Clause and Effect

See you in Helf.

Every so often we have one of those episodes where none of us can think of anything to talk about. This is not one of those times, yet a certain someone managed to be so distracted by the plane outside his window that it inevitably distracted all three of us. Not naming any names, but he knows what he did. Other topics of conversation include a nihilistic view of Santa's future workloads and declaring Scott Calvin legally dead.

Homework for this week:

-Have a fun and safe Halloween. Bonus points for dressing as Jack Frost.

-Calculate how many Buds it would take to:

a.) power the Atlas V rocket

b.) power the Large Hadron Collider

Show all work.

Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.

This week, the gang is pretty low-energy. This, of course, means that the usual happens and that by the end John is practically screaming at Jacob while Ted can't stop laughing. In between, be sure not to miss our discussion of this movie as a biblical allegory, followed by a deep dive into the miserable lives of Santa's in-laws. It's sure to be a fun time for all involved!

Homework for this week:

-Read Paradise Lost, or at least SparkNotes it, then write down all similarities between Jack Frost and Lucifer.

Alternate titles for this week's episode include:

The Pilot is the Hippo

5 Seconds until the Hippo Impacts the Plane

"It Follows" but it's a Hippo

The Hippo Annihilates Tim Allen

In case it wasn't obvious, we didn't make good on our promise to watch Airplane, nor do we make good on our promise to actually stay on topic for once. This episode does, however, serve as a handy guide for all the reasons to never ever approach a hippopotamus, let alone desire one for Christmas.

Homework for this week:

-Make a ROM Hack of Ace Attorney in which you must prove the niceness of children that are framed to be naughty.

-Do some research on hippos. Knowing is half the battle.

I want to get off.

Simultaneously the shortest episode and also the longest stinger we've ever had, this week's episode weighs heavy on us. Despite our boredom with the bland attempts at """humor""" present in the movie, we still find ways to entertain ourselves with discussions of airplanes and human whack-a-mole machines.

Homework this week:

-Watch Airplane, the superior comedy.

"We didn't like the old one, so it's not real anymore." -line from the commentary track for The Santa Clause 3ε.

We gave Santa the Griswald treatment, placing him in situations that would break a mortal man. Also, we give the part of Jack Frost to a rodent. All this, and more, on tonight's Clause & Effect.

Homework this week:

-Make a silent movie out of scenes from The Santa Clause 3

-Write the script to The Santa Clause 3ε and send it to Disney.

Homework for Disney:

-Hire us.

Translator's Note: Taosenai means "plan".

We watched the movie in Japanese this time around, and we played the official video game. After we're done sharing our thoughts on that, we attempt to make a Mega Man game. Somehow, this is one of our shortest episodes to date.

Homework for this week:

-Translate whatever it is Curtis said

-Re-animate the entire movie to make it look like an anime. Actually, don't.

Santa is in the eye of the beholder.

We're officially 3/4 of the way there, so to celebrate we threw Santa Claus into Dark Souls. Again. Also, we discuss the combat potential of 270 cardboard cut-outs of Jack Frost, as well as the importance of Santa's public image in a hypothetical capitalist dystopia.

Homework this week is to catch the Big Santa Race this Saturday, September 22nd (start time to be decided) and to follow @Clausecast on Twitter to stay on top of updates, assuming you somehow haven't done that already.

It's like Animorphs. But for mops.

It's a brief, yet focused episode this week, as the three of us start by discussing the state of Tim Allen, the human, the person. Afterwards, a discussion about a mystery horse gets almost completely dropped in favor of something far, far more stupid. This is our life. This is the work of the Santa Clause 3.

Homework for this week:

- Sign this petition; https://www.change.org/p/tim-allen-remove-the-santa-clause-3-the-escape-clause-from-the-official-santa-clause-movie-canon

Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.

It's a late recording for the three of us, so we're all in the mindset of wanting to end things quickly. What this leads to is, of course, a rapid descent into various tangents including a Santa-borne Christmas Apocalypse scenario. Listen in wonder as we ponder such questions as "What if Scott Calvin was a time ghost?", or "Can the North Pole act as a pharmacy?", and many more.

Homework for this week:

- Calculate the cost of the property damage caused by Jack Frost.

- Play Ghost Trick, because it's a really good game.

Keep on dreaming, dreamer.

What starts out as a discussion of John's simple, yet terrifying method of watching the movie this week, turns to places we could not have even imagined. Join us as we discuss the nature of reality within the universe of The Santa Clause, and even how it might be related to our own. Oh, and we talk about Jack Frost's singing at some point.

Homework for this week:

Think of silly Christmas-related song parodies that Jack Frost would sing at his show.