Complex PTSD Recovery [Reports]: We Are Traumatized Motherfuckers

Sound quality warning! Get ready for some birds and bees.

When you can't talk about your experiences and subsequent mental illness... you hide it. I spent my life trying to patch the holes with all sorts of disguise; fading into the background, embodying a subservient worker bee, coating my exhausted face with layers of paint. In hindsight, to pacify other people and fit into the "healthy herd." 

Did it ever really work? Nah, motherfuckers. Nobody has ever called this walking war against self "healthy or happy-looking" until I actually got a grip on positive living. And that was like... right now. 

Sorry for the nature-sounds; trying a new walk and talk format. Hope you enjoy ambient bird calls and bugs screaming. If you don't... shout it out. [email protected] 

Anyone else have big emotions that shift faster than the wind? One moment I'm floating, the next I'm fucking sinking. External circumstances don't even have to wreck this ship; I have an explosive boiler room powering this ocean liner. With spiraling thoughts, fear-based perception, and a general ignorance of what "doing well" even means... it's hard to keep positive emotions stable or properly name your mental state. Everything is relative, and compared to others, I'm relatively-great at being miserable.

You too? Sorry dude. Come hang at t-mfrs.com or traumatizedmotherfuckers.com if you want to find similar scales.

Ever heard of Deactivation? I hadn't either. But it explains a lot about my do-or-die relationships and flighty nature. 

A die-hard companion. A martyr for relationships. A friend until the end. (READ: A codependent mess) UNTIL I'M NOT. Here for you one day, freaked out and disappeared the next. Is this a shitty personality, or survival instincts gone wrong? 

Time to research something new - Deactivation.

Does this sound like you, too? You might belong in the TMFR Discord community. Head over to t-mfrs.com and apply to join! 

If you google Complex Trauma you'll find many mentions of Shame. I get it, I think, but also... What the fuck IS shame, exactly? How is it different from guilt? How does it interplay with Trauma?

Doing some "real research" and reporting back on the hidden experience of Shame. One of the most painful and pervasive emotions.

Wanna give me a new topic to look at? Report it at t-mfrs.com and I'll see what I can find on PubMed.

Always waiting for something to change before you can? Convinced that the obstacle is too large - and uncomfortable - to start climbing? Yeah, me too. But rest assured, no one knows what the fuck they're doing. The inferiority fear and resistance is more than half the battle. Get moving and figure it out as you go, Motherfucker. 

Find me at t-mfrs.com 

So... things suddenly aren't going so well with your body? Weird shit is happening, acutely and chronically? 

Sorry, Motherfucker. Welcome to the world of trauma manifestation in physical symptoms. Talking flashbacks, dissociation, and all the assorted ailments you can expect. Plus, my general advice based on what helped me quiet down these autoimmune diseases, digestive failures, acid reflux, FUPAs, migraines, and more. Take it or leave it.

What did I miss? I'm sure there's a lot more. Let me know and tell me about your experience! Find me at t-mfrs.com 

Punk Rock Saved My Life. Original assertion? Nope. #frankturner  Punk is the trauma genre, drawing misfits and unwanted outsiders together to create their own community. And they don't have time for yer basic shit. 

Fact is, if I hadn't become a punk, I probably would have followed in my family footsteps. Without this community, lord knows I wouldn't have escaped my circumstances; abuse, addiction, poverty, and rural-shittery.

Wanna check out the musics? Find the Spotify playlist! Search Traumatized Motherfuckers and follow the skulls. Wanna tell me I'm missing something? Get in touch at t-mfrs.com 

Or am I just dramatic? It's hard to know, when our culture has reduced "PTSD" to mean "Soldiers' disease." Oh, and your history-denying family? Yeah, they're not helping either. What is "Trauma," and how do you cope with the diagnosis?

Feeling the Trauma-shaming shakeup? Hey, us too. Jump into the community or get in touch at www.t-mfrs.com

Anyone else have big emotions that shift faster than the wind? One moment I'm floating, the next I'm fucking sinking. External circumstances don't even have to wreck this ship; I have an explosive boiler room powering this ocean liner. With spiraling thoughts, fear-based perception, and a general ignorance of what "doing well" even means... it's hard to keep positive emotions stable or properly name your mental state. Everything is relative, and compared to others, I'm relatively-great at being miserable.

You too? Sorry dude. Come hang at t-mfrs.com or traumatizedmotherfuckers.com if you want to find similar scales.