Giddyup y’all! We’ve got another horse-based film for you this month, as we take a look at Ready to Run. In many ways, it feels like a pretty standard story about a child coming of age and taking on the world of sports the same way their father did before he died. Except…sigh…there is a particular thing that happens in this movie that ruins the whole thing and…why am I trying to keep things vague? The horses freaking talk gang! No one will care if I spoil that, right? It’s kind of important to our discussion so…head’s up.

Emma loves Seabiscuit and is telling you to Don’t Worry Dohring. Lucas wants more stakes/investment and just now gets the Jeremy Renner app.

Talking Points: Disney+ Acquisition, Subverting Expectations…But Badly, Sinbad Must Have Had A Terrible Agent, Horse Names, Gun Censorship, Researching the Patriarchal Jockey Community, The Cartoonishly Evil Villain, Everything Is Around the Racetrack, Toothpick Gambling, A Horse Loose At Carl’s Jr, Low Effort Talking Animals, Stud Farms, Pointless Moody’s Sweet Tricks, The Worst Financial Decision of All Time, Spooking A Horse Into Greatness, Obvious Flirting, The Rhythm of the Horse, The Terrible Soundtrack, Casually Dropping A Deeply Sad Story, How Does a Horse Wear Headphones?, The Viral Appeal of A Headphone-Wearing Horse, A Man Intimidating a Horse, Everyone’s Favorite Segment, The Worst Kept Secret, A Psychic Link With a Horse, The Worst Rescue Attempt Ever, A Pointless Amount of Money, A Solid Heart-to-Heart, Road Trip!, The French/British Announcer, Gamer Girl Headphones, The “Twist”: Horse Spectators, WHO IS CRUMPY, Inconsistent Horse Colors, The Actual Twist, Yelling At An Official, Undercutting The Entire Journey, DJ’ing for Horses, The Kinsey Scale vs. The Dohring Scale, Get Your Votes In For Halloween!

WHAT TIME IS - Ahem. Sorry, I should show some restraint. There’s enough of our ecstatic energy poured into every single second of this episode to power a city, I should keep things chill in the description. Hello everyone. We are so excited to be starting this season off with a crowd favorite, the summertime sequel to the cultural phenomenon of HSM. Did it live up to the original? Does it stand on its own as- AHHH OF COURSE! THIS MOVIE IS SO GOOD!!! INJECT IT INTO MY VEINS!!!

Luke feels more alive than ever before and is being given nothing. Emma tries hard to make a Christ metaphor and stans Sharpay more than ever.

Talking Points: Controversial Opinions, How You Know You’ve Grown Up, A Sequel That Knows It’s A Sequel, Diegetic vs Non-Diegetic Dancing, Missing Miss Darbus, A Staple Summer Movie, Zac Efron’s Kinetic Acting, Memorable Bonus Features, Tolerable Gabriella, Evolving Sharpay and Ryan, We Should All Be More Like Zeke, The Ryan-Sharpay Weirdness, Kiss Baiting, Needs More Coach Bolton, The Fantastic Mr. Fulton, Soaring/Flying Budgets, Sharpay Is a Disney Villain Now, Creative Differences With Dyllan, THE GOLF SHOES, Fix The Hat, Machiavellian Manipulations, The Extended Edition, Troy’s Golf Lessons, 35-Year-Old College Athletes, The Toxic DCOMedy Community, The Ryan/Chad Chemistry, Ryan Evans: Lady Killer, Angry Troy, A Brief Tangent About HSM3, Sharpay’s Ultimate Hubris, Gabriella Confronts Sharpay (Badly), Troy’s Actually Doing Fine, Coach Bolton’s Steaming Meat, Bet On It (Nuff Said), The Gay Angel of Love, The Quail Tangent, The Most Fun Looking Pool Party of All Time, Miley Cyrus’s DCOM Debut

All right audience, your parents have gone out for the evening and left you in our capable hands. Don’t worry, because we have a super-fun night planned for you! We’re gonna play games, make snacks, and we’ll read you a bedtime stor-huh? You’d rather we just talk your ears off all about the 2016 kinda sorta remake of Adventures in Babysitting? Well okay, just so long as you get to bed on time!

Emma needs to stop being so suspicious and relives sneaking out at age four. Luke is impressed by this script and doesn’t know anything about scalping.

Talking Points: Is This a Remake?, Double the Sitters, A Mary Kate and Ashley Situation, Car Eyelashes, A Young Adult Protagonist, A Smoothie Cellphone Swap, HOT COP, Children’s Roller Derby, One-Note Children, The Mysterious City, The Oliver and Company Scale, Pawn Shop Tickets: A Classic Tradition, Babysitting Rules, A Lola Move, The Illegal Ferret Trade, Money Problems, Definitely Not How Tattoo Stores Work, Pointless Mean Girls, Balance Between the Babysitters, The Overly Long Factory Chase, The Least Badass Stunt Possible, Roller Derby’s Honor, Police Station Self-Realization, Jailer Swift, Party Mom, Adventures in Warehousing, Babysitter Rap Battle, The Lowest Bar of Deception Possible, Bobby Flay Becomes Gordon Ramsay, Cutting Kids, Creepy Uncles, The Ferret Gets Out, Zack Isn’t That Big a Deal, The Film’s True Hero: A Super Slow Valet, Speed-running Bribery, A Shirt-based Makeover, Zack’s Comically Large Truck, Chill Fire Alarm, Disney Channel After Dark

All right, all right, all right everyone! There is one heck of a battle ready to unfold in front of you. Us two killer MCs are gonna tear down not each other, but everything that the film Let It Shine is throwing at them. There’s certainly a lot of things to diss considering it is trying to an adaptation of a classic play with teen drama, be a musical, have deep religious theming, and have some hip-hop thrown in there for good measure. One thing for sure though, we are definitely the most appropriate people to handle all of that.

Lucas knows everything about rap and can’t get over the creepiness factor. Emma gets wrapped up in the music and takes us to church.

Talking Points: Quick Update, Musicals Don’t Miss, Joe Wright Copying Disney Channel, The Pastel Problem, This Cast Slaps, FEDORAS EVERYWHERE, The Devil’s Music, Keeping Kids Off the Street, Hunnies in the Club, The Rap Battles Rule, Filed Down Insults, Outdated Insults, Ebb and Flo, Disney Getting Risqué, Courtney Sells the Cringe, The Soulless Anti-Vaxxer Manager, Sucker MCs, Body Shapes vs. Shadows, Current Celebrity Sighting, That’s Not What Karaoke Is, Rain of Requirement, A Classic Dead Parent Scene, The Rap Grand Slam Audience Takes No Prisoners, Absolutely Attacking A Young Girl In Front of Everyone, Walking Right Into A Marital Trap, America’s Funniest Home Videos, On Punishment, Taking The Low Road, No One Reacts To All The Fame, Adaptation Discussions, Positive Putdowns, The Absurd Window Entrance, A Series of Quick Turns, Nicki/Gaga Dating Yourself, The Poor Attitude Towards Women, Improv Or Very Specific Lyrics, A Strange Energy In The Grand Slam, An Overpowering Comeback, Everyone Has To Go To Church, A Small Mistake To End On

Ahoy everyone! Join us up on the main deck as we discuss Tiger Cruise, a fun little movie about kids getting into trouble on board a Navy aircraft carrier. Doesn’t that sound like a fun little movie for us to cover on the Fourth of July? Well guess what, that movie doesn’t exist. Instead, this movie is really all about children confronting the September 11th Terrorist Attacks. The whole experience was a lot, but I think we were able to put together something for you all that isn’t a total bummer to listen in on.

Emma celebrates her president and is not immune to propaganda. Lucas regrets his word choices and feels bad about what he’s done.

Talking Points: TRIGGER WARNING, Patriotic Casting, Arbitrary Naming, When The Aircraft Carrier Be Rocking, So Much Stock Footage, Hayden Makes You Believe, Questioning the Defense Budget, A Distasteful Depiction, Shilling the US Navy, Good Old Connie, he Green Screen Using Pullman Sparingly, A USA Network/SVU Tangent, The Captain’s Duties, Foreshadowing as Subtle As Pearl Harbor, Random Caricature Skills, Inappropriate Relationships, Sailors Gotta Eat, A Solid Heart-to-Heart, Pullman’s Sport Mode, The Theme Park Legends Tangent, The Ceremonial Pre-Terrorist Attack Talent Show, A Lack of Goofs, The New York Strong Monologue, Trashing the Connie, The Propaganda Money-shot, Reborn A Brat

Hey, you! Quit all that monkeying around and listen to our newest episode! Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Don’t expect too many amazing puns like that in this movie though. You see, The Jennie Project isn’t really about the kind of monkey-related hijinks you would expect from its premise. I know, it is very disappointing. I mean, there are plenty of messes made and silly situations our characters find themselves as a result of their animal companion. However, all of its other elements somehow manage to make all of them far less impactful than they should feel. So much so, that the movie kind of feels like it doesn’t even really exist. Not much else to say really, I’m afraid. Oh, there’s also some stuff about teaching an ape sign language? Honestly that part isn’t as important as interesting as it sounds, but I feel like it is worth a mention.

Luke has a pronunciation problem and makes very specific references. Emma flexes her Law & Order knowledge and makes bold claims.

Talking Points: This Movie Does Not Really Exist, Mysterious Sciences, A Rough Understanding/Depiction of Africa, Monkey Business, Everybody Hates Hugo, Bypassing Customs, A Graphic DCOM Death, Intellectual Superiority, Chimps In Clothes, Monkey VO, A Disappointing Kitchen Trashing, The Missing Religious Element, The Most Depressing Lab Ever Seen, The Staples Tangent, Monkey Sports, The Dangers of Domestic Chimpanzees, The World’s Meanest Primatologist, THE FIGHT, Lea’s Spiritual Journey, The Dramatic Treehouse Monologue, Mr. Crap, The Great Letter Caper, The Great Downhill Debate, The Apemergency Room, A Literal Scopes Monkey Trial, The Judge Who Allows Anything, Monkey Heist, Jennie Won’t Survive in the Wild

Oooh boy everyone, strap yourselves in for this month. Your intrepid hosts really didn’t know what they were getting themselves into by watching Bad Hair Day. It’s by no means terrible, but could possibly be the most mentally challenging film that we have yet to analyze. So much is going on that we have repeatedly summon our strength to continue, and we do it all for YOU. So the least you could do in return is join us as we go down the long and winding road this movie takes you on.

Emma loves corndogs and needed a little help finishing the movie. Luke doesn’t want to play games and implodes his own brain.

Talking Points: The Terrible Horrible No-Good Very Bad Title, Strangers in a Mall, Not Everything Mixes, Unfortunately You Should Maybe Watch This One, A Bold Yet Awful Beginning, The Age/Driving Confusion, Monica’s College Conundrum, Chemistry With A Cop, Enter the Matrix, It’s Cuz You Be On That Phone!, Samurai Work, Plankton’s Biopic, The Insane Lack of Setup, The Chli’s Salon, Returning a Destroyed Dress, Corndog Therapy, Palfinder, French Fry Flirting, Don’t Bash Self-Care, A Trip to the Precinct, Confusing Mom Casting, A Tragic Three-Month-Old Backstory, The Stupidest Diamond Heist, Knight & Day: The Quintessential Action Movie, The Stupidest Diamond Exchange, Ketchup For Dinner, The Totally Unnecessary Car Chase, The Third Act Breakup, A Dog Named Poopy, The Awful Editing, Stealth Heart-to-Hearts, Dramatic Exits: The Until Weapon, What Are You Gonna Do; Tase Me?, Monica Ruins Prom For Everyone Else, THE BOB

Editor’s Note: I think someone (Emma) kept kicking the table the mic was set on, so apologies for the random sound bursts that happen from time to time.

A big woofy welcome to you all! I hope you all are ready for things to get a little hairy, as we dive into Life is Ruff. A movie all about…okay well honestly its somewhat deceiving to call it a movie. A story of a boy and his do….actually there is barely a story there at all if you think about it. Hm. Well I hope you can understand why we have a bit of a shorter episode on our hands folks, there really isn’t a lot going on to sink our teeth into. Honestly, we probably managed to spend more time thinking about this movie than anyone working on it did. Well other than the dog, he is clearly a master of his art.

Emma notices only the least important details and gets her mind blown by dog puns. Luke cracks the whip and doesn’t notice the most important details.

Talking Points: This Is Nothing, Thanks For Playing!, A Truly Massive Animal, An Existential Opening, The Dog Saves the Cat, Disney Channel’s Scandal, Babyface Musso, An Age Discrepancy Issue, Expecting the Impossible, The Confusingly Delusional Villains, The Skateboarding Sucks, The Asthma Situation, No One Making This Movie Knew About Dog Shows, The Insane Long Montages, A Dog Climbs Up a House, The Terrible Dubbed Lines, THE SOUNDTRACK (LISTEN TO THE END), How Did That Work?, Meatball Play, A Woman Who Reads Comics???, A Dog’s Trauma Flashback, Canine Red Carpet, Rondell Rules, Dog Show Speedrun, Dog Goons, The Tragic Asthma Backstory, Show Don’t Suggest, A Child Runs The Dog Shelter, The Unemotional Dog Breakup, A Mystery Solved In Transit, Emily’s Complete Character Turn, Who Setup That Fire???, A Skateboarding Exhibition/Dog Competition, Preston Tries to Commit a Murder, The Worst Prop Ever

Get ready for a wild ride everyone, because there’s a lot going on with Miracle in Lane 2. It’s a story of a young boy dealing with a serious illness, and how it affects both his life and the lives of those around him. Sometimes he manages to deeply inspire people he meets, and then other times people will say possibly the most awful things you’ve ever heard to a disabled child. Will the family be divided, or will they be brought together by the experience? Oh, and then also he decides to take up Soap Box Derby racing. Though I assure you that isn’t as important to the story as you would think. So come along and join us as we try to unravel this tapestry full of subject matter that was way too complex for Disney Channel (and us too to be fair) to try and tackle.

Luke just feels bad about everything and remembered things wrong. Emma incepts Ayn Rand into the show and gives a lesson dramatic reading.

Talking Points: Ya Know: For Kids!, Is Soapbox Racing Even Real?, A Proto Malcom, We Are Totally Unqualified For This, The Kid In the Wheelchair Gets to Complain, Mama Bear, Night Painting, Green Light Go, God Drives Nascar, Funeral for a Wheelchair, The Yoder Sports Dynasty, Salad Dressing Memories, The Family Court, Little League Insurance Scares, On the Trophy Hunt, Dr. Kwan Rules, Never Look Through Your Parent’s Drawers, Straight to the Shed, The First Projector, Special Strawberries, Vic’s Dark Backstory, Cracking the Handbrake, An Insane Heart-to-Heart, Storming Off in a Wheelchair, A Poorly Aged Handling of Mental Health, The Disney+ Music Conspiracy, TROPHY-TROPHY, Biting the Bucket, Inappropriate Car Conversations With a Child, Big Soapbox Money, Last Minute Villains, Media Literacy Saves the Day, The Virtues of Tom, Wheelchair Angels

Aloha! Do you know what time it is? Island time! That’s right, this month, we’re heading to the beautiful shores of Hawaii to talk all about Rip Girls. A movie filled with surfing, self-discovery, and…real estate? Huh, that didn’t end up sounding as enticing as I thought. Plus, there really isn’t as much surfing as you’d think with that title. Although the title is really misleading actually. Also, they didn’t even shoot it in Hawaii, and the real estate plot makes no sense when applied to a thirteen-year-old. So, uh, yeah. I guess just be prepared for a lot of teenaged self-discovery! Woot-woot!

Emma is here for Camilla Belle and gets some comeuppance. Luke just doesn’t get it and stands his ground about real estate. 

Claire makes clear her DCOM devotion.

Talking Points: Plot vs. Emotion, A Landowning Child, Surf Lingo, A JoBros Sidebar, Camera Concerns, Computer-Made Hawaii, Driving Trucks Through Conversation, We Would All Take the Money, A Reverse Tsunami, How to Be a Better Liar, Disney Channel Safety Regulations, A Distinct Lack of Rip Girls, Dry Dock!, An (Intentional?) Lack of Laughter, IS HE AS TOGETHER AS HE SEEMS?, Ruining Your Cast, Taking Potions from Strangers, It’s Good to Inquire About Your Dead Mom, Squatter’s Rights, Call Your Parents!, Fighting Ghosts, Stealing a Dude’s Hat, The Weird Second House, A Traditional Whale Ritual Party, Ripped Off By CGI, Hawaii Itself Is the Killer, This Should Not Be Her Call, Familial Deepfakes, Ruining Surfboards Without Asking, Gia’s Missing Father, Sparkling Cider, Gia Should be Dead, The Lack of Surfing Continues, A Child Forces a Move to Hawaii, The Camilla Belle Deep Dive Interlude