Clause and Effect

Good evening, Agent 1225.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to stop talking about E3 long enough to focus on the god damned movie for once. Along the way you must also be sure to discuss dismantled animals and Disney jailbreaks. This episode will self-destruct in 27 weeks.

Your homework, should you choose to accept it:

-Catch our livestream this coming weekend, probably Sunday, 6/17, and be sure to check our Twitter @Clausecast for updates.

Only slightly better than the power to crouch down super quickly and unscrew a tree stand without anyone noticing.

In this week's episode, we try to make a list of all the things that make the legendary figures magical, to varying degrees of success. Also on the agenda is the fate of Santa's underwear.

No homework this week because we're laz- err I mean... because it magically disappeared!

If you can't take the heat, get out of the Canadian toy factory.

In this episode, we have an insightful discussion about what makes or breaks a Christmas movie, interspersed between conversations involving meat-based currencies and New Year's babies.

Homework for this week:

What makes a Christmas movie feel like a Christmas movie, and why does the Santa Clause 3 NOT feel like a Christmas movie?

Put on your sleuthing hats because we're going sleuthing!

Today's episode is full of mysteries the likes of which may never be solved, such as: "Who put this citrus in my stocking?", "Where did that statue come from?", "Why haven't they given up yet?", and much, much more! Answers in back of book.

Today's homework:

-Let us know if you've ever received an orange in your stocking.

-Throw away your expired chocolate. Let's face it, you're never gonna eat that.

Two nerds yell at each other about who would win between Thanos and Goku while the third nerd yells about stockings hung without care. This is a podcast about The Santa Clause 3.

Homework this week:

-Think of clever ways to trick evil Santas into invoking the escape clause.

-Try to parse the previous sentence without having an aneurysm.

Come on and slam, and welcome to Canada, eh?

What started as a low energy night erupts into an uproarious discussion about obnoxiously loud wallets and buff ghosts haunting our televisions. As a bonus, we once again accidentally slip into discussion about crossovers and as a result accidentally create the best basketball team.

Homework this week:

Drop a plank of wood from 10 feet. If you have one, that is.

An epic in 2 parts.

Grab your proton packs, folks, because this episode is haunted. Keep an ear out for EVP as we fight our way through technical difficulty after technical difficulty to discuss the deeper meanings behind the bad future, Santa's downward spiral into depression, and how none of us should ever write scripts for Hollywood, ever, under any circumstances.

Homework this week:

Watch out for anything strange sleepin' in your bed.

Just when you thought we couldn't get any stupider.

Tonight's episode is a cavalcade of questions as we try to discern the North Pole's true location, devise new ways to trick your neighbors into helping you unpack, and determine what vegan elves eat.

Homework this week:

Draw a model of the Donut Earth. Doesn't have to be physically accurate.

Starring Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool as Santa as Goku.

If last week's episode was a train ride, this week is a trainwreck. Join your 3 conductors as they try to apply real-world logic to the economy and time frame of a fictional movie about a man who turns into Santa Claus, then descend further into madness as they imagine what said movie would be like as an anime.

Homework this week is to try to come up with a satisfying answer for these 3 questions:

1. Where did Santa get a credit card that is usable in the North Pole?

2. Where do Carol's in-laws live, and where does Santa's ex-wife live?

3. Over what time span does the movie take place so that it's night at the exes' house but day at the in-laws and Christmas Eve when they return to the North Pole?

zzz... oh, uh, huh? The description? Oh yeah!

Join us this week as we travel across the country by plane, train, and automobile to escape the wintry wrath of Martin Short. Roadside discussion may include topics such as how this movie has begun to condition us as well as how much better Curtis is as a character when all his lines are replaced with train whistles. We also make a quick pit stop on a very special forum where we learn to never review movies under the influence.

Homework this week is to get some sleep. You've earned it.