In Episode 12, Jason and Lauren introduce the concept of Connection as the goal of intimate relationships. Connection is a felt closeness and deep, enjoyable bond between two people. Attachment styles in childhood greatly impact our ability to bond with other humans.  In order to feel deeply fulfilled inside of marriage or intimate relationships, connection must be strong, and connection is built on a foundation of trust which you must proactively grow! Here are some of the keys addressed in this episode:

• The Vallottons’ friend and spiritual father, Danny Silk, says that “trust is the exchange of truth.” And with this as the working definition of trust, the implication is that building a foundation of trust and growing a deep connection requires two people to vulnerably share the TRUTH of what’s going on inside of themselves. 
• Connection happens through the exchange of emotions, sharing your feelings and talking about yourself, giving your partner the opportunity to see, know, accept and love you in your present moment. The Vallotton's recommend Connection Codes with Dr. Glen and Phyllis Hill if you need to grow in your ability to locate and share your emotions (link below). 
• Learning to speak the language of your partner will enable you to meet them where they’re at and love them in a way that they can hear and receive. Learning about love languages and needs will aid in the process of learning to speak each other’s language! 

In this episode, Jason and Lauren give great examples of how they proactively pursue connection in their marriage and what it looks like to overcome the obstacle of disconnection.

Links:
Keep Your Love on by Danny Silk
Connection Codes with Dr. Glen and Phyllis Hill
The 5 Love Languages

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In episode 11, Jason and Lauren take some time to answer 4 specific questions submitted by listeners like you! Each of the questions came as listeners enjoyed episode 9, Dating After Divorce. As Jason and Lauren answer questions, you’ll hear them discuss topics including processing pain, a healthy pace for dating after walking through trauma, how to navigate dating when kids are involved, and solidifying our identities with God as our source.

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No matter your personality type, background, or lifestyle preferences, human nature is to be somewhat change-averse. Humans appreciate a measure of predictability and certainty in life, but life is just a series of changes and transitions, one after another! So how do we set ourselves up to defy the statistical odds that would tell us that major life changes and seasonal transitions would damage relational connection? In Episode 10 of Dates, Mates and Babies with the Vallottons, Jason and Lauren unpack their own transitional seasons and apply the truth of scripture found in James, Chapter 1. Hard times, trials, life changes and major transitions, if navigated with self-awareness, intentionality and wise counsel, can actually forge bonds inside of your most intimate relationships rather than contribute to the deterioration of connection.

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In this episode, Jason and Lauren share their heart for equipping people to date well after divorce, but this episode is relevant to anyone with a past of any sort! Working through your past is a critical step in moving into healthy future relationships. One of the greatest risks involved in dating after a divorce is trying to jump into another relationship too soon. There is a lot of healing ground to cover before you know if you’re ready to date again! Going through a divorce is like having a major surgery as a professional athlete, and if you try to get back to normal activity too soon without the ok from your doctors and coaches, you run the risk of major complications. On the other side of your healing journey, you want to be able to say that your story of divorce actually brings trust and strength into your new relationships, and if you can’t say that, you’re probably not ready to date. How you get there and what questions you should ask yourself is what Jason and Lauren discuss in this episode. They also touch briefly on navigating this process when kids are involved.

Below are links available to resources that Jason and Lauren have developed specifically to help people walk through processes of pain and forgiveness that are critical in this journey of preparing to date after divorce.

Links:
Winning the War Within by Jason Vallotton
Emotional Prosperity (ECourse)

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If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

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This is Part 2 of a conversation on conflict resolution! If you haven’t listened to Part 1, pause, and go back to the episode released on February 22, 2023! In Part 1, Jason and Lauren unpack the difference between conflict and BEHAVIORS in conflict, which can really make or break a relationship. They make reference to one of their favorite resources on relational health, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman.

Here in Part 2, Jason and Lauren discuss what can be done proactively inside of conflict that is bound to happen inside of your relationships to make sure that conflict actually contributes to the building of connection instead of the erosion of connection.

Links:
Connection Codes
The Gottman Institute

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So many people are terrified of conflict inside of their close relationships, and very few people feel really confident in their ability to engage in conflict in a really healthy and helpful way. But the truth is, a conflict-free relationship doesn’t make for a healthy relationship! Conflict is a natural and even necessary part of intimate relationships because conflict is the working out of two different peoples’ differences. In this episode, Jason and Lauren discuss how they grew up on opposite ends of the spectrum with regards to models for conflict resolution. They unpack principles laid out by John Gottman in his book, Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work as a means to explaining what typically happens in conflict and the behaviors of conflict that are actually really damaging. Part 2 will discuss the how-to’s of engaging in HEALTHY conflict!

Links:
The Gottman Institute
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman

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If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

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This is the second and final episode in which Jason and Lauren share the details of their dating story. It’s been thirteen years this week since their first date! In Episode 6, they unpacked the following and more: what it was like to date each other while Lauren’s family had deep concerns because of the blended family situation, how they knew they loved each other, their first kiss, and how they got to the point where they knew they wanted to marry each other. Also included in this episode are thoughts on how someone’s past and unique story can actually be a strength rather than a hindrance to connection in dating as well as some keys to know that you’re ready for a healthy dating relationship. Happy Valentine’s Day week, everyone!

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For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

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Thirteen years ago this month, Jason asked Lauren out on their first date! So in honor of their dating anniversary and Valentine’s Day, they share their dating story in this episode! Who doesn’t love a good dating story?! Theirs has many twists and turns as Jason had been previously married and was a dad of three while Lauren was a student in the school where Jason was an overseer. There’s plenty of juicy details in this episode, so it’s chock-full of entertainment, but they also teach through principles of healthy dating culture. Enjoy! (And look for Part 2 coming on Wednesday, February 15, 2023.)

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If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

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This is the third and final episode in the Foundations of Relational Health series, and Jason and Lauren unpack boundaries: what they are and are not! Among other things, boundaries help us protect our main mission, our priorities, and our love for people. Jesus is our best model for how to use boundaries in order to stick to His mission in life! He responded to life from a confident posture, knowing that He was about His Father’s business. We need a sense of calling in order to know where our yeses lie, and we need an understanding of the responsibilities we have in order to know and tend to our priorities. We do not have limitless capacity, so maturity is in knowing and communicating our boundaries to the world around us by the way we conduct and manage our lives and relationships. Knowing how your relationships plot out within the “circles of intimacy” is a helpful visual aid in understanding where your highest priority relationships lie with regards to trust, intimacy, responsibility and expectations. Boundaries help us protect our love for people based on these factors! We can’t be everything to everyone, but we should have people in our lives with whom we have reciprocal relationships of deep intimacy. This episode on boundaries is a fly-over on the topic, which will lay groundwork for topics coming in future episodes.

Our Best Recommendation for Resources on Boudaries as Amazon Affiliate:
- Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend

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In the second part of the "Foundations of Relational Health" series, Jason and Lauren begin by talking about the season of life in which Jason walked through a divorce and learned the importance of knowing and communicating your needs. Not knowing his needs contributed to the breakdown of his first marriage, so learning to locate and validate his own needs was part of his journey in getting well after his divorce. Every person has the same set of basic needs like food, water and shelter, but every person has a unique set of needs according to their personalities and norms. When that core set of needs goes unmet, people are in pain.  But for an individual to feel known and loved, they need to be able to discover and communicate their needs, inviting the other person into those areas. We are a body, soul and spirit, and you cannot separate the three! Each part of our triune being has needs, and if those needs go unmet, we'll be in pain. A lot of this happens on a subconscious level, but growing in self-awareness helps us operate on a more conscious and intentional level. Jason and Lauren share stories of their dating and marriage journeys with regards to having needs, communicating needs and meeting needs in a healthy way.

Patreon
If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:
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Connect with Jason:
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www.braveco.org