Come Back Podcast

There is absolutely a place for LGBTQ+ in the church. That is because this is Jesus Christ's church and they are children of God, it is that simple. There are a lot of facets to it, but it really is that simple. My testimony of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is founded on my testimony of Jesus Christ being my savior. He is the savior of all mankind. Of everyone who is living, who has ever lived, and who will ever live. Anyone in LBGTQ+ community is not excluded from that. It doesn't make it easy, but I know it is possible because of Him.

"One day I had this thought 'I just really want to feel love from my family!'

Then I got this phone call from my mother saying 'Laurel your dad and I want to invite you and your girlfriend over for dinner and games in a couple of weeks.'

That struck a chord because that was the first time that has ever happened, and I was like 'OK awesome!' 

The Lord is so in our lives and He recognizes what we want and need and He brings those miracles and tender mercies. With that kind gesture my parents offered me, my heart began to soften, my layers started peeling off, and I started to feel that love and to believe it again."

Laurel shares her story of trying her hardest to serve a mission despite health challenges.

After coming home early from her mission for the second time, she describes the struggles she experienced.

Laurel tried finding happiness outside of the church, and eventually was led back after feeling God reaching out to her.

Laurel now finds peace & joy by serving as a temple worker.

"As I was packing to go home early from my mission, I saw my Book of Mormon on my bed. I jumped on top of my bed and I clenched the Book of Mormon with both hands. I remember calling out to God "Is this book true or not? I need to know!" The next thing that happened was a wave of the spirit hit me, and then another wave, and another wave. For about two minutes the strongest spiritual wave just kept hitting and every wave was getting stronger and stronger and stronger. Right then I was told by the Spirit, you have been led here. Like D&C 112:10. That scripture is one of my favorite scriptures because I realized I had been led to that point. And that is when I knew I could never deny that experience at that time. I knew it was true and I could never deny that moment that happened in that little trailer."

I dusted off my scriptures and let them fall open on a whim of 1% hope and 99% cynicism. My eyes were drawn to 14 words - no more no less - and they were "Ye have not applied your hearts to understanding; therefore, ye have not been wise." Which stunned me and struck me very powerfully. I pondered on that and let that work itself through me. That softened me and opened the door to saying, OK I will go to my family's ward.

"I had to put all of my doubts and all of my fears and all of my anxiety and frustrations on a sacrificial table, and say these stay here and I want the blessings more. So that's what I did, and I met with the bishop and the stake president. That Thursday I went to the temple and the following week the temples were shut down. It was so significant to me how many steps had to be completed and in place in order for my heart to be ready to do that. It was a huge step and something that I never thought I would do...When things were dark and it was hard, to have those extra covenants and blessings were really important to me. There was no accident that it happened the way that it did."

"When the dust settles the only question that really arises to the forefront of my mind is: Does the restoration make God present to me? Do I see God's hand in evidence in the good that the church does, in the good that the gospel accomplishes in the lives of individuals and the access that it gives me to the gifts of the spirit and to the beauties and the truths of eternity? Well, then all the rest is just secondary to that."

"At some point in the program God started to work in my life in a way that I recognized. I was reading through the big book and I came to section 11 that talks about when we retire at night we reflect upon our day and when we wake up in the morning we think about the day ahead. Where have we been dishonest and selfish and where can we be of service to others? As we pause throughout the day when we feel doubtful we seek guidance. I started physically, mentally, and with my heart doing these things and every morning I would get on my knees and I would pray. I would read a passage and think about those things. I thought where can I be of service to others and ask God to help me be of service to others today and to be open to those suggestions. If someone was doing something where I could help I would help, if someone wanted someone to volunteer for something I would volunteer for it. The biggest thing I asked Him for, was to help me do the things I don't want to do today and He did."

"The thought that I was a square peg trying to fit in a round hole was a big fat lie. Our identity is children of God, and of course we are all misfits, every single one of us is, we all need Christ! No one is the same, there is no perfect member out there, it doesn't exist, it is just a narrative that we tell ourselves and becomes an excuse, it became an excuse for me. We all belong with Christ. Another thing there is a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt can be good as it encourages healthy changes in our lives. Shame is a tool used by the adversary, shame deters us and is more like an external thing, it's about what others think of us. We can shame ourselves but it usually has to do with some sort of external criteria. While guilt is like an internal, motivating process that helps us learn and grow, and that is why we are here! We aren't here for it to be easy. My last takeaway is that Christ is always there waiting for us. Always. He never gives up on us, in the dark times and the low times, especially, He is there. He is just waiting for us to turn our face towards Him. I experienced that and can testify of the deep and incredible love that He has for us, we can always turn back to Him and he can save us. His love is infinite, we don't even have the capacity to understand it right now."

"At one point I was at the lowest of the low and I went to church. During church I just decided "OK I am going to have a reset, I am going to fight my way back." So right there I started cleaning up my social media, putting limits on my phone and getting my calendar updated, those types of things. Then after church my friend invited me to stake choir and I decided to give it a chance. We sat down and sang the song "Be Still My Soul" and that was the second time in my life I felt that burning in the bosom, just straight out of the scriptures. An undeniable feeling, I just remembered it again with the peace and the hope and the optimism, the passion. All of those emotions just came flooding, in what I believe to be the fruits of the spirit."

"When I got into prison the first thing I asked my family was to send me a triple combination. I had never read the Book of Mormon cover to cover. Prior to that it was piece by piece. It is hard to put into words the amount of darkness you feel while in prison that is surrounding you. You are always reminded of how horrible your decisions are, you are beaten down left and right. I religiously started reading the Book of Mormon everyday, really studying it and trying to understand it and grow my own testimony. I started to notice it brought me so much comfort no matter what was going on around me. My scriptures became a guide and a light to me in such a dark place."