Complicated Kids

The shoes, backpacks, grades, and meltdowns are not the whole story. They never were.

This one gave me a reason to pause and reflect.

I originally thought I would do something special for episode 150, and then life happened. So here we are at episode 155, and honestly, the double fives feel like a good enough reason to pause and look back.

There is no guest today. It's just me reflecting on what I hope has been underneath this podcast all along.

One of the biggest threads is this: children are whole humans. They are not projects. They are not here to perform perfectly so we can feel like good parents. They are their own people, growing and developing in the way they are meant to grow and develop.

That is true for children who will eventually move into adulthood with more independence, and it is also true for children who may need support throughout their lives.

If that is part of your family's story, I mention my conversation with Maedi Tanham Carney from Episode 106 about future planning and support for children who may need lifelong care:

https://youtu.be/UjN7mLZKjuc

I also talk about how easy it is to lose the long view of parenting when we are deep in the everyday stuff: shoes, backpacks, homework, grades, getting to school on time, getting through the day.

Those things can feel huge in the moment, and I get that. But they are not the whole point.

The point is raising a human.

That long view also shows up in my conversation with Martha Adler from Episode 3 about death, grief, and helping children navigate loss:

https://youtu.be/ycjCg9KB_zE

Another thread I come back to again and again is the difference between influence and control.

We have influence over our children. We can guide, support, teach, model, and repair. But we do not control who they become or exactly how their lives unfold.

I know. Rude.

But also true.

If that idea feels like something you need more of, I mention my conversation with Ben Pugh from Episode 33 on influence versus control:

https://youtu.be/LM0KJS-NKNs

I also talk about the thoughts we have about our children and how much those thoughts shape our experience of parenting.

When we believe our kids "should" be different, easier, faster, more motivated, more regulated, or more like the child we imagined, we usually end up suffering right alongside them.

That is where the idea that circumstances are neutral comes in. I reference my conversation with Penny Williams from Episode 85 on that exact topic:

https://youtu.be/y2ecqVV08lg

And of course, we get to behavior.

Because we always get to behavior.

Behavior is a signal. It is not the root. When something looks disorderly on the outside, something often feels disorderly on the inside too.

That does not mean anything goes. It means we need to stay curious about what the behavior is communicating before we decide we understand the whole story.

For more on that, I mention my conversation with Debra Brause from Episode 129:

https://youtu.be/--rKzaCQZ5M

Mostly, this episode is a thank you and a reminder.

Thank you for listening, for sharing episodes, for telling me what lands, and for being part of this community.

And here is the reminder:

The child in front of you is not a problem to solve.

The hard day you are having today will not happen again exactly this way.

And the work is not getting every backpack hung up correctly.

The work is raising a human.

Key Takeaways

• Children are whole humans, not projects.
• Parenting is bigger than the daily checklist.
• The long view matters.
• Influence is not the same as control.
• Thoughts shape the parenting experience.
• Behavior is communication.
• Curiosity creates compassion.
• Hard days are temporary.
• Parents need support too.
• The child in front of us matters more than the child we imagined.

About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet

I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids.

Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.

Complicated Kids Resources & Links

🌎 Website: www.gabrielenicolet.com

📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session

📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured

👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story

➡️ Instagram: http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet

➡️ Facebook: http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet

➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/

🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/

Enjoying the Show?

If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show — and it means a lot.

If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.

Thank you for being here. 💛

If your child is escalating and you are escalating too, that is not a discipline problem. It is a nervous system moment.

In this conversation, I talk with Eva Crawford, LCSW-C, about what somatic work actually means and why it matters so much for parents of neurodivergent kids. Eva explains how many of us are not noticing what is happening in our own bodies until we are already fully triggered, and how that makes it much harder to respond the way we want to. We talk about interoception, trauma responses, shame, and the ways parents can start building awareness before they hit the point of yelling, shutting down, or spiraling.

We also get into one of my favorite parts of the conversation: Eva's smoke alarm analogy. She explains that some kids have incredibly sensitive nervous systems, so what looks like a huge overreaction may actually be a smoke alarm going off over crispy toast. The problem is that when the child's alarm sets off the parent's alarm too, nobody is helping the house feel safer. We talk about what repair really looks like, why your child cannot borrow calm from a dysregulated parent, and why you do not have to be perfectly healed to be a good parent. You just have to stay curious enough to keep learning.

Key Takeaways

• Somatic work starts with noticing the body sooner. Instead of waiting until you are in full panic, rage, or shutdown, somatic work helps you notice the earlier signs like tight shoulders, jaw tension, jitteriness, heat, or shallow breathing.
• Many parents are not reacting the way they want to because they are already escalated. That does not automatically mean they lack parenting knowledge. Often it means their nervous system is taking over before they can access the response they would prefer.
• Your child's distress can trigger your own unfinished material. If your reaction feels bigger than the moment calls for, that is often a clue that something older or deeper is being activated in you.
• Kids cannot borrow calm from a dysregulated parent. If you want to help a child regulate, you usually have to bring your own system down first, even if only by one notch.
• The goal is not to lecture the smoke alarm. When a child is in a full nervous system response, logic is not going to land. Safety, co-regulation, and lowered threat come first.
• Repair matters more than perfection. The rupture itself is not always what causes the most damage. What matters most is whether you come back, take responsibility, and reconnect.
• A real apology is about your behavior, not the child's feelings. You are not apologizing for their upset. You are apologizing for how you showed up when you were overwhelmed.
• Shame shuts down growth. Curiosity opens it back up. If you feel ashamed after a parenting moment, that can be a signal that there is something important to understand, not proof that you are failing.
• Parents need in-the-moment tools and long-term healing. A 30-second reset can help during a meltdown, but lasting change also comes from capacity building, self-compassion, therapy, coaching, and addressing old patterns.
• You do not have to be fully healed to be a good parent. You do need humility, awareness, and a willingness to keep making adjustments.

About Eva Crawford

Eva Crawford, LCSW-C, is a licensed clinical social worker and board-certified supervisor with more than a decade of experience providing holistic, trauma-informed care. Her work integrates somatic, narrative, DBT, and ACT approaches with a neurodiversity-affirming lens to support individuals and families navigating complex trauma, burnout, and major life transitions. Eva is known for creating a grounded, compassionate therapeutic space that emphasizes safety, sense of self, and meaningful change.

About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet

I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.

Complicated Kids Resources and Links

🌎 Website: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com

📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session

📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured

👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story

➡️ Instagram: https://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet

➡️ Facebook: https://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet

➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/

🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/

Enjoying the Show?

If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot.

If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.

Thank you for being here. 💛

You cannot teach executive function by controlling a child harder.

Executive function is not just about planners, homework, and getting organized. It is about self-awareness, self-regulation, and being able to take the next step toward a goal, even when something feels hard.

In this episode, I talk with Sean McCormick, founder of Executive Function Specialists, about what actually helps kids build executive function skills. We unpack why avoidance is often a sign that something feels too hard, why motivation works better when it connects to a child's own goals, and why adults need to stop trying to control kids and start getting more curious about what is getting in the way.

Sean shares practical ways to break big goals into doable steps, explains why support should be done with kids instead of for them, and makes a strong case for modeling executive function in our own lives too.

Key Takeaways

• Executive function is bigger than school skills. It includes planning, organization, self-awareness, time awareness, inhibition, emotional regulation, and the ability to evaluate priorities and move toward a future goal.
• Emotional regulation is part of executive function. Kids cannot plan, prioritize, or get started well when they are overwhelmed and not aware of what they are feeling.
• Avoidance usually tells us something important. When a child keeps avoiding homework or a task, it often means the task feels too hard, too big, too unclear, or too emotionally loaded.
• Real growth happens at the point of performance. Executive function skills are built in the moment a child is facing the actual challenge, not only through lessons about skills in the abstract.
• Kids need the next right step, not the whole staircase. A big goal becomes more manageable when adults help break it down into a challenge that feels just doable enough.
• Motivation works better when it belongs to the child. Kids are more likely to engage when they can connect daily tasks to something they want for themselves, not just something adults want from them.
• Adults have to notice the nonverbal signs. Body language, shutdown, avoidance, and tone often tell us more than a child's words about when something feels too hard.
• Support works best when it is done with a child, not for them. Co-regulating, helping them get started, and gradually releasing responsibility builds skill without taking away agency.
• Failure is not the end of the process. Failure gives feedback. Natural consequences can help kids learn, especially when an adult helps them reflect and recover instead of shaming them.
• Adults need to model executive function too. Kids learn from how we manage our own energy, limits, priorities, and stress. Burned-out adults cannot effectively teach sustainable regulation.

About Sean McCormick

Sean McCormick is a former public school special education teacher and the founder of Executive Function Specialists, an online coaching company that supports students with ADHD and autism in building executive function skills.

He also founded the Executive Function Coaching Academy to train educators and professionals in executive function coaching, and co-founded UpSkill Specialists to support neurodivergent adults.

Sean is passionate about helping students and families understand the practical skills that make everyday life more manageable and meaningful.

About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet

I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids.

Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.

Complicated Kids Resources & Links

🌎 Website: www.gabrielenicolet.com

📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book here

📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Complicated Kids YouTube Channel

👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): Tell the Story

➡️ Instagram: @gabriele_nicolet

➡️ Facebook: facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet

➡️ LinkedIn: Gabriele Nicolet on LinkedIn

🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download the Checklist

Enjoying the Show?

If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show — and it means a lot.

If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.

Thank you for being here. 💛

Sometimes a grade becomes the whole story.

A child gets a low score, forgets an assignment, melts down over homework, or seems unmotivated, and suddenly everyone is focused on performance. But in this conversation, Dr. Linda Silbert brings us back to something much more important: a struggling child is still a whole child. Grades may show that something is wrong, but they do not explain why.

Gabriele and Dr. Silbert talk about the many reasons good kids can struggle in school, from weak reading skills and poor study habits to family stress, overscheduling, lack of sleep, and the emotional weight kids carry every day. They talk about how often children are expected to know how to study, organize themselves, and manage demands they were never actually taught to handle. They also explore how parents can shift from reacting to grades to getting curious about the cause.

This episode is also a strong reminder that learning has to fit the child. Dr. Silbert shares how play, connection, and simple strategies can unlock progress in ways pressure never will. It is a hopeful conversation about seeing children clearly, supporting them practically, and letting go of the idea that a report card tells you everything you need to know.

Key Takeaways

• Bad grades are often a symptom, not the real problem. Looking only at the grade can keep parents from seeing the stress, skill gaps, overload, or unmet needs underneath it.
• Many kids are told to study harder without ever being taught how to study. Study skills, organization, and planning are learned skills.
• Parents help most when they act like an ally, not an adversary. Sitting beside a child and staying calm can change the emotional tone of learning.
• Overload matters. Too much activity, too little sleep, too much screen time, and too much pressure all affect learning and regulation.
• Children cannot do well when basic needs are not being met. Hunger, exhaustion, stress, and lack of connection all get in the way.
• Disorganization and avoidance are often signs of missing skills or too much stress, not laziness.
• Learning has to match how the child's brain works. Play and engagement can unlock progress more effectively than pressure.
• Self-esteem is shaped by how children experience school and home, including tone, reactions, and expectations.
• Families need priorities, not perfection. It helps to step back and decide what matters most right now.
• The goal is to see the whole child. Grades and performance only tell part of the story.

About Dr. Linda Silbert

Dr. Linda Silbert is an educational counselor, dyslexia therapist, and longtime educator with decades of experience helping children and families understand the reasons behind school struggles. Her work focuses on the whole child, with an emphasis on self-esteem, learning differences, study skills, and practical support that fits real family life. She is the author of Why Good Kids Get Bad Grades: What Parents Need to Know and Do and the founder of Strong Learning.

About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet

I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.

Complicated Kids Resources and Links

• 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com
• 📅 Schedule a free intro call
• 📺 Subscribe on YouTube
• 👾 Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool)
• ➡️ Instagram
• ➡️ Facebook
• ➡️ LinkedIn
• 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist

Enjoying the show?

If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show and it means a lot.

If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what would support your family.

Thank you for being here. 💛

A child can need support and still have too much support.

In this conversation, I talk with Casey Joseph, special educator and founder of Casey's Special Education Services, about what happens when families get handed a long list of recommendations and start trying to do all of it at once. Casey shares why "more" is not always the best answer for neurodivergent kids, especially when services start to crowd out rest, connection, regulation, and ordinary family life. We talk about the hidden cost of too many appointments, too many providers, and too many moving pieces, and why parents need permission to step back and ask what is truly necessary right now.

We also get into the practical side of this: how to think about a child's most urgent needs first, why fit matters more than quantity, when it may make sense to pause or reduce services, and how seasons of life affect progress too. Casey offers a thoughtful framework for choosing support with more intention and less panic, so families can build something sustainable instead of piling on one more thing just because it sounds helpful.

Key Takeaways

• More services do not automatically mean better outcomes. A child can benefit from support and still become overwhelmed by too many appointments, transitions, and expectations.
• Parents need permission to be intentional. It is okay to ask what is most important right now instead of trying to address every need at the same time.
• Burnout matters for kids too. If a child is spending all day holding it together at school, adding too many after-school supports can push them past capacity.
• Burnout in parents affects the whole system. When a parent is juggling too many providers, updates, schedules, and logistics, that stress often gets felt by the child.
• Fit matters as much as access. A therapist, tutor, or clinician may be wonderful and still not be the right person for a particular child or diagnosis.
• Support should match the real priority. Sometimes the first need is regulation, anxiety support, sensory support, or basic physical needs, not academics.
• Services can change over time. A child may need something intensely for one season, then need less, a break, or something different later.
• Progress is not linear. Some parts of the year are naturally harder, and families do not need to panic if growth looks slower during stressful or draining seasons.
• Multidisciplinary support can help when it reduces stress. Sometimes one clinic or one coordinated team makes more sense than managing many separate providers.
• A good question for families is not only "What could help?" but also "What is giving us a real return on the investment of time, money, and energy?"

About Casey Joseph

Casey Joseph is the Executive Director and Founder of Casey's Special Education Services, LLC. She is a special educator who has built a team of special education teachers providing one-on-one support, tutoring, and consultation for families across the DMV. Casey's work focuses on children who learn differently and benefit from individualized support grounded in special education expertise. Her approach is collaborative, strengths-based, and centered on helping families find support that is both meaningful and sustainable.

About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet

I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.

Complicated Kids Resources and Links

🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book here 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Watch here 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): Learn more ➡️ Instagram: Follow here ➡️ Facebook: Connect here ➡️ LinkedIn: View profile 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download here

Enjoying the show?

If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show and it means a lot.

If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.

Thank you for being here. 💛

The jump from high school to college is bigger than most families realize.

In this conversation, I talk with Dr. Tara Williams about what neurodivergent students really need as they prepare for college and why so many of them struggle in that transition. We unpack the shift from high school supports to college systems, where students are suddenly expected to manage accommodations, communicate with professors, understand FERPA, and advocate for themselves in a much more independent way. Tara explains why waiting until the summer before college can create unnecessary stress, and why self-advocacy has to start getting practiced much earlier.

We also talk about executive functioning in real life, not as a buzzword, but as the day to day challenge of keeping up with emails, assignments, schedules, accommodations, and decisions. Tara shares practical tools for helping students build those skills, along with a powerful reminder that college success is not just about getting into the "right" major or pushing through what is not working. Sometimes the real win is helping a student find the path that actually fits how they learn, think, and thrive.

Key Takeaways

• College accommodations work very differently from high school supports. Students are expected to initiate the process, submit documentation, schedule meetings, and communicate with professors themselves.
• The summer before college is already a high pressure time to begin. Families need to know that accommodation offices may book far in advance, and waiting too long can mean starting the semester without support.
• Self-advocacy needs to be practiced before college. Students can start by emailing teachers, asking about missed work, and learning how to communicate their needs while still in middle school or high school.
• Executive functioning support is not one skill. It includes calendars, planning, batching tasks, reminders, follow through, and figuring out what systems a student will actually use.
• Parents may need support building these systems too. Many adults are trying to help their child with tools they were never taught themselves.
• A good system has to fit the person. Google Calendars, Post-its, color coding, batching emails, and breaking tasks down can all work, but only if the student will actually use them.
• Technology makes sustained attention harder for everyone. Notifications, learning platforms, email, and constant digital access all increase cognitive load for students and adults alike.
• Accommodations should be available even if a student does not use them every time. Signing up matters. The student can decide when they need the support.
• Sometimes the issue is not just skill, but fit. A student may be in the wrong major, the wrong course path, or a program chosen for them rather than with them.
• College success is often about redirection, not failure. Finding a path that matches a student's real strengths and interests can change everything.

About Dr. Tara Williams

Dr. Tara Williams is the owner and founder of Innovative Collegiate Consultants, Inc. She earned her PhD in Synthetic Inorganic Chemistry from the University of Sussex in Falmer, United Kingdom, and is currently a tenured professor at College of the Canyons in Santa Clarita, California, where she has taught for the past twenty years. Since 2010, she has worked with neurodivergent students across the United States after noticing how many were struggling with the transition from K-12 support systems to college environments that require far more self-advocacy.

Dr. Williams and her team specialize in executive functioning coaching with a strong academic focus, supporting students with accommodations, course planning, email and LMS management, housing, internships, jobs, and more. Her work helps neurodivergent and neurotypical students build confidence, advocate for themselves, and thrive in school and college.

About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet

I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.

Complicated Kids Resources and Links

• Website: www.gabrielenicolet.com
• Schedule a free intro call: Book here
• YouTube: Subscribe here
• Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool): Learn more
• Instagram: Follow here
• Facebook: Connect here
• LinkedIn: View profile
• Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download here

Enjoying the show?

If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show and it means a lot.

If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.

Thank you for being here. 💛

A child can be brilliant and struggling at the exact same time.

In this conversation, I talk with Julie Skolnick about what it really means to be twice exceptional, or as she so beautifully puts it, gifted and distractible. Julie explains why giftedness is often the misunderstood part of the profile, not the diagnosable challenges beside it. We unpack her three-layer cake of giftedness: asynchronous development, perfectionism, and overexcitabilities, and talk about how those traits can live right alongside ADHD, autism, dyslexia, anxiety, slow processing speed, and other learning or emotional differences. If you have ever looked at a child and thought, "But they're so smart, so why is this so hard?" this episode is for you.

Julie and I also talk about what support actually looks like when we stop seeing only the gifted side or only the struggle side and start looking at the whole child. We get into personal connection, reframing behavior, collaborative advocacy, and why the child who looks oppositional or disengaged may actually be overwhelmed, perfectionistic, dysregulated, or trying very hard to protect a fragile sense of self. This is a rich, practical conversation for parents, educators, and anyone trying to understand a child who does not fit inside standard expectations.

Key Takeaways

• Giftedness is often the misunderstood part of 2e. Many people understand the diagnosis more easily than they understand what giftedness actually looks like in daily life.
• Twice exceptional does not mean "smart plus one challenge." These kids often have multiple co-occurring traits, diagnoses, learning differences, and emotional needs at the same time.
• Asynchronous development is a core part of the profile. A child may be far ahead in one area and significantly younger in another, which creates confusion for adults and anxiety for the child.
• Perfectionism can look like underachievement. Sometimes not trying feels safer than trying and risking visible failure.
• Overexcitabilities matter. Intellectual, emotional, imaginative, psychomotor, and sensory intensity can all shape how a child learns, reacts, connects, and copes.
• Looking at only one side of the Venn diagram leads to bad support. If we focus only on giftedness, we may shame the child. If we focus only on the struggle, we may underestimate them.
• Personal connection is the flagship strategy. Before most interventions work, the child needs to feel seen, understood, and safe with the adult in front of them.
• Reframing behavior changes everything. What looks like avoidance, disrespect, or laziness may actually be overwhelm, perfectionism, dysregulation, or a mismatch between the task and the child's profile.
• Strengths can help shore up struggles. Interests, passions, and areas of giftedness are often the best bridge into confidence, engagement, and learning.
• Adults need a pause button too. Supporting 2e kids asks a lot of the grownups around them, and self-regulation is part of effective parenting, teaching, and advocacy.

About Julie Skolnick

Julie F. Rosenbaum Skolnick, M.A., J.D., is the founder of With Understanding Comes Calm, LLC, the author of Gifted and Distractible, and a passionate keynote speaker who works directly with parents of gifted and distractible children, mentors twice exceptional adults, trains educators, and advises professionals on how to bring out the best in their 2e students and clients. Julie's work is known for helping people feel deeply seen while also giving them practical language, strategies, and support. She offers courses, memberships, and book studies for parents, educators, and 2e adults, and publishes the free weekly Gifted and Distractible Newsletter. Julie and her husband are raising three twice exceptional kids who keep them on their toes and laughing hard.

About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet

I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.

Complicated Kids Resources and Links

🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book here 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Watch here 👾 Grab Tell the Story: Get it here ➡️ Instagram: Follow ➡️ Facebook: Follow ➡️ LinkedIn: Connect 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download here

Enjoying the show?

If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show and it means a lot.

If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.

Thank you for being here. 💛

When one child needs the most, another child often learns to disappear.

In this conversation, I talk with licensed clinical social worker Bari Turkheimer about the siblings we don't talk about enough: non-autistic kids growing up alongside an autistic sibling. Bari explains why siblings can feel isolated, why the "easy kid" label can be misleading, and how autism psychoeducation can give siblings language for what they're living. We unpack the big emotions that show up in siblings, including embarrassment, jealousy, anger, and grief for the relationship they assumed they'd have—and why those feelings deserve honesty instead of quick fixes.

We also explore what happens inside the family system when life has to revolve around one child's needs, and why "fair" can look different when executive functioning and regulation needs are not equal. You'll hear practical ways to support siblings without turning them into helpers, how to validate without problem-solving too fast, and how one-on-one time and peer connection can help siblings feel grounded, understood, and emotionally safer in their own home.

Key Takeaways

• The "easy kid" is often carrying invisible weight. Many siblings cope by over-functioning, staying quiet, and trying not to add stress to the family system.
• Psychoeducation reduces isolation. When siblings understand autism and neurodivergence, it helps them make sense of behaviors that otherwise feel confusing, personal, or unfair.
• Give siblings language, not responsibility. Teaching a sibling how to explain stimming or sensory needs is empowering, as long as they are not put in charge of managing the autistic child.
• Big feelings are part of the job description. Embarrassment, jealousy, anger, shame, and grief can all exist alongside love and protectiveness. None of it makes a sibling "bad."
• Validate before you fix. When parents rush into solutions, siblings can feel dismissed. First response is empathy: "That makes sense. That was hard."
• Birth order can scramble expectations. When the older sibling is autistic and the younger sibling is not, the younger child can feel confused and resentful as they outpace their sibling developmentally.
• Executive functioning differences create "unfair" moments. A younger sibling may appear more capable and independent, while an older autistic sibling receives more hands-on support, which can feel like unequal attention.
• Siblings can slide into helper roles without being asked. Many non-autistic siblings take on responsibilities during dysregulation moments because they feel they "should," not because a parent assigned it.
• One-on-one time matters, and it can come from other adults too. A trusted adult can help provide experiences and attention when parents are stretched thin, so the sibling is not always waiting their turn.
• Flexibility helps families function. Letting go of rigid "should" narratives about what families must do together can unlock creative solutions that support everyone's needs.

About Bari Turkheimer

Bari Turkheimer is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who provides mental health services to neurodivergent individuals, particularly autistic people, and also supports individuals with anxiety, depression, and ADHD. She takes a strengths-based, relationship-centered approach and uses cognitive behavioral therapy techniques through a neurodiversity-affirming lens. Bari earned her BA in Psychology from the University of Maryland, College Park and her MSW from the University of Maryland at Baltimore with a specialization in families and children. She works at the Ivymount School as a Mental Health Provider and serves as the Mental Health Specialist in the Aspire School Program, supporting elementary, middle, and high school students. At Starobin Counseling, Bari facilitates Siblings Together, a group that supports children and adolescents who have autistic siblings by providing connection, language, and shared understanding.

About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet

I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.

Complicated Kids Resources and Links

🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book here 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Complicated Kids YouTube 👾 Grab Tell the Story: Get the tool ➡️ Instagram: @gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: Facebook page ➡️ LinkedIn: LinkedIn profile 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download here

Enjoying the show?

If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot.

If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.

Thank you for being here. 💛

Hard conversations do not have to fry your child's nervous system or yours.

In this episode, I sit down with psychologist and clinical director Dr. Jaclyn Halpern from Playful Therapy Connections to talk about how to support sensitive and neurodivergent kids when hard things are happening at home or in the world. We walk through what to do when your child brings you a big, scary question, why you do not have to answer right away, and how to be honest without dumping adult sized fear onto kid sized nervous systems. Jaclyn shares concrete ways to ground yourself, listen first, and give just enough information in bite sized pieces.

We also explore why many neurodivergent kids feel the world's pain so intensely, how justice sensitivity and black and white thinking show up, and what to do when everyone's nervous system is already on edge. You will hear us talk about yellow light moments, all or nothing thinking as a clue that you are flipped, how to limit news in a way that protects everyone, and why joy is not denial but fuel. This is a practical, compassionate conversation for grown ups who want to tell the truth, protect their kids, and stay "okay enough" to make a difference.

Key Takeaways

• You can slow down before you answer. When your child drops a hard question in your lap, your first job is not to get the words perfect. Your first job is to check in with your own body, ground yourself, and listen. You are allowed to say, "Thank you for telling me. I need a little time to think about this and then we can talk again."
• Listening comes before explaining. Starting with "What have you heard?" or "What do you know about this?" helps you hear their version of the story before you jump in. This shows respect, reduces the urge to lecture, and lets you gently correct misinformation instead of flooding them with extra details.
• Neurodivergent kids often feel things more intensely. Many complicated kids have nervous systems that are already turned up and a strong sense of justice. Hard news can hit them harder. Knowing this helps you understand why they may seem "extra" worried, angry, or activated and reminds you to keep your language clear, concrete, and contained.
• You do not have to fake being fine. Kids are very good at knowing when we are pretending. It is more regulating for them if you can say some version of "I am having a hard time, and I am getting support. This is not about you and it is not your job to fix it" than to paste on a smile and pretend nothing is wrong.
• Honesty should be bite sized and age appropriate. Share the basics of what is happening in simple language, then pause and see what they ask. You can put the situation in a bigger frame by talking about history, science, illness, migration, or government without turning it into a scary deep dive.
• All or nothing thinking is a nervous system clue. When you or your child are stuck in "there are only two options" or "nothing we do matters," that is a sign of a flipped nervous system. That is your reminder to slow down, regulate, and widen the lens before you try to problem solve or offer solutions.
• Action helps with helplessness, even if it is small. You and your child cannot fix the world, but you can do something. That might look like learning more, writing a letter, donating, attending a peaceful event, or being extra kind in your own community. Small, values based actions help sensitive kids feel less stuck.
• Limit news exposure for you and your child. Constant breaking news and scrolling keep nervous systems on high alert. Be intentional about when and how you take in information, turn off background news, use parental controls, and decide what sources feel trustworthy and manageable.
• Joy is not denial, it is fuel. Finding small moments of joy is not disrespectful to suffering. It is how we remember what we are protecting. For you and your child, joy might be a favorite snack, a silly song, time with a pet, movement, or a moment outside. Those tiny joys refill the spoons you need to keep going.
• Repair is always on the table. You will not get every hard conversation "right." When you look back and wish you had done it differently, you can go back and say so. Naming your own fumbles and showing your child how you course correct is part of the support, not a failure of it.

About Dr. Jaclyn Halpern

Dr. Jaclyn Halpern is a licensed psychologist and former elementary education teacher who has worked in private practice since 2010. She has extensive experience as a clinical director, evaluator, therapist, parent coach, and supervisor. As Partner and Clinical Director of Psychology at Playful Therapy Connections, she supports clinical staff to provide empathic, strengths based, neurodiversity affirming care that is culturally competent, trauma informed, and grounded in current neuroscience and psychological research. Her primary focus is helping clients and supervisees navigate neurodiversity in affirming, practical ways across the lifespan.

About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet

I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.

Complicated Kids Resources and Links

• 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com
• 📅 Schedule a free intro call
• 📺 Subscribe on YouTube
• 👾 Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool)
• ➡️ Instagram
• ➡️ Facebook
• ➡️ LinkedIn
• 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist

Enjoying the show?

If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot.

If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.

Thank you for being here. 💛

A nervous-system-level reframe on raising neurodivergent teens without burning yourself out.

When you're parenting a neurodivergent teen, it can feel like everyone is looking at your child and nobody is looking at what is happening to you. Your nervous system is on high alert, school feels confusing, and the stakes feel sky high. In this conversation, I'm talking with former special education teacher and teen coach Emily Griswold about why the path forward starts with taking care of yourself and widening the circle of support around your teen.

Emily shares what she learned from years in DC public schools, a nervous-system crash of her own, and now working directly with neurodivergent teens and the adults who love them. We talk about how teenage brains are wired for both risk and retreat, why behavior is often more about fear of failure than defiance, and how community care, clear boundaries, and shared problem-solving can shift the whole dynamic at home and at school.

Key Takeaways

• Teenage brains are remodeling, not misbehaving. Teens are wired to push away, experiment, and figure out who they are separate from caregivers, which can look like risk seeking or total shutdown depending on the kid.
• Neurodivergent teens carry extra "failure history." Many have already bumped into more criticism, misunderstanding, and systems that don't fit them, so the cost of trying something new feels higher and the fear of failing again is real.
• Your nervous system is part of the environment. If you're always in crisis mode, your teen feels that too. Looking at your own regulation, support, and capacity is not selfish; it is part of their support plan.
• Community care is not optional. As Emily puts it, shouting "self-care" at people who really need community care misses the point. Parents and educators need other adults, not just better bubble baths.
• Teens learn more from what you model than what you say. When you show them your calendar, your goals, your limits, and how you get help, you are quietly teaching them how to build a life that works for their brain too.
• Letting teens be the expert builds connection. Inviting their ideas, letting them teach you a strategy, or asking for their help with something you're working on gives them agency and softens power struggles.
• "Black beans in brownies" is a useful metaphor. Real growth often happens inside everyday life: screen-time experiments you do together, shared boundary-setting, and small shifts that feel doable instead of dramatic.
• Most behavior is not about you. When you can remember that 90% of behavior is about what is happening in your child's body and brain, it gets a little easier to pause, take things less personally, and choose a different response.
• Boundaries keep everyone safer. Saying "Nope, I have book group tonight" with clarity and warmth teaches your teen that you're a whole person, not an on-demand service. That's good for them and for you.
• If your brain insists there are only two options, something's up. All-or-nothing thinking is a sign your own nervous system is flipped. That is your cue to pause, breathe, move, or reach out so you can get back to flexible problem-solving.

About Emily Griswold

Emily Griswold is a former special education teacher who spent a decade in DC public schools before founding two businesses: Left of Center Coaching, where she supports neurodivergent teens and their families through success coaching and confidence-building, and 1111 Wellness, which focuses on teacher well-being and retention. Her work sits at the intersection of nervous-system support, practical strategy, and community care so that teens and the adults around them can thrive.

About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet

I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.

Resources & Links

• 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com
• 📅 Schedule a free intro call
• 📺 YouTube Channel
• 👾 Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool)
• ➡️ Instagram
• ➡️ Facebook
• ➡️ LinkedIn
• 🌺 Orchid Kid Checklist

Enjoying the show?

If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot.

If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.

Thank you for being here. 💛