Dear Pod,

We're not even sure if we're ready for this episode. This one is just plain down and dirty and we need to take a long hot shower to wash off all the funk when it's over. Fire up your VCR's, get your tapes from the 1980's, cause today we are gonna lube up and enter the world of PORN. I've "Manscaped" for this occasion. So.Ya know. You're welcome.

Yes, I'll eat those fries, And, yes, I'll have a Filet O' Fish with that. Don't you understand? I'm in the best shape of my life and I will DINE wherever I want! So, shake some laundry starch over those eggs and hang some centerfold in your dining room. Time to belly up to this weeks buffet!

I left you all a brown lunch bag, some crayons and glue on your desks. We're about to make a crappy mailbox to collect the one to three VALENTINE cards that you will receive this year. Whether you're special Valentine is your Mother or the married guy from next door. Grab a handful of Girl Scout cookies and eat them off of Ann and Abby as our love gets real this week.

Everyone relax and just breathe! Let's take a look. Ah. Yes. Good. It appears that the podcast is crowning. Now if Erin and Patrick can just keep it together, we're just gonna need one more big push to get this PREGNANCY episode into the delivery room. This one is going to be messy.

Just read this description as fast as you can and then get on with your day. Because time is MONEY. And Jesus, Lord, Our Savior, we will never have enough. Whether you're frugal or a big spender, it's the topic that get's Erin so stressed you will find her safely tucked in a corner having a glorious breakdown. Bring out the hot stones, cause we're all gonna need a bit of relief from this one.

Do you love your body? Well, you shouldn't! SHAME. Are you uncomfortable showering in front of all those other kids at school? Well, you should't be! SHAME. This one might get a little weird. Go ahead and bake a casserole and invite the stranger next door over for dinner and some knowledge. Are we having fun yet? Well, we shouldn't! SHAME!!!

Think you're tough? Think nothing can shake you or get under your skin? Obviously, you have never gone through the ass tightening, hair graying, back breaking pleasure of MOVING. Whether you want to move out of your parents house or move in with your Mother and Grandmother, this episode of Moving Out will definitely give you a heart attack-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak!

Listen, People. It is not our job to tell you about the Bird and the Bees. But if you can't figure out on your own that a 71 year old woman can't get pregnant, then maybe you shouldn't be having 'Sexy Sexy Time" in the first place. Put down the sweets as we start counting calories here at the Pod. It's time we all went through some CH-CH-CH-CH-CHA-CHANGES!

The Ball has dropped. The tree is down. The ornaments are put away. Now, let's get back to the matters at hand. Like peeing in public, kissing your girlfriend with a mouthful of braces, and understanding that hair is important dammit. Hair is important! It's a GRAB BAG,Ya'll.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! We're about to launch into a new decade and Ann Landers has something to say about this, dammit! How will you spend your New Years Eve? At a cheap motel? Making out with your sister-in-law? Meanwhile, Erin & Patrick are waxing poetic about their most memorable moments of the past ten years. Or past year. Or last couple of days. Doesn't matter. It will all end with drinking!