CINEMA 911

CINEMA 911

By CINEMA 911Comedy
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CINEMA 911 episodes

  • THE LITTLE MERMAID - CINEMA CINEMENTARY

    We recorded a commentary for cinema masterpiece THE LITTLE MERMAID. Oh boy! Tune in to find out how to con your parents into paying for a Disney Plus subscription (because it's otherwise not worth paying for). This movie is a childhood favorite of at least one of our hosts, bet you can't guess which one! What is a snarfblat? Seriously, what is it? Take a trip to Bird Poop Island with us, where we find a shipwrecked bird. Take a walk through the People Garden as we completely ruin this movie for everyone! We also discuss Beauty and the Beast in this commentary a little bit. Why not? Stop asking questions! Just listen!

    1 hr 24 min
  • Episode 6 - Top Cop

    The plot thins. Someone broke into the office & stole all the papers & furniture but left a brand new TV? Stephen & Jen talk about a popular TV show. Jen finds out where her downstairs neighbors are from & what they’re doing every night. Jen gets another date and talks about a meetup she didn’t have. Lunch takes a turn for the worse, no really, it’s bad, especially when the new TV is interrupted by a breaking news story. They take calls from movies like Supersize Me, Slither, The Gallows, and there’s another thrilling installment of Cruise News, and more!

    All sound effects provided by zapsplat.com

    56 min
  • BLOOD CAR - CINEMA CINEMENTARY
    Happy Birthday, George! We recorded a commentary for the cinema masterpiece BLOOD CAR. Enjoy, this is a favorite of both hosts. Especially both! Seriously, this movie is great. Find out what Vegans bleed in this commentary because it's not blood! Should eight year olds learn about The Manhattan Project? What happens to your blood when you become too skinny? Do Vegans have super healing speed? Is our blood a finite supply within our bodies? Should you curse at your car when it won't start? All of these things are discussed within this commentary! Check it out today!
    It's available to purchase on Amazon for only 99 cents!
    1 hr 19 min
  • Episode 5 - Bear Mayor

    Some big moves have been made around Emergency City. Jen & Stephen talk about Police Town’s failed sting, how devastated the bees are about giving away their honey, where the ambulances live, and how close Kidsville is to the ocean. Some of today’s emergencies are from Crawl, No Country For Old Men, and the classic vintage horror cinema The Baby. Jen’s lunch seems almost normal today, but the lunch break commercial is even normaler. What will the Cruise News be today? Tell us what you think!

    All sound effects provided by zapsplat.com

    56 min
  • PUPPET MASTER - CINEMA CINEMENTARY

    We recorded a commentary for the cinema masterpiece PUPPET MASTER. Enjoy! This movie is very dumb! There's at least thirteen of these cinema masterpieces, so we may have to just do them all! Hopefully not though, some of them are mostly reused footage. Be careful though, this movie has a sex scene, with nudity, in it! Seriously, be careful. Tune in to find out if Jimmy Skaggs is a mob guy or not (he is). Listen as Stephen accidentally has a Coco moment with this movie, it's very troubling. In this commentary we discuss tiny breath and big sniffing. Bring your big shoulder pads to this one, it's a real joy ride.

    1 hr 29 min
  • Episode 4 - What Happened to Terry?

    Jen gives the run down on her new neighbors, what it’s like to be flung to the bottom of the Texas Ocean, who lives there, and her walk home--up a lot of stairs. Terry, Cinema 911’s record keeper, seems to have gone missing. Stephen gives a brief Emergency City history lesson, which somehow involves time travel? ...and he also tries to work out sea math, puppet math, and the correct pronunciation of Friday the 13th. Jen’s lunches worsen, and the two watch a trailer for a really great movie that is coming out soon. Plus more Cruise News! … (*cruise*) Many cinematic occurrences happen, such as Orgazmo, Tammy & The T-Rex, and Green Inferno. Cinema 911 does big help and good help.

    All sound effects provided by zapsplat.com

    58 min
  • SAW - CINEMA CINEMENTARY

    Do you want to play a game? We recorded a commentary for the cinema masterpiece SAW, the first in a series of progressively worse films! Reach into the toilet with us and tell us what you find because we only found hair rocks. Sorry! How scared would you be if you saw the Saw puppet ride in on his little tricycle and said "Hey guys," to you? Scary stuff! Tune in to find out what the opposite of caffeine is! Listen in as we talk about our definitely upcoming films, The Under the Bed Man and The Hiding in the Closet Man. This movie is a classic among extremely bad movies so check it out with us! 

    1 hr 43 min
  • Episode 3 - Jigsaw's Breakdown
    It's a tough time all around in this episode of Cinema 911. Stephen is finally late for once because he has car trouble, legal problems, and a possible serious health issue. Don’t worry though, he has a new hat. It’s… big. The two colleagues go into greater detail about the expansive world around them (Texas has an ocean in the middle of it?!), including where Jen is from, why she left, and what is possibly going on there now. Both Stephen and Jen make some new friends to hang out with after work. Jen is still definitely eating normal lunches during the very good commercial at lunch. Here’s a hint: it’s something everyone is gonna wanna buy. Jen talks about a dunk contest gone wrong & ends the day with some more Cruise News. Some of today’s emergencies are from movies like Blood Car, The Favourite, and the well known and loved Wrong Turn 4.
    All sound effects provided by zapsplat.com 1) Blue Velvet 2) Wrong Turn 4 3) The Favourite 4) Blood Car 5) Saw 6) Blue Velvet (again)
    50 min
  • MICROWAVE MASSACRE - CINEMA CINEMENTARY

    We recorded a commentary for the cinema masterpiece MICROWAVE MASSACRE. This episode is sponsored by Baze himself. All hail Baze! Although we say this movie is available on Amazon Prime, that is an outright lie. Gotcha! In this commentary we discuss what Jackie Vernon's previous work was, big bread, and crab sandwiches. Listen in for what foods fall under the label "q-sine." This movie has some truly baffling moments, leaving our hosts audibly flabbergasted, which works perfectly in an audio format. Does this film follow the rule of three? Tune in to find out today!



    *look into camera*

    1 hr 19 min
  • Episode 2 - Lunular B-Beam
    When recording this episode, several issues were encountered (mostly Jen not knowing how to set up a microphone or use basic sound editing software). Getting it pieced back together became an intense labor of love/hate so please excuse any strange noises you may hear. These things have been ironed out! Oh, also this episode may be possessed by the devil.
    Jen is late for work again due to the snow in Emergency City, but the two co-workers somehow survive a helicopter ride to the office. Stephen performs a little bit of his stand up routine (or all of it). They get to know each other further, and they try to uncover more about their office space and the world around them. Some of today’s emergencies are from movies like Happy Death Day, Perfect, and The Lighthouse. One movie fires Stephen up so much that a new Deep Dive segment was born, and of course there is always Cruise News … (*cruise*).
    All sound effects provided by zapsplat.com 1) Perfect 2) Happy Death Day 3) The Lighthouse 4) A Quiet Place 5) Ad Astra 6) The Shining 7) Once Upon a Time in Hollywood... 8) Hereditary
    1 hr 10 min

About CINEMA 911

From the publisher's feed

CINEMA 911 is a mostly improvised comedy podcast where Cinema Scientists Jen and Stephen take calls from movie characters mid-movie. CINEMA 911 takes place in the fictionalized city of Emergency City, TX, a place that is constantly evolving.