Cognitive Contortions

Cognitive Contortions

By Cognitive ContortionsComedy
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Cognitive Contortions episodes

  • (Flat Earth) Episode 15: I Can Neither Confirm Nor Deny Turtles
    This week the boys finish off the Flat Earth series with a confusing and question filled discussion with a fantastic guest expert, Astronomer and Physics guru Brian DiGiorgio. Tyler dives into the questionable laws in Australia, Scott spends one of his last days before heading to a farm in VA for a little while, Aaron's question meter is broken again, and Ty asks our guest expert the most important of the big questions: How do you feel about Turtles all the way down?
    As always thanks for the use of our theme song to Tim Ireland and the Musician Koit, who's work you can find here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441 respectively.
    1 hr 26 min
  • (Flat Earth)Episode 14: Turtles All the Way Down
    On this episode of the Podcast, the boys get so far off the rails, they’re not even on a train anymore. Tyler makes a drastic mistake and accidentally repeats a large portion of the last Flat Earth episode, Aaron shares his views on the Justice League movie and Warner Brothers handling of the DC film franchise, and Ty introduces us to his drunken litmus test, “Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers”. The boys also re-write the ending of Batman Begins, and Scott is away recover from the first stage of his sciatic exorcism.
    As always thanks for the use of our theme song to Tim Ireland and the Musician Koit, who's work you can find here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441 respectively.
    1 hr 54 min
  • (Special!) Episode 13: Halloween!!!
    On this very special Halloween special, the boys take a flat earth break to dive into werewolves; and have a fantastically intriguing conversation about lycanthropy and other Halloween creatures with author, speaker, clinical psychologist, and renowned parapsychologist Dr. Ciarán O’Keeffe. Tyler brings us up to date on the president. (Lower case P intentional.) While also revealing the long lost story of the Glorkins contribution to the werewolf legend through the loss of the belt of Clark. Scott takes over Theory, Truth, or Bullshit and shocks everyone with his extensive knowledge of werewolves. Aaron asks the prefect questions while also pointing out the pros and cons of living to 30 in the 15th century. And Ty brings us From the Notes, but only after launching Scotts' campaign for president. #GOAYgoayGOAY2020 #PresidentGoay #ViceGoay #TheFirtGoay #KillYourMasters.
    As always thanks for the use of our theme song to Tim Ireland and the Musician Koit, who's work you can find here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441 respectively.
    2 hr 17 min
  • (Flat Earth) Episode 12: Divided by Quaalude Charlie!
    On this, our last weekly release of our initial podcast launch, and hopefully the last episode with any audio issues, Scott returns! Tyler points out that the best thing Boba Fett did was also hang out in the garbage and not die when he should have, Scott explains why he doesn't want to fuck with no white girl in Italia, Aaron pitches our best t-shirt idea yet, (keep your eyes open, they'll be available soon!), and Ty hits us all with a two for one deal bringing back from the notes, fucker, and a new segment: Trump Quotes.
    As always thanks for the use of our theme song to Tim Ireland and the Musician Koit, who's work you can find here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441 respectively.
    1 hr 52 min
  • (Flat Earth) Episode 11: The One Without Scott
    On this episode of the podcast, we dive head first into the shallow, strictly horizontal pool that is “The Fet!” (Flat Earth Theory, a theory which states that the earth is round.” Tyler begins to peel back the facade of this too thickly layered and watery eyed onion that is flat earth theory, Scott is stuck at home with a broken hip but still manages to get his usual three to four words in edgewise, Aaron explains that flat earthers are really just furbies, and Ty turns the Flat Earth frequently asked questions into a game, while also giving us the first of three queef facts. Subscribe now to stay tuned to future episodes to hear the rest!
    As always thanks for the use of our theme song to Tim Ireland and the Musician Koit, who's work you can find here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441 respectively.
    1 hr 38 min
  • (Moon Stuff) Episode 10: Hitlers High Ground
    On this episode of the Podcast, we finish up our Moon Conspiracy series by discussing the holographic projection of the moon known as, “The Lunar Wave”, and tease our next series: Flat Earth. Tyler pitches his case for why he should record the next Foo Fighters, or at least Tenacious D album, Scott explains that the only thing holding back Danny DeVito is his lack of Shaquille O’Neals feet on his shoulders as wings, Aaron describes how, “we did sodomized”, both red and blue Matrix pills at birth, and Ty reveals that Donald Trump and Adolf Hitler are sharing a skin suit. We also introduce a new closing segment, “From the President, Fucker!”
    As always, thanks to Tim Ireland and the musician Koit, for the use of our theme song, "A Conspiracy Song". Check out Tim at http://www.bloggerheads.com/ and check out Koit at https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441
    1 hr 34 min
  • (Moon Stuff) Episode 7: Swastika Dick Hair
    This week, we recover the lost 7th episode, by discussing the questionable evidence theorists use to “prove” that aliens live on the moon's surface. Tyler gives a dramatic theatre performance of alleged overheard moon landing conversations, Scott explains the trade deal between Nazis and aliens co-existing on the moon, Aaron reveals that Donald Trump is the real life Jar Jar Binks, and Ty shares that he doesn’t know what a prime number is.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FH46xnlaRBA
    As always, thanks to Tim Ireland and the musician Koit, for the use of our theme song, "A Conspiracy Song". Check out Tim at http://www.bloggerheads.com/ and check out Koit at https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441
    1 hr 20 min
  • (Moon Stuff) Episode 9: Brett Collin Rufilin the III
    This week on Cognitive Contortions, we discuss the moon conspiracy whistle blower, Dr. Ralph, and other problematic claims of moon conspirators. Tyler explains how most conspiracy anomalies are the result of butt grease, Scott's dick is on blast (yet pristinely average), Ty describes what it’s like to get a vasectomy, and Aaron explains that Native Americans were not douchebags... except maybe the ones who played lacrosse. Also, Ty introduces a new segment, “It’s from the notes... fucker.”
    As always, thanks to Tim Ireland and the musician Koit, for the use of our theme song, "A Conspiracy Song". Check out Tim at http://www.bloggerheads.com/ and check out Koit at https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441
    1 hr 25 min
  • (Moon Stuff) Episode 8: Slappin' That Mac
    This week on Cognitive Contortions we begin the theory of a faked moon landing. Tyler theorizes that the moon may actually just be Two Faces coin, Scott is distracted by a local sex shop post card left on the coffee table, Ty finds the hidden dildo in the Comedians apartment in, “The Watchmen”, and Aaron explains how Tim Allen uses his radioactive tool belt to clean the mold off of the moons surface each lunar cycle. We also introduce a new recurring segment, “Reptilians in the real world!” (We also ignore the fact that we originally lost Episode 7. Don’t worry, it comes back later!)
    As always, thanks to Tim Ireland and the musician Koit, for the use of our theme song, "A Conspiracy Song". Check out Tim at http://www.bloggerheads.com/ and check out Koit at https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441
    1 hr 28 min
  • (Moon Stuff) Episode 6: Knuckle Deep In That orange.
    This week on Cognitive Contortions, we kick off our new series about the moon, and as chosen by audience applause, we start with the moon space station theory. Tyler explains how the moon gets its sexy on, Scott gets drunk off his un-fermented wine, (grape juice), Ty discovers that his Batman dvd box set needs an exorcism, and Aaron is away in VA working on his ariel dogfight thriller, “Bogeys on your Pank”, but joins us for Theory, Truth, or Bullshit.
    As always, thanks to Tim Ireland and the musician Koit, for the use of our theme song, "A Conspiracy Song". Check out Tim at http://www.bloggerheads.com/ and check out Koit at https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441
    1 hr 31 min

About Cognitive Contortions

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Have you ever lain awake at night pondering the big questions as you stare at the ceiling, waiting for the ever impending embrace of death? Questions like: “Why do people think the earth is flat?”,…