Dear Pod,

For the love of God. I know it's summer time. It's supposed to be hot. But can ya arrange for a breeze every now and then? I'm SWEATING my Beans and Franks off over here. Whether it's your palms or your pits, get cozy in front of the A/C today. Cause, we're "dewing" all over this episode.

If you're gonna pass out at the Whole Food, just make sure your Mom is cooking the meal you fainted on. Anything goes today because it's time for a GRAB BAG. Are you losing all of your money at bingo? Do your sons keep losing their temper. Well, let's all grab an unbreakable egg and try to squeeze another episode out of this. You can do it. Keep squeezing!

Where's my stress ball when I need it? I didn't get five minutes of sleep last night cause my $%#@& husband was SNORING. Or maybe you are someone who finds that peaceful. Really? Are you insane? Or, should we just call you "Erin". BTW, you're gonna need your sleep, cause after this week's MOTH REPORT, the images in your head will keep you awake until the Fall season. Enjoy!

Everyone take cover cause mud is being thrown all over this podcast. I don't give a sh&t if you are my best friend. If you don't vote for my guy, this relationship is over! We're four months away from the Presidential Election and POLITICS makes a room intense, upset and irate worse than me clipping my toenails on a crowed subway. I'm not saying that actually happened...but...you get the gist.

Do you have a second? I don't mean to be weird but can you please put some sunblock on my back? Cause, we are smack in the middle of SUNTANNING season and Erin is the poster child for "Melanoma Redhead of the Month". Whether you're catching rays in the buff or in front of your stepfather, you're going to want to increase your SPF levels during this episode. And remember to flip over every ten minutes.

GUEST ALERT! Whether your father is trying to get you laid on your Sweet 16 or your spouse's gift is a beautifully, handwritten letter of expectations and demands, nothing is more exciting to find out what kind of hell awaits you on your BIRTHDAY. So, get your Carvel Cakes out of the freezer as we blow out the candles of all of your expectations for this weeks episode!

GUEST ALERT! Batten down your hatches for a GRAB BAG this week. Just when you think we're gonna zig, we talk about Handicap Parking. Just when you think we're gonna zag, we hit you with Genital Herpes. Let put on the hits and a nice gingham robe as we take our morning coffee with this week's goodness.

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I need a VACATION from this quarantine vacation. Time to pack the suitcases. Go visit friends and do laundry at their house. We’ll probably leave the dogs with them too. I mean, they're little. How hard is it to take care of them? Now, how many Hawaiian shirts should I pack?

GUEST ALERT!!! Do I go with the Basket Weave wallpaper or do we just tear down this wall? Should I repaint the bathroom or should I just divorce my husband? So many questions when it comes to HOME IMPROVEMENT. Put down the nail gun and swatches as special guest, interior Designer, ELLEN Z. WRIGHT guides Erin & Patty through a stress-free design class...with booze.