Can We Steal You for a Second?

Boy howdy, bring out the fresh platter of crow for us to eat because we were WRONG about Xavier! We were rooting for him all season long, doubting Charity’s gut feeling, standing up for him, all for him to treat us like THIS? Good thing Charity moved on quickly, consummating and saying I Love You to Joey AND Dotun. We speculate that Joey brings the pretty face and emotional intimacy Charity is looking for, but we aren’t sure he's in the engagement headspace after the night together. On the flip side, we finally see Dotun in the light everyone else has all season: he finally seems confident, comfortable, and simp-y in the best way. But Charity might not feel the same, as she seeks comfort in toxicity with the potential to bring Aaron B back. Tune in for a great episode of analysis! 

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Our ick sadly arrived for Joey and apparently the same for Charity, because he very clearly dropped to spot #3. But Xavier hive rise, he’s back in her good graces with a charming knitting date and a tender kiss on the head. But no one is a match for Dotun, bringing out his lovable family and the rehearsal dinner home video slideshow. Aaron never stood a chance! Please show us some words of affirmation and gifts and acts of service by leaving a review and sharing the podcast with a friend! 

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Don’t let them get away with it! While we liked less men to begin with, 2023 capitalism shrinkflation has reached the Bachelorette. This is NOT the same product, and these contestants are getting shorted! We’re predicting a win for Dotun but as the trend has gone with the recent Bachelorette seasons, these noncommittal men are getting even less time to be ready for an engagement and Charity is not the better for it. Plus, Barbie recap! 

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The men this season keep SERVING looks! Are they inspirational looks, or are they instead channeling 2011 middle-aged-mom-takes-an-Alaska-cruise style? Wait for Fashion Friday to find out. Nonetheless, do not let the patterns distract you from the head-to-head 1-1 battle we saw this week of Dotun versus Xavier. We are fully on the Xavier train for F1, and we hope you’ll listen to our reasoning and join us too. Plus, Bachelor Nation news as we stand with our Golden Bachelor’s late wife rolling in her grave, Shawn Booth’s interesting family journey, and Kardashians thinking they are above the show. 

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A podcast divided! Join us as we parse through our undecided feelings on Brayden the accessories man, Charity the incessant man-pleaser, Aaron S the overly confident roaster, John the youth group pastor, Joey the heartthrob/Joe Rogan follower, and Dotun the humble brag or just straight up boaster. One thing we know for sure is that people are sleeping on Xavier and Tanner. Also, a side quest about gullibility, sister squabbles, and American Girl Dolls x Barbies x Polly Pockets. Then stay tuned to the end for season-long predictions! 

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It’s Charity’s debut episode, and she’s bringing quirky girl-next-door charisma with a side of horny for toxicity. It’s shaping up to be a good season! We've got takes for tall men, fake-glasses-wearing men, tanned tennis men, and primed-to-be-the-next-Bachelor men. If you like the podcast, please share it with a fellow fan and leave a review. The Bachelorette is paired best with ~discourse~. See you next week! 

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0:00 - Life
14:00 - OceanGate
19:50 - #Scandoval
32:10 - Below Deck / Kardashians
43:40 - Jury Duty
45:00 - And Just Like That
55:00 - WGA Strike / Succession
61:43 - Cast Bios


We rush back into the podcast game with the energy and excitement of a thousand unionizing whales to cover some life catch-up and culture catch-up before tackling Charity’s men cast bios. Including the Scandoval of it all, shared Below Deck obsessions, Kardashian observations, even the unicorn beauty that was Jury Duty. Then we do a quick “Tinder swiping” style cast bios preview, deciding quickly where we reach a point with each man to decide to swipe left (BYE) or right (HI). Talk to you all again next week, set your DVRs for 9 pm Monday nights.

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Our gut told us Kaity would win from at least the second episode, but our hearts were rooting for Gabi until the end. But what a goodbye! Ariel and Gabi came out to ATFR prepared! We discuss women’s intuition, the ethics of disclosing hook-ups, predictions for their longevity, and the EP shake-ups. The episode was a little long, mostly because we didn’t want to say goodbye. Love you all! Thanks for a fantastic and juicy season, and see you in June.

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So many of our predictions coming true…1.) Fumbling the bag, somehow the exact opposite of Clayton. 2.) In an effort to satiate his inability to tell a lie. 3.) Bachelors keep chasing and always feel they need to “reach”! It’s our favorite episode of the year, and this did NOT disappoint. The highlight of the season. Comment below if you agree with our takes; we don’t hold back! 

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You can’t convince us Kaity didn’t scheme her way to Zach’s heart, going so far as to MOVE to AUSTIN moments before the show. Gabi on the other hand might want to watch herself…her very valid insecurities might give Zach the ick. Ariel continues to be way too cool for it all, along with her family. Charity, deep in her heart still hung up on her ex, knew she was a goner. Plus, we wrap up the episode with yet again asking the show to cast leads who are TRULY open to dating people outside their race and religion. 

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