Paul Kirz is a classically-trained pianist and musician from Souther California who went to APU. Thankfully, his rigorous training, practicing, and performing in the Music Department kept him so busy that he didn't get the full brunt of all the usual racism, bigotry, and conservative fundamentalism of the school. And as the concept of the divine has come up in the past few episodes, Paul learned to find the divine in music and art as he deconstructed his faith. This episode features Paul's original music throughout, so be prepared to get your groove on.

Paul is part of the AAPI arts and activist community in Los Angeles and has been known to attend and perform at the Tuesday Night Cafe, Scott's beloved home community.

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Scott's book, Asian-American-Apostate- Losing Religion and Finding Myself at an Evangelical University is available now!

Music by Paul the Fictitious Prof

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Shannon Kearns grew up in a fundamentalist family and church knowing he was outside of the parameters of acceptable christian living. He resolved to live as a celibate queer woman and become a youth pastor, and even did so for a time. But he eventually found a fuller life and a viable faith by transitioning. It was this new perspective as a man secure in his identity that unlocked the missing elements of christian faith and a life fully-lived.

Shannon's book, In the Margins: A Trans Man's Journey With Scripture, gives us 9 examples of scripture celebrating life in our bodies and identities.

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Scott's book, Asian-American-Apostate- Losing Religion and Finding Myself at an Evangelical University is available now!

Music by Scott Okamoto, Jenyi, Azeem Khan, and Shin Kawasaki and Wingo Shackleford

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Brandon Flanery grew up in fundamentalist evangelical culture, but he knew early on he was gay. This caused him to dig in harder to his faith, leading him to an evangelical school and eventually YWAM. But he eventually discovered that embracing his sexuality gave him a peace and joy about himself, and he has since explored all manner of experiences leading him to better understand himself and the world. Brandon has a new book out now from Lake Drive Books, Stumbling: A Sassy Memoir About Coming Out of Evangelicalism.

Chapel Probation is part of the Dauntless Media Collective

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Scott's book, Asian-American-Apostate- Losing Religion and Finding Myself at an Evangelical University is available now!

Music by Scott Okamoto, Jenyi, Azeem Khan, and Shin Kawasaki and Wingo Shackleford

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Email Scott at i[email protected]

Heather Owens was literally born of IBLP/ATI indoctrination, the result of her parents deciding to resume filling up their "quivers" for christs by having "reversal babies." We are grateful that Heather is here, though, and her story sheds more bad light on the IBLP/ATI world with its systemic abuse of babies and children and its shielding of powerful men who groom and assault women.

Heather may have been born with some health issues, but her three-valve heart is strong, as you'll hear. From dutiful, yet repressed, childhood to an out and proud bisexual woman living free, Heather's story will inspire all who find themselves climbing out of oppressive religious culture.

This week we have a very special Songs of My Deconstruction with the incredible music of IBLP/ATI bringing Scott back to faith, which he then rejects with demonic results.

Chapel Probation is part of the Dauntless Media Collective

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Scott's book, Asian-American-Apostate- Losing Religion and Finding Myself at an Evangelical University is available now!

Music by Scott Okamoto, Jenyi, Azeem Khan, and Shin Kawasaki and Wingo Shackleford

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Andrew Pledger grew up in a Christian fundamentalist cult (IFB) that led him to attend Bob Jones University. He knew he was gay, and he knew things were not right with the faith that criminalized his very existence. But as a young man, he had no options to escape his family's control or the bizarre, abusive rules of BJU. At first, Andrew tried to put his head down, follow the rules, and get out with a degree. But BJU, a global pandemic, and his own development as a human made that impossible. He pushed back, got expelled, and has been speaking out ever since. Through it all, Andrew found his voice, and he's using it to help bring healing to survivors and attention to the dangers of these christian institutions that harm so many people.

Andrew is the creator and host of Surviving BJU, which is set to premier on August 23. You can also listen to Andrew's previous podcast, Speaking Up.

Chapel Probation is part of the Dauntless Media Collective

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Scott's book, Asian-American-Apostate- Losing Religion and Finding Myself at an Evangelical University is available now!

Music by Scott Okamoto, Jenyi, Azeem Khan, and Shin Kawasaki and Wingo Shackleford

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Before Chapel Probation and before Asian American Apostate existed, Em Torres invited me to come onto her podcast, The Life She Wrote. I had written her a theme song, but other than that, I didn't have anything public out there, but Em saw me as someone with something to say. I'll always be grateful for that.

Em went to Vanguard University for a year, trying her best to follow God's will, but when it became financially impossible for her to continue there, she started to question what God's will even meant. She attended and worked at churches that were trying to be "relatable" and "contemporary," but the cracks in the shiny surface became something she couldn't ignore.

Today Em lives with her husband and kids and is trying to be the supportive parent her own parents could never be because of their fundamentalist beliefs. And she's doing great.

Chapel Probation is part of the Dauntless Media Collective

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Scott's book, Asian-American-Apostate- Losing Religion and Finding Myself at an Evangelical University is available now!

Music by Scott Okamoto, Jenyi, Azeem Khan, and Shin Kawasaki and Wingo Shackleford

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CW: descriptions of nuclear war

I wrote a longer version of this in my substack, but here is something I wanted to say on this platform. I had to stop and regroup a few times, and I even had to omit a few lines because I just couldn't say them out loud.

But I'm not OK with Oppenheimer. I'm not saying anything against anyone who enjoyed it, as I'm sure it's a well-crafted movie. I'm just thinking big picture and how this historical figure is now viewed as an Oscar-worthy film, a complex genius, and media partner with Barbie. He's not a "destroyer of worlds" as the movie poster says. He's just a murderer of Japanese people.

Chapel Probation is part of the Dauntless Media Collective

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Scott's book, Asian-American-Apostate- Losing Religion and Finding Myself at an Evangelical University is available now!

Music by Scott Okamoto, Jenyi, Azeem Khan, and Shin Kawasaki and Wingo Shackleford

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Jazz Robertson grew up and came of age playing drums in churches. From CCM to gospel, she found connection to musicians and music which kept her involved in church. But the connection to the bible and God never quite happened, despite her best efforts. But like a lot of us, she held on to the music in church until she just couldn't anymore. For both of us, music kept us in church and it led the way out and into the world.

You'll hear clips of our jam session and learn about the bond between musicians, which is something you do not hear much these days. Best of all, you'll hear Jazz talk about her life during and post faith. She's just so damn cool.

Jazz is also a co-host for the Multiple Sources podcast, which is currently on hiatus, but is well-worth a listen.

Chapel Probation is part of the Dauntless Media Collective

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Scott's book, Asian-American-Apostate- Losing Religion and Finding Myself at an Evangelical University is available now!

Music by Scott Okamoto, Jenyi, Azeem Khan, and Shin Kawasaki and Wingo Shackleford

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If you've watched the documentary, Shiny Happy People, you know some of the horrific details of the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP) and the Advanced Training Institute (ATI). Both are systems that drive a cult that became mainstream when The Learning Channel aired too many seasons of that insipid bullshit about the Duggar family. America ate that shit up and made the Duggars the placid faces of IBLP. Sickening. We've since learned of the abuse and grooming of young women to be used by the men in power at IBLP/ATI. Content Warning: a lot of talk of abuse coming.

Jessica Goforth's family got in early with IBLP, and her parents converted to the cult, thus ensuring Jessica's teen years would be spent in an abusive family and later an abusive "training center." This one is hard to listen to, so take care of your own mental health as you listen.

Jessica is also a co-host of the Leaving the Village podcast that should be restarting soon. The podcast covers the stories from inside IBLP/ATI and will feature some of the people from Shiny Happy People.

Chapel Probation is part of the Dauntless Media Collective

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Scott's book, Asian-American-Apostate- Losing Religion and Finding Myself at an Evangelical University is available now!

Music by Scott Okamoto, Jenyi, Azeem Khan, and Shin Kawasaki and Wingo Shackleford

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Think you know about evangelical revivals? Did you hear about the one at Asbury this year? This episode with author and life adventurer, Tim Mathis, will shed new light on how revivals erupt, so to speak. I promise you, it's not what you think. Or if it is, you're probably a regular listener of Chapel Probation.

Tim Mathis shares his personal stories and observations of his time at Asbury, and he makes a compelling case that revivals and repressed sexuality are connected. We even have a sketch to explain it.

CW-The sketch is R-rated, so be advised. Thanks to Ashley Dunston for playing the lead. Thanks to my nephew, Luke, for being the opening boy voice. And thanks to Owen, Ethan, Audrey, and their friends, Waseem, Shaunt, and Maria for lending their voices to the madness.

And finally, Tim talks about his life as a self-described "Dirt Bag" which he writes about in his book, The Dirtbag's Guide to Life: Eternal Truth for Hiker Trash, Ski Bums, and Vagabonds. Tim's first book, I Hope I Was Wrong About Eternal Damnation, was about his decision to leave faith for a more fulfilling life.

Chapel Probation is part of the Dauntless Media Collective

Join the Dauntless Media Discord for more conversation with all the podcast communities.

Scott's book, Asian-American-Apostate- Losing Religion and Finding Myself at an Evangelical University is available now!

Music by Scott Okamoto, Jenyi, Azeem Khan, and Shin Kawasaki and Wingo Shackleford

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