Life is inherent with loss and suffering. So how do we cope with loss when we feel like we can barely survive it?

Everyone

experiences loss whether it’s a an injury or health diagnosis that

changes the way you’re able to live your life; maybe it’s the death of a

loved one; perhaps it’s being fired, demoted, or losing out on a

promotion at work; it could be the loss of a partner through separation

or divorce;  maybe it’s the loss of the “old you” or your “old way of

living” with the birth of a baby; maybe it’s a miscarriage or not being

able to have children at all; maybe your child is born with a health

issue and the idea of a family you had expected will not come to pass;

maybe it’s a loss of your sense of safety after being assaulted or

witnessing a trauma. 

17 years ago on Wednesday February 12 2003, my brother, Brad took his own life. When I thought about what I would say about life after loss, I sought out the book, Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy. It’s a book written by Sheryl Sandberg, after the sudden death of her husband and co-written by psychologist, Adam Grant.

When I think about life after loss, Viktor Frankl comes to mind when he says that “in some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning”.  

I have made meaning out of my brother’s death by changing my profession from a teacher to a counsellor and now have created Safe Harbour – a comfortable place where people who are struggling like my brother, myself, or my family, can receive support from a wide variety of therapeutic approaches so they can move through their suffering.  

I think one of the biggest hurdles for people is talking about their loss and for others it’s how to respond to someone who’s talking about their loss.  Let’s face it, life is hard and talking about hard topics isn’t pleasant so sometimes we want to avoid uncomfortable topics like: suicide, death, miscarriage, infertility, bankruptcy,  job loss, identity, divorce, assault, sexual orientation, addiction, incarceration, illness… but what’s really interesting to me is whenever I’ve brought up one of these topics in the past as I’ve struggled with them, is that people want to talk about their loss, too. I think it’s so relieving for both of us because we realize we aren’t alone in our pain.  The silence can be so isolating…dealing with such heavy losses on our own can feel so unbearable!  

I think it’s important to know that people want to

talk because they are trying to make sense of what has happened in their

life. The interesting thing is people who have experienced adversity

tend to express more compassion towards those suffering, especially if

they have experienced a similar loss. So when we are feeling the need to

hide our discomfort, maybe we could open up and let someone know that

we aren’t doing so good so that we can have the opportunity to

understand our feelings better, maybe even feel understood …that way we

have better chances of moving through our suffering.  

I bet you

are wondering…how do you respond to someone who starts to talk about

their pain.  The secret sauce is empathy and honesty.  Be present with

them. Acknowledge their pain. Just knowing that someone sees that you

are suffering and takes the time to be with you sends the message that

they care and that you matter.

I like how Option B

talked about how shame makes us shrink inward and if we reach inward and

remind ourselves that we can’t change what’s done but we can move

forward by changing how we treat ourselves and that is with self

compassion.

When we are struggling we need empathy but

we also need to be encouraged and empowered to remind ourselves of that

sense of agency and capacity in our lives that we experienced before

our loss.

Sometimes meaning is found in just doing small things

everyday that bring

One of the concepts that I talk about a lot in my clinical practice is ‘safety signals’: feelings, words, and symbols that you can focus on to shift your internal experience towards comfort and security. I use exercises like grounding, which involves activating all five senses and noticing that the environment that you’re in is free of danger. For some clients, it might also be helpful to repeat the words: “in this moment, I am safe”. But like most therapeutic work, these are independent coping strategies and from an evolutionary perspective, the biggest signs of safety for human beings have been connection and belonging.

For most of human history, people lived within close-knit communities; raising children together, hunting and foraging food together, and supporting one another in times of distress or loss. Our new norm in the West, however, is to live in single-family households, not knowing our neighbours well, independently raising our children with inadequate support systems, all the while the pressure for achievement and productivity increases. In other words, we are expected to do more with less and I believe that this is one of the primary causes of the increasing rates of mental health disorders today.

There have been countless studies demonstrating the correlation between social ties and human health. One that I found particularly fascinating was able to show that relationships had a greater impact on cardiovascular health than diet. The researchers studied a group of men living in a tribal community who, by all accounts, had a terrible diet, and yet they had reduced rates of heart disease. I used to discount the idea that emotions are stored in parts of the body, like the heart and the hips, as is often taught in yoga, because it made little scientific sense to me, but as always, science is catching up to ancient wisdom.

So what do we do with this knowledge while living in a society that isn’t set up for connection? We create it. We find our tribe. We shift our priorities towards social activities and away from uber independence. We ask for help and accept it when it is offered. We join book clubs, exercise classes, have people over for dinner, talk to our neighbours, put down our phones, and leave work at work.

I’m not saying it’s easy, it’s an incredible feat to let go of the patterned beliefs and behaviours that we’ve known for a lifetime but I can assure you that increased social connection is a change worth making.

For more from me, following me on Instagram @felt.sense.winnipeg

What is SAD (typical and atypical)What symptoms would people notice if they struggle with it?Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a combination ofbiologic and mood disturbances that occur with a seasonal pattern; typically occurring in the autumn and winter, with remission in the spring or summer. Although the condition is seasonally limited, people effected by SAD […]

What is SAD (typical and atypical)What symptoms would people notice if they struggle with it?Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a combination ofbiologic and mood disturbances that occur with a seasonal pattern;

typically occurring in the autumn and winter, with remission in the

spring or summer. Although the condition is seasonally limited, people

effected by SAD experience significant impairment from these seasonal

changes. SAD primarily presents as depressed mood with symptoms like

having low energy, difficulty sleeping/hypersomnia, losing interest in

activities and socialization, difficulty with concentration and changes

in appetite. It can also show up differently in people with other mental

health concerns – like hypomania in the spring/summer in people with

bipolar tendencies, or summer depression with winter hypomania.How common is it?  And what have studies found leads to experiencing symptoms of SAD?

SAD

has a prevalence of 1.5-20%, depending on your latitude from the

equator and may be associated with low vitamin D levels. Studies have

also examined the relationship between suppressed cortisol excretion,

disrupted cortisol awakening response (CAR), imbalance of

neurotransmitters (like serotonin and melatonin), and have noted that it

is more common in those who experience mood variability throughout the

year. In Canada, youth and teens (12-24) display symptoms of low mood

and low energy, while adults tend to display symptoms related to sleep

and appetite disturbance. Summer SAD may be associated with high

airborne pollen days, as some studies have made this connection with an

exacerbation of depression and seasonal variability.So as a naturopathic doctor how would you go about helping someone to feel better?

With

so many factors at play, it is important to figure out how the seasons

are affecting you so that we can properly treat and address your

concerns. This means treating the underlying root cause and supporting

the body as it needs to be. While this looks different for everyone,

things we would be considering include:

digestive function, immune function, and the make up of your microbiomenutrient

deficiencies like B vitamins, vitamin D, Omega 3 Fatty Acids and

dietary patterns that support appropriate neurotransmitter and

catecholamine productiontreating any underlying mental health

concerns with things like natural health products, herbal medicine,

acupuncture, and therapyaddress any underlying conditions that

may be contributing to the problem (eg. hypothyroidism, hormone

imbalances, chronic pain, chronic fatigue syndrome, adrenal

insufficiency, chronic viral infections etc)

And what if someone isn’t able to afford coming to see a ND either in time or money? What are some thing people can do at home.Things you can do at home to help improve the outcomes of your Seasonal Affective Disorder are effective, fairly simple to maintain, and can be used as prophylaxis before the subsequent autumn/winter seasons. 

Health Basics: Review the foundations of health and notice where you can make adjustments in your everyday choices – Are you eating well? Sleeping well? Managing your stress? Are you moving enough? Are your thought patterns more positive or negative? What are you doing for self care? Are you making time for things that bring you joy?Journalling: Journalling addresses the basics of Wellness from other dimensions of health. If you’re feeling low or hopeless, try writing out how you feel and why – journalling can provide insight into the problems we may be ignoring. A simple assessment to get you started can be done by completing a wellness wheel evaluation. It’s important to figure out if it’s a physiological issue, or if theres something else going on. SAD Lamps: For 30 years, light therapy has been a first line treatment for SAD. Studies have shown that using a lamp with 2,500lux (2 hours daily in the morning) –

Have you ever had difficulty using your voice, expressing yourself or feeling like you are not being heard? Did you know that silencing your voice/expression can have detrimental health effects?  Opening the Avenue of Expression (AOE) in you can have profound life changing effects.When I first learned of this term I must admit I was […]

Have you ever had difficulty using your voice, expressing yourself

or feeling like you are not being heard? Did you know that silencing

your voice/expression can have detrimental health effects? 

Opening

the Avenue of Expression (AOE) in you can have profound life changing

effects.When I first learned of this term I must admit I was quite

curious and definitely intrigued to experience this technique. It

sounded like somewhat of a path to an awakening…a way (avenue) to

express. 

Listening deeply to another person and enabling them to experience being heard is one of THE most profound human needs. When the AOE is open it allows you to: 

Express who you areStand up for what you believeSay no when you need toBe honest and open in what you sayRelieves stress

So you might be thinking? Exactly where is this AOE located and how do I open it? The structures involved are the upper chest, face & neck.

This includes the muscles of the neck that connect with the hyoid bone

and the bones of the face and jaw.  Most importantly some of this work

is done inside the mouth. The above mentioned are the structures, tissues, fluids and energies involved in the expression of words, images, feelings and so on.

Each

of these components have at least some influence over the ability of

the client’s ability to express him/herself. These expressions can

either be in words, sounds, or expressions of emotions. It is quite

common for the AOE structures to become “jammed” if you will, when we do

not express. Lines of tension are created over time and some of the

health issues we can start noticing are headaches, migraines, TMJ syndrome, vertigo, tinnitus, anxiety & depression, to name a few.

How

is the AOE opened? The same gentle light touch craniosacral technique

applied in a general session is also applied when working with the

structures of the AOE.  There can sometimes be slightly tense areas when

working inside the mouth but the relief that is created when the tension is released makes all the difference.

The

work is very client specific and it is certainly unique how the

connection between your body, its memory of all your life experiences,

and what you have to say in the world will come together While The

Avenue of Expression is an additional advanced technique of Craniosacral

Therapy, it is absolutely essential to incorporate into a session as it

allows for effective SomatoEmotional Release- SER (which is a

therapeutic process that uses and expands on the principles of

CranioSacral Therapy to help rid the mind and body of the residual

effects of trauma). In the next episode, I will be talking more in depth

on the wonderful benefits of SER. 

For more information about the AOE, please click here (https://safeharbourtherapy.com/team/elizabeth-karchut-practitioner-winnipeg/) to contact Liz or follow her on Instagram @lizkarchut and Facebook @ Liz Karchut

Struggling with aches and pains during pregnancy? How about the stress of knowing what to buy, what to eat or avoid eating, what’s safe, what’s not safe? Or the more emotional aspects? Thinking about how your life and relationships and maybe career is about to change drastically? Bringing a child into the world is a […]

Struggling with aches and pains during pregnancy? How about the stress of knowing what to buy, what to eat or avoid eating, what’s safe, what’s not safe? Or the more emotional aspects? Thinking about how your life and relationships and maybe career is about to change drastically?

Bringing a child into the world is a big change for a lot of people, never mind the fact that you have no control over the changes that are happening to your body! Nausea, food aversions, heartburn, calf cramps, back pain, feeling out of breath, and the list goes on!

Prenatal and postpartum massage therapy can help with:

RELAXATION! Decreased stressed levelsReduced anxiety and depressionRelief from muscle aches and pains (low back, sciatica, shoulder/neck, etc.)Decreased swellingRelief from muscle crampsBetter sleepImproved labour outcomesIncreased circulationIncreased body awareness

If you’ve never come before you might be wondering how it’s different from a regular massage. I use a special pregnancy bolster that allows you to safely and comfortably lie face down to receive your massage or side-lying if that’s more comfortable to you. I offer both options because every pregnancy and body is different. I have extra training in how the body changes during pregnancy and have spent hours learning extra techniques to address the different aches and pains that are common amongst pregnant (and postpartum) women!

Feel more at ease in your body, and get some relief from the pain and discomfort that comes with growing a baby!

Pregnancy and the transition into motherhood can be overwhelming and stressful and your changing body can be uncomfortable at times. Massage is safe for mom and baby, can help you unwind, and you’ll feel more connected and at peace afterward.

Book a massage, you won’t regret it!

Tune into the full conversation on Apple and Google podcast out find out more! Or follow Lori on:

Instagram: gaia.mama.wellnessFB: facebook.com/loripohlmassagetherapywww.gaiamamawellness.com

Happiness is one of the 6 basic emotions…and Shawn Achor defined happiness in his first book, The Happiness Advantage, as “the joy we feel moving toward our potential.” A new year feels like a change which can bring new energy for new ideas and new habits. A while ago, I read the book, Before Happiness: […]

Happiness is one of the 6 basic emotions…and Shawn Achor defined happiness in his first book, The Happiness Advantage, as “the joy we feel moving toward our potential.”

A new year feels like a change which can bring new energy for new ideas and new habits. A while ago, I read the book, Before Happiness: the 5 hidden keys to achieving success, spreading happiness, and sustaining positive change and I thought it might come in handy when we think of our New Years Resolutions.

So what change are you looking to achieve this year in 2020 and how will you ensure you cross the finish line? Shawn Achor suggests we employ 5 skills:

1. Choose the most valuable reality: he encourages us to realize there is more than one way of reaching the finish line and we need to choose the route that makes the most sense for us.

The difficulty with this skill is that as humans we default to a negative mindset. So when we are stressed out, it’s hard to be flexible to find alternative routes when we encounter difficulty along the way. Shifting our negative perception about a stressful event takes practice. Shawn suggested we think of the 3:1 ratio where we think of 3 positives for every negative event that happens or to note 3 things that you are grateful for each day.

2. Map the best route to achieving our goal: one of the points he made that stood out to me was that most people map out their escape routes before their success routes if they even mapped out a route to their goal in the first place.

What is the why behind the goal? What will happen when you achieve it? If you could wave a magic wand, what would happen when the goal is achieved? And be specific! What will your life look like on an average day when you achieve your goal?

Research shows that if there is meaning behind our goal, then we are less stressed out in our efforts; we are more productive because have significantly more energy to engage in the work needed; and are more likely to actually achieving our goal!

3. Find ways to accelerate your movement. He suggested you ask yourself this question: What gives you the most energy everyday? If you look at each of the 7 dimensions of wellness, physical, emotional, spiritual, occupation, environmental, and intellectual, who are the people, where are the places, what are the activities or objects within each dimension that are energizing?

Once you have found those meaning markers, use them as often as you can. Post visual reminders in your office or home…type something encouraging in the note section of your phone, or set aside time in your schedule to review how you’re doing each month to make sure you’re still on track. Are the behaviour you are doing each day helping you reach your goal? What would one of your friends say about your efforts?

4. Cancelling out the noise – minimizing the negative things in our lives that are slowing us down from achieving our goals (mostly in our own minds) and maximizing on the positive.

For instance, if there is an activity or way that you spend your time that is distracting you from achieving your goal then eliminate it. Like watching TV in the evening instead of researching a new meal to make for dinner the next night. When you drive to work, have the radio off for the first while or when you are watching TV, mute commercials or only watch the news that’s relevant to you. Maybe take an hour each week to declutter your home so only the objects you see are the ones you use on a regular basis. All of these strategies help to reduce the noise your brain is needing to compute. If you streamline your world, your brain and body can utilize the energy towards advancing you towards your goal.

5. Transfer our positive momentum to others.

I’m sure most people have heard that we are a reflection of the five people we spend the most time with in our lives. When we plant the seeds of positive realities in our world, we can help others do the same. We e