Dear Pod,

The answer is: Samantha, Elphaba, Hermione, Sarah Jessica Parker and Hazel. Yes. DEAR POD. You rang in first. Famous WITCHES, Alex? That's right. We start celebrating the season with a deep dive on the ladies who made warts and chin-hair fashionable. That stuff is still in style? Right? Get out your cauldrons, cause we're mixing you up a potion of pod that's gonna leave a mark.

What's that? You missed the last three episodes of DEAR POD? You somehow forgot that this is how you begin each day with an earful of jackassery and laughter? You are very lucky that my heart is full of FORGIVENESS or we would be having words. Now, please forgive me as I pour myself a specialty cocktail and fill my ears with Erin and Patrick yelling at each other.

GUEST ALERT! So, I'm standing behind the bar at the Maha'a Tiki lounge working out some new recipes. Let's see what we get if we combine equal parts grit, brains, sass, determination, talent, vision, drive, motherhood and humor. OK. Let's add ice. Shake. Now, let us pour the phenomenal LEEANN KREISCHER into the studio at The Pineapple Ranch. Straight up or on the rocks, you're gonna love this gal!

CREMATION. There. I said it. No turning back now. It's out there and now we're talking about it. So, would you like to be sprinkled over the lawns of your favorite park or tossed all over the country club that wouldn't accept you as a member? Lots to think about as we tackle this hot topic. Sorry. I shouldn't have said that. That's just rude. Enjoy!

Whether it's your wallet or a glance, we are going to be STEALING something from you today! Maybe it's twenty dollars from your mother's purse, or those 800 count sheets from the Quality Comfort Hotel. It doesn't matter. We're breaking the law today and we're getting something for free. Now if I can nonchalantly walk out of this Home Depot with this air conditioner under my shirt...

Hey, you guys. That was so much fun last night but I really have to go. That's right. You were just the victim of a DEAR POD, ONE NIGHT STAND. Today you will learn basic things like, don't have a fling with a current patient at your hospital. Or, don't have a fling with a new co-worker a week after you started the new job. I'm no genius but shouldn't you already know these things???

Let's see. Mask, Purell, Clorox Wipes, Windex, Lysol and Books. Yup. I have everything I need in my backpack to go BACK TO SCHOOL. We'll begin this semester by wiping out our parents bank accounts because our on-campus bar tabs aren't going to pay themselves. Then we will threaten them by dropping out because we miss them too much and can't be away from home. Isn't education fun?

This week we're climbing back on the horse again and saying "I Do" to a SECOND MARRIAGE. Remember to call your Ex on the way to the church just to make sure her new husband is satisfying her because you are a caring ex-spouse. Let's slam our beach umbrella into the sand as we walk down the aisle to another week of advice and rigmarole.

Van Dyke, Flavor Saver, Crumb Catcher, Lady Tickler, Five O'Clock Shadow, Lip Wig, Nose Bug, Mouth Brow, Pancho Villa, PeachFuzz, Winnebago Locks, Fu Manchu, Redundant Mops, Suburbs Of The Chin, Tom Selleck, Mobile Tea Strainer, Grass Grin, Fanny Duster & Emperor Fredrich III. Oh. By the way. This week we're talking about FACIAL HAIR.

GRAB your BAG and head on over to The Pineapple Ranch this week because anything goes. There are rooster's that won't shut up, toothpicks being used and French men who just don't understand Ann Landers. Like I said. A bit of everything. Throw in a Specialty Cocktail and your weekend just got started!