Doing Divorce Different with Lesa Koski

Trauma recovery, nervous system healing, and emotional healing for midlife women are possible at any age. In this powerful conversation, psychiatrist Dr. Risley Childs explains how trauma lives in the body, affects high-achieving women, and how trauma recovery and nervous system healing can begin even decades later.

Many midlife women live in chronic fight-or-flight without realizing trauma recovery is needed. Dr. Childs shares how trauma recovery works, how trauma affects the nervous system, and why trauma recovery is possible regardless of your past.

If you’ve experienced divorce, emotional stress, burnout, or chronic anxiety, this episode will help you understand trauma recovery, nervous system healing, and how to begin healing your trauma safely.

This episode offers hope, science, and practical understanding for trauma recovery and midlife healing.

(00:00) Introduction to trauma recovery and midlife healing

(02:15) Dr. Childs’ medical background and journey into psychiatry

(05:32) How trauma affects high-achieving women

(09:10) Fight-or-flight and nervous system dysregulation explained

(13:40) How childhood environments shape adult behavior

(18:20) Why trauma lives in the body, not just the mind

(23:10) The vagus nerve and nervous system healing

(28:45) Healing trauma later in life — why it’s not too late

(34:10) Rest, healing, and breaking hyper-achievement patterns

• Trauma often shows up as achievement, people-pleasing, and chronic stress

• Trauma lives in the nervous system and body, not just the mind

• Fight-or-flight states can persist for decades without awareness

• Healing trauma is possible at any age, including midlife

• Rest and nervous system regulation are critical components of healing

Dr. Risley Childs is a board-certified psychiatrist with over 30 years of clinical experience. She specializes in trauma recovery, nervous system healing, and helping high-achieving women understand and heal from the long-term effects of trauma.

Website and Social Media links: https://www.drrisleychilds.com/

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African Drums: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5z2d4y9MXXjQQiYC8c46Fk?si=10b08e8109634214

Amazon weighted hula hoop: https://a.co/d/06DXlzwC

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Amicable divorce, divorce recovery, and real support for single parents — this episode explores how to navigate divorce with dignity and community.

In this powerful conversation on Doing Divorce Different, Lesa Koski sits down with Joy Reed, co-founder of the National Association for Single & Divorced Families (NASDF), to discuss what an amicable divorce really looks like — and why divorce recovery requires more than just legal paperwork.

Joy shares her deeply personal story of navigating an amicable divorce, the unexpected grief that followed, and how that journey led her to help build the National Association for Single & Divorced Families. Together, they explore how divorce can be handled with respect, how identity shifts after separation, and why community support is essential during divorce recovery.

This episode dives into:

1. What makes an amicable divorce possible
2. The grief of divorce (even when it’s peaceful)
3. Divorce identity loss and rebuilding
4. Resources for single parents and divorced families
5. Why divorce recovery needs financial, mental health, and childcare support

If you’re navigating divorce, considering divorce, or supporting someone through divorce recovery, this conversation will remind you that divorce doesn’t have to be a war — and you don’t have to do it alone.

(00:00) Introduction to amicable divorce and today’s guest

(03:12) Joy’s story of an amicable divorce and staying connected

(08:45) The grief of divorce — identity loss and emotional waves

(14:20) Divorce recovery and losing your “role” in marriage

(19:05) The founding of the National Association for Single & Divorced Families

(24:40) The lack of divorce support resources beyond lawyers

(29:15) Mediation vs. litigation and accessible divorce options

(34:50) Financial strain of divorce and support for single parents

(40:10) Building a national support network for divorced families

(46:05) Why community is essential during divorce recovery

(49:20) Final thoughts on service, dignity, and doing divorce differently

1. Divorce can be amicable — but grief still comes in waves.
2. Identity loss is one of the hardest parts of divorce recovery.
3. Accessible mediation and resources reduce long-term emotional damage.
4. Single parents and divorced families need financial, mental health, and childcare support.
5. Community and service are powerful tools for healing after divorce.

Joy Reed is the co-founder of the National Association for Single & Divorced Families (NASDF), a national organization dedicated to supporting single parents and families navigating divorce recovery. With a passion for service and community impact, Joy helps connect divorced and single families with resources including mediation access, financial guidance, childcare support, and mental health services. Her mission is to make divorce recovery more accessible, less isolating, and more dignified for families nationwide.

National Association for Single & Divorced Families (NASDF): https://www.nasdf.org/about

Learn more about Doing Divorce Different:

https://lesakoski.com

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Collaborative divorce offers a respectful, structured alternative to litigation for couples who want to avoid court battles and create agreements that protect children and finances. In this episode, Lesa Koski sits down with Minnesota collaborative professionals Jana Hefty and Michelle Leason to explain how collaborative divorce works, who it’s best for, and why collaborative divorce can save time, reduce conflict, and support healthier co-parenting.

You’ll learn the key differences between collaborative divorce vs mediation vs litigation, how financial neutrals help organize assets and cashflow planning, and what happens if the collaborative divorce process doesn’t work. This conversation is especially helpful for parents considering divorce who want a better way to divorce with respect.

Divorce doesn’t have to be a fight. Collaborative divorce can be a better way.

(00:00) Welcome + why divorce doesn’t have to be a fight

(01:30) Introducing Jana Hefty and Michelle Leason

(03:15) Jana’s path to law + staying calm in crisis

(06:45) Michelle’s background as a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and mediator

(10:10) What collaborative divorce is and how it works

(13:40) The collaborative divorce team: attorneys, financial neutral, child specialist

(17:10) Why finances feel scary and how to create clarity early

(21:30) What happens if collaborative divorce doesn’t work

(25:10) Cost and timeline: collaborative divorce vs litigation

(28:30) Divorce With Respect Week (March 1–8) + how to find resources

(30:10) Closing thoughts + next steps

• Collaborative divorce helps couples avoid court and make decisions together

• A team approach supports finances, parenting plans, and communication

• Financial neutrals reduce duplicated work and improve clarity

• Collaborative divorce can be less expensive and faster than litigation

• If collaborative fails, agreements can still be used—progress isn’t lost

Jana Hefty is a Minnesota collaborative family law attorney who helps couples navigate divorce with respect, structure, and reduced conflict.

Michelle Liesen is a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) and Minnesota-qualified mediator. She founded Divorce Smart and helps couples understand assets, budgeting, and post-divorce financial planning.

https://collaborativedivorcecalifornia.com/dwrw/

https://collaborativelaw.org/

https://www.mydivorcesmart.com/

Finding joy in midlife can feel impossible during stress, divorce, or reinvention — but joy and laughter are powerful tools for healing, nervous system regulation, and resilience. In this Saddle Up segment, Lesa Koski shares why joy is essential for healing, how laughter resets the nervous system, and how finding joy can transform your midlife experience.

If you’ve been white-knuckling your way through life, this episode will help you understand why joy is essential for healing and why laughter may be one of the most important tools for emotional wellness. Lesa shares personal stories, practical ways to add joy into daily life, and insights from her recent conversation with Rabbi Bob Alper.

You’ll learn how joy supports nervous system health, reduces stress, and creates space for reinvention. This episode is especially powerful for women navigating midlife transitions, divorce recovery, and personal reinvention.

Joy is essential for healing. And sometimes, it begins with laughter.

(00:00) Introduction to this week’s Saddle Up segment

(01:10) Why joy becomes essential during midlife transitions

(02:35) The powerful story shared by Rabbi Bob Alper

(04:20) How laughter resets the nervous system

(06:10) Lesa’s personal journey from white-knuckling to finding joy

(08:05) Simple ways to intentionally add joy into daily life

(10:15) Why joy improves stress, health, and emotional resilience

(12:05) Encouragement for listeners navigating heavy seasons

• Joy helps regulate the nervous system and reduce chronic stress

• Laughter provides emotional relief even during difficult circumstances

• Midlife reinvention requires emotional lightness, not just discipline

• Small intentional moments of joy can significantly improve well-being

• White-knuckling life increases stress, while joy supports healing

Finding joy after 40 starts with humor, purpose, and the courage to pursue a second act. In this uplifting episode, Lesa sits down with Rabbi Bob Alper—standup comedian, author, and widely loved “rabbi with a punchline”—to talk about finding joy after 40, chasing your calling, and using humor to heal.

Bob shares how he went from decades in the pulpit to a full-time comedy career, what kept him going through the bad nights, and why laughter isn’t just entertainment—it has a meaningful, even “holy” purpose. You’ll hear powerful stories about humor helping people through grief, cancer, and hard seasons, plus a behind-the-scenes look at Bob’s viral “funny driver’s license” that has brightened strangers’ days for years.

If you’re craving joy, longing for a second act, or learning how to stop white-knuckling life and start enjoying it—this episode is for you.

(00:00) Introduction: finding joy, second acts, and why humor matters

(02:10) Rabbi Bob’s take: humor has a “holy purpose”

(05:10) Lesa’s personal shift: missing fun and joy while “white-knuckling” life

(07:05) When Bob knew his calling was shifting

(09:30) The Jewish Comic of the Year contest that changed everything

(12:20) Why standup is different: instant validation and connection

(14:45) The moment a dying woman said: “For an hour and a half, I forgot I was sick”

(17:10) Bad nights, polite applause, and why grit matters

(20:05) Bob’s “funny driver’s license” and the mission behind it

(25:30) TSA and rental car stories: joy in everyday encounters

(29:20) Keeping humor wholesome: never at someone else’s expense

(33:10) The joke Bob removed forever—and why

(36:40) Bob’s books: Life Doesn’t Get Better Than This and Thanks, I Needed That

(40:20) A powerful story from the book: “Then I held you”

(45:10) Writing, rejection, and why publishing builds resilience

(50:00) Where to find Bob and his work + closing reflections on joy

1. Humor isn’t “extra”—it can be a meaningful tool for healing and connection
2. 
   
3. A second act can start by following what energizes you and what people respond to
4. 
   
5. Grit is required: failure is part of finding your voice and refining your craft
6. 
   
7. Wholesome laughter matters—true humor shouldn’t come at someone else’s expense
8. 
   
9. Joy can be intentionally practiced through everyday moments, not just big life changes
10. 
    

Rabbi Bob Alper is a standup comedian, author, and former congregational rabbi who transitioned into comedy full-time after decades of using humor as a tool for connection and teaching. He has performed across the U.S. and internationally, including faith-based events for diverse audiences. Bob is the author of Life Doesn’t Get Better Than This and Thanks, I Needed That: And Other Stories of the Spirit, sharing poignant, heartfelt stories about meaning, laughter, and the human experience.

Website and Social Media links:

http://www.bobalper.com/

http://www.facebook.com/thatfunnyrabbi

http://www.instagram.com/bobalper/

http://www.tiktok.com/@comedian1818

http://www.youtube.com/@bobalper1

x.com/bob_alper?s=09

http://www.linkedin.com/in/bobalper/

Divorce, mortgages, and the marital home can become one of the most costly mistakes women make after divorce. In this episode, divorce mediator Lesa Koski is joined by mortgage expert Tami Wollensak to break down what really happens when you try to keep the house after divorce—and why so many women regret the decision later.

Divorce mortgages and keeping the marital home after divorce can derail your financial future. Learn what most women are never told before signing.

Tami shares her own divorce story, the hard lessons she learned by keeping the marital home, and why emotional decisions around housing often lead to long-term financial stress. Together, Lesa and Tami unpack mortgage assumptions, interest rates, lender timelines, hidden costs, and why divorce agreements don’t bind banks.

If you’re divorcing—or advising someone who is—this episode will help you avoid common traps, ask smarter questions, and create a Plan B that protects your future.

This is an essential listen for women navigating divorce, post-divorce decisions, and housing uncertainty.

(00:00) Introduction & why this is Lesa’s return to divorce work

(04:30) Tami’s divorce story and the mistake of keeping the marital home

(09:15) Why keeping the house feels safe—but often isn’t

(14:20) Mortgage assumptions explained in plain English

(19:40) Why lenders are not bound by divorce decrees

(24:10) The hidden costs and timelines of mortgage assumptions

(30:00) How HELOCs can completely derail an assumption

(36:30) Why attorneys and mediators must plan beyond the paperwork

(41:15) The importance of Plan B when the house doesn’t sell

(47:00) Today’s mortgage rates and why the market is different now

(52:40) Post-divorce fallout and why issues resurface years later

(58:00) Empowerment, hope, and making informed decisions during divorce

(01:02:30) Final advice for women navigating divorce and home decisions

1. Keeping the marital home after divorce often creates financial strain, not stability
2. Mortgage assumptions are complex, slow, and frequently denied
3. Divorce agreements do not bind lenders or banks
4. HELOCs and hidden liabilities can make mortgage assumptions impossible
5. Having a Plan B is critical to avoiding post-divorce litigation and stress

Tami Wollensak is a mortgage consultant who specializes in working with women navigating divorce and major life transitions. Having lived through divorce herself, Tammy brings both technical expertise and deep empathy to her work. She helps clients understand mortgage options, assumptions, refinancing risks, and long-term financial consequences so they can make informed decisions—not emotional ones—during divorce.

1. Connect with Tammy Woolens: https://www.tamiwollensak.com/
2. Divorce Mediation & Coaching with Lesa Koski: https://www.lesakoski.com/
3. Related episode: Divorce Planning & Financial Clarity After 40

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Divorce stress, anxiety relief, nervous system regulation—this episode shares practical tools to calm anxiety fast during divorce for women over 40. If divorce stress has you spinning out, this conversation will help you regulate your nervous system, calm anxiety fast, and find clarity in the moment. Host Lesa Koski welcomes DNA nutritionist and mindfulness teacher Elaine “Lane” Kennedy to talk nervous system regulation, stress management, and how lifestyle habits influence gene expression. You’ll learn what to do when self-coaching feels impossible, why movement can help more than journaling in traumatic moments, and how support and community help you navigate divorce stress with more calm and confidence. If you’re a woman over 40 navigating divorce, anxiety, and overwhelm, this episode offers real tools and hope—because midlife isn’t a crisis, it’s your comeback.

(Note: Adjust to match your final edit timecodes.)

1. (00:00) Welcome + why this episode matters for divorce stress and anxiety
2. (02:10) Meet Elaine “Lane” Kennedy: DNA nutritionist + mindfulness teacher
3. (06:00) The “white truck” moment: how stress shows up before we notice
4. (11:20) Why “pause” is the first step in nervous system regulation
5. (16:10) When “feeling your feelings” is too much: what to do instead
6. (19:45) Move your body to calm anxiety fast: shaking, walking, getting outside
7. (24:30) Why trauma shouldn’t be handled alone: community and co-regulation
8. (30:10) Protecting your peace when a partner is dysregulated
9. (36:40) DNA testing + gene expression: why one-size-fits-all wellness advice fails
10. (44:20) Alcohol, anxiety, and stress: why it often makes things worse
11. (49:10) The missing piece: fun, joy, and nervous system healing in midlife
12. (55:30) Closing encouragement + how to connect with Lane

1. Pause first: nervous system regulation creates clarity when divorce stress is high.
2. Move before you process: in traumatic moments, movement can calm anxiety faster than journaling.
3. Co-regulation matters: hard seasons feel lighter when you’re supported by safe people.
4. Protect your peace: you are not responsible for regulating your partner’s emotions.
5. Personalized wellness wins: DNA-informed lifestyle changes can support long-term health and resilience.

Elaine “Lane” Kennedy is a California-based DNA nutritionist and mindfulness teacher who helps people reduce stress, regulate the nervous system, and support health through personalized lifestyle strategies. With a background in mindfulness practices and DNA-based wellness education, Lane teaches practical tools to build capacity, calm anxiety, and create sustainable habits that support whole-body resilience.

Website and Social Media links:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/lanekennedy

https://www.facebook.com/lanekennedycoach

https://www.instagram.com/lane_kennedy_

https://www.youtube.com/lanekennedy-levy

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Divorce mediation can save you time, money, and emotional stress. Learn how divorce mediation works, why mediation matters, and how to divorce with dignity and peace.

If you’re facing divorce, this episode walks you through exactly why divorce mediation may be the smartest first step you take. As an attorney, mediator, and life coach, Lesa shares how divorce mediation helps couples avoid court battles, reduce legal costs, and protect their kids while keeping their dignity intact.

You’ll learn the 3 powerful reasons divorce mediation works better than litigation — plus the 3 big decisions you should make before filing paperwork so you feel prepared instead of overwhelmed.

This is real, compassionate guidance for women and families who want to do divorce differently — calmer, smarter, and with less damage.

Because midlife isn’t your crisis… it’s your comeback.

(00:00) Welcome + why divorce feels so heavy

(02:10) Why Lesa returned to mediation after stepping away

(04:05) What a divorce mediator actually does (and how it’s different from attorneys)

(06:30) Reason #1: Mediation saves time

(08:12) Reason #2: Mediation saves money

(09:45) Reason #3: Mediation protects your peace and dignity

(12:20) The 3 decisions to make before starting divorce

(13:00) Dividing assets: homes, 401(k)s, pensions explained

(18:40) Maintenance/spousal support basics

(22:15) Child support + parenting plans

(25:30) Why mediation is critical for co-parenting

(28:10) Parenting plan course + free masterclass

(30:00) Encouragement for high-conflict or difficult co-parenting situations

(32:20) Final thoughts: doing divorce with dignity + where to get help

• Divorce mediation helps you avoid costly court battles

• You can save thousands of dollars by reaching agreements together

• Calm communication leads to better long-term co-parenting

• Decide finances, income/maintenance, and parenting plans early

• Divorce doesn’t have to be a war — it can be handled with dignity

Lesa Koski is an attorney, divorce mediator, life coach, and host of Doing Divorce Different. With decades of legal and mediation experience, she helps women and families navigate divorce with clarity, confidence, and compassion. Her mission is simple: help people protect their peace, their finances, and their kids while creating a healthier next chapter.

🌿 Work with Lesa (mediation + coaching): https://lesakoski.com

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Core wounds healing + nervous system rewiring for women over 40. In this episode, JJ Flizanes joins Lesa Koski to unpack core wounds healing, the “core wound map,” and how your subconscious beliefs shape people-pleasing, abandonment fears, and everyday triggers. You’ll learn why core wounds healing isn’t just awareness—it’s rewiring, stretching past comfort zones, and building new neural pathways. JJ shares how core wounds healing can change your patterns in real time, and why choosing yourself is the pathway out of abandonment loops. Plus, a powerful look at 2026’s “Year of the Fire Horse” energy—movement, action, and expansion after a season of shedding.

If you’re navigating midlife change, divorce recovery, emotional healing, or you’re ready to stop spiraling and start choosing you, this conversation will meet you right where you are.

(These are listener-friendly timestamps—adjust to match your final audio.)

(00:00) Welcome + why JJ is a “big deal” and where to find her work

(02:10) Lesa’s healing journey + why the Core Wounds course mattered

(05:10) JJ explains core wounds as subconscious beliefs (and why therapy can stall)

(10:40) The “core wound map” + why people process differently (moon signs + patterns)

(16:30) Why awareness isn’t always enough: rewiring requires stretching

(20:30) The “video that made her cry” example + how the brain flags “unsafe”

(24:40) Neuroplasticity story: cats in an RV + how the brain learns “I didn’t die”

(28:40) Lesa gets real: people-pleasing, overexplaining, and tiny daily triggers

(33:10) Abandonment wound: the belief underneath it + “How do you abandon yourself?”

(38:15) “Choose you” homework: one daily small step + one bigger weekly stretch

(42:30) Healing in relationship vs healing alone + the power of mirroring

(47:10) Tribe + community: why group energy accelerates growth

(50:25) 2025 shedding → 2026 Year of the Fire Horse begins Feb 17, 2026

(55:10) How to work with JJ + her application link + closing

1. Core wounds are subconscious beliefs that shape how you see yourself and relationships—often without you realizing it.
2. Awareness is step one, but rewiring requires action that stretches your comfort zone and builds new neural pathways.
3. People-pleasing and overexplaining can be signs of an abandonment pattern—your nervous system trying to stay “safe.”
4. Healing isn’t just emotional; it’s nervous-system and behavior change, practiced moment-to-moment and proactively.
5. Community matters: being in a tribe of people on a similar growth path keeps your “coal” warm and your progress moving.

JJ Flizanes is a personal development coach, podcast host, and creator of emotional healing programs focused on identifying and rewiring subconscious patterns. She developed the Core Wound Map, expanding on the core wound exercise from Imago therapy, and continues to teach tools for emotional resilience, nervous system awareness, and practical rewiring strategies.

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jjflizanes.com/lesa

core wounds healing, core wound map, emotional healing, nervous system regulation, neuroplasticity, abandonment wound, people pleasing, overexplaining, subconscious beliefs, Imago therapy, relationship patterns, trauma healing tools, mindset coaching, midlife healing, women over 40, self worth, choosing yourself, boundaries, emotional resilience, JJ Flizanes, Doing Life Different, Lesa Koski, year of the fire horse 2026

Healing from trauma, childhood grief, miscarriage, and generational pain starts with one step: choosing yourself. In this powerful episode of Doing Life Different, Lesa Koski talks with life coach Vivian Moyo about healing trauma, the impact of losing a parent young, how silence in families creates emotional wounds, and how choosing yourself becomes an act of self-love. Vivian shares her story of childhood loss, two devastating miscarriages, and the moment she began her healing journey. If you’re navigating midlife trauma, divorce recovery, grief, anxiety, or a major life change, this conversation will help you feel seen, supported, and hopeful.

In this episode, we talk about trauma healing, generational trauma, grief recovery, and how to choose yourself when life feels heavy. Vivian’s message is a reminder that healing is possible—and midlife is not your crisis, it’s your comeback.

🎧 Listen now and share this with a woman who needs encouragement today.

In this episode, we talk about trauma healing, generational trauma, grief recovery, and how to choose yourself when life feels heavy. Vivian’s message is a reminder that healing is possible—and midlife is not your crisis, it’s your comeback.

🎧 Listen now and share this with a woman who needs encouragement today.

(00:00) Welcome + technical difficulties + introducing life coach Vivian Moyo

(02:10) Vivian’s background: born in Zimbabwe, now living in London

(04:20) Losing her mother at age three and having no memory of her

(07:10) The trauma of family silence and not knowing how her mother died

(10:35) Why children need truth, support, and emotional safety

(13:50) Generational trauma and how pain gets passed down

(16:30) Moving to the UK at 11 and feeling different within the family

(20:05) Miscarriage and heartbreak: losing her first pregnancy at five months

(22:45) Losing a second pregnancy at five months and reaching a breaking point

(25:30) Suicidal thoughts and the “still voice” that changed everything

(28:10) Vivian’s calling: helping young girls build confidence and self-worth

(31:10) Supporting women through domestic abuse and trauma recovery

(33:45) Vivian’s upcoming book: The Invisible Girl (launching in June)

(36:10) One powerful tip for self-love: “Choose yourself”

(38:05) Final encouragement + how to connect with Vivian

1. Trauma can start early, and silence often deepens the wound
2. Generational trauma is real, but healing can break the cycle
3. Grief and miscarriage loss can create deep emotional pain, but recovery is possible
4. Healing often begins when we choose support, truth, and self-compassion
5. “Choosing yourself” is one of the strongest acts of self-love and boundary-setting

Vivian Moyo is a London-based life coach, speaker, and founder of women-focused healing initiatives supporting survivors of trauma and domestic abuse. Born in Zimbabwe, Vivian has transformed her personal journey of loss and resilience into a mission to help women heal, build confidence, and reclaim their lives. She is the author of the upcoming book The Invisible Girl, launching in June.

Vivian:

Youtube Channel : https://www.youtube.com/@MoyoWellnessTherapy

TikTok : www.tiktok.com/@moyowellnesstherapypods

Instagram : @moyowellnesstherapy

Website : https://moyowellnesstherapy.com/

E: [email protected]

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