generation gap

On this episode of the Character Outs Podcast we discuss something I have named: generation gap.

It's the generation standing in the gap. The generation comprised of individuals who have gone no contact with their toxic family. The generation that is simultaneously breaking toxic generational cycles, while healing their own childhood trauma, all while raising our children completely void of the toxicity we knew. (with zero example and help may I add)

We discuss emotions that I struggle with as a member of generation gap. Emotions like: feelings of inadequacy, lonliness, imposter syndrome, self-doubt and exhaustion. 

Are you no contact with your toxic family? Well then, may I be the first to welcome you. You are officially a member of generation gap. It is a place that is not for the faint of heart, but completely necessary for our mental well being and the well being of our children. 

So to you fellow member of generation gap...I see you, you badass..you are making a differnece. Keep walking.

Incase no one has told you lately, it's not you, never has been and you are not alone.

Have a question, a struggle, a story to share? I would love to hear from you:

[email protected]

Are you a part of our Instagram community? What are you waiting for? Come on over, say hi and join the fun and healing. @characteroutspodcast

~Terri

On this episode we take a trip down memory lane and talk aboout the day to day life with the narcissistic. I share my epiphanies about how I oftentimes mirrored my narcissistic mother, how I modified my behavior to keep the peace and how that left me with nothing but a muddied life.

Mirroring the narcissist: When we are so concerned about being discarded by our narcissistic mother and the only goal is to keep her happy. Sometimes-it's me, hi-we behave in a way that looks a lot like the narcissist. 

Modifying our behavior for the narcissist: Growing up in a toxic house, we learn to modify our behavior. Every choice we make is based upon keeping the peace. 

Muddied life: Mirroring the narcissist and modifying your life for the narcissist will leave you with nothing but a muddied life.

If you are toying with the idea of reaching back and reconciling with your narcissistic mother or father, this episode is for you.

Struggling on your no contact journey? My inbox is always open, email me at [email protected]

Don't forget to join the snarky fun over on instagram as we navigate these no contact with toxic family waters together @characteroutspodcast

Incase no one has told you lately, its not you, never has been and you are not alone.

~Terri

STORIES EPISODE

Join me on this Stories Episode of the Character Outs Podcast as I read Marie's story.

Marie not only endured a lifetime of physical and emotional abuse at the hands of her narcissitic mother, but she also had an enabling father and narcissistic brother who turned their backs on her. Growing up in a Korean family, she was immediately at a disadvantage for simply being born a girl. Falling into the good girl, scapegoat role from a young age. Her brother however, the golden child, could do no wrong and still recieve the love and adoration of their mother and father.

Join me for this story of triumph, resilience, sheer determination to break toxic generational cycles and to raise her daughters in a healthy home, nothing like the home that she endured. 

*Trigger warning: this episode does contain stories that involve accounts of physical and sexual abuse.

Would you like to share your story with me? Email me at [email protected] and we can connect.

If no one has told you lately, its not you, never has been and you are not alone.

~Terri

the round and round cycle of the narcissist

The cycle of the narcissist, its a predictable pattern. And guess what, I'm gonna say it, my friend, it is never, ever going to change. If you were in Vegas, I would tell you to put all your money on your narcissistic mother or father never changing. Like, ever.

It is so difficult for us not only to embrace the reality that our mother, the one who was supposed to show us the most love, has failed us. But recognizing that she will never change. That nothing we can say or do is going to break this emotionally draining and mentally taxing cycle. That's a tough one.

On this episode we discuss the narcissist and textbook behavioral traits. We take a deep dive into the abusive cycle as it pertains to the mother/child relationship. We discuss how we can begin to come to terms with the fact that this cycle, our narcissistic mother...is never going to change. This cycle of abuse will continue as long as we allow it, as long as we keep jumping on the spinny thing at the playground. Know your worth and know when it is time to jump off and never get back on.

RESOURCES:

Psychology Today: The Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse

The Broadway version of the narcissist's anthem:

Hamilton-'You'll be Back"

Struggling on your no contact journey? My inbox is always open: [email protected]

Join the fun over in Instagram: @characteroutspodcast

If no one has told you lately, it is not you, never has been and you are not alone.

~Terri

Bella's Story

Join me as I speak to Bella. She is a Psychologist from Brazil, as well as a survivor of the oppressive emotional abuse of her narcissistic mother. Bella is an eloquent, intelligent and brave mom who is determined to maintain her peace as well as break toxic generation cycles.

She speaks openly and honestly about her trauma and how she was able to break free. Bella is candid about her childhood and speaks in detail about how the abuse of her mother changed as she grew.

We speak about the cultural and legal differences between the United States and Brazil. While her culture may look slightly different than ours here in the United States, one thing is univesal: the power of a narcissistic mother to destroy and mangle your soul is the same, regardless of what country you live in. 

She has the beautiful ability to offer advice and resources from a Psychologist's point of view, as well as a survivor. She gives advice on how you can heal and move forward on your no contact journey and shares her brutally honest opinion about reconciliation.

RESOURCES:

*YouTube

Taryana Rocha

Virginia Coser

Scape Goat Child Recovery

Heal Narcissistic Abuse

*Book

The Hour of Star-Clarice Lispector

*Movie

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Struggling on your no contact journey? My inbox is always open: [email protected]

Join the fun over on Instragram: @characteroutspodcast

If no one has told you lately, it's not you, never has been and you are not alone.

~Terri

Ok so the past few weeks have been pretty shitty.

And ya know what, that's ok. You don't have to have it all together. I sure don't.

This episode is a reminder to you that you may not have all the answers on this no contact journey with your toxic family, I don't either.

No contact with toxic family can feel like the the uncertainty of the ocean. Sometimes the waters are calm and the sun is shining...and sometimes, it feels like a hurricane and the storm is coming at us. When we are in the midst of a storm without the help of our family because...let's face it, reaching back may help temporarily, but the ramifications of having the toxic family member back into our lives ultimately leads to the destruction of our souls....it can feel so very lonely.

So what do we do? We carry on..alone. And..we survive and come out the other side stronger.

Because we WILL break these toxic generational cycles. Even if we have to brave the storms alone.

And ya know what? You survive my friend.

Struggling on your no contact journey? Email me at [email protected]

Join the fun over on Instagram @characteroutspodcast

It's not you, never has been and you are not alone.

~Terri

Welcome to the first episode of a new addition to The Character Outs Podcast.

If you were raised in a toxic family, you probably thought the things that happened in your home were totally normal right? I bet you never questioned a thing. But bring yourself back to the moment when you realized that other families didn't use tactics like manipulation or belittling. That mothers didn't use the silent treatment and withdraw their love from their children. And when you finally noticed and spoke up, I venture to say you probably heard things like: 'that never happened,' 'you are being dramatic,' or 'you need serious help.'

Are you with me?

So what did that do to us...it silenced us.

Unapologetically telling our story is not only cathartic for us, but empowering for others who are struggling.

The mission of this podcast is not only to normalize going no contact with toxic family, but it is also a place where I share my story, my healing journey and what I have learned along the way. 

Today though, I will read Jarrelyn's story.

It is a story of her journey with her toxic mom, uncle and cousins. What she learned along the way and her encouraging message for you.

Interested in sharing your story? Email me: [email protected] and we can chat.

Join our Instargram community: @characteroutspodcast

Finally, don't forget to join our email fam. You will receive bi-weekly emails full of encouragement and resouces to help you on your no contact journey. Email me your deets and I will get you on the list. 

When things get rough remember: it's not you, never has been and you are not alone.

~Terri

Ooohhh..Part 2 gave us Wednesday Addams vibes.

On this episode, we dive deeper into the psychotic and controlling nature of my covert passive agressive mother and how she impacted my daugher, who is now 22. She also speaks about her grandfather, his wife and how losing that relationship has affected her.

We have real talk about how it feels to be without a 'village.'

We have real talk about thoughts of reaching back and reconciling.

Tiffany speaks about how the relationship with her narcissistic grandmother made her feel as a child-wish it was all bad-but that is sometimes what makes no contact with toxic family so messy and confusing. It wasn't all bad, but she speaks openly about why she would never reach back.

She also gives offers some wisdom to those moms and dads out there who are worried about how going no contact with your toxic family could impact your children.

This is a raw and honest, unedited episode that gets emotional. We hope you find peace, validation and comfort as we speak our truth.

Struggling on your no contact journey with toxic family? My inbox is always open. Email me at [email protected]

If you arent a part of our Instagram community, you are missing out! Come on over for the snark and fun: @characteroutspodcast

And don't forget to join our newsletter fam. Bi-weekly emails full of resources to help you on your no contact journey. Email me with your deets and I will add you to the list.

Finally, friend, when things get rough, remember: it's not you, never has been and you are not alone.

~Terri

Worried about how no going no contact with your toxic family will affect your children? 

On this episode, I interview my 22 year old daughter. She speaks candidly about her relationship with her narcissistic grandmother. 

She speaks about how the manipulation and control of my mother began at a very young age and how this just seemed completely normal. So normal in fact, that she didn't even tell me some of these stories until, this interview.

She also speaks about how she handled the toxicity, how it impacted her life and how the emotional manipulation of her grandmother changed as she grew.

My daughter Tiffany is bold, eloquent, and intelligent. She is a young woman who is head strong with incredible discernment and the ability to see through bullshit, all while being the conssumate empath. I am honored to have her be the very first guest on the Character Outs Podcast.

In the midst of your no contact journey and struggling? My email is always open: [email protected]

Join our instagram community: @characteroutspodcast

Sign up for our newsletter full of encouragement and resources to help you on your no contact journey. Email me with your deets and I will get you on the list!

Friend, when things get rough, remember: it is not you, never has been and you are not alone.

~Terri

life with my covert passive aggressive narcissistic mother: part 2

In this episode I continue the discussion about my relationship with my covert passive aggressive narcissistic mother. The manipulation and toxicity looks very different in adulthood than it does in childhood. As I grew, and then began to set boundaries, speak my truth, and be my authentic self, my mother set out on an all out war against me as she was losing control.

About Me:

Just an imperfect mom of 5, and survivor of the emotional abuse and manipulation of my covert passive aggressive mom and ass hole dad with narcissistic tendencies. Yes friends, I won the toxic family jackpot. Both parents, and bonus, step-mom are all out of control toxic.

One day I woke up, realized my worth, stopped the damaging cycle and went no contact with all of them. When I did though, I found that the societal norms associated with cutting ties with toxic family were villifying. I spent the beginning of my no contact journey with my family feeling lost, alone and kinda like a piece of shit. 

I am now on a mission to:

*Normalize going no contact

*Break toxic generational cycles.

*Share my story to validate and empower you!

Welcome all you black sheep, I am so happy you are here. It is not you, never has been and you are not alone.

I would love to hear from you, email me at [email protected]

Join our Instagram community! @characterouts

Be sure to sign up for the Character Outs Newsletter where you will recieve encouraging resources and tools to help you on your no contact journey. Email me and I will put you on the list.

~Terri