Cognitive Contortions

Cognitive Contortions

By Cognitive ContortionsComedy
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Cognitive Contortions episodes

  • (Alien Abductions) Episode 35: The Tylers Spelling Spectacle
    This week, despite some technical difficulties, the boys hop back into our Alien and UFO series by discussing some of the most credible abductions in recent years. Tyler gets caught misspelling words again, Aaron calls Ty out on misspelling his attack on Tyler’s misspellings, Scott returns with his classic self offending humor, and Ty explains how the female reproductive system works. (He doesn’t).
    As always a huge thanks for the use of our theme song, It's A Conspiracy Song, off of the collaborated album Cautionary Campfire Tales, by Tim Ireland and the musician Koit. You can find their work here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441
    respectively.
    Lastly, if you enjoy our show, be sure to share it with a friend you think may enjoy it, or leave us a review or rating while you're here! You can also reach out to us @Ccontortions on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and you can e-mail us with any questions, comments, ideas, or segments for our show at [email protected]
    1 hr 12 min
  • (Flight MH17) Episode 34: The Adventures of Mike Robial and Tricksy Racist
    This week the boys finish off their MH17 series with a bang! Tyler pitches the pilot for The Adventures of Mike Robial and Tricksy Racist! Aaron demands an answer to why and how pickles have no calories, and Ty tells a good old fashioned story about slicing his thumb open and calling Scotts Mom.
    As always a huge thanks for the use of our theme song, It's A Conspiracy Song, off of the collaborated album Cautionary Campfire Tales, by Tim Ireland and the musician Koit. You can find their work here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441
    respectively.
    Lastly, if you enjoy our show, be sure to share it with a friend you think may enjoy it, or leave us a review or rating while you're here! You can also reach out to us @Ccontortions on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and you can e-mail us with any questions, comments, ideas, or segments for our show at [email protected]
    1 hr 5 min
  • (Flight MH17) Episode 33: Prostrate Prostate Thermometer
    This week the boys start a two part series on the Malaysian Airlines flight MH17 from our previous Grab Bag episode! Tyler explains what a Bukkake missile system is and how it works, Aaron admits that he thinks Harris Teeter is a craft store, and Ty describes the difficulties of shopping right now, and also calls out our listeners on not finishing our episodes, or reaching out to us.
    As always a huge thanks for the use of our theme song, It's A Conspiracy Song, off of the collaborated album Cautionary Campfire Tales, by Tim Ireland and the musician Koit. You can find their work here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441
    respectively.
    Lastly, if you enjoy our show, be sure to share it with a friend you think may enjoy it, or leave us a review or rating while you're here! You can also reach out to us @Ccontortions on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and you can e-mail us with any questions, comments, ideas, or segments for our show at [email protected]
    1 hr 9 min
  • (Best of 2020s) Episode 32: The Ballad of Unasia
    This week while the boys adjust to the new Coronavirus schedule, we bring you a Best of the 2020s compilation episode! Sit back and enjoy some of our favorite bits from episodes 20-29 while we prepare for our next topic: The MH17 flight shoot down from our most recent grab bag episode!
    As always a huge thanks for the use of our theme song, It's A Conspiracy Song, off of the collaborated album Cautionary Campfire Tales, by Tim Ireland and the musician Koit. You can find their work here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441
    respectively.
    Lastly, if you enjoy our show, be sure to share it with a friend you think may enjoy it, or leave us a review or rating while you're here! You can also reach out to us @Ccontortions on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and you can e-mail us with any questions, comments, ideas, or segments for our show at [email protected]
    55 min
  • (Grab Bag) Episode 31: Scott’s in the House!
    This week the boys are back and the prodigal host has returned, Scott’s in the house! The boys talk about books, eat pizza, and cover a variety of random grab bag conspiracy topics. Tyler desperately and futilely attempts to host a podcast, Scott points out that the pope has now admitted the Catholic Church is useless because you can just, “talk to god directly”, Aaron introduces us the the rapper, lil gen-z, and Ty explains why he can’t bring himself to read Scotts work. (It’s actually really sweet)
    As always a huge thanks for the use of our theme song, It's A Conspiracy Song, off of the collaborated album Cautionary Campfire Tales, by Tim Ireland and the musician Koit. You can find their work here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441
    respectively.
    Lastly, if you enjoy our show, be sure to share it with a friend you think may enjoy it, or leave us a review or rating while you're here! You can also reach out to us @Ccontortions on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and you can e-mail us with any questions, comments, ideas, or segments for our show at [email protected]
    1 hr 17 min
  • (Alien Abductions) Episode 30: Wizard Day Camp
    This week the boys return to finish up the Betty and Barney Ruble abduction! From a time before Coronavirus was a household pain in the dick, Tyler tells us how Bill Clinton first noticed Hillary Clinton, Aaron confesses that die to social anxiety he’s changed hygienic products because of the locks at Target, Joey P. details where Bettys alien star chart cock map came from, and Ty explains the best place to get propane when you’re trying to make some night burgers.
    As always a huge thanks for the use of our theme song, It's A Conspiracy Song, off of the collaborated album Cautionary Campfire Tales, by Tim Ireland and the musician Koit. You can find their work here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441
    respectively.
    Lastly, if you enjoy our show, be sure to share it with a friend you think may enjoy it, or leave us a review or rating while you're here! You can also reach out to us @Ccontortions on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and you can e-mail us with any questions, comments, ideas, or segments for our show at [email protected]
    1 hr 3 min
  • (Cognac Corona Special) Episode 2029: D**k in Your Poo Water
    This week, the boys get waaaaaay off the rails in a super chill, Corona adjacent episode. Tyler tried to give us some useful information about the current situation, but it will probably be out of date by the time this comes out, Joe phones in a friend to compare notes on how to handle a large Dick when you shit, and Ty educates is on the only thing that’ll really keep you safe: Asshole bleaching.
    As always a huge thanks for the use of our theme song, It's A Conspiracy Song, off of the collaborated album Cautionary Campfire Tales, by Tim Ireland and the musician Koit. You can find their work here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441
    respectively.
    Lastly, if you enjoy our show, be sure to share it with a friend you think may enjoy it, or leave us a review or rating while you're here! You can also reach out to us @Ccontortions on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and you can e-mail us with any questions, comments, ideas, or segments for our show at [email protected]
    1 hr 36 min
  • (Alien Abductions) Episode 2028: The Hills Have Holes
    This week the boys go over the hypnosis sessions of Barney and Betty Hill, but not until they go on a twenty minute rant about the scam that is medical insurance. Tyler gives the dictionary definition of the word, “incredulity”, Aaron asks, “What if insurance companies only paid to get things fixed once?”, Ty insists that Elon Musk’s Tesla is the first ever smart planet, and prodigal podcaster Joey P. returns to give a Cognitive Contortions PSA and bring some much needed skepticism to the topic.
    As always a huge thanks for the use of our theme song, It's A Conspiracy Song, off of the collaborated album Cautionary Campfire Tales, by Tim Ireland and the musician Koit. You can find their work here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441
    respectively.
    Lastly, if you enjoy our show, be sure to share it with a friend you think may enjoy it, or leave us a review or rating while you're here! You can also reach out to us @Ccontortions on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and you can e-mail us with any questions, comments, ideas, or segments for our show at [email protected]
    1 hr 6 min
  • (Alien Abductions) Episode 2027: The Abduction of Betty and Barney Rubble
    On this weeks episode the boys start a dive into UFO abductions. Tyler explains that if it weren’t for Mike Robial we wouldn’t be able to talk to each other, Aaron realizes humans are basically the dumbest thing in the planet because of how obsessed we are with stupidity, and Ty pitches his idea to fulfill our hopeful attempt to toss a car into a pool of Mac n Cheese.
    As always a huge thanks for the use of our theme song, It's A Conspiracy Song, off of the collaborated album Cautionary Campfire Tales, by Tim Ireland and the musician Koit. You can find their work here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441
    respectively.
    Lastly, if you enjoy our show, be sure to share it with a friend you think may enjoy it, or leave us a review or rating while you're here! You can also reach out to us @Ccontortions on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and you can e-mail us with any questions, comments, ideas, or segments for our show at [email protected]
    1 hr 1 min
  • (Aliens and UFOs) Episode 2026: Balls Lobotomy
    On this episode of the podcast the boys finish up their initial discussion on, T-Rex hands, "Reasons to believe Aliens are real", (they are). Tyler questions if there is a way to do a balls lobotomy, Aaron encourages that everyone look up what Mercury going retrograde means, (as a result WE go retrograde) , and Ty lays out the scientific laws of attraction when living in a Meth infested wasteland. Most importantly however: Who is Mike Robial?
    As always a huge thanks for the use of our theme song, It's A Conspiracy Song, off of the collaborated album Cautionary Campfire Tales, by Tim Ireland and the musician Koit. You can find their work here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441
    respectively.
    Lastly, if you enjoy our show, be sure to share it with a friend you think may enjoy it, or leave us a review or rating while you're here! You can also reach out to us @Ccontortions on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and you can e-mail us with any questions, comments, ideas, or segments for our show at [email protected]
    1 hr 4 min

About Cognitive Contortions

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Have you ever lain awake at night pondering the big questions as you stare at the ceiling, waiting for the ever impending embrace of death? Questions like: “Why do people think the earth is flat?”,…