Couch Time with Amy Wine

Marriage is a lot of work.  It isn’t easy, but it is definitely worth it.  

Jon and I lived as married roommates for YEARS.  Do I wish I could go back and change things? Yes.  That is also the reason I am so passionate about helping you overcome struggles in your life and marriage.

I want you to live as loving, passionate partners and best friends, not as roommates just passing in the night.   I want you to have a marriage on fire, so I am excited to jump into today’s episode. My own best friend and partner, Jon, is back for another episode so be sure to tune in. 

On Today’s Episode We Discuss:

• Reasons why I felt like I was wasting my life at the beginning of our relationship
• The early years with our kids
• Small things that you can do to show love and affection towards your spouse 
• Why both partners don’t have to make changes to turn things around and make it work 
• Why you want to be married to your best friend 
• Being intentional about spending the rest of your lives together 
• The danger of throwing out the “D” word (divorce) 
• Why you sometimes hurt the ones you love the most 
• Seeing the best and worst in your partner 
• How and why your spouse needs to hold you accountable 
• How your partner can teach you to be more selfless 
• Feeling the desire to give your absolute best to each other 
• Intellectually stimulating, yet healthy debating, is actually good for your marriage 
• How having a debate with your spouse can help you clarify your values and learn to respect one another 

Additional Resources:

Take Your Marriage From Roommate Status to on FIRE --> Married Roommates

Subscribe to the Podcast

Follow Amy on Instagram 

Follow Amy on Facebook

Are you subscribed to the podcast? If you’re not, I want to encourage you to do that today so you don’t miss any future episodes! I already have so many amazing guests and topics lined up, I would hate for you to miss a single one!  Click here to subscribe on Apple Podcasts

Today’s episode may hit close to home for many of you.  Jon and I lived like roommates for YEARS in our marriage.  We simply co-existed, side by side, just going through the motions of daily life.  

Many of you have found yourselves feeling like roommates in your marriage.  You may feel like you have lost the “spark” you had when you were dating or in the early years. 

How do you move past this?  What are some things you can do to open up communication in your marriage?  How can you move past going through the motions and avoid living with resentment towards your spouse?

One of the most important things you must do is to find yourself and figure out what brings you joy….then you must be open and honest with your partner.  Without open communication, you will have a hard time avoiding it. 

I hope you guys listen in this week. I am excited to share with you a resource I created to help bring a spark back to your marriage! 

On Today’s Episode We Discuss:

• How couples get into a married roommate situation in the first place
• Why everyone has gone through or will go through a married roommate situation at some point in their relationship 
• The fact that I like constant companionship and Jon doesn’t and how this affected our marriage in the beginning 
• The importance of open communication in marriage 
• Being able to speak up and tell your partner what is important to you and not letting it sit in silence which in turn builds resentment 
• Why not knowing who you are or what brings you joy makes it easy to fall into a roommate situation 
• Compromise in your marriage 
• How you can learn to value your partner’s interests 
• One of the biggest fights in our marriage
• The constant power struggle couples face 
• Why hearing and agreeing are two different things 
• Actions you can go through to avoid becoming a married roommate 
• Why values are so important in a relationship and how they can change over time 
• The importance of exploring your core values 

I hope you really found today’s episode helpful.  I encourage you to explore your core values and share them with your partner.  It’s easy to put blame on your partner, but at the end of the day, you are the only person who can control your problems.  I want you to shift your focus from “me versus my partner” to “us as a team”.  

You must compromise and accept influence and learn yourself.  This is when you can start taking responsibility and get away from the married roommate situation. 

Where is your family heading for the holidays?  Your family’s house? To your husband’s side? Maybe you are hosting everyone at your house this year.  Whatever your plans are, I hope they were discussed and negotiated earlier than a few days before the holiday hit!  Last-minute plans usually end up in a fight. At least they did for us.

I wish I could say Jon and I always had our family holiday plans figured out months in advance.  I also wish I could say that we always agreed on them, but that would be a big fat lie. For many years of our marriage, things around the holidays caused a lot of stress and chaos in our families and between us as a couple. 

This episode is dedicated to walking you through navigating the holidays and preventing conflict…. as much as possible anyways :) 

On Today’s Episode We Discuss:

• The delicate balancing act of trying to please everyone during the holidays 
• How to avoid setting up false expectations 
• Setting expectations and boundaries  with your family 
• Feeling the stress of trying to please everyone and keep certain schedules
• The importance of the “core family” and why they should come first 
• Setting false and vague expectations to avoid conflict and how it can backfire
• Following the rule that each spouse handles the conversation with their own parents.  I always say “your parents, your problem. My parents, my problem” 
• Questions you should be asking each other when planning your holidays 
• Jon and I chat about what expectations we have for each other during the holiday season 

I pray you and your families have a wonderful Thanksgiving together….whereever you end up! I hope this episode helps set you up for a successful Christmas season as well.  

Remember that Jon and I love hearing from you.  Let us know where you are heading for the holidays! I would love to hear how you tackle the holidays as a couple.  Do you visit extended family or do you stay home with your core? Would you love me to cover something on a future episode? Reach out to me on Instagram @theamywine and let me know! 

See you here again next week.  Until then, Happy Thanksgiving! 

Additional Resources:

Subscribe to the Podcast

Follow Amy on Instagram 

Follow Amy Wine Counseling on Facebook

Are you doing things on a daily basis that are making you happy?  In today’s episode, I will be talking about ways you can program your mind for a happy marriage.  We all know when we have those bad days and something negative happens and then it just seems to spiral from there.  One small negative builds upon another, and another, and before you know it, you implode. 

Have you ever thought about what makes you happy?  Some people might say it would be a shiny new sports car or a new house.  Maybe you think a new pair of shoes would do it. There are so many of us that think we will be happier when something new or different happens, but most of the time that never comes.  You get the new car or the new house and you are still unhappy. It’s crucial to strive to be happier, right now, right where you are because it will save you a whole lot of hurt if not. 

We get lost worrying about the future. I encourage you to stop wasting your days and your time and live happy now.  I am excited to dive into today’s episode! I hope you are too. 

In Today’s Episode I Discuss: 

• The story of my depression years ago
• Why my counselor told me to “just sit and be still” and I laughed at him! 
• The time when I thought I broke my own therapist 
• The journey of trying to silence my mind- it wasn’t easy!
• The time I broke down and cried to myself for 6 straight weeks 
• Why you are not responsible for someone else’s happiness
• Rediscovering myself
• The importance of taking responsibility for yourself 
• Why people have a hard time pulling out of the negative cycle 
• What steps you can follow to become a happier person
• The damaging effects of self-pity in a marriage
• Quitting the blame game
• The truth about resentment and how it affects a marriage

That wraps up today’s episode.  The number one thing to remember is to have a habit of happiness in your marriage. To do this, you have to work on your own happiness and not blame anyone else.  You can’t have self-pity and resentment. Remember that happiness for yourself is within you. 

I encourage you to ask yourself- what can I do right now to change my attitude and get the negative self talk out?  Head over to Instagram and tag me @theamywine and tell me what your biggest obstacle is. Share with me how you plan to incorporate more happiness into your life and marriage.  Let me help you walk through some of your struggles. 

Additional Resources:

Subscribe to the Podcast

Follow Amy on Instagram <

So I know many of you are going to be totally bummed, but I will be recording another solo episode today. Jon is actually in the next room working on a major presentation for work, but he will be back soon, so don’t fret! 

Today on the show I will be covering demon dialogues and how they come into play with each partner. We will be talking about the bad guy in the relationship and the protest. 

Are you ready for this? I think many of you are going to really resonate with the example I go over of a husband and wife named Evelyn and Chris. Chris and Evelyn go through the attack withdrawal cycle.  At one point they did not know if they could even save their relationship. I have been at this point before. Scary! 

Before we wrap up the episode, you’ll be fully equipped to smell an attack withdrawal cycle coming and you’ll know how to attack it before it attacks your marriage.

On Today’s Episode I Discuss:

• A pattern on how to identify the bad guy in a relationship
• Why the silent partner that refuses to engage is also aggressive
• The attack withdrawal pattern and how to spot it 
• How to stop the attack withdrawal cycle
• Steps for getting out of the attack withdrawal cycle

Never shy away from asking for help. If you try out the steps shared in the episode and you fail, seek help. There are so many people who allow this cycle to lead to divorce.  Don’t let that be you. 

Do you have any questions?  What can I help you with? Do you think you and your spouse or partner deal with this cycle?  DM me on Instagram @theamywine and let me know what you thought about this episode. I would love to connect! 

Additional Resources:

Download this FREE 20 Minute Course —> Five Keys to Having a Marriage on Fire 

Subscribe to the Podcast

Follow Amy on Instagram 

Follow Amy Wine Counseling on Facebook

Are you subscribed to the podcast? If you’re not, I want to encourage you to do that today so you don’t miss any future episodes! I already have so many amazing guests and topics lined up, I would hate for you to miss a single one!  Click here to subscribe on Apple Podcasts

Could I ask a big favor? If you are loving the podcast, I would LOVE it if you would leave me a review on

Is your marriage perfectly imperfect? 

I know you guys will be excited because my hubby Jon is back on the show!  Today we are covering an interesting topic...Being imperfect in your life and marriage. 

I want to ask you guys something.  How often do you expect your spouse to be perfect? Do you ever consider the fact that you are not perfect, yet you expect your spouse to be? I know I am guilty! 

Jon and I share how we overcame having very high expectations of one another in the beginning of our marriage.  It wasn’t easy to do, but that’s why we are here….to walk you through it! You will hear the lessons we have learned from accepting that no one is perfect.

Find the full show notes at amywine.com/8

On Today’s Episode We Discuss: 

• Amateur hour on the podcast- our first four episodes and how we have improved :) 
• Why we would want to do a podcast and put ourselves out there for judgment from others
• Being perfectly imperfect and how that relates to marriage
• Ways that we expect our spouses to be perfect
• Jon’s expectations of me in our marriage 
• Why Jon got disappointed when I didn’t meet his expectations
• My expectations for Jon
• The importance of communication when it comes to dealing with imperfection in a marriage
• Dealing with negative overwhelm in a marriage
• Finding common ground in a marriage
• The power of talking out your expectations to your spouse
• Understanding our perfectly imperfect partners

Additional Resources:

Download the FREE Mini-Course on Marriage >> Five Keys to Having Your Marriage on Fire

Subscribe to the Podcast

Follow Amy on Instagram 

Follow Amy Wine Counseling on Facebook

Today’s episode I will be doing something a little different.  This will be short and sweet, but value-packed, so I hope you tune in.  Today’s episode was inspired by a book written by Everett Worthington called Hope Focused Marriage.  I have used these suggestions many times in my counseling sessions with married couples so I hope you enjoy! 

On Today’s Episode I Discuss: 

• How to stimulate your closeness 
• The CLEAVE Acronym, where it came from and how it can be used 
• C- Change actions to positive.  What is something that is negative that you could change to positive?
• L- Loving romance- Try to show romance again.  What did you do at the beginning of your relationship?
• E- Employ a calendar- Rearrange your calendar and add in positive events that bring back time together. 
• A- Adjust intimacy elsewhere- Husbands and wives have different levels of intimacy. Figure out what level you need. 
• V- Value your partner- Valuing love builds intimacy.  When we feel valued, we feel closer to the one who loves us. 
• E- Enjoy yourself sexually- learn to communicate better in the bedroom

Resources Mentioned: 

Hope Focused Marriage Book 

Additional Resources:

Subscribe to the Podcast

Follow Amy on Instagram 

Follow Amy Wine Counseling on Facebook

Are you subscribed to the podcast? If you’re not, I want to encourage you to do that today so you don’t miss any future episodes! I already have so many amazing guests and topics lined up, I would hate for you to miss a single one!  Click here to subscribe on Apple Podcasts

Could I ask a big favor? If you are loving the podcast, I would LOVE it if you would leave me a review on Apple Podcasts.  Jon and read each and every one! It also helps other people find the podcast!  Wondering how to leave a review? Click on the Apple Podcasts link to review, then select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”.  So easy!

On today’s episode of the Marriage on Fire podcast I will be doing a solo show packed full of information on the importance of communication in your marriage. For so many years, Jon and I felt more like roommates than partners.  I want you to be different. I want to encourage you to have open communication in your marriage and to make sure to have devoted time together. One thing I can promise you is that you will always have disagreements as a couple, but it is how you react and work through the conflict that allows you to have a marriage that thrives.

On Today’s Episode I Discuss: 

• Disagreements in marriage and why they are normal 
• Why it’s ok that every marriage has some sort of conflict 
• How to handle conflict differently than you have in the past 
• Why it’s ok to not agree or align, even on the simple issues
• Negative cycles in your marriage 
• What shaming can sound like and how to avoid it 
• Withdrawing and fighting back  
• How situations that haven’t been repaired in the past will come back to haunt you 
• Healthy ways to say you’re sorry
• How Jon and I communicate differently now to make our marriage work 
• Why anger feels like a powerful emotion when it’s actually an out of control one. 
• Why the secret to anger is you
• The importance of repairing fights in your marriage so you can move forward
• The importance of being able to take a break before having a serious conversation 
• How to be aware of your nonverbal and verbal responses and triggers
• How to validate and acknowledge each other’s efforts towards change
• The importance of scheduling time to talk when times are quiet and calm 
• How to quit living side by side with no communication 

Additional Resources:

Subscribe to the Podcast

Follow Amy on Instagram 

Follow Amy Wine Counseling on Facebook

Are you subscribed to the podcast? If you’re not, I want to encourage you to do that today so you don’t miss any future episodes! I already have so many amazing guests and topics lined up, I would hate for you to miss a single o

On today’s episode of the Marriage on Fire podcast I have a surprise guest on the show! My own daughter Ali.  I am excited to have her on the show and have to admit, it’s a little scary having her on here because I will be asking her some questions that I have never asked her before.  Jon and I had some dark times in our marriage and for a couple of years, all we did was fight. Luckily, we came out on the other side, so I am excited to have my daughter on the show to chat with all of you! 

On Today’s Episode We Chat About:

• Ali’s first year of college and missing her family 
• How Jon and I communicated in the beginning
• How the negative cycles in our marriage impacted the kids when they were young
• The impact of the fighting on Ali’s friendships 
• The impact of our fighting on Ali’s eating habits 
• How our relationship was affected when I had to reset boundaries 
• How I worried about the mistakes I made and how they would affect my kids 
• Ali’s admission to not feeling loved when her dad and I were fighting 
• The difference in Ali now that Jon and I stopped fighting at all the time
• Why Ali wished Jon and I would have just divorced a long time ago
• How Jon and I thought we were hiding our fights, yet Ali says this was not the case
• How Ali used staying away from the house as an avoidance measure 
• The importance of communication in relationships, even in the beginning 
• The only way to survive our marriage was to reset it 
• How I push back on boundaries now and how different it is from the past 
• How we could have helped our kids during the rough years 
• What we could have done differently with our kids when the fighting was going on
• What questions I could have asked to get the kids to open up more when they were younger 
• What Ali felt she needed more from me when growing up 
• What Ali felt she needed more from Jon when growing up 

Alright guys, that wraps up another episode! I hope you enjoyed this conversation with Ali.  I loved having her on the show today. I want you to make sure to tune in and listen to the podcast.  You will see how fighting in your marriage can affect your kids (even long after). Make sure you check in with your kids and be there for them.  So many kids come into my office and admit that they wish their parents would just divorce because of all of the fighting. I hope you work hard on your marriage!  Jon and I made it

On today’s episode of the Marriage on Fire podcast we talk about responsibility, duty, devotion, obligation,  and commitment.

On Today’s Episode We Discuss:

• Our definition of commitment
• The importance of putting others first in some instances
• How Jon felt single when I felt married at the same time
• Millennials definition of commitment and how it looks different than Jon’s
• The importance of looking beyond physical attraction 
• Why threats in marriage are not helpful
• The impact of words and beliefs on relationships
• How vulnerability is one of the strongest bonds you can create in a marriage
• The commitment exercise every couple needs to try
• The commitment question every couple should ask each other 

Resources Mentioned:

Movie: Defending the Caveman

Dictionary Definition of Commitment 

Additional Resources:

Subscribe to the Podcast

Follow Amy on Instagram 

Follow Amy Wine Counseling on Facebook

Are you subscribed to the podcast? If you’re not, I want to encourage you to do that today so you don’t miss any future episodes! I already have so many amazing guests and topics lined up, I would hate for you to miss a single one!  Click here to subscribe on Apple Podcasts

Could I ask a big favor? If you are loving the podcast, I would LOVE it if you would leave me a review on Apple Podcasts.  Jon and I read each and every one! It also helps other people find the podcast!  Wondering how to leave a review? Click on the Apple Podcasts link to review, then select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”.  So easy!