Dear Pod,

The gifts still aren't wrapped, the traffic is unbearable, the carolers are outside the door and they won't shut up. It all doesn't matter, CAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS!!! Ann has no time for people who are weird about getting their pets gifts and Abby gets curious at a husband everyone has to kiss at the Christmas party. Bring your snowballs to Mrs. Bailey and let the dipping commence. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-HEE-HAW!!!

We're going from holiday prep to husband swapping and straight across to sex before church on this GRAB BAG episode. Erin finally gets her moment on her soapbox to tell you if DIE HARD is really a Christmas movie and Patrick cleans up her mess with his brand new SHAM-WOW. Yipee-Ki-Ay Mother F@ckers, it's showtime!

I'm having a hard time reading this description. Can you please move the cue cards faster? Thank you. Hey! Are you another year older today? Would you like us to interrupt your school day and celebrate your BIRTHDAY right in the middle of class? Your teacher won't mind. Buy your spouse an inappropriate present to mark this yearly occasion and let's blow all the candles out on Erin's rum-soaked cake. It's a party, Y'all!

Get out the turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, string beans, gravy, bread, booze, yams, mashed potatoes, those appetizers with the water chestnuts and the bacon, cheese plate, pepperoni sticks, that thing in the casserole dish that I believe has mashmallows and fluff, and let's all shove it in our faces and piss Partick off. It's the THANKSGIVING episode! Bon Appetit!

What is going on with this Fall weather? One day it's crisp. The next day it's freezing. And, the next day we're wearing shorts. Whether it's hot, cold, snowing, raining or a gorgeous day, someone will always be bitching about the WEATHER. Ann & Abby have their rain gear on and Patrick is knockin' Erin out with "those American thighs". Let's do this thing!

We're trying to play this episode on the "down low". It's not that we're in a serious relationship with other podcasts. We just find them sexy and want to bone them. That right. It's all about INFIDELITY today. So, pour a glass of a nice, lite Egg Nog and try to talk your way out of this episode.

Get out your Ouija boards and settle in. Who knows who's gonna haunt us in this weeks GRAB BAG. What kind of head protection should one wear during sex? And just by reading this episode summary, does it send you running to the bathroom? Put your attitudes in check, throw on your blazer with the shoulder pads and find out "What's Shak'in" on the pod.

Can't talk. Shoving candy into our faces. We are all sugared up for this week's HALLOWEEN edition. Should we ditch the candy this year and just give the kids pennies? And, how the hell is a costumed stranger coming to your door demanding food not a weird thing? Grab your full size Snickers (and if you're Patrick...raisins) and celebrate All Hallows Eve with us!

Just in time for the end of Baseball season and Football in the Fall, this one is all about SPORTS. Do you lose your husband on a nightly basis to all of his extracurricular, physical activities? Does wearing a girdle really help your long game? And for God's sake, will someone please explain to Ann why girls CAN play tackle football! Let's all Seventh Inning Stretch into this week's lessons.

Jesus, we're going to need help with this one. Oh. I'm sorry. I was actually praying to Jesus for guidance through this weeks episode. Cause, it's all about RELIGION. Does your religion allow you to give your body to science? Will it let you be buried with your favorite jewelry? Grab a milkshake while you walk down the street as you listen to Erin mispronounce everything.