DNA Surprises

Oftentimes in the DNA surprise community, one NPE leads to another. In this week’s episode, Scarlett shares how she learned she was an NPE, only to learn that the man her mother identified wasn’t her biological father, either.

She tells us about her tumultuous upbringing, how her relationship with her raised family and newfound family is progressing, and how she tackled processing her DNA surprise.

I spoke with Scarlett in July of last year, just a short time after her discovery in March. Stay tuned for an update from Scarlett at the end of the episode.

Thank you for sharing your story, Scarlett.

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One of the things people in the DNA surprise community contend with is that we’ll never have all of the answers to our questions.

In this week’s episode, Debra shares her story. She grew up with her mother and stepfather and was largely estranged from the man she believed to be her father. After reconnecting and building a relationship, she learned that the man on her birth certificate is not biologically related to her.

Debra shares how she uncovered the truth, what she’s learned so far, and how she’s moving forward without being able to get all of the answers.

Thank you for sharing your story, Debra. 

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In this very special bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I’m joined by Jennifer Spencer, who is facilitating a session on Radical Acceptance at the DNA Surprise Retreat. 

Jennifer is a licensed professional counselor who works with people who want to make lasting change for themselves to better their relationships, enjoy life, and make an overall life worth living. She specializes in DBT, CBT, ACT, and EMDR.

In our discussion, we chat about what Radical Acceptance is - and is not, and why it’s important in our DNA surprise journey.

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DNA surprises often shake the very core of what we believe our identities to be. In this week’s episode, Laurie shares how she went from believing she was the only child of two concentration camp survivors of the Holocaust to learning she is one of at least 6 siblings - half of whom were born as the result of assisted reproduction.

Laurie always knew her parents went to a fertility doctor but she had no idea that she was donor conceived. She shares how she learned of her donor conception, who she has connected with, and how this has changed her perspective on her parents and identity - in primarily positive ways.

Thank you for sharing your story, Laurie.

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This week’s story tells not one, but two, shocking DNA discoveries. Growing up, Phil believed that the parents who raised him were his biological parents. As a child, he learned that his biological mother abandoned him and he was raised by his stepmother. Decades later, he learned that his raised father isn’t his biological parent, either.

This episode contains references to suicide, child abuse, and child sexual abuse. If you are struggling with thoughts of self-harm, please call or text 988. If you are a victim of child sexual abuse, please call RAINN at 800-656-HOPE.

Thank you, Phil, for sharing your story.

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How would you feel if you learned that your biological father was a constant presence in your life, despite being raised under the belief that another man shared your DNA?

In this week’s episode, Shannon shares how she learned that her biological father was a longtime family friend who even taught her how to tie her shoes.

I spoke with Shannon just four months after her DNA surprise. She offers a fresh perspective on the immediate aftermath of a discovery, including what she’s doing to process and how she’s learning more about her newfound biological family.

Thank you for sharing your story, Shannon.
Resources (affiliate link):
Who Even Am I Anymore? 

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In this very special bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I’m joined by Megan Irwin, who will be facilitating a session on Trauma at the DNA Surprise Retreat. Megan is a licensed therapist specializing in grief and loss, trauma/PTSD, and associated challenges. She serves as a compassionate witness and guide for her clients’ healing and personal growth. 
Megan will facilitate a session called “Big T, Little t” on how DNA surprise traumas affect our bodies and minds. She’ll also empower us with tools to manage the big feelings we experience following our surprises.
In our conversation, we discuss what trauma is, why there are different labels for trauma, and recommendations for coping. She even shows me how to be more compassionate for myself in my own healing journey - we all have things to learn. 

Resources:
Right to Know
NPE Friends
MPE Counseling Collective
NAMI

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Every DNA surprise is unique and layered, and this is especially true for those who have major shifts in ethnicity. In this week’s episode, Robin shares her NPE journey, which began more than a decade ago.

Robin was always proud of her blackness. But when she made her discovery, she not only learned that her dad is not her biological father, but that her biological father is white—and racist. She shares how her discovery has affected her sense of self and her relationships.

Thank you for sharing your story, Robin.

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Welcome to Season 4 of DNA Surprises. In our first episode of the season, Natalie shares her NPE story. When Natalie experienced her surprise, she had no idea that she was uncovering her mother’s decade’s-long secret about Natalie and her brother.

So many of us are desperate for answers when we first uncover a DNA surprise. Natalie’s story perfectly captures how we often learn more and more truths as time passes. 
Thanks to Natalie for sharing her story.

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Welcome to the Season 3 finale of DNA surprises. In this week’s episode, Kiara Rae Schuh shares her journey as she connected with her fellow donor-conceived siblings and eventually, her donor.

Kiara discusses the importance of her chosen family, which is also the name of her brand new book, and how her mother’s openness about using assisted reproduction informs her views of donor conception and family structures. She also reveals a DNA surprise that she didn’t see coming.

Thanks to Kiara for sharing her story.
Click here to purchase Chosen Family.

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