Dear Pod,

It's a New Year and a new GRAB BAG. Can a wife use her husband's karate classes as a reason for divorce? Can I divorce my husband if he has a crush on Ann Landers? Let's not jump to any rash conclusions. I think we should all sit up. Clear our throats. And sing through them. Yes. Sing through your throat and welcome to DEAR POD in 2021.

GUEST ALERT. Have you written your RESOLUTIONS for 2021 yet? No? Good for you! Did ya see what happened when you wrote them in advance for 2020. That's right. A knee to the crotch. But all is not lost DEAR POD Family. This week, Master Instructor at Peloton, the indefatigable CHRISTINE D'ERCOLE will be guiding us with hope, sweat, tears and the best damn playlist to get us through this new year. I Am, I Can, I Will, I Do believe that before this episode is over we will be raising a glass to you. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Ho Ho Ho and Hee Haw to You All! It's that magical time of year when we throw holiday parties and get mad at the smokers. Bitch about why we have to give a gift to our children's teacher, and shove cloves into an orange because no one has any better ideas. You better watch out because we have a SPECIAL GUEST calling in who is sure to offend everyone. Now, take off the mask. Take a deep breath in. Smell the firewood burning and give us a smile. It's CHRISTMAS at DEAR POD. Now, let's don our gay apparel.

GUEST ALERT. Let's shake out our hands and stretch our legs. Cause not only are we sending out HOLIDAY CARDS this week, we are kicking our legs up high with former Radio City Rockette, JULIE TOMAINO. Yeah that's right. We are going to time-step our way into your hearts. Kick-Ball-Change the sunshine into your day. Double Turn, Pivot, Step...CRAP...OH GOD...EVERYBODY STOP...I think I just sprained something.

This week, let's turn on the oven, get out the cookie sheets, prep the rolling pin and tell the family to, "Get the hell out of the house and leave me alone, because I am BAKING!" Milk will curdle, chocolate will be burnt and cakes will fall as we mix, whip and fold another weekly episode into this delicious holiday season. Get those chestnuts roasting, cause here we come nipping at your nose and raiding your liquor cabinet!

Quick question. Why did it take a worldwide pandemic for us to realize that maybe we shouldn't stand over a frosted dessert, blow out BIRTHDAY candles and then serve pieces of this breathy, saliva covered treat to our family and friends? This is just one of the hard hitting, professionally researched questions that we will most likely ignore on this celebratory episode of DEAR POD!

Whether you hop on a Peloton Bike or visit your local Lucille Roberts, you're going to have to shed off the extra pounds gained on this THANKSGIVING. I mean, is anyone coming over this year? Are we going to eat this entire meal ourselves with no other guests? Are you telling me the house will be calm? No fights with Uncle Lou at the dinner table? (wiping away a single tear) Pour me a Specialty Cocktail because Pandemic Thanksgiving just carved a place in my heart.

GUEST ALERT. OK. Let's move the sofa a bit more to the right. Now, I would like the main feature of this room to be a six by six foot picture of my dog dressed as Benjamin Franklin. I really think a piece like that would make a bold statement. What ever your tastes, this episode about HOME DECOR still doesn't answer the question why the shag carpet was invented in the first place. Perhaps our special guest and design guru, CHUCK RAGSDALE, can skillfully thrown a nice designer blanket over the armrest of this episode.

Not only will I GRAB that BAG but I will take everything off of that shelf and put it in my cart. We're off the rails this week because husbands are barking at dogs, salesmen are renting girls and Erin and Patrick are mainlining Super Market Sweep into their veins. Clean up on Aisle three, cause here they come!

Another year. Another ELECTION. A lot more than mud has been thrown around these past four years. Whether you're an 8th grader running for Class President or a President who acts like an 8th grader when running for re-election, let's put our differences aside and agree on one thing. The holograph of Robert Kardashian could be the thing that saves us all in 2020. God Bless You and God Bless the United States of America!