Clause and Effect

The final Christmas bonus, wrapped up nicely and tucked underneath the tree.

This track is meant to be played alongside the movie, as is the other bonus for our first watch. You don't have to listen to both right away and honestly you really shouldn't, so just choose whichever suits your fancy.

This is it. The last time the three of us will watch this movie together. Come join us as we cheer for the last reindeer fart, laugh at sweep elf for the last time, and tear up at the thought of never seeing Bud or the Santa plane ever again.

Cobbled together from scraps of barely usable audio comes our first ever watch of the Santa Clause 3.

This was meant to be watched alongside the movie, as is the bonus for our 52nd watch. Pick your poison, I guess. I wouldn't expect you to want to watch this movie twice in a row. Hear us groan at reindeer farts, laugh at jokes about Canada, and gasp in awe at the Santa plane for the very first time. Oh, how stupid we were.

Just in time for Christmas, as promised.

This week we didn't watch The Santa Clause 3. That's cause for celebration in and of itself, but that's not all. Instead, we watched both the first and second movies in the trilogy, and we were pleasantly surprised. Join us in our unpacking of the complex themes of the original Santa Clause, including child rebellion, brainwashing, and elves (with attitude). Furthermore, we tackle the slightly less complex themes of the second film, such as awkward dates, anti-social teachers, and the dangers of letting incompetent people do anything involving robotics.

Your homework this week is to have a good Christmas, or whatever you celebrate this time of year.

We have slain the movie, though we are the ones who were really defeated.

It doesn't take long to shift into after-party mode as John and Jacob discuss their memories of the podcast while Ted searches for an obscure piece of lost media for almost 15 minutes! Other topics of the night include Tim Allen green-screened into footage of the movie 2012, as well as prophetic dreams of Jerry Seinfeld.

Your final homework:

-Help Ted find an episode of an obscure Sci Fi show featuring an entity that lives in your memories. Tweet @clausecast if you find it.

-Google "Pyrrhic victory"

-Stay tuned for the wave of bonus episodes coming at you soon!

Not even the director knows what it is.

Yes, that's right. We watched with the director's commentary track this time. A lot of our theories were proven, and a lot of others were disproven. Also, we learn a lot about the production of the film itself, some of which we'd really rather not have learned.

Homework this week:

-Write Google and force them to add "disproven" to their auto-correct dictionary.

-Keep an eye out for any snow blankets outside your window. They're common this time of year.

Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

With only three weeks left until their freedom, the gang uses Christmas as an excuse to talk about the human condition. Again. Also, we devise a Santa Clause themed racer in which you can play as an affront to God and compare Jack Frost's hyper-capitalist society to a game of Mario Party.

Homework this week:

-Learn about the Emu War in preparation for our 86th anniversary celebration next week.

Real men eat mammoth, however.

It's Ted's turn to blow the lid off the movie this week, and blow he does. Also, things get a little dark with the discovery of an article that tells us a little more about the production of the first movie, as well as a discussion about the butterfly effect and how invoking the Escape Clause may prove fatal.

Homework this week:

-Import a wooly mammoth. You can probably find one on eBay.

-Recut the entire movie again but this time only using green screen footage.

-Don't.

Please do not contact Adam Sandler.

Some slight audio issues this episode with Jacob's mic, but that won't stop us from once again delving into the manufacturing process of elves, as well as puzzling over the identity of an elf who is named but not ever seen. Also, we amuse ourselves with imagining a version of the movie in which Curtis is removed. Forcibly.

Jacob's """""weekly""""" shitpost: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U868E5DqIkA

Homework:

-Count Santa's Teeth. We've joked about it for far to long. It's time to bite the bullet.

-Come up with a name for our movie concept involving an incompetent Santa and a very sneaky elf.

You may, however, call a doctor. I don't feel so good.

This week we watched Airplane! Time to make the least fair comparison between two movies that has probably ever been made. Mostly, we just use the comedic successes of one movie to describe the failings of the other. Also, we discuss the business policies of Bad Future Scott Calvin and blow the lid off the biggest conspiracy yet.

Homework for this week:

-Design Jack Frost's improvised Gundam.

-Let us know: How many years would it take for society to not care that Santa's real?

-Uncover more evidence that Tim Allen is secretly an ape man.

Whatever the opposite of ASMR is, this episode has it.

This week we discuss the automatic targeting systems inherent to sleep deities and elves with hammers, as well as the Christmas Creep. No, not that type of creep. Also, Ted proposes the idea of writing more fan fiction, much to the dismay of John. All the while, Jacob clicks his god damned pen into the microphone as a replacement for actual conversation and I'm leaving it all in, dammit.

Homework for this week:

- Confiscate Jacob's pens. All of them.

- Don't write fan fiction.

- Let us know what your favorite Halloween candy is, and we will do absolutely nothing with this newfound information.