Don't Tell Our Wives: Warm Beer, Cheap Comedy, and News

All of 'the boys' recap their trip to Chicago, where Bubba, Honch, and D ventured out to the Exxxotica show to see what it is all about (as VIP's of course). This includes loads of people watching, where we saw Jesus on a leash, there were pole dancers, and predator with the occasional ball gag and handcuffs. There was also a stage show where couples were swapping roles in the moment. And to top it off, Katie Morgan from Zack and Miri make a porno was there. We capped the night with Superdawg, which couldn't have tasted any better.

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Gordy is out this week, and the word on the street is that he was arrested in Sweden for impersonating Burt Reynolds.

We quickly get into the news, where a bunch of men, ALL named Josh, were to fight to declare the ultimate josh. So don't mess with any Joshes in Omaha Nebraska. What started with a battle of rock, paper, scissors....ended with pool noodle battles. The winner was given a Burger King crown to celebrate being the victor of Joshes.

Honch didn't want to talk about COVID-19, so he wanted to ask a question about inserting things in butts. The president of the Philippines is requiring the vaccine, or they will give it to you right in the dual-cheeks, after being arrested of course.

A YouTuber thought she had witnessed a 'real person' floating dead in the water, and she called the cops only to find out that it was a blow-up. There was an entire team of rescue divers on scene to help with the drowning 'person', but it was a doll.

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This week, Gordy is out in Mexico selling roses in parking lot and making his way back to Michigan. So the D's wife has joined the team this week, alongside Bubba and the Honch.

The D prompty starts this week's schedule with a wively insult since Vee doesn't have a news topic for this week. After that, we jump right in to couples counseling. What is the wost thing that you've ever done when something wasn't quite right at a restaurant? Bubba passively aggressively sent back his Prime Rib dinner because it was 'too raw', and Honch worked at Subway (if you didn't already know this), but he did send back a burger because it was overcooked, and still gave them a good tip.

The Bubba left a 1 cent tip at Old Chicago when our 'group' was ignored at the bar; the same place where we saw a very small kid (like 2 years of age) playing with knives. That said, our talk of restaurants led to Honch talking about a 'poop dollar', where you leave a dollar on a curb, as well as the infamous pretzels from Mall Rats.

Once we finally get to the news (apologies for the screaming child. Since the Vee joined the show, it apparently angered the D's 2 year old son). a man in Iowa, was angry about his chicken nugget order at his local McDonald's, so he called in a bomb threat. The man was arrested on felony charges and probably didn't get his sauce packets, but likely got at least any one phone call. But people tend to call in bomb threats when they don't want any sort of event to take place...like getting rid of a body. How did we go from chicken nuggets to death?

Do you use handcuffs? The D asked the Vee if she wants to be handcuffed like a Ukranian couple, who handcuffed themselves together to help improve the relationship, until they got married...which was for 123 days of being handcuffed together, and they didn't get married. Once the couple removed the cuffs, they promptly ended the relationship. Of course, the conversation quickly jumps into couples that poop together in the same room. The D and Vee do it, but apparently this isn't a normal thing.

The Honch something to say you to. But before he says it, he wants to pay hommage to Jay Mewes....DO YOUR JOB!
A 62 year old man in Wyoming called the cops after he was curious why he wasn't arrested. He was using meth and was expecting to do his job...but Honch just really likes telling stories where idiot criminals call the cops him themselves. This then goes into one of Honch's high school stories. 

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We start off slooooooow, and just a few minutes in, Honch insults himself about talking about COVID, and then decided to poke fun at 50 state laws, but specifically the stupid ones. Did you know it is illegal to drive blindfolded in Alabama? YOu would that that this is common sense, but maybe it isn't.

In Arizona it is illegal for a donkey to sleep in a bath tub. Did you know that in Arkansas you cannot honk your horn outside of a sandwich shop after 9 pm, and there are laws regarding pickles. That means no late nigh visits to your local Subway.

There is a kids show...that features a man with a large penis. This is real. We're really not sure what to say here, especially when we discuss a robbery immediately after.

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Gordy is out this week, so it's just the 'el trio'. The week starts off with D's story of getting a phone call from Hailey from Mountain Strong Hemp Company who hooked us up with some tasty hemp products. They cell Delta-8 THC products, including shatter, gummies, and everything else that is great.

Now onto the real news, Honch gets to the point: What is the weirdest thing that you pulled out of your anus? The 11 weirdest things ever pulled from an anus. It started with a story of a student who got a vibrator stuck in your butt, and her boyfriend was unable to get it out. He attempted removal using BBQ tongs. After using it as a sex tool, it ended up in a visit to the doctor where they had to remove it. That wasn't the most extreme though.

The second thing that Honch decides to bring up, is a glass bottle being stuck in. Should we keep going? The Honch does...and apparently, he doesn't have a safe word.

A California man, was poking around a farmland (vineyard), where he found a large fan. The man climbed into it, and got stuck. Police show up, the question him, and he stated that he was taking photographs, but as it turns out, he had a lot of meth on him. Not so much on the photos.

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It didn't take long after introductions for Honch to say that he wanted Nicolas Cage inside of him. D follows up with a bad impersonation of Alf.
Eventually we make our way into the real news.

Down south, where there was a gas shortage, a woman in South Carolina attempted to run from Police, and ended up crashing the vehicle with 'multiple explosions' taking place. As it turns out the woman had loaded up the vehicle with gas from a gas station. She was engulfed in flames...and the police offer forced her to 'stop, drop, and roll'.

The lesson? Don't hoard fuel people!! Eleanor didn't fall too far from the tree, where she actually covered herself in gasoline. She was pumping and gas went everywhere, including her hair. It reminds us of the post cow tipping scene in Tommy Boy with the forever remembered Chris Farley.

A mother has started a GoFundMe after her son ordered thousands of dollars in popsicles in Amazon, which resulted in over 900 Sponge Bob frozen popsicles, and she is unable to return them. Never leave your kids alone people!!!

Bubba loves to leave us with his daily dad jokes!

Eleanor took us on a story adventure about her visit to the Chiropractor

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It has been awhile everyone, and as you can imagine, there's a lot that has happened. But..we simply pick up where we think we left off. D, Honch, Bubba, and V. It starts off with D obsessing over a pizza shop that Honch's dad once owned, and in a brief visit, Honch's dad gives D an entire stick of pepperoni. It is all about the grease cups.

The Honch loves Rude Jude, and while he started with out a story about a Nigerian woman who is divorcing his wife because his penis was too big, to talking about Jenny Jones and Steve.

In other news, the D is jealous that a Texas "teacher of the year" recipient stepped down because she gave a student oral sex. It leaves Honch asking why his teacher growing up, didn't offer the same services. She was arrested...of course, and it was all linked back to text messages.

Bubba brings to the table, a story of a man who was scamming over 35 woman as girlfriends. All of them bought him gifts for his birthday. How would you manage that many girlfrields. Would it be an app? Maybe he manages them from his customer list, which is comprised of people he sold shower heads to.

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This week in every parent's nightmare, Baby Shark is now the #1 video on the Internet. You would be hellbent to get of off of your mind, but at least there is something else except for Despacito..so it's a catch 22.

The mirth mobile (AMC pacer) from Wayne's World was for sale. The car featured a light blue paint job, with the best feature in any vehicle ever: a licorice dispenser.

Bubba then took us on a trip on the best headlines in the news, including a woman divorcing her husband over a sex toy incident.

A Florida woman farted loudly in a dollar store, which resulted in an assault with knife...but no intent to kill because it wasn't a silent but deadly. Also, a safety meeting ends in an accident without a pizza party.

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Gordy was out this week, so D's wife joined in for a little fun. Bubba quickly jumps us off with "Today in Stupid". Bubba makes his own cinnamon soaked tooth picks by using cinnamon essential oils. In doing so, he forgot to wash his hands before using the bathroom...and let the burning commence. Now it burns when bubba pees and it is isn't an STD. He was flailing and full windmill style trying to cool off.

Honch then takes us on his 'burning' story, bringing back his days of high school football locker rooms. One of the team members took Icy Hot and run it one of the guys' jockstraps, and as it turns out, it got really hot, and adding a little water made it quite worse...but Gold Bond does work to keep you cool when mowing the lawn. That's a dad tip just for you.

In the Czech Republic there is currently a curfew due to COVID-19. A man was recently arrested because he was walking his dog. Walking your dog was an exception to be outside after curfew. However, the dog that he was walking was a stuffed animal and not an actual dog.

There was a man who was caught by police masturbating at a Walmart in Kansas. However, this isn't a routine thing...well, it is...but he has been caught several times.  We then wrap up with a discussion around whether or not lingerie belongs in sexual activities or not. 

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After introductions, we quickly go down the adventure of high school laxatives, Honch talking about really large poops (there is some sort of theme here the last few weeks.) and the deliciousness that is Wendy's Chili. Also, apparently Gordy tried to eat Tequila nachos, and it didn't quite taste as good as he expected. We called the episode with the fact that if you're having bacon cravings during COVID-19, you can now get a mask that smells like bacon.

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Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-tell-our-wives-warm-beer-and-cheap-comedy-and-news-ish/id1355526064

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/e381a44d-6804-4e4c-8a66-3f2bb8c95ea7/Dont-Tell-Our-Wives-Warm-Beer-Cheap-Comedy-and-News

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