Desire on Fire

In her early 20s, Elena Rossi spent 7 years dealing with chronic vaginal pain, yeast infections, and UTIs. She saw 22 doctors, tried all kinds of meds and creams — and nothing was working. The pain was actually getting worse.

In all her visits to doctors of all kinds, all the questions were about her body. No one ever asked her about her relationship, or the quality of sex with her then-boyfriend, or if she felt safe or loved. No one ever asked, How is your heart?

It took her p*ssy literally clamping down and excruciating pain to get her to stop and listen to what her body had been trying to tell her (louder and louder) for years. She was in an abusive relationship, and her entire being was saying: no, stop, get out, run.

Her body held a wisdom that at the time she couldn't recognize or interpret. She spent the next 5 years on a journey of physical, mental, and emotional healing that eventually led to her sexual healing. And in the process, she discovered her life's work.

Elena is a female libido specialist, the author of 2 books, a sex toy designer, and the founder of The Yoni Empire. A sensual connoisseur at heart, she helps women explore the nourishing power of sexuality infused with purpose and meaning.

Today's conversation is raw and radically honest — the kind of no-BS truth-telling that women need in order for real healing to take place. Elena gets at the heart of what we're really craving, why porn makes a terrible sex-ed teacher, and what we need to admit to ourselves before we can truly find pleasure and sexual freedom.

What you'll learn in this episode:

• Elena's personal journey from suffering to healing
• Aimee's recent experience of listening to her body
• As women, what it means to get clear on our intentions for sex
• What's really going on when people say they've 'lost' their libido
• What's underneath the things we say we want
• The thing we don't want to be honest about when it comes to sex

Join us (and 300+ women!) in person or virtually at the Desire on Fire Experience event, October 29-30, in Southern California!

www.desireonfirelive.com

Code: DESIRE for $500 off the regular ticket price!

Explore our website: https://www.desireonfire.com/

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

Connect with Ellie:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemontgomerie

Connect with Elena:

Insta: https://www.instagram.com/the_yoni_empire

Website: https://theyoniempire.com/

People/resources mentioned:

Steve Haines, Trauma Release Exercises: his book

If you're a Projector (or you have Projectors in your life and you want to understand/support them better) — then today's episode is for you!

In this conversation, Ellie connects with Christen Hillmer, a coach and healer who is part of Desire on Fire community. She's a recent graduate of our Apprenticeship Program— and she also happens to be a Projector.

Here's why this conversation is so important right now: Projectors only make up about 20% of the population, but are essential in facilitating healing, guidance, and wisdom for the planet.

And if you're a Projector, you may have felt it: living fully by your design can be tricky, because we live in a culture that is really set up for Generators.

We get all kinds of rewards and affirmation for action and hustle and hard work. And things like extra naps, light workloads, quiet, and ease can be seen as not productive and actually kind of … well, lazy.

Today, Ellie and Christen dive into what it means to be a Projector and an entrepreneur — and how to build a life that actually allows you to thrive … exactly the way you were meant to.

What you'll learn in this episode:

• What it was like for Ellie and Christen to discover they were Projectors
• The telltale signs that a Projector is operating from her aligned energy source — or not
• How to find ways to be seen that feel authentic, free, and empowering (vs. depleting and stuck in comparison) — whether you're on or off social media
• The biggest challenges Projectors face
• The 4 main areas of life where a Projector needs true sovereignty (vs. neediness) in order to be at peace
• What does it really mean to "wait for the invitation" and how can you become more attuned to invites coming in?

Join us for The Ignited Woman Masterclass series, happening through the entire month of September! Sign up for free here: www.desireonfire.com/ignitedwoman

Join us (and 300+ women!) in person or virtually at the Desire on Fire Experience event, October 29-30, in Southern California!

www.desireonfirelive.com

Code: DESIRE for $500 off the regular ticket price!

Explore our website: https://www.desireonfire.com/

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

Connect with Ellie:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemontgomerie

Connect with Christen:

Insta: https://www.instagram.com/christen.hillmer/

Resources/people mentioned:

Jenna Zoe at www.Myhumandesign.com

Travis Day

Is it possible to truly, genuinely, passionately love your body … AND also want to change it?

Does desiring change mean you don't fully accept your body?

In a cultural movement that's all about cultivating self-love, it can actually feel weird and shameful to want to change our bodies — whether it's by losing weight, gaining weight, working out, cosmetic procedures, or plastic surgery.

The result can be a kind of forced silence around the deep longings we might have, and a resistance to facing the shame we feel. So we might recognize we're losing out on certain aspects of abundant, healthy, sexy living in our current bodies … but feel totally unclear on how to choose a new way of showing up.

So where does "positivity" cross over into "bypassing"? How can that be disempowering for women? And how can we practice continually tuning into and trusting our real desires when it comes to the choices we make around our bodies, regardless of where the cultural tides move?

That's what we're talking about today, and wow — this is a nuanced, juicy episode!

We've got the incredible and much-beloved Rinsha Ballani back on the show. Rinsha has been an integral part of Desire on Fire since the beginning, and she's no stranger to controversial stances — and this conversation is no exception.

Bold, contrarian, and beautifully vulnerable, this is an episode for anyone who is walking the long journey to true body-self-love and embracing your worthiness, your sexiness, and your desires for your body, regardless of what shape or size it is.

What you'll learn in this episode:

• Why Aimee decided to hire a personal trainer in Bali
• The judgments we hold about others' choices — and what those judgments are trying to show us
• Rinsha's movement to genuinely love every inch of her body
• What the body positivity movement has brought us — and what it's missing
• Working through our experiences of shame (instead of bypassing) to get to the deeper desire
• The plastic surgery Aimee really wants
• Learning to identify your "come from" — and why it makes all the difference

Join us for The Ignited Woman Masterclass series, happening through the entire month of September! Sign up for free here: www.desireonfire.com/ignitedwoman

Join us (and 300+ women!) in person at the Desire on Fire Experience event, October 29-30, in Southern California!

www.desireonfirelive.com

Code: DESIRE for $500 off the regular ticket price!

Explore our website: https://www.desireonfire.com/

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

Connect with Ellie:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemontgomerie

Connect with Rinsha: Insta: https://www.instagram.com/rinshaballani

Click here to opt-in to Rinsha's email list to be the first to know when she launches her next offerings! https://view.flodesk.com/pages/6320cbd19f7462fb241d4f98

People/resources mentioned in this episode:

Jordan Peterson

Mikhaila Peterson

Layla Martin

Kyle Mercer website: https://www.lifeataltitude.com/

Kyle's Instagram: www.instagram.com/inquirymethod

Related episodes:

Kyle Mercer: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/aimee-and-ellie-get-coached-by-master-coach-and/id1511088586?i=1000557462717

Rinsha Ballani:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/have-the-best-sex-of-your-life-with-rinsha-ballani/id1511088586?i=1000532368599

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-deep-dive-with-rinsha-ballani-part-1/id1511088586?i=1000540608730

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-deep-dive-with-rinsha-ballani-part-2-blowing-shit/id1511088586?i=1000541332533

In early 2020, Jamie King was a rising star — an overnight sensation in the biz marketing world, landing 6-figure months like it was nothing and living in the limelight.

She was also falling apart — stretched way too thin, trying to be everything to everyone, traveling all the time, doing constant hustle + grind when what she really desired was to be home with her kids.

So for her, the lockdown was a godsend. It forced her to slow down. Take stock. Get back to the basics. Ask herself what she really wanted.

And it turned out, she wanted something very different from what she'd wanted before.

She had to get deeply in touch with everything she'd been bypassing. And she had to attend more than one ego-funeral that year. But it saved her, and it saved her marriage, and it gave her a whole new perspective on her mission and allowed her to shift her biz to be in alignment with her soul desires.

Today, with her collection of "Slay" programs, Jamie teaches creatives, coaches, course creators, and online "Slay-dy Bosses" the Mindset, Spiritual, and Strategic steps for building a highly engaged tribe, and scaling their businesses to multiple 6 Figures. And she does it on her terms.

You'll notice from the first minute of this interview: Jaimie does NOT hide from what's real. It's all out there — the struggles, "failures" (listen in for her fabulous, empowering perspective on this), revelations, brags, and evolutions. Everything she's accomplished is precisely because she is 100% committed to telling, living, and embodying her truth.

If you're feeling the pull of a big transition or a shift in your identity — and especially if it's kind of freaking you out — you are going to LOVE the wisdom Jamie brings in today's conversation.

What you'll learn in today's episode:

• What to do when your desires shift
• How to frame your experiences with bad investments, heartbreak, wrong choices, and "failures"
• The power of choosing to find the gift — and why it's not the same as "toxic positivity"
• Discerning the difference between consumption and true desire
• Embracing the pull to embrace a new identity

Join us for The Ignited Woman Masterclass series, happening through the entire month of September! Sign up for free here: www.desireonfire.com/ignitedwoman

Join us (and 300+ women!) in person at the Desire on Fire Experience event, October 29-30, in Southern California!

www.desireonfirelive.com

Code: DESIRE for $500 off the regular ticket price!

Explore our website: https://www.desireonfire.com/

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

Connect with Ellie:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemontgomerie

Connect with Jamie:

Insta: https://www.instagram.com/jamiejoslinking/

Website: https://www.theslaycoach.com/

Waiting for Bear's arrival involved months of preparation for Ellie and her husband Rob. They had a plan for a natural birth at home, including hiring a midwife and doula, taking special birthing classes, and creating a birthing plan (complete with playlists!).

Then … the birth happened. And Bear, it seems, definitely had some different ideas about how and when he wanted to arrive in this world.

We talk a lot about surrender in this work — that sacred way we know we can trust what the Universe is up to and can trust our intuition and desire along the way.

And sometimes surrender feels easy and amazing … and at other times, it is a deep spiritual (and literal!) labor.

It requires heroic levels of inward listening. It asks you again and again to return to the primal ground of your being.

Today, Ellie walks us through her entire birth odyssey, everything she was feeling, experiencing, and struggling with, all the support she received along the way, and what this journey has taught her that she never expected. This is an incredibly vulnerable, tender, and moving conversation!

What you'll learn in this episode:

• Ellie's birth plan, and why she decided on a home birth
• What helped her the most in early labor
• The experience of a harrowing 30+-hour labor (that definitely did not go according to plan!)
• How she made it through the hardest parts
• What she wished she would have known going into labor
• What she learned — and what she'd like her next birth to be like

Explore our website: https://www.desireonfire.com/

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

Connect with Ellie:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemontgomerie

Spiritual Midwifery, by Ina May Gaskin

Tranquility by Hehe website and Insta

Rights Over Your Birth Package from Sacred Birth Doula

Our culture often tells one story about how relationships are "supposed" to look. It can be hard for us to feel into possibilities beyond the traditional cultural understanding of monogamy.

Non-monogamy is often portrayed as selfish, or as one partner caving to the wishes of the other — like the trope of the woman who begrudgingly agrees to a threesome so her man won't leave her.

So it's understandable that many couples reject exploring outside-the-box desires, because it can feel uncomfortable and even threatening.

Our guest today has come to challenge these inaccurate assumptions, and to shine an honest light on the realities, challenges, and beautiful expansions that ethical non-monogamy can bring to loving, committed relationships.

Jessica Esfandiary and her husband Pasha have been married for 8 years and together for almost a decade. Most of those years have been spent cultivating a safe and reverent open/polyamorous partnership — including inviting Jessica's current female partner into their relationship.

As a coach and host of the Open Late podcast, today Jessica is a curator of brave spaces for people to own their power and awaken to their most expansive selves. She helps couples create designer relationships with truth, vulnerability, intimacy, and play.

If you've ever been non-monagamy-curious, have taboo desires you've never expressed, or are ready to have your assumptions about non-monogamy confronted — then you're gonna love today's episode!

What you'll learn in this episode:

• Jessica and Pasha's journey to an open relationship and how they make it work
• The many variations of non-monogamy — and why it doesn't always have to be about sex
• The power of allowing your relationship(s) to change
• Why "jealousy" can be a lazy reason to not explore non-monogamy — and why it pays to dig deeper
• The honest challenges Jessica and Pasha have faced and how they dealt with them
• How to start the conversation with your partner if you're interested in exploring new ways of relating

Explore our website: https://www.desireonfire.com/

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

Connect with Ellie:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemontgomerie

Connect with jessica:

Insta: https://www.instagram.com/journey.with.jessica

Web: https://www.jessicaesfandiary.com/

Take the Relationship Style Quiz: https://www.jessicaesfandiary.com/whats-your-relationship-style

Books mentioned:

Pussy: a Reclamation

Untrue

Sex at Dawn

Almost no experience is so universal and so painful to women as shame about our bodies.

And for millions of women, the shame about our vulvas is one of the deepest wounds we feel.

Many of us have a moment where we felt that something was wrong or broken about our pussies:

• we didn't look like the images we saw porn
• we internalized disparaging comments from boys or men around us growing up
• we felt pressured to alter the appearance of our pussies (shaving, waxing, obsessive cleaning, even surgery) to conform to what we think they "should" look like
• we assumed that the way our bodies looked was weird and bad compared to other women out there

But as our guest today says: When you hate a part of yourself, it goes numb. It goes silent.

And when it comes to our pussies, we miss out on the most powerful wisdom and guidance system we have. We miss out on orgasmic pleasure. We miss out on real connection with partners and sharing our full self with the world.

Today's guest, Kara Baruzzini, shares her extraordinary journey from hiding, silencing, and hating her pussy to being one of the foremost experts and celebrators of passionate pussy love. Today, she supports women to reclaim their pleasure and sensual nature, heal from sexual shame, expand their orgasmic potential, live more pleasure-filled lives, and embody their feminine energy.

If you've ever struggled with pussy shame, you are going to LOVE the healing and liberating truth in today's episode!

Explore our website: https://www.desireonfire.com/

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

Connect with Ellie:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemontgomerie

Connect with Kara:

Insta: https://www.instagram.com/kara.makingwaves

Website: https://www.papayalovecoach.com/

Learn more about pussy love:

https://www.instagram.com/vulvacasting/

https://www.instagram.com/The.vulva.gallery

Pussy: A Reclamation

The Pussy Talks documentary

To hear Maci Shelden talk today, you might never imagine where she was in her early 20s: playing the part, hanging out and drinking with high school and college friends, always bending over backwards for everyone, trying so hard to get it right and be a good girl.

Underneath it all, she felt lonely and disconnected, like she was always pretending or putting on a show. She knew there had to be more to life than just going through the motions.

And she was right!

Maci has been with us at Desire on Fire since the very beginning. She was one of the participants on our very first online offering in 2018 (and has participated in many since), and is currently the student coordinator for our Inner Circle membership.

In our very first in-person Desire on Fire retreat, she had a massive breakthrough that shattered her perception of herself. She also knew it would affect her new dating relationship with Tanner.

She realized she was at a crossroads: Would she keep pretending like she always had, keep being the good girl she thought everyone expected? Or would she dare to be fully honest and say the thing that could end the relationship?

In today's episode, Maci and Tanner give the vulnerable-sweet-sexy details about what this work has done for them, what it has allowed them to say yes to, and how a desire-led life shapes every aspect of a relationship.

What you'll learn in this episode:

• What Maci finally admitted (out loud!) about herself at a DoF retreat
• The moment that shifted Maci and Tanner's relationship
• Sexy details of their adventures together
• The challenges along the way — and how they use this work daily to stay honest & connected
• How this level of honesty affects every aspect of their relationship

Join us (and 300+ women!) in person at the Desire on Fire Experience event, October 29-30, in Southern California!

www.desireonfirelive.com

Code: DESIRE for $500 off the regular ticket price!

Explore our website: https://www.desireonfire.com/

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

Connect with Ellie:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemontgomerie

Connect with Maci: https://www.instagram.com/_itsmaci

Connect with Tanner at Amazing Grace in Breckenridge

If you're ready to seriously up your money-manifesting mojo, then you are going to LOVE today's episode with the incomparable and magnetic Gina Swire!

Gina is an internationally acclaimed self-love expert celebrated for her humorous and transformative speaking style and wildly popular self-love courses.

And she understands — and powerfully embodies — a truth that we hold dear at Desire on Fire: at the heart of living your desires is knowing that you're worthy to receive every good thing you want.

In today's episode, Gina talks about her own journey with money, how intimately it's linked to stories of self and self-love, and how you can re-imagine your relationship with money in ways that are expansive, sexy, and wildly abundant.

What you'll get out of today's episode:

• What holds us back from truly breaking money barriers in our lives
• Identifying your energetic minimum — and resetting it to accommodate your desires
• What her dad told her before he died that changed her life
• A very sexy exercise that will totally change how you relate to money

Want to get a taste of Aimee + Ellie's teaching and the Desire on Fire Community, for FREE?

Join The Pleasure Revolution, 5-Day Challenge, Aug 8-12, 2022.

Use the code PLEASURE at checkout, to register for free! www.thepleasurechallenge.com

Join us (and 300+ women!) in person at the Desire on Fire Experience event, October 29-30, in Southern California!

www.desireonfirelive.com

Code: DESIRE for $500 off the regular ticket price!

Explore our website: https://www.desireonfire.com/

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

Connect with Ellie:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemontgomerie

Connect with Gina:

Insta: https://www.instagram.com/ginaswire

Website: https://www.ginaswire.com/

Things at Desire on Fire have been in HUGE flux this year. Have you felt it, too?!

Ellie had her baby and took maternity leave. Aimee stepped into full-time management of the company while Ellie was away. Two new roles for both of them, both large and demanding in their own ways.

They've also been feeling into something new in this time: there are areas of day-to-day management of the company that neither one of them wants to lean into. In fact, these tasks now feel draining, exhausting, and full of frustration and resentment. But somebody's gotta do them, right?

So … now what?

If you're familiar with Human Design, you know that crisis has a way of revealing our deepest needs and truths about who we are and who we're not … if we're willing to listen.

After getting her own Human Design chart and reading done, Ellie invited Travis Day to come on the podcast and look at Aimee's chart, too.

In this conversation, Travis does a live reading — going over the places where Aimee and Ellie complement, fulfill, amplify, and challenge each other — and offering a simple, surprising clarity for how they can move forward in this time of flux and transformation.

PLUS — catch a surprise reading of Alex's chart for a peek into romantic possibilities for Aimee and Alex!

What's revealed in this episode:

• The breaking point that made Aimee and Ellie realize something had to change
• Why we're so attracted by the sexy spark of opposites
• What causes anxiety and stress — and what we can do about it
• How to use simple emotions as powerful sign posts
• Why some people (like Alex) are super chaotic until they hit 30 — and what happens that "flips the switch"

Want to get a taste of Aimee + Ellie's teaching and the Desire on Fire Community, for FREE?

Join The Pleasure Revolution, 5-Day Challenge, Aug 8-12, 2022.

Use the code PLEASURE at checkout, to register for free! www.thepleasurechallenge.com

Join us (and 300+ women!) in person at the Desire on Fire Experience event, October 29-30, in Southern California!

www.desireonfirelive.com

Code: DESIRE for $500 off the regular ticket price!

Explore our website: https://www.desireonfire.com/

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

Connect with Ellie:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemontgomerie

Connect with Travis:

Instagram: Travis Day | Human Design (@travis.day)

Website: Neutrino Seas Human Design

Looking for an intro for Human Design 101? Check out MyHumanDesign.com!