Can We Steal You for a Second?

Kristen checks Janet with a seemingly totally false rumor, but someone had to step up to the queen bee! The tides are turning on alliances. There is blood in the water. Plus, we go on a long tangent about our existential dread with phone addiction, attention spans, and the growing plight of terrible customer service. 

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Apologies for recording delay!

Who among us hasn’t taken a quick pull in a corner of a party?! This week, we get more details and perspectives on Darkside Danny Tequilagate, and we’re still Team Nia. Let’s turn our attention to the real problematic people of the group: Jesse and Janet. On the Summerhouse side, Jesse and Lexi’s relationship ends less with a bang and more with a whimper. 

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Whitney is back from Japan, and the only cure for train bento and foot spa withdrawals is relishing in the pure entertainment that is American reality TV: The Valley and Summerhouse. We discuss Brittney’s uncalled-for turn on Nia, Zach’s moral compass, everyone hating their partners, and much more. 

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Truly one of the darkest episodes of reality TV we’ve seen, and we’ve seen a lot. We can’t help but think about all these dang kids! Tune in as we over-analyze childhood trauma, marital abuse, sociopathic tendencies, crippling addiction, just to name a few of the light, funny subjects we talk about. We will be off next week but returning the following week for a recap of E3/4! 

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The Valley is back with fresh separations, contentious co-parenting, Crazy Kristen, and all is right in the world. Ultimately, we theorize that these men don’t know how to handle their insecurities, thus making it the problem of the women in their lives. What else is new? Similarly, in Summerhouse…we have our eyes on you, Jesse. Team Lexi. 

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Happy to announce that we loved this finale! Grant chose the path of least resistance, which…we have mixed feelings about. Litia broke the veneer and showed her stronger, more sassy side, which we loved. Juliana’s character arc fell flat…did she ask the right questions and get the proper closure from Grant? Regardless, we look ahead to recapping The Valley in the off-season and an intergenerational BIP this summer! 

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An empire falls not with a bang but with a whimper… We spend the majority of this episode analyzing the fall of the Bachelor franchise. The death spiral into irrelevancy, as it grips on to its puritanical values, outdated references, and meaningless virtue signaling. Almost like the Democratic Party right now! But it was also Fantasy Suites, our favorite episode of the season, so we still had to make assumptions about overnight activities, of course. 

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Allow us to rant for a moment will you…We miss the days when people actually shared a sincere emotion or challenged themselves to discuss something uncomfortable. Families used to be the people you couldn’t fake things with. We are at the point where truly no option will work out, so what do we have to root for?! Plus, get religious fundamentalism out of our reality shows and politics please!!! 

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It's make or break this week in Scotland before hometowns. Litia finally reveals the potential dealbreaker of her religious culture, Juliana finally gets a chance to shine, and Zoe is snubbed. Carolina crashes out, though admittedly we will miss her. 

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Just as the group embarks on their international journey to Madrid, Camille returns from her honeymoon in Tahiti bringing back stories of White Lotus parallels and slutty stingrays. In this episode, we analyze the traditional-minded ways of Grant and our appreciation for these old-school dynamic villains. 

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