Conversations with Safe Harbour Therapy

“Real change comes when people are enabled to use their

thinking and their energy in a new way, using a different system of

thought, different language, and having fresh visions of the future.”(Dr. Scilla Elworthy – three time Nobel Peace Prize nominee) 

This

quote rings true for me as I think of my work as a marriage and family

therapist. Everyone who comes through my door to check out my

counselling services is seeking change, real change. He or she needs a safe place to tell their story and be heard by someone other than family or friend. She or he wants to regain a sense of control over the emotions

that come up when facing daily challenges; emotions that are often

connected to something that happened in the past and is causing distress

in the present. And, most of all, this client wants to deal with everyday challenges with personal agency and self-efficacy: making choices and decisions, adapting to and coping with difficult situations, talking about his/her needs and desires while maintaining meaningful relationships and, in so doing, creating a future that is more meaningful and fulfilling for them. When

our heart starts racing; when our breathing becomes fast and shallow;

when our voice changes octave; when our body movements shift to

collapse, rigidity, rage, or defensiveness; we can be sure that our

emotional brain is expressing itself. In therapy, we are positioning

ourselves to activate our rational brain which helps us understand where those emotional brain feelings have come from.

In this therapeutic context, we can start to find ways to cope with the

overwhelming feelings attached to that past that is limiting our

capacity to adapt and cope with daily challenges. As a therapist, I use

different approaches that engage the rational brain and bring light to a

person’s self-management and empowerment. I sort of see myself as a

life coach who is focused, as much as possible, on the client in front

of me, encouraging him or her to become a better version of themselves

and take control of their destiny. This, of course, means some

mindfulness practice that has us being compassionate with ourselves and

others as we journey through self-awareness and healing. 

I

used to believe that helping a client make sense out of what is going

on for them would, for sure, bring better congruent subsequent action.

Unfortunately, this is not true for everyone all the time.

Months after some insightful conversations with certain clients, I often

found them coming back to see me with the same original distress and

reactions. Even for me in my own journey, the insights attained in a

therapy session did not always transfer as change in my daily life

environment. This phenomenon only made sense to me when I read Bessel

van der Kolk’s, The Body Keeps the Score. “Understanding why you feel a certain way does not change how you feel.”

In his book, he makes it quite clear that the rational brain cannot

dissolve emotions, sensations or thoughts. He brings forward the idea

that the rational brain is what we use to find ways to cope with

feelings, however for this to happen, there must be a proper balance between rational and emotional brain function so we can feel in charge of our life responses.

When

someone isn’t in charge of their life responses, we can usually expect a

diagnosis of some kind either connected to some type of developmental

delay or mental health issue. Learning disabilities, difficulty with

concentration, impulse control, anxiety, meaningless in life,

difficulties in relationships: these are all signs of brain

imbalance. This does not mean that I’ve “lost my marbles.” It just means

that there is an imbalance; the more there will be a difference of

activity between the emotional brain and rational brain, the more acute

the signs and symptoms. Actually when there is more emotional, there is

usually less rational; we fee

Do you have periods of scattered thinking,  reoccuring thought patterns, stress or anxiety? A Healing Touch technique called Mind Clearing can provide the focus and relaxing one is seeking when the mind needs to slow down and be quiet.  This technique is often used by healing touch practitioners to promote relaxation and mental focus.  As […]

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Do you have periods of scattered thinking,  reoccuring thought patterns, stress or anxiety?

A Healing Touch technique called Mind Clearing can provide the focus and relaxing one is seeking when the mind needs to slow down and be quiet.  This technique is often used by healing touch practitioners to promote relaxation and mental focus.  As a Healing Touch Practitioner, I often teach the Mind Clearing Technique to clients as a self-care practice.  A pattern is used that changes the energy flow inside the head and follows the meridian flow going up the back of the head and down the front of the face.  Rev. Rudy Noel adapted this technique from Rosalyn Bruyere (renowned for her work at Healing Light Center in California). 

This technique was further adapted by Penny Burdick.  It can be self-administered in 10 to 20 minutes.  It can be done sitting or lying down during a break at work and/or before going to bed creating a peaceful state.  Laying down helps with the relaxation response.  A specific pattern is used.  Each position is held for a minute or longer; or until one senses a completion of energy flow or connection.

Basic Instructions:

 To begin focus on your inhalations and exhalations.  Don’t control – just be. Feel the earth energy entering through your feet flowing to your heart. Feel the universal energy flowing through the top of your head flowing to your heart. Allow the earth and universal energies to become one at the heart. Allow the energy from your heart to flow out through your arms and hands. With crossed hands rest palms on chest with fingers on the collar bone and allow the energy to flow. Place one hand at the back of your neck and one on your forehead and allow the energy to flow. Place both hands to form a diamond between the hands.  Place thumbs at the base of the skull and fingers connected at back of the head.With the same hand connection move the thumbs to midpoint at the back of the head.Place fingers on the bony ridges behind the ears.Place both hands over the eyes and hold.Place each hand on side of face – palms, just below the chin and fingers resting gently on side of the face.Move hands crossed place on chest with fingers resting on collar bone..

The Mind Clearing Technique is done.

To learn more please visit https://safeharbourtherapy.com

to learn more about Healing Touch Self Care sessions. If you would like

a copy of the Mind Clearing technique you can email me at [email protected] requesting the format.

Exploring the Many Facets of Grief: The Importance of a Safe Space for Expression (as inspired by the works of Francis Weller) What have you been taught about grief / grieving? How have we learned to grieve in our culture? What happens when we don’t have space to grieve and mourn? What are other ways […]

Exploring the Many Facets of Grief: The Importance of a Safe Space for Expression (as inspired by the works of Francis Weller)

What have you been taught about grief / grieving? How have we learned to grieve in our culture? What happens when we don’t have space to grieve and mourn? What are other ways we carry grief that are not directly related to losses?

There is often stigma, judgements, and limitations when it comes to matters of grief. We are taught norms from our family, friends, and community around what is ‘acceptable’ when we are moving through a grief process. There can be limitations in the way we feel we are ‘allowed’ to express our grief as well as others ability to hold space for us and our sorrow. When we do not make space to grieve and mourn others concerns can come to the surface: vulnerability to mental health issues (anxiety and depression); sleep disturbances; withdrawal from work, school, hobbies; and addiction to name a few.

In grief we can feel unseen, invisible to the world that continues to go on while we may feel stuck in the feelings of mourning. This shines a light on the importance of being supported to mourn our losses to have our grief seen, acknowledged and witnessed by others, both in therapy sessions, in group, and in our communities.

To be a therapist we need to do our own grief work we need to know the territory to be comfortable to do this work with clients. I have been engaged in my own grief process throughout my life, but the most recent and profound experience of my own personal grief with was when I was attending the Kutenai Art Therapy Association and my professor Millie Cumming introduced us to the book by Francis Weller The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief.

This book shook off many of the limitations I had placed on myself and my definition of grief. It also helped me to name other ways I had been carrying grief that I had a felt sense of but was not able to put into words. The other important piece for me was being witnessed and seen by others in the group, being held in my sorrow in a safe space.

Francis Weller puts forward the concept of the Five Gate of GriefThe Five Gates of Grief:

everything that we love we will losethe place that have not known lovethe sorrows of the worldwhat we expected and did not receiveancestral grief

The first gate relates to the loss of people, animals, places, and things in our lives that have meaning to us. This includes illness and loss of experiencing the world the way we are used to

The second gate opens to the tender places within us that have know known kindness or compassion, the places the are banished to the fringes of ourselves and wrapped in shame.

The third gate of grief opens when we register the losses of the world around us. Much of the grief we carry is not personal but is shared with communities around the world.

The fourth gate holds within it what we did not receive, including the things that we may not even realize that we have lost: our ongoing to belong and have purpose. The narrative that we have told ourselves about what our lives will look like. The loss of feeling part of a community.

The fifth gate shows us the grief we carry in our bodes unconsciously that is the sorrow of our ancestors. Much of this may be unspoken, unacknowledged and passed down through the generations.

The Wild Edge of Sorrow explains that grief has always been communal and illustrates how we need others to witness and hold space for our grief, an atmosphere of compassion, and the comfort of ritual in order to move through and move with our grief. Weller describes how we often hide our pain from the world, and the importance of not fearing grief but instead turning towards it.

Find your people, the community you feel safe with and talk about your grief. Journal about your grief. Create art about your grief. Find a therapist you can connect with aroun

What type therapy do you offer here at Safe Harbour? I offer group and private lessons in SomaSensing TM , which is a somatic movement practice created by Yasmin Lambat (www.somasensing.org).  What symptoms do people come to you with and what are the end results?In addition to releasing physical tension, this practice can assist in reducing […]

What type therapy do you offer here at Safe Harbour? I offer group and private lessons in SomaSensing TM , which is a somatic movement practice created by Yasmin Lambat (www.somasensing.org). 

What symptoms do people come to you with and what are the end results?In addition to releasing physical tension, this practice can assist in reducing symptoms created (or made worse) by nervous system dysregulation (often caused by acute or chronic emotional or physcial stress). This means people show up with a wide range of issues such as:

Chronic pain such as back pain, arthritis, fibromyalgiaBusy mind, can’t seem to slow downChronic health conditions (I.e. Parkinsons,  inflammatory disorders, autoimmune disorders)Those suffering from apathy/depressive symptomsPeople who are hypermobile and experiencing pain from overstretchingThose looking for a gentle and efficient way to reduce stress and tensionPeople wanting more mindfulness in day-to-day movement

The end result is often less tension and pain, feeling stronger and more integrated, grounded, calm and ready for life. Rejuvenated, supple, resilient.

What does the process look like and how do you help someone who is new to the process?I guide clients to go within, sense what they feel within their bodies in order to develop interoceptiveawareness. I teach them how to pandiculate (an inner expand/release similar to a body yawn) and find their own intuitive movements that feel good. 

What are the benefits? What are people most surprised by? The practice rejuvenates the fascia (connective tissue) so people often feel less pain and tension after one practice.  The movements and pandiculations stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system (by toning the vagus nerve).  There are sighs and yawns as a person’s state shifts from stress to calm. People are surprised that:

This practice takes such little time and effort to get results (often in 5-20 minutes)They feel stronger even though it is a gentle, simple practiceThey find new patterns of movementParts that have been numb begin to ‘wake up’The practice feels like meditation in motionThey find themselves doing some of the movements in their kitchen, or in their officeSense of being more ‘in tune’ with themselves and their needs.

Why are people coming to this type of therapy more than before? I think as a society, we are developing and valuing our own agency – making choices for ourselves, rather than being told what to do and how to do it, people want to find what truly works for them. We are also becoming more trauma informed – and choice can be an important part of trauma recovery. 

As

a yoga teacher and a gym enthusiast, I see and hear a lot of varying

opinions about alignment and how to do things correctly. It can be

confusing and keep us in our heads. This work is about finding your own intuitive movements, about going within and experiencing our felt sense.  Making good choices from there. People

are catching on that our ability to ‘sense within’ is connected to our

physical and mental well-being. This practice is simple and efficient

and can be applied to anything you do. 

What is my story that led me to this work?I stumbled upon this work while researching trauma resources to support my work as a Numa Breathwork Facilitator and yoga teacher.  I have always been a movement-oriented person. I started martial arts when I was 11 (15 years), was a high school athlete, practiced and taught yoga for over 12 years. I thought I had a pretty developed ‘inner sense’, but now I know that something was missing. I’m more in tune with myself and my nervous system, and making better life choices because of this practice. I was looking for resources for my clients but turns out I needed this practice for myself, too.

 To learn more about Joy and SomaSensing please follow her on Instagram @joysomatics

WHY CHALLENGE DIET CULTURE? Diet culture is a manufactured way of seeing the world where the shape, size and weight of a body is more important than its physical health or the mental health and wellness of the person residing in that body. Diet culture diminishes our personal power by promoting a widespread message creating […]

WHY CHALLENGE DIET CULTURE?

Diet culture is a manufactured way of seeing the world where the shape, size and weight of a body is more important than its physical health or the mental health and wellness of the person residing in that body.

Diet culture diminishes our personal power by promoting a widespread message creating a cultural belief that the appearance of our body, specifically “the thin ideal” is the gateway to success, acceptance and happiness in life.

By commandeering all our resources including time, energy, money and mental and emotional bandwidth it works in direct opposition to what we truly seek; connection to our true Self, connection, purpose, joy and wellbeing.

DEFINING DIET CULTURE

Christy Harisson, author of “Anti-Diet” (a new must-read book for anyone wanting to learn more about diet culture and its history) defines diet culture in a way that is illuminating, showing us that diet culture hides in plain sight. – everywhere around us. 

 “Diet culture is a system of beliefs that:

Worships

thinness and equates it to health and moral virtue, which means you can

spend your whole life thinking you’re irreparably broken just because

you don’t look like the impossibly thin “ideal.”Promotes

weight loss as a means of attaining higher status, which means you feel

compelled to spend a massive amount of time, energy, and money trying

to shrink your body, even though the research is very clear that almost

no one can sustain intentional weight loss for more than a few years.Demonizes

certain ways of eating while elevating others, which means you’re

forced to be hyper-vigilant about your eating, ashamed of making certain

food choices, and distracted from your pleasure, your purpose, and your

power.Oppresses people who don’t match up with its

supposed picture of “health,” which disproportionately harms women,

femmes, trans folks, people in larger bodies, people of color, and

people with disabilities, damaging both their mental and physical

health.” Source: Christy Harisson, author of “Anti-Diet”

TIPS TO INCREASE YOURCONSCIOUS AWARENESS: RECOGNIZING AND RESISTING DIET CULTURE

1. Challenge automatic thoughts and notice where they come from “If only I were a size “x” I’d be so much happier.” Really? Are you sure about that or did you maybe just see a triggering commercial? Could investigating what comes before these thoughts change anything for you? 

2. Challenge old assumptions…”thin” isn’t a synonym for healthy! Despite what all the ads and diets suggest you can’t judge health status by weight or body size. Learn more by checking out Health at Every Size® at www.haescommunity.com. The HAES® approach promotes balanced eating, life-enhancing physical activity, and respect for the diversity of body shapes and sizes. Does this new information change your perspective?

3. Notice how complimenting on weight loss is not a compliment Be aware of the unintentional message being sent with a compliment on weight loss. “You lost weight, you look great” can carry a false message that someone wasn’t good enough before. What’s another authentic compliment or word of encouragement you could give? 

4. Notice diet and weight loss talk It takes a village here because we’ve learned to connect with others by talking about diets and weight loss. Start noticing how much airtime these topics are getting in your circles. How do you feel about this?

5. Notice the environment…is it inclusive or does it promote “thin privilege”“Thin privilege” as a concept refers in part, to a world or environment that accommodates only smaller bodies. Do the chairs in the office comfortably and safely accommodate bodies? Does the store have a range of clothing sizes for all bodies? What do you notice?

6. Notice when we allow food and diets to define us or others a personNotice all the ways diet culture assigns judgment or status according to what peo

Life is inherent with loss and suffering. So how do we cope with loss when we feel like we can barely survive it? Everyone experiences loss whether it’s a an injury or health diagnosis that changes the way you’re able to live your life; maybe it’s the death of a loved one; perhaps it’s being […]