Bandcamp

"I Just Want to Have Something to Do" by The Ramones