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Cognitive Contortions
By Cognitive ContortionsComedy
Cognitive Contortions episodes
- (Aliens and UFOs) Episode 2025: Uranus is a Gas GiantThis week the boys start digging into what will be our longest running and most stretched out topic: Aliens and UFOs. Tyler gives a delightful, though bordering on problematic, dramatized performance of an interview, Aaron has a panic attack after learning some fun space facts revealing how tiny we really are, and Ty gives us the scoop on having a bad back and how many teeth he has in his mouth.As always a huge thanks for the use of our theme song, It's A Conspiracy Song, off of the collaborated album Cautionary Campfire Tales, by Tim Ireland and the musician Koit. You can find their work here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441respectively.Also a huge thanks to Zapsplat.com for additional music and sound effects used for this episode.Lastly, if you enjoy our show, be sure to share it with a friend you think may enjoy it, or leave us a review or rating while you're here! You can also reach out to us @Ccontortions on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and you can e-mail us with any questions, comments, ideas, or segments for our show at [email protected]1 hr 9 min
- (Grab Bag!) Episode 2024: Trumps Tie FighterIt’s another grab bag episode Neewers! This week the boys pick our next deep dive topic. Tyler explains why more and more people believe vegan is good, Aaron explains the rules of “corking” during a regulation baseball game, and Ty gives us his theory on how Trump would have handled 9/11. #MouthLong #TwoGirlsWorldCupAs always a huge thanks for the use of our theme song, It's A Conspiracy Song, off of the collaborated album Cautionary Campfire Tales, by Tim Ireland and the musician Koit. You can find their work here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441respectively.Lastly, if you enjoy our show, be sure to share it with a friend you think may enjoy it, or leave us a review or rating while you're here! You can also reach out to us @Ccontortions on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook and you can e-mail us with any questions, comments, ideas or segments for the show at [email protected]1 hr 3 min
- (Fluoride Finale) Episode 2023: OK BoomerOn this episode the boys finish of their discussion on fluoride. Tyler explains that being paid insane amounts of money to shake your ass on TV when you’re forty-three actually IS very empowering, Aaron walks everyone through his hygienic habits, (it’s all about the bearded deep clean), and Ty shares a traumatic moment from a petting zoo involving goats in heat. As a collective, the goays (hosts) implore our neewers (listeners) to take a vigilante approach and force others to put their shopping carts away under threat of cancer.As always a huge thanks for the use of our theme song, It's A Conspiracy Song, off of the collaborated album Cautionary Campfire Tales, by Tim Ireland and the musician Koit. You can find their work here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441respectively.Lastly, if you enjoy our show, be sure to share it with a friend you think may enjoy it, or leave us a review or rating while you're here! You can also reach out to us @Ccontortions on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook and you can e-mail us with any questions, comments, ideas or segments for the show at [email protected]59 min
- (Fluoride) Episode 2022: Feminine WilesThis week, (a whole seven calendar days later) three of the boys dive into water fluoridation! Tyler explains about the feminine wiles, Aaron explains he's basically fine with the practice, regardless if he or someone else dies, and Ty brings some awareness to transgender fish.As always a huge thanks for the use of our theme song, It's A Conspiracy Song, off the collaborated album Cautionary Campfire Tales, by Tim Ireland and the musician Koit. You can find their work here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441respectively.Lastly, if you enjoy our show, be sure to share it with a friend you think may enjoy it, or leave us a review or rating while you're here! Or e-mail us with any questions, comments, ideas or segments for the show at [email protected]1 hr 2 min
- (Grab Bag!) Episode 2021: Stupidity Reigns SupremeOn this episode of the Podcast, the boys do a random grab bag episode! We reminisce on some of our favorite bits of 2019,, and we talk briefly about False History theory, RFID Chips, 12th planet and space agency cover up theories, and mysterious deaths. Tyler leads the group into a star wars rant about the problematic racism of Star Wars episode 1: The Phantom Sciatica, Aaron explains how stupidly comes in 20 year cycles and how with the internet’s hell, now reigns supreme and Ty fills us in on then other potential nomenclatures Americans could use to describe themselves. (Usonions).As always thanks for the use of our theme song to Tim Ireland and the Musician Koit, who's work you can find here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441 respectively.Lastly, if you enjoy our show, be sure to share it with a friend you think may enjoy it, or leave us a review or rating while you're here! Or e-mail us with any questions, comments, ideas or segments for the show at [email protected]1 hr 3 min
- (MKUltra Finale) Episode 2020: The First Shit is NecessaryThe boys are back in the new year with some resolutions! Tyler Finishes telling us about MKUltra and confirms there was neither water, nor a gate involved in Water Gate, Aaron questions how many homeless were subject of MKUltra, Scott stays literally quite as the grave, but does make the best jelly rolls, and Ty goes through his morning routine and also notices that America is so pretentious we named ourselves the continent. We also introduce a new segment based of the wonderful comedy of comedian and writer Keaton Patti.As always thanks for the use of our theme song to Tim Ireland and the Musician Koit, who's work you can find here: https://www.bloggerheads.com/ and here: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441 respectively.Lastly, if you enjoy our show, be sure to share it with a friend you think may enjoy it, or leave us a review or rating while you're here! Or e-mail us with any questions, comments, ideas or segments for the show at [email protected]1 hr 19 min
- Episode 19: A Cognitive Year End ReviewA comprehensive look back on some of our favorite moments from 2019! We'll be off for the next two, possibly even three weeks. Hopefully this will get you by until then, and if you're new this is a perfect time to jump in! Happy New Years everyone, Don't let the Sciatica Getcha in 2020!Lastly, if you enjoy our show, be sure to share it with a friend you think may enjoy it, or leave us a review or rating while you're here! Or e-mail us with any questions, comments, ideas or segments for the show at [email protected]56 min
- Episode 18: The HanukKrampistmas Holiday Special!As promised, Ty hosts the Podcast for a Hanukkah winter holiday special! Ty fills us in on the history of Hanukkah, Krampus, Santa relativity, and Santa's multiple Krampie. Scott returns Sciatica free, Aaron questions all of history, and Tyler brings a new segment to the show: The Last Blockbuster Tweets!2 hr 14 min
- (MKUltra) Episode 17: Sciatic Donkey QueefsThis episode of the Podcast, we’re joined by an all new guest host, Joey P! Tyler walks us into our new subject: MKUltra and some of their tactics. (Sounds below blow job level frequencies that control individuals minds), Joe attempts to transmit his aura somewhere Tyler can see it, (NOT his Anus), and Ty discovers that this whole Podcast is actually just a joke being played to make him feel better about shitting his pants. He also introduces us to a new segment: Florida Man! Scott is still away after the Sciatica got him, (seriously folks, don't let it get you!) - and Aaron is away working on his erotic equestrian fan fiction: Donkey Queef.As always thanks for the use of our theme song to the musician Koit: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441and Time Ireland: www.bloggerheads.comCheck them out!Lastly, if you enjoy our show, be sure to share it with a friend you think may enjoy it, or leave us a review or rating while you're here! Or e-mail us with any questions, comments, ideas or segments for the show at [email protected]1 hr 53 min
- (Special) Episode 16: The Thanksgiving Spit Roast Mavis Special!The boys get into the Thanksgiving Day spirit with some good old fashioned role playing! Ty and Aaron take on the roles of Mavis and Marvin Murlburn - a loving puritanical couple, who are too horny for their own good. Follow the Murlburns across the sea to the new world with Christopher Columbus and first mate ScottJ_Moses! Tyler does his best to narrate and DM this thrown together original game, chalked full with some fun Columbus facts along the way! Happy Thanksgiving from Cognitive Contortions everyone!As always, thanks for the use of our theme song to Koit and Tim Ireland! Koit: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/koit/346306441Tim: https://www.bloggerheads.com/And lastly a huge thanks to all the great websites that share public domain sound effects; and for all the amazing artists and contributors to free online sound effect and music websites for your awesome work and willingness to let others use your art for free. This episode wouldn't be nearly as wonderful if not for the following folks! be sure to check them out!A Christmas adventure (Part 1) - By TRG Banks; http://freemusicarchive.org/music/TRG_Banks/TRG_Banks_Christmas_Album/A_Christmas_adventure_Part_1Sleigh Bells Ringing - Mike Koenig; SoundBible.com;The Anomoly - Tristan Lohengrin; https://www.tristanlohengrin.com/Andromeda- Serge Narcissoff; https://www.free-stock-music.com/artist.serge-narcissoff.htmlPirate Dance- David Fesliyan; FesliyanStudios.comRight Hook-SoundBible.com - User: 1406389182Party Crowd- Daniel Simon; SoundBible.comSea Waves-SoundBible.com - User: 946156036Seagull Call-SoundBible.com - User: 1906765674In The Clouds - David Fesliyan; FesliyanStudios.comLastly, if you enjoy our show, be sure to share it with a friend you think may enjoy it, or leave us a review or rating while you're here! Or e-mail us with any questions, comments, ideas or segments for the show at [email protected]1 hr 27 min
About Cognitive Contortions
From the publisher's feed
Have you ever lain awake at night pondering the big questions as you stare at the ceiling, waiting for the ever impending embrace of death? Questions like: “Why do people think the earth is flat?”,…
or, “Who came up with the idea of Reptilian overlords?”, and of course, “Is Donald Trump actually president? How did this happen and are we positive that we’re not just living in a nightmare?” - Well, here at the Cognitive Contortions Podcast we attempt to answer those questions, and many, many more. Our highly untrained and certainly unqualified team of investigator, (there’s only one), works tiredly, (seriously, this stuff is exhausting), to bring as much information to the table as possible. Using the most advanced databases and search optimization available in today’s modern age, (google), the self proclaimed amateur experts discuss and answer claims of conspiracy and theory. Please don’t let these burning, most important questions of our time keep you awake any longer, join us while four idiots, Tyler, Scott, Aaron and other Tyler, crush on Keanu Reeves, reference Star Wars, play pointless games and sort of talk about conspiracy theories; and you too can have, “peace of mind.” (T-Rex hands)