Divorce Dialogues

Divorce Dialogues

By Katherine MillerSociety & Culture
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Divorce Dialogues episodes

  • Navigating the Waters of Parental Alienation with Dr. Amy J. L. Baker
    If you are the targeted parent in a case of parental alienation, it is easy to default to defensiveness. But responding with righteous indignation is actually counterproductive, making you look anxious, agitated and afraid. So, how can you approach the situation in a constructive way that won’t further alienate your child—or the custody evaluator assigned to your case?
    Dr. Amy J. L. Baker is a nationally recognized expert in parental alienation and the emotional abuse of children. She has written more than 115 publications including eight books on the topic of parent-child relationships, children of divorce and parental alienation syndrome. Dr. Baker serves as an expert witness and coaches parents dealing with alienated children and alienating co-parents. She is also the Director of Research at the Vincent J. Fontana Center for Child Protection. Dr. Baker holds a PhD in Developmental Psychology from Teachers College of Columbia University.
    Today, Dr. Baker joins Katherine to discuss the ins and outs of parental alienation. She walks us through the four components that must be present for a situation to qualify as parental alienation and several of the behaviors kids exhibit in a ‘campaign of denigration.’ Dr. Baker shares her approach to addressing false accusations if you are the target of parental alienation, describing the value in approaching kids with compassion and empathy. Listen in for Dr. Baker’s advice on exhibiting humility with a custody evaluator and learn what to do if you’re the victim of parental alienation.
    Topics Covered
    The formal definition of parental alienation
    The four components necessary to qualify as parental alienation
    Prior positive relationship
    Absence of abuse, neglect
    Favored parent exhibits alienating behaviors
    Kids exhibit behaviors unique to alienation
    The characteristics of a ‘campaign of denigration’
    How to approach a child making false accusations
    Gratitude, compassion and empathy
    Correct the lie and go back to compassion
    How to gauge the intentionality of the favored parent’s behavior
    What to do if you are the victim of parental alienation
    The value in presenting yourself with humility to a custody evaluator
    The need for training for legal professionals around parental alienation
    The tendency for judges to support the status quo
    Connect with Dr. Amy J. L. Baker
    Dr. Baker’s Website: http://amyjlbaker.com
    Resources
    Co-Parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You by Amy J. L. Baker and Paul R. Fine: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1608829588/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&linkCode=sl1&tag=msccomputersy-20&linkId=d6b93910214fbeb440532f6f3bb0061c
    The High-Conflict Custody Battle: Protect Yourself and Your Kids from a Toxic Divorce, False Accusations & Parental Alienation by Amy J. L. Baker, J. Michael Bone and Brian Ludmer: https://www.amazon.com/High-Conflict-Custody-Battle-Accusations-Alienation/dp/1626250731
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    27 min
  • A Strengths-Based Approach to Parenting Through Divorce with Gloria DeGaetano
    How do you approach challenging situations? The coaching model popular in the business world takes a strengths-based approach, leveraging what employees are good at to tackle complex problems. What if we used a similar strategy as parents, leading with our strengths in difficult circumstances? What if we approached the divorce process the same way, tapping into our best attributes first as we work toward resolution?
    Gloria DeGaetano is the founder and CEO of the Parent Coaching Institute and Parent Coach International. An acclaimed educator, author and speaker, she originated parent coaching as a discipline 18 years ago. Today, the PCI Coaching Model and its affiliated certification program are used in 20 countries around the world. Gloria’s innovative work in parent coaching has appeared in Newsweek, Parents Magazine and The New York Times, among many other publications, and she has appeared on The Today Show and NPR’s Fresh Air.
    On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Gloria joins Katherine to explain how she adapted business coaching principles to support parents, using a strengths-based approach that is personalized to the family’s individual circumstances. She discusses how her personal experience with divorce informs her work and describes how the appreciative inquiry framework facilitates teamwork between divorced couples. Listen in for Gloria’s insight around identifying your positive core and designing strategy based on your strengths!
    Topics Covered
    The concept of parent coaching as a strengths-based approach
    How Gloria adapted business coaching principles to support parents
    How Gloria’s personal experience with divorce influences her work
    How parent coaching is personalized to the unique needs of the family
    How an introduction to systems thinking inspired Gloria’s work
    How the parenting styles inventory serves divorced couples
    The framework of appreciative inquiry Gloria uses in parent coaching
    Why it’s important to design strategy based on your strengths
    How starting with what you’re good at generates an upward spiral
    The benefit of reframing right and wrong as a difference in style
    Gloria’s definition of positive core as a person’s authentic self
    How individuals can use parent coaching with or without their ex
    How Gloria processed her own feelings of anger through therapy
    Gloria’s insight around taking care of yourself first
    Connect with Gloria DeGaetano
    The Parent Coaching Institute: www.thepci.org
    Parent Coach International: parentcoachinternational.com
    Resources
    The Creative Imperative by Charles M. Johnston: amazon.com/Creative-Imperative-Charles-M-Johnston/dp/0974715409
    Parenting Well in a Media Age by Gloria DeGaetano: amazon.com/Parenting-Well-Media-Age-Keeping/dp/1932181121
    Cooperrider Center for Appreciative Inquiry: champlain.edu/appreciativeinquiry
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    25 min
  • Using Creativity to Heal from Divorce with Susan Bernardo
    Divorce is a painful process that comes with some very strong emotions. Yet in order to avoid a toxic situation that puts your kids in the middle, divorcing couples must find safe spaces to express their anger and grief. Susan Bernardo found healing in writing workshops, art and dance classes, using creativity to work through the sadness, pick up the pieces and build something new.
    In fact, Susan’s experience with divorce inspired her first picture book, Sun Kisses, Moon Hugs, which reassures kids that love is forever, even if you are physically separated from the ones you love. Her sophomore effort was a collaboration with LeVar Burton to help kids cope with traumatic events, The Rhino Who Swallowed a Storm. Since then, she has published a third picture book, The Big Adventures of Tiny House, and her debut YA novel, Inspired.
    Today, Susan sits down with Katherine to explain how creative channels allowed her to process the grief she was feeling and how she went about reestablishing her identity as an individual in the aftermath of divorce. She discusses her conscious decision to divorce amicably, explaining how a mediator can help couples craft a shared mission statement that focuses on the children. Susan also addresses her shared custody arrangement with her ex-husband and offers insight around the concept of home as a feeling you carry. Listen in to understand how Susan leaned on allies and mentors to maintain her dignity through the process—and learn how to reframe divorce as an opportunity for discovery.
    Topics Covered
    How Susan’s divorce experience inspired Sun Kisses, Moon Hugs
    The grief Susan experienced in being away from her kids
    How Susan used creativity to process her strong feelings
    The process of reestablishing your identity after divorce
    Susan’s conscious decision to pursue an amicable divorce
    The value in crafting a shared mission statement
    The safe places where Susan was able to express her emotions
    Susan and her ex-husband’s shared custody arrangement
    Gaining a deeper appreciation of each other’s roles after divorce
    Susan’s intention to model the resilience she wants for her kids
    How allies and mentors gave Susan perspective during the process
    How to reframe divorce as an opportunity for discovery
    How Susan’s friendship base expanded in the aftermath of divorce
    Susan’s insight on the concept of home as a feeling you carry
    Connect with Susan Bernardo
    Susan’s Website: susanbernardo.com/index.html
    Inner Flower Child Books: innerflowerchild.com/index.html
    Sun Kisses, Moon Hugs on Facebook: facebook.com/SunKissesMoonHugs/?ref=bookmarks
    Susan on Twitter: twitter.com/SusanBernardo
    Resources
    Sun Kisses, Moon Hugs by Susan Schaefer Bernardo and Courtenay Fletcher: amazon.com/Kisses-Moon-Susan-Schaefer-Bernardo/dp/0971122849
    The Rhino Who Swallowed a Storm by LeVar Burton, Susan Schaefer Bernardo and Courtenay Fletcher: amazon.com/Rhino-Who-Swallowed-Storm/dp/0990539504
    The Big Adventures of Tiny House by Susan Schaefer Bernardo and Courtenay Fletcher: amazon.com/Big-Adventures-Tiny-House/dp/0971122822
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    25 min
  • Protecting Your Kids with Intelligent Divorce with Dr. Mark Banschick
    Is there a way to protect your child’s innocence during the divorce process? What strategies can you use to parent well in the midst of such a difficult time? The Intelligent Divorce offers couples an approach to separation and divorce that prevents damage to kids and teaches you how to create a bi-nuclear family built on kindness and respect.
    Dr. Mark Banschick is a child psychiatrist in private practice in New York and a frequent expert witness in custody hearings. He coined the idea of the Intelligent Divorce and authored two books on the subject, The Intelligent Divorce: Taking Care of Children and The Intelligent Divorce: Taking Care of Yourself. Dr. Banschick has appeared on The CBS Early Show and the CBS Morning News, and he is published regularly in Psychology Today and the Huffington Post.
    Today, Dr. Banschick joins Katherine to explain how the Intelligent Divorce prevents damage to kids during the divorce process. He offers his take on divorce as a public health issue rather than a legal one and discusses the significance of establishing what he calls an intergenerational boundary. Dr. Banschick walks us through The Child’s Bill of Rights, describing how the Intelligent Divorce protects their innocence and educates kids in the process of conflict resolution. Listen in for insight around the difference between jealousy and envy—and hear Dr. Banschick’s thoughts on when and how to tell your kids you are getting a divorce.
    Topics Covered
    How Dr. Banschick’s work led to the Intelligent Divorce
    Dr. Banschick’s advice around working on your marriage first
    The idea of a bi-nuclear family built on kindness and respect
    Why Dr. Banschick sees divorce as a public health issue
    How to protect your child’s innocence in the divorce process
    The significance of establishing an intergenerational boundary
    The Child’s Bill of Rights
    • Don’t ask to choose sides or confide in me
    • Spare details of legal proceedings
    • Give privacy on phone, don’t cross-examine after
    • I am not your messenger
    • Don’t ask to lie and listen when I talk
    • No guilt trips, no matter what
    • Don’t spoil me (even if you feel guilty)
    How people regress during the divorce process
    How Intelligent Divorce educates kids in conflict resolution
    Melanie Kline’s distinction between jealousy and envy
    The benefits of working with a good psychotherapist
    When and how to tell your kids that you are getting a divorce
    Connect with Dr. Mark Banschick
    The Intelligent Divorce: theintelligentdivorce.com
    Free Book on Divorce: mark-banschick.mykajabi.com
    Resources
    Intelligent Divorce: Taking Care of Children by Mark R. Banschick and David Tabatsky: amazon.com/Intelligent-Divorce-Taking-Care-Children/dp/098259030X
    Intelligent Divorce: Taking Care of Children by Mark R. Banschick and David Tabatsky: amazon.com/Intelligent-Divorce-Taking-Care-Yourself/dp/0982590326/ref=bseries_primary_1_0982590326
    Family Stabilization Course: theintelligentdivorce.com
    Melanie Klein: www.melanie-klein-trust.org.uk
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    26 min
  • The Brain Science Behind Divorce with Dr. David Rock
    We know that the strong negative emotions associated with divorce make it difficult to think rationally. But have you ever wondered what happens in your brain when emotion takes over? How does a threat response impact your aptitude for conscious thought? And how might an understanding of the brain science shift your response and facilitate good, deliberative thinking?
    Dr. David Rock is the Director of the NeuroLeadership Institute, a global initiative designed to unite neuroscientists and leadership experts in the innovation of a new science for leadership development. Dr. Rock is also the co-editor of the NeuroLeadership Journal and the author of business bestseller Your Brain at Work. His work regularly appears in the Harvard Business Review, Fortune Magazine and Psychology Today, among many other publications, and Dr. Rock has served as a guest lecturer at a number of institutions, including Oxford University’s Said Business School.
    Today, Dr. Rock sits down with Katherine to discuss the brain science behind divorce. He explains why strong emotions make logical decision-making impossible and how the overload from a threat response impacts our thinking. He discusses the importance of articulating common goals to help divorcing couples think rationally, describing how viewing your former partner as an opponent impacts brain processing. Listen in for insight around the five things your brain is tracking at any given time and learn how to live longer by wasting less energy on misread threats!
    Topics Covered
    The value of understanding how emotions drive behavior
    Why strong emotions make logical decision-making impossible
    How perceived threats pull resources away from the prefrontal cortex
    The triggers that shut down our ability to think in new ways
    How the overload from a threat response impacts our thinking
    • Cognitive errors
    • Mistake neutral for negative
    How to plan ahead and avoid situations that provoke strong emotions
    The reappraisal technique that can alter your interpretation of events
    Why trying to suppress emotions after they’ve surfaced doesn’t work
    Why it’s best to initiate difficult conversations when you’re well-resourced
    How articulating common goals can help divorcing couples think rationally
    How viewing someone as an opponent impacts brain processing
    The significance of the way you hold someone in your mind
    The five things that the brain is tracking at any given time
    1. Status
    2. Certainty
    3. Autonomy
    4. Relatedness
    5. Fairness
    The amount of time and energy people waste on misread threats
    Connect with Dr. David Rock
    Dr. Rock’s Website: davidrock.net
    The NeuroLeadership Institute: neuroleadership.com
    Resources
    Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long by David Rock: amazon.com/Your-Brain-Work-Strategies-Distraction/dp/0061771295
    Quiet Leadership: Six Steps to Transforming Performance at Work by David Rock: amazon.com/Quiet-Leadership-Steps-Transforming-Performance/dp/0060835915
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    25 min
  • Rewriting Your Post-Divorce Storyline in 7 Simple Shifts with Deb Purdy
    It is easy to get attached to your victim story and blame your ex for the fact that your marriage went up in flames. But there is a better way to approach divorce: It is possible to see it as a new beginning, an opportunity to learn about yourself and reinvent your life. So, how exactly do you learn to shift your thinking and rewrite your post-divorce storyline?
    Deb Purdy is a transformational coach, speaker, author and workshop leader. She is also the creator of My Divorce Recovery Kit and the author of Something Gained: 7 Shifts to Be Stronger, Smarter & Happier After Divorce. In the book, Deb shares the process she employed to successfully transition out of her own 10-year marriage and eventually create a collaborative co-parenting relationship with her ex-husband.
    Today, Deb sits down with Katherine to share the 7 shifts that helped her see divorce as a new beginning and thrive in its aftermath. She walks us through her transformation from feeling like a victim to taking ownership of her life and explains how she used the experience as an opportunity for personal growth. Listen in for Deb’s insight around rewriting your destructive post-divorce storyline and learn how to choose gratitude—and revisit it every day!
    Topics Covered
    Deb’s realization that her divorce could signal a new beginning
    Deb’s transformation from feeling victimized to taking ownership
    The 7 shifts Deb leveraged to gain strength from her divorce
    1. Foundational shift
    2. Shift intentions
    3. Shift your story
    4. Shift view of ex
    5. Shift conversation
    6. Kids are shifters too
    7. Shift on
    How to use divorce to identify how you show up in relationships
    The value in rewriting your destructive post-divorce storyline
    The challenge of teaching your friends and family how to support you
    Deb’s vision of what she wanted her relationship with her ex to look like
    Deb’s insight around setting the intention to learn about yourself
    Connect with Deb Purdy
    Deb’s Website: debpurdy.com
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
    Call (914) 738-7765
    Resources
    Something Gained: 7 Shifts to Be Stronger, Smarter & Happier After Divorce by Deb Purdy: https://www.amazon.com/Something-Gained-Stronger-Smarter-Happier-ebook/dp/B06XJTLCJ3
    26 min
  • The 6 Keys to Mindful Co-Parenting with Dr. Jeremy Gaies
    There is a lot of guilt and shame associated with divorce, especially when it comes to our kids. We worry about how the experience will impact our children long-term and wonder if it’s even possible to communicate effectively as co-parents—when a breakdown in communication is what caused many of our problems to begin with! What steps can we take to be mindful co-parents and ensure that our kids will be okay?
    Dr. Jeremy Gaies is a licensed psychologist and certified family mediator based in Tampa, Florida. Dr. Gaies is passionate about helping divorcing families pursue peaceful solutions, and he is an advocate of the collaborate model at the local, state and national level. He is also the author of A Clear and Easy Guide to Collaborative Divorce and the co-author of Mindful Co-Parenting: A Child-Friendly Path Through Divorce.
    Today, Dr. Gaies joins Katherine to explain how a less adversarial divorce leads to better outcomes for children. They discuss the benefits of the collaborative model, describing how it supports divorcing couples in learning to communicate effectively as co-parents. Dr. Gaies shares his six keys to mindful co-parenting and offers insight around navigating disagreements around what is best for your children. Listen in to understand how Dr. Gaies coaches divorcing couples to develop communication skills and learn why effective communication is critical to the success of the co-parenting relationship!
    Topics Covered
    How a less adversarial divorce leads to better outcomes for children
    The intentionality of the collaborative divorce model
    Dr. Gaies’ keys to mindful co-parenting
    1. Put children first
    2. Focus forward
    3. Communicate effectively
    4. Honor agreements
    5. Maintain boundaries
    6. Manage emotions
    How to navigate disagreements around what is best for children
    Why communication is critical to the success of any relationship
    How the collaborative process supports parents in learning to communicate
    The role of education, modeling and coaching to foster communication skills
    Dr. Gaies’ ‘pause and edit’ technique for effective email communication
    Connect with Dr. Jeremy Gaies
    Dr. Gaies on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/jeremy-s-gaies-psy-d-09349810/
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    Resources
    Mindful Co-Parenting: A Child-Friendly Path Through Divorce by Jeremy S. Gaies and James B. Morris Jr.: https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Co-parenting-Child-Friendly-through-Divorce/dp/1499677529
    A Clear and Easy Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Jeremy S. Gaies: https://www.amazon.com/Clear-Easy-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce-ebook/dp/B07B75Z2XM
    26 min
  • The Benefits of Coaching for Divorcing Dads with Richard Heller
    Many dads of divorce fear that they will be completely cut off from their children. They may also have difficulty navigating the shift in their relationships with both their kids and their co-parents in the aftermath of divorce. How can a coach support men in managing their feelings and developing the best possible bonds with their children?
    Richard Heller is the Founder and Lead Coach with Separate with Sanity, a coaching program that helps people in dysfunctional marriages get clarity around their values and divorce in a way that is respectful, recognizing that a shared responsibility to the family does not end with the marriage. Richard has enjoyed a 35-year career as an entrepreneur, and his experiences as the child of divorce, the husband in a divorced marriage, and the husband in a successful marriage that has nurtured five children make him uniquely qualified to support people in redefining their relationships in a way that works better for everyone involved.
    Today, Richard joins Katherine to discuss his work in helping dads improve their relationships with both their children and their co-parents. He explains how to identify the triggers that bring on a feeling of fear, measure when you’re overreacting, and manage your responses. Richard addresses the need for dads to shift their relationship with children after a divorce, describing how to ‘play both sides of the court’ and get involved in your child’s social life. Listen in to understand what differentiates coaching from other modalities like therapy and counseling and learn how a divorce coach might support you in achieving the best possible relationship with your children moving forward!
    Topics Covered
    The way communication issues persist in the aftermath of divorce
    Richard’s work to help dads improve their relationships with children
    How to identify and manage your reaction to triggers
    How to measure when you’re overreacting to a trigger
    The most common fear of dads around being cut off from children
    Richard’s advice for dads on becoming a player in your child’s social life
    The challenge of eliciting buy-in from a co-parent as roles shift
    The long-term, ongoing nature of the co-parenting relationship
    What differentiates coaching from therapy, counseling and mentoring
    Why hopelessness is not a good posture for forward motion
    The focus of coaching on learning to deal with circumstances
    How coaching can benefit divorcing couples involved in litigation
    The disparity of experience between people divorcing and attorneys
    Connect with Richard Heller
    Separate with Sanity: separatewithsanity.com
    Call (917) 309-9045
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    25 min
  • How to Talk About Divorce (Or Not) with Deborah Tannen
    If someone close to you is going through a divorce, you may not know what to say. Do they want to talk about it? You want to be helpful, but it can be tough to intuit what they need. For some, opening up about their divorce is healing. Others would rather talk about something else—or do something active. So, what is the best way to communicate with friends and family members about how you can best support them?
    Deborah Tannen is a New York Times bestselling author and Professor of Linguistics at Georgetown University. Her work focuses on how the language of everyday conversation impacts relationships, and she is best known for You Just Don’t Understand, the book that brought gender differences in communication style to the forefront of public awareness. Deborah is a frequent guest on national media, including The Today Show, PBS New Hour, Oprah and NPR. Her work has been featured in Newsweek, TIME and The Harvard Business Review, among many other publications. Deborah’s latest book, You’re the Only One I Can Tell, explores the language of women’s friendships.
    Today, Deborah joins Katherine to discuss the positive and negative aspects of communicating with friends and family around the divorce process. She explains the concept of metacommunication, describing how you can best support friends who are going through difficult circumstances. Deborah also shares a gentle way to deal with someone whose talk is unhelpful and addresses the dynamics between mothers and daughters around divorce. Listen in for Deborah’s insight on why some value talk while others are cautious of it—and learn how to accept differences in communication to best serve the people you love.
    Topics Covered
    How talk serves as the basis for women’s friendships
    How unhelpful talk plays into our fears about divorce
    Why some value talk more while others are cautious
    The value of metacommunication in difficult contexts
    Why a specific offer is better than ‘anything I can do’
    How to gain an awareness of conversational styles
    Why activities can be just as healing as talk
    How to deal with a friend whose talk is unhelpful
    The dynamics between mothers and daughters around divorce
    How the opportunity to divorce recognizes women’s humanity
    Why friends feel rejected when crises are kept secret
    The healing power of talk in difficult circumstances
    The differences among male and female best friends
    The role of talk in making people feel understood
    Connect with Deborah Tannen
    Deborah’s Website: deborahtannen.com
    Resources
    Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate by Gabrielle Hartley and Elena Brower: https://www.amazon.com/Better-Apart-Radically-Positive-Separate/dp/006268938X
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    26 min
  • The Decision to Divorce: How Do You Know When It’s Time to Leave? with Nancy Colier
    It goes without saying that the decision to divorce is not an easy one to make. For some couples, the back-and-forth goes on for years. Yes, it’s bad. But is it THAT bad? How do you know when it’s finally time to leave?
    Nancy Colier is a psychotherapist, interfaith minister and relationship coach. A student of Eastern spirituality, mindfulness practices serve as the foundation of her work. She is invited to speak regularly on the topics of wellbeing and mindfulness, and Nancy has been featured on Good Morning America, Fox and Friends and in The New York Times. She is also a regular blogger for Psychology Today and the Huffington Post and the author of several books, including Inviting a Monkey to Tea: Befriending Your Mind and Discovering Lasting Contentment.
    Today, Nancy joins Katherine to discuss the individual nature of making the decision to divorce. She explains how high-functioning women develop coping strategies to numb the not okay-ness, how men tend to have less fear around finding another partner, and how extramarital affairs function to fracture the connection and create change. Nancy walks us through the questions to ask as we take inventory of our relationships and describes the value in finding the deep wound under the narrative we’re stuck in. Listen in for insight around expressing differences without blame and learn how to have a warrior’s heart that opens precisely when it’s wounded.
    Topics Covered
    The individual nature of making the decision to divorce
    The value in taking an inventory of what you are/are not willing to give up
    How high-functioning women develop coping strategies to numb the not okay-ness
    The tendency for men to have less fear about finding another partner
    The role of extramarital affairs in creating the fracture that will motivate change
    The questions to ask yourself in the decision-making process
    • What’s important to you? What’s non-negotiable?
    • What are you willing to do without?
    • What are you getting? What are you giving up?
    Why expressing differences without blame is key in maintaining connection
    How to be protective of your partner’s wounds without defending yourself
    The challenge of opening your heart precisely in the moment you feel wounded
    Connect with Nancy Colier
    Nancy’s Website: nancycolier.com
    Call (212) 316-6648
    Nancy in Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/experts/nancy-colier-lcsw-rev
    Connect with Katherine Miller
    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Call (914) 738-7765
    26 min

About Divorce Dialogues

From the publisher's feed

Divorce Dialogues helps people navigate divorce with dignity, clarity, and perspective. Through thoughtful conversations with experts and practitioners, the show explores the emotional, financial, legal, and relational realities of divorce, so listeners can make better decisions, communicate more effectively, and move forward with greater confidence.