Dating, Relationships, and Disability

In teaching about dating and relationship skills, we cannot do that without addressing sexuality.

Sexuality and disability has long been a complex issue due to what was discussed in Episode #2 regarding sexual ableism. Sexuality, as defined I define it, is a natural part of you, independent of your relationship status.

We are typically socialized to think that sexuality relates to the act of having sex. This is another concept we’re flipping around to teach that sexuality is something internal that belongs to each of us. It is more connected with our individual feelings, needs, and desires rather than specific people.

Sexuality is not about who you have sex with, or how often you have it. “Sexuality is about your sexual feelings, thoughts, attractions and behaviours towards other people.” From Department of Health and Human Services in Victoria, Australia (from their BetterHealth website). “You can find other people physically, sexually or emotionally attractive, and all those things are a part of your sexuality.” From Department of Health and Human Services in Victoria, Australia (from their BetterHealth website).

How does disability impact on your sense of sexuality? Does disability affect your sense of sexuality? Do you ever feel it less because of your disability? Is it hard to feel your sexuality when you appear different from others? How do you own your sexuality? Owning your sexuality means acknowledging it and allowing it to be part of who you are whether you’re in relationship or not. Sexuality is about the beautiful dance of honoring your feelings and responses with the attraction you feel toward others.

Free Download: Healthy Sexuality and Relationships for People with Disabilities

Healthy relationships and sexuality begin with you and how you feel about yourself. This guides helps you gain clarity in what a healthy relationship and a healthy sense of sexuality mean to you. You’ll be encourage to develop to implement healthy and positive views about yourself in regards to sexuality and relationships.

Use this download as a resource for strengthening your skills live the life you want and have the relationships you want. If you’re a professional, use this guide with the people you work with.

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Family and friends. You probably rely on them the most. They’re the people who love you, hopefully see you for who you are, and I really hope they get the value you bring to the world. I know that’s not always the case, and relationships with family and friends can get sticky and complicated. We’re going to talk about one of those sticky situations with family and friends today—navigating the difficult situation when your family and friends don't support your decision to date.

Protectiveness and Concerns

Family and friends can certainly be very protective. They can resist out of concern about your well-being and fear that dating can bring additional challenges or heartbreak. It can be tough navigating those conversations and trying to convince them that dating is important to you.

Listening to Their Concerns

It takes time and patience, but if you want to try to problem solve this in a proactive way, you can start by listening to their concerns. Often their worries come from a place of love and genuine concern for your happiness. You can reassure them that you are aware of the potential challenges and are ready to face them.

Reminding Them of Your Worth

Sometimes they need to be reminded of the obvious, even at the risk of offending them—that having a disability doesn't make you any less deserving of love and companionship. They may need to be reminded that disability doesn't define you or limit your capacity for a fulfilling relationship.

Educating and Communicating

Communication and trusting that people get you is key. Sometimes we need to educate our family and friends about disability inclusion, highlighting the fact that love can flourish regardless of physical or cognitive differences. We also may need to emphasize that by limiting dating options, they are inadvertently limiting our opportunities for personal growth, happiness, and independence. And then sometimes we just say nothing. However, in our minds we say confidently, “Watch me.”

Winning Them Over with Positive Examples

For my family and friends, they saw my determination and the positive changes that dating brought into my life. I made a conscious effort to introduce them to my potential partners, so they could see the genuine connections we were building. They began to witness the joy and fulfillment that came from being in a loving relationship. Slowly but surely, their concerns began to fade away, and they started embracing my dating journey.

Staying True to Your Path

Firstly, don't give up on your dreams and desires just because others don't understand or approve. Believe in yourself and your right to pursue happiness. Secondly, be patient and understanding with your family and friends. Remember that change takes time, and they might need time to process their concerns. Keep an open line of communication and share your thoughts and feelings. But also, if needed, remind them it’s ultimately your life and your choices.

Building a Supportive Community

Finally, surround yourself with a supportive community of like-minded individuals who can offer encouragement and understanding. This includes maybe limiting or ending relationships with people who don’t fully support you in your dating journey.

Conclusion: You Deserve Love and Happiness

To everyone out there facing resistance from their loved ones, remember that you deserve love, companionship, and the chance to explore meaningful relationships, just like anyone else. Your disability doesn't define you or limit your capacity for love. Stay true to yourself, communicate openly with your family and friends, and believe in the power of getting the love you want.

Resources

Free downloads:

Having Difficult Conversations

Who is Your Support System

Email sign up

If you’re listening to this close to the time that it publishes, we’re in Pride month. For years now, and I mean before honoring Pride became so acceptable, I thought as a disabled, heterosexual person, there was volumes that the disability community could learn from the Pride community.

Today we’ll be exploring the parallels between the disability rights movement and the LGBTQ+ movement and how the lessons learned from the latter can be applied to dating with a disability. One crucial aspect we can learn from the LGBTQ+ movement is the power of visibility and self-advocacy.

No doubt the disabled community may be the forerunners on the self-advocacy, but I think the way the LGBTQ+ community has mobilized their advocacy so that all sexualities are valued by more and more people is something to take note. I do want to acknowledge that I’m very aware that I live in a politically blue state and the inclusive thinking that I’m accustomed to for the LGBTQ+ community is not present in many areas of the United States and the world. That said, I’m an eternal optimist and believe we’ll change the most hardened of hearts and minds someday.

The LGBTQ+ community has successfully challenged societal norms by embracing their identities, sharing their stories, and demanding equal rights. This visibility has helped shift public perception and create empathy and understanding. Similarly, within the disability rights movement, embracing our disabilities openly and advocating for our rights helps to challenge stereotypes and promote inclusivity.

In the realm of dating, visibility plays a significant role. When individuals with disabilities openly discuss their experiences, challenges, and successes, it helps break down barriers and foster a more inclusive dating environment. It allows potential partners to gain a deeper understanding of the unique perspectives and needs of individuals with disabilities, leading to more meaningful connections. It allows people to see our inherent value as full partners in dating, relationships, and intimacy.

So how can individuals with disabilities apply the lessons of self-advocacy and visibility to their dating lives? First, individuals should embrace their disability as an integral part of their identity. Just as members of the LGBTQ+ community take pride in their sexual orientation or gender identity, individuals with disabilities can also celebrate their own unique experiences.

By being open and honest about their disability, they can attract partners who value them for who they are, fostering genuine connections. I often encourage people to come out as disabled. What I mean by that is to not try to blend in or make your disability not so obvious in order to gain acceptance or ease the discomfort of others. Life is too short for that. Be you. If they can’t get that, they’re not your people.

But what about the fear of rejection? The fear of rejection is a common challenge in both the disability and LGBTQ+ communities. It's crucial to remember that rejection is a part of the dating process for everyone, regardless of their background. The key is to focus on finding partners who are open-minded, understanding, and share similar values. By being authentic, individuals can attract partners who appreciate them for who they are, including their disabilities.

Listen to episode 85 about the Rejection Survival Guide. Let’s talk about support systems. How can the disability community learn from the supportive networks built within the LGBTQ+ community?

Get the Acceptance in Relationship guide.

Too Busy To Date “I’m just really busy.” How often have you heard this and have also found yourself saying it? About anything? We live in a too busy world. I sometimes find it being my automatic response when people ask how I am. It’s probably very valid. You are busy. Life frequently offers a lot to us. It can be very hard to say no. But….many times what keeps us busy is not what is most important or will give us the results we really want in our life. Being "too busy" can be an excuse to avoid dating and potential heartbreak. It felt safe to keep myself occupied and not take the risk of getting hurt. But deep down, I knew I was missing out on meaningful connections and the opportunity for love. Breaking free from the cycle of using busyness as an excuse It took some self-reflection and a realization that my fear of getting hurt was hindering my chances of finding a fulfilling relationship. I had to prioritize my happiness and make space in my life for dating. It meant reevaluating my schedule, setting boundaries, and making a conscious effort to carve out time for socializing and meeting new people. It also meant I had to get really honest with myself that I was using being too busy to avoid being vulnerable and getting hurt. However, I was just hurting myself in a different way by isolating myself from love under the guise of a busy calendar. So, for those who find themselves constantly using busyness as an excuse, what advice would help? The first step is to acknowledge that being busy is a choice we make. We have control over how we manage our time and priorities. It's important to assess what truly matters to us and make room for relationships. Start by identifying any unnecessary commitments or activities that can be scaled back or eliminated. Delegate tasks if possible, and learn to say no to things that don't align with your priorities. Remember, making time for love is really about putting yourself first and that your desire for love is as important as any other aspect of our lives. There are many potential fears and concerns that may be driving individuals to use busyness as an excuse. What are some common underlying reasons behind this behavior? One common fear is the fear of vulnerability and getting hurt. Dating requires opening ourselves up to the possibility of rejection or disappointment, which can be scary. Using busyness as an excuse shields us from those potential hurts. Additionally, some people may have experienced past relationship traumas or have a fear of commitment. These factors can contribute to the desire to stay busy and avoid emotional risks. It’s important to recognize that taking emotional risks is a natural part of dating and finding a meaningful connection. While there are no guarantees, the rewards of love and companionship are worth the vulnerability. Seek support from friends or a therapist who can help navigate these fears and provide guidance. Also, remind yourself of the positive aspects of love and relationships, and envision the kind of future you desire. Ultimately, it's about finding a balance that allows you to pursue your passions and make room for love. Now let's touch on the impact that being too busy can have on existing relationships. How does it affect the quality of connection between partners? When one or both partners are constantly busy, it can lead to a lack of quality time and emotional connection. It's essential to make intentional efforts to nurture the relationship and prioritize quality time together. Regular communication, shared activities, and making time for each other's needs can help maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Remember, that love and connection are fundamental human needs. Embrace the possibilities that dating can bring, and be open to the journey. Challenge yourself to make room in your life for love, and don't let busyness become a barrier to finding happiness. Take the risk, and you may be pleasantly surprised by the joy that comes with meaningful connections. Where Do We Go From Here? What is one thing you can do this week to open up a few hours on your schedule for dating and relationships? This doesn’t mean you need to necessarily go on a date, but maybe you use the time to work on something related to dating like touching up your dating profile, checking out possible dating apps, or letting a friend know you’re looking if they know any single people. Make yourself the priority by making time for what you long for the most.

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate

“I’m just really busy.” How often have you heard this and have also found yourself saying it? About anything? We live in a too busy world. I sometimes find it being my automatic response when people ask how I am. It’s probably very valid. You are busy. Life frequently offers a lot to us. It can be very hard to say no. 

But….many times what keeps us busy is not what is most important or will give us the results we really want in our life. 

Being "too busy" can be an excuse to avoid dating and potential heartbreak. It felt safe to keep myself occupied and not take the risk of getting hurt. But deep down, I knew I was missing out on meaningful connections and the opportunity for love.

 Breaking free from the cycle of using busyness as an excuse It took some self-reflection and a realization that my fear of getting hurt was hindering my chances of finding a fulfilling relationship. I had to prioritize my happiness and make space in my life for dating. 

It meant reevaluating my schedule, setting boundaries, and making a conscious effort to carve out time for socializing and meeting new people. It also meant I had to get really honest with myself that I was using being too busy to avoid being vulnerable and getting hurt. However, I was just hurting myself in a different way by isolating myself from love under the guise of a busy calendar. 

So, for those who find themselves constantly using busyness as an excuse, what advice would help? The first step is to acknowledge that being busy is a choice we make. We have control over how we manage our time and priorities. It's important to assess what truly matters to us and make room for relationships. 

Start by identifying any unnecessary commitments or activities that can be scaled back or eliminated. Delegate tasks if possible, and learn to say no to things that don't align with your priorities. Remember, making time for love is really about putting yourself first and that your desire for love is as important as any other aspect of our lives. 

There are many potential fears and concerns that may be driving individuals to use busyness as an excuse. What are some common underlying reasons behind this behavior? One common fear is the fear of vulnerability and getting hurt. Dating requires opening ourselves up to the possibility of rejection or disappointment, which can be scary. Using busyness as an excuse shields us from those potential hurts. 

Additionally, some people may have experienced past relationship traumas or have a fear of commitment. These factors can contribute to the desire to stay busy and avoid emotional risks. It’s important to recognize that taking emotional risks is a natural part of dating and finding a meaningful connection. While there are no guarantees, the rewards of love and companionship are worth the vulnerability. 

Seek support from friends or a th

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate

Rejection is something many people fear, regardless of their ability or disability. I hesitated to put myself out there and avoided pursuing relationships. It took a toll on my self-esteem and held me back from experiencing the joy of dating. In fact, it stopped me from dating for several years.

It wasn't easy, but I realized that rejection is a part of life for everyone, regardless of ability or disability. I began to acknowledge that rejection hurts, but it doesn't define me. It's a temporary setback, not a permanent label. I started reframing my mindset and focusing on my strengths and what I have to offer in a relationship.

It's essential to recognize that rejection is not a reflection of your worth as a person. Everyone faces rejection at some point in their lives, and it doesn't diminish their value. 

It’s important to surround yourself with supportive friends and a community that understands and appreciates you. They can provide the encouragement and reassurance you need during challenging times.

How can you maintain a positive attitude and not let it hinder your dating journey?

Self-compassion. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a friend going through a similar situation. Remember that rejection is often a result of compatibility issues or personal circumstances, rather than a reflection of your worthiness of love. Embrace the rejection as an opportunity for growth and self-improvement. Additionally, focus on your accomplishments and the positive aspects of your life. Celebrating those successes will remind you of your value and boost your confidence.

Now, let's discuss the importance of effective communication when faced with rejection. What role does it play in maintaining healthy relationships?

Communication is vital, both in expressing our feelings and in understanding the feelings of others. When faced with rejection, it's essential to have open and honest conversations with the other person involved. This helps to gain clarity and closure, allowing both individuals to move forward and learn from the experience. It's also important to remember that rejection can be an opportunity to reassess our preferences and priorities, ensuring that we are seeking compatible relationships.

Remember that rejection is a part of life's journey for everyone. It's not unique to you. Embrace the fact that rejection can be a stepping stone toward finding the right person. Allow yourself to grow from these experiences

and keep an open heart. The right person will appreciate and love you for who you are, disability and all. Don't let rejection define your dating journey or limit your possibilities for happiness.

The Rejection Survival Guide
 
Download The Rejection Survival Guide to see rejection in a new way so that it doe

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate

Today we'll be discussing the importance of doing a belief audit to improve self-esteem and confidence when it comes to dating.

We'll be diving into the importance of doing a belief audit and how it can positively impact your love life. But before we jump in, let's define what a thought audit actually is.

A belief audit, also known as a thought audit, is the process of examining and evaluating the thoughts and beliefs we hold about ourselves. It involves questioning and challenging the beliefs we have internalized over time, especially those that may be negative, self-limiting, or hindering our progress in any aspect of life, including dating.

Beliefs are like the lenses through which we view the world. They shape our perception of ourselves, others, and the possibilities that lie ahead. When it comes to dating, our beliefs about our worth, attractiveness, and abilities can significantly impact our self-esteem and confidence. Many people with disabilities have faced societal misconceptions and stereotypes, leading to self-doubt and limited belief systems.

Our beliefs can either propel us forward or hold us back. They can influence how we present ourselves, engage with others, and ultimately, affect the outcomes we experience in our dating lives. So why is it important to conduct a belief audit?

Doing a belief audit is a powerful tool for improving self-esteem and confidence when it comes to dating with a disability. By examining our negative beliefs and challenging them, we can develop a more positive self-image and become more resilient in the face of rejection and other challenges.

Where Do We Go From Here? 

I’m going to challenge you to take 30 minutes within the next 48 hours to do a belief audit. You can download the Five Beliefs to Successful Dating guide to help you with looking at key areas to strengthen your beliefs in yourself for dating.

Resources

Episode on the Power to Attract.

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate

If you have been listening to me or following me for any length of time, you know that what I want most for people is to have success in dating and relationships. I see the mission of my life’s work to move the needle so that people with disabilities or the disabled, whichever you prefer, are more easily viewed and accepted as dating and relationship partners.

That’s why we now have the Dating Made Easier membership for people to give people skills and support to make dating more easy and enjoyable, while helping you get the results you’ve been longing for.

Many times when we think about achieving a goal, we think about all the things we need to do in order to have success. And yes with dating there are a lot of thing you have to do like working up the courage to put yourself out there, work on your own belief about what you deserve, and figure out exactly how you're going to meet people.

But sometimes when we’re pursuing a goal, the things we stop doing can get us to success even quicker. I was reflecting on this in my own life and realized there were five clear things I stopped doing that directly led to my version of ultimate dating success, meeting my husband.

Check out Episode 1 for our first date story.

Here are the five things I stopped doing:

What might you need to stop doing in order to get the dating success you’ve been longing for? Are there things you’re doing that you know in your heart of hearts is holding you back from the love and belonging you know you deserve?

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate

Many people will not try online dating or maybe tried it at one time, had a bad experience or no experience, meaning no results, and will not try it again. While I will always say, you need to do you and decide what’s best for you, there’s no denying that online dating can be successful for many. According to a 2019 study, around 39% of straight couples and 65% of same-sex couples meet online.

I want to encourage you, especially if you’re having trouble meeting people, to consider changing up what you do in trying to get out there and date. This may include trying new ways to meet people in order to allow new people into your world.

Sometimes when you’re not meeting new people in your circles, online dating can be that path that opens you up to new possibilities.

Ah, but then there’s the safety factor. I wholeheartedly agree and years ago when I was single and online dating was very new, it took me a long time to warm up to the idea of meeting someone through a computer (these were the days before we even knew what an app was).

When it comes to dating, safety and happiness go hand in hand. I don’t think this topic gets talked about enough but in order to enjoy dating, feel good about yourself and be confident, you need to feel safe. The good news is you have a lot of control around how safe you feel. 

Listen to the show for 10 online dating safety tips.

It’s so important to feel safe and happy while dating, and encourage your audience to prioritize their own well-being when pursuing romantic relationships.

If you find you need a little more support in this area, check out our Do I Feel Safe guide to help you determine your level of safety in relationships.

Episode 14 on Dating Apps and Safety

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate

Dating skills are so important for all people, but especially people with disabilities.

 That's why RADIANT ABILITIES IS COMMITTED TO HELPING PEOPLE, BOTH WITH AND WITHOUT DISABILITIES, TO MAKE DATING AND DEVELOPING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS EASIER.

When addressing issues surrounding dating and relationships with parents and support staff, collaboration can be difficult and challenging.  Some parents or support staff may feel uncomfortable addressing dating and relationships due to a variety of reasons:  safety concerns, discomfort, lack of resources, or general unfamiliarity with dating and relationships. 

 AND IT’S ALL OKAY, BECAUSE IT’S A PROCESS.

We need to ACKNOWLEDGE STIGMA SURROUNDING DISABILITY, INTIMACY, AND RELATIONSHIPS.

Stigma can create barriers and challenges for people with disabilities in relationships due to potential barriers due to lack of education/resources on healthy relationships and lack of support, not promoting dating and relationships for PWDs can result in issues/conflict, abuse/assault, unhealthy relationships, and safety issues.

We need to educate parents/staff on the stigma surrounding disability and intimacy and how it can create barriers for people with disabilities and increase the likelihood of abuse/assault if not addressed. 

The main goal in supporting people with disabilities in dating and relationships is to help them develop a healthy support network by…TEACHING DATING AND RELATIONSHIP SKILLS.

Importance of self  esteem and confidence as key tools for happy and safe dating through developing positive core beliefs about oneself. A core belief is a thought you have about yourself that shapes most of your words, actions, thoughts, and feelings. Developing healthy, positive core beliefs about yourself builds a solid foundation that leads to successful dating and relationships.

Why Confidence is So Important

People with disabilities can often feel like they’re not attractive enough due to the differences caused by their disability.

Your sense of attraction is another core belief about yourself.

You attract others because of much more than your looks.

You attract people to you because of your inner qualities - your personality, how you treat others, your perspective on the world, etc.

Self Esteem and Confidence

Help a person develop a strong sense of boundaries and understanding of personal values.

A foundation to success in dating and relationships is being safe and feeling empowered in all your interactions. This includes not being taken advantage of physically, emotionally, sexually, or financially.

Next week we'll address safety skills.

 Resources
STRATEGIES FOR SUCCESSFUL DATING

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate