I need a VACATION from this quarantine vacation. Time to pack the suitcases. Go visit friends and do laundry at their house. We’ll probably leave the dogs with them too. I mean, they're little. How hard is it to take care of them? Now, how many Hawaiian shirts should I pack?

GUEST ALERT!!! Do I go with the Basket Weave wallpaper or do we just tear down this wall? Should I repaint the bathroom or should I just divorce my husband? So many questions when it comes to HOME IMPROVEMENT. Put down the nail gun and swatches as special guest, interior Designer, ELLEN Z. WRIGHT guides Erin & Patty through a stress-free design class...with booze.

The clouds have parted. The temperature has risen. Everyone is in a bathing suit and a mask. Some are just wearing a mask. These are encouraging signs that SUMMER is now upon us. Time to get out the JARTS and just start throwing them at each other. God knows we need to be active during this quarantine. Today's episode is brought to you by the hashtag #deargodwhencanistopwearingthismask

Strap into your Man Bra, cause we are giving you GRAB BAG variety today. Should you do bicep curls to prep before you carry your Bride over the threshold? Are you a former Marine who has unique taste in clothes? If we're lucky, by the end of this STREAMYARD episode, we may get new fans from faraway places like California............or Indonesia.

I'm going to be honest about my HAIR. It's not a wig, like most people think. The Friar Tuck bald patch and the receding forehead really belong to me. I don't understand why you people don't believe me. No, Erin and Patrick, I don't want a wig hat. But, I'll admit. They're pretty stylish.

Listen, I know we've known each other for a while now, but for God's sake will you please close the door to the can while you're taking a dump? I don't care how many years we've been celebrating our WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. Some things just aren't meant to be seen by others. That...and a naked Lena Dunham. These are things I choose not to see. Enjoy the show.

What is proper ETIQUETTE in a Zoom Room? Do I have to make eye contact? Can I drink like a fish? Is the wearing of pants optional? Whether you're wondering who picks up the bill for birth control or if college boys make good weekend guests, we have the answers to almost none of your questions this week!

IT'S DEAR POD'S FIRST ANNIVERSARY!!! Pour yourself a tall one, cause we've been drinking all week! Let's take a look back and celebrate the insanity of the little podcast that could. From rival sisters in the advice column business, podcast hosts who only seem to travel to Amish Country, people who actually took the time to take pen to paper-write down their problems-stick it in an envelope and mail it to a high wigged and cheek-boned stranger, to a weekly Specialty Cocktail designed to make your day go a little smoother. We are delighted again to welcome you all to the "Maha'a Tiki Lounge in the Beautiful Pineapple Ranch". Can we hear it?!?!?!?!?!

In celebration of DEAR POD's 1st Anniversary and over 50 episodes milestone, our very own Patrick O'Brien takes time out of his busy seven day a week operatic vocal lessons and celebrates his colleagues with a heartfelt ditty.

I turns out I discovered the cure to pre-mature balding while I was dreaming the other night. Unfortunately, I was talking in my SLEEP and no one could understand what the hell I was mumbling about. Try not to take anything too literally today as we "express" ourselves during this weeks episode.