As a former single mom, all I wanted was to give my kid a "real" family. Even if it killed me.

The thing is, meeting Dan and then trying to force 4 strangers to feel like a family just about DID kill me. Because at no point along the way did I remember to put my oxygen mask on first.

All that self-care advice I’m always sharing with you all? I did NONE OF THAT. I kept thinking, once all our issues are solved, THEN I can relax. Focus on other things besides trying to blend this family.

But stepfam life doesn't work that way because the issues are never fully solved. I don't mean that in a negative or hopeless kind of way, but rather that life keeps happening and challenges are the very nature of life.

We can't put our own self-care on hold indefinitely while we're waiting for our families to blend — especially not when that's a process that takes 5 to 7 years (and 10+ in high conflict 😱).

So make sure you're carving out time for yourself and your own mental health along the way. There's more to you than stepparenting.

If you feel like you’re drowning as a stepparent, please go read my free survival guide! So much of what makes stepparenting challenging is our own misconceptions about life in a blended family and this role itself. In my survival guide, I share a bunch of tips and resources to help make stepparenting feel more doable in a sustainable way. xo

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